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Before throwing my hat into the ring, is a submission of a scan of a typed page a valid entry? I'm a hipster and I refuse to write on a computer. Proof in case you don't believe me: 
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Apr 22, 2015 05:19
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| # ¿ Apr 25, 2024 16:27 |
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Sitting Here posted:It's totally up to you, your call man, this is TD, land of the free I have a scanner.
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Apr 22, 2015 05:31
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Just realized that the scan software can covert physical documents to digital text. Amazing! I too wish to write of wizardry.
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Apr 22, 2015 05:38
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Three Dimensions, More or Less 1272 words Paper cuts aren’t that bad. They usually sting a bit, last only for a short while, and minutes later you forget all about them. The same does not go the same for a paper cut received when you're pulling books from the dark, dank, dusty shelves of the deep stacks in the libraries of the University Arcanus. The last student to get a paper cut while pulling stack duty was found 3 days later with his head turned inside out standing in front of his bathroom mirror. I think I personally got really lucky that I didn't cut my finger on the pages of the first edition Necronomicon like he did. Instead, I cut myself on the pages of less sinister, but no less dangerous volume, a 9th edition 'Practical Papercraft for the Occasional Occultist'. By themselves, paper cuts on magical tomes aren’t usually fatal or even disastrous. Oh sure, they often cause vivid hallucinations or minor possessions requiring repossession, but the effects are usually quite mild. My classmate Gary once cut himself on the pages of his 'Botany for Brujos' textbook and spent the afternoon photosynthesizing out in the atrium. The green was almost entirely gone before his hot date that weekend. Normally, the risk of a paper cut can be mitigated quite easily. Rough or worn edges of the book being handled are usually a great preventer of mishaps. Some books that stay crisp around the edges, such as 'Frost Spells for the Aspiring Arcanist' can be quite sharp, so for cases such as this, most new students wear protective white cotton gloves. Remember, those gloves you see folks wearing aren’t for the books, they are for the wearer. That's where I screwed up, you see, everyone gets paper cuts. You’re supposed to get paper cuts. Paper cuts build calluses. I screwed up because I had been a student for nearly a hundred years before I found out that you eventually should stop wearing gloves. The time to lose the gloves should also come long before you are assigned your first stack duty at your 80th year. Nobody cared to share such info with me, so I happened to be a soft handed senior student when it came time for me to take the task of fetching and replacing some of the most rare and dangerous volumes of recorded magic in all of wizarding history. The 9th edition Papercraft is one of the newer books in the ancient tomes section, surpassed in youth only by 'Sex and Sourceresses: A Quick and Easy Reference'. For some reason, that book is constantly going missing despite being one of the heaviest set of texts to ever make print, it has 10 volumes! Anywho, the Papercraft book tends to generate such excitement for folding with its readers that most people tend to take the pages straight out of the bindings and begin to practice right then and there. A single volume often has a lifespan of no more than a few hundred years before needing serious repair or replacement. So there I was, with a brand new 9th edition Papercraft in hand and no gloves on said hand. The book was fresh out of its wax paper wrapping. I could smell the fresh sweat and saddle soap on the warm horsehide cover. Wonderful. In the opposite hand I held the red hot colored ink stamp, an ancient anti-theft device to prevent more books from disappearing like the Sourceresses volumes, ready to mark the new book with the magic words, "PROPERTY OF THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY ARCANUS, PLEASE DO NOT STEAL". Right as I was about to stamp the book was when it happened. The proximity of the red hot stamp caused the horsehide to begin to get nervous and sweat. With that sweat the book got slick. So I had a choice to make, drop the stamp and save the book, or drop the book and stamp myself. Not wanting to be stuck in the library for an eternity, like Wandering Wally, I made my choice. Quick as you can say ”ABRACADABRA", which isn’t that quick, I dropped the red hot colored stamp and saved the book from falling, preventing it from possibly breaking its spine, thus saving it from becoming paralyzed. In my haste, I had forgotten that I wasn’t wearing my gloves and remembered as much right as my hand slid right along those fresh, sharp, live pages. From here on out, the story is going to get a little weird. My memory becomes a bit hazy as to what happened next, but what aren’t hazy are the secret texts hidden within the book that had just done a real number on my main mitt. I can now proudly say that my hundred years at the University Arcanus have not been wasted, if only because I fumbled a book. So here I am, now an inadvertent master of the ancient art of Paper Fu, of dimensional folding and inter-universal mail techniques, and traveling through the cosmos with paper manipulation on only 5 dollars a day. I can also compress entire villages into sheets with the Home-in-a-Tome easy move mansion fold. There is no limit to what I can now do with a sheet of paper, which brings me back to the hazy part. All this new knowledge was just swimming around in my head, it wanted to jump out and it told me that I had to share it with someone, but I didn’t know who. Despite having been at the University for over a century, I never really made any friends here, that thought in mind, the Forbidden Friend Folding technique popped into the forefront of my already seriously overloaded brain. I knew the technique perfectly. I could perform it flawlessly twice over in only a matter of minutes. The only problem was that although I understood the HOW to perform the technique, I was so addled at the time, that I couldn’t quite grasp exactly WHAT it was that the technique did. Right now, I have to say that I'm really super sorry. I should have been more patient. I should have waited until all that knowledge sank in and was digested, but the technique was too powerful to sit about idly. It goaded me to believe that I had to prove that I was a great wizard. I used the Forbidden Friend Folding technique, and it worked. Now here's what you need to know about the Forbidden Friend Folding technique: Its forbidden for a reason, it does not create new friends, and it is a very effective magical technique. See, I’ve been a student at the University for over a hundred years, and though I haven’t made any friends inside its walls, before I was a student I traveled far and wide and made thousands of friends across many realms The great number of friends I've made is part of why I must apologize, because you see, my friend, the technique knows no bounds. I hope you can read this in 2D, because I would like to let you know that 'Practical Papercraft', the 9th edition, doesn’t hold the technique to reverse the folding. Now don’t worry! I'm still working on finding the right unfolding technique. I promise that I will get you out of that flat world I put you in, but if I can’t do so soon, you needn't fret, I can fold in plenty of resources that should tide you over until I figure it out. Although I've got a good feeling about it all, I think I’m gonna need you to wish me luck!
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Apr 23, 2015 23:36
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