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Mills
Jun 13, 2003









How is it played?

I am going to keep this brief as I assume most of us (except the referees) know the rules by now. On the assumption that anyone yet to learn the rules (and yet also reading this section) is probably going to be an American, I will be comparing Rugby League to the NFL. You get a structured set of 6 plays which we call tackles (aka downs). The main method of scoring is tries (aka touchdowns) and they're worth 4 points each. If you score a try, you can attempt a conversion for a further 2 points. We also have penalty goals for infringements that are also worth 2 points and highly situational drop goals which are worth 1 point. There's 13 people on the park for each side and an interchange bench of a further 4 players that can rotate with the starting side. These players all have individual positions which I won't bore you with but suffice to say there is a forward pack who bashes the other team, playmakers who run everything (aka quarterbacks) and a back line who run fast and hopefully score the bulk of your tries.



Why do we love the game?

On the field, it's physical. Players are running into each other at top speed and it looks like it hurts a lot. Sometimes someone does something amazingly athletic to score a try or prevent a try. Apologies for the poor quality but here are some videos of hard tackles, try saving tackles and amazing tries. Off the field, the players are newspaper headline machines. Recreational drugs. Performance enhancing drugs. Drink Driving. Fights in bars. Blowjobs from dogs. Drinking your own urine. Gang bangs. making GBS threads in hallways. We've got everything!

Ready to hear about the teams?

---





The Brisbane Broncos were established in 1987, have won 6 premierships and their last premiership was in 2006. They have been stuck in mid-table obscurity for a few years but they'll be hoping this can change with Wayne Bennett back at the helm. They love playing fullbacks at five-eight, centre and wing which explains why they've signed Boyd, Eden and Milford despite already having Hodges, Kahu and Maranta on the books. Predicted Finish: 3rd.

Supporters: Akileese, BCR, BlackShadow, cpaf, Dirty Frank, GrunZicle, ili. You should support this club if you're a feral QLDer missing half your teeth.





The Canberra Raiders were established in 1981, have won 3 premierships and their last premiership was in 1994. No one wants to live in Canberra and their team has been awful for over a decade. Any talented played has been let go by the club after a string of behavioural issues, and then these players have subsequently cleaned up their acts and signed for clubs in Sydney - very covenient! They've cut a lot of dead weight for the 2015 season but the same could be said almost every year so we aren't expecting anything from them again. Ricky Stuart is still the coach so their performance will be everyone's fault except his. Predicted Finish: 16th.

Supporters: aejix, Burn Down Canberra. You shouldn't bother supporting this club.





The Canterbury Bulldogs were established in 1934, have won 8 premierships and their last was in 2004 with a team full of salary cap cheats. They've been a solid side over the last few years under the stewardship of Des Hasler but two grand final appearances have resulted in no new premierships. Dirtbag hooker Michael Ennis has been moved on to the Sharks in a swap with young gun Michael Lichaa but otherwise the side is more or less unchanged. Predicted Finish: 7th.

Supporters: Dumpstar, FlickingFire, Gobbledock, Hyperriker. You should support this club if you're ethnic.





The Cronulla Sharks were established in 1963 and have never won a premiership. Ouch! They've got a great forward pack and they've made some solid signings in Bukuya (from the Warriors) and Ennis (from the Bulldogs), and they've got a point to prove after their season was derailed last year for belated drug investigations from previous regimes, but I can't see it all coming together with an almost completely new spine. Predicted Finish: 14th.

Supporters: Big Steveo, Lacklustre Hero. You should support this club if you like drugs, glassing people or drinking your own urine from the source.





The Gold Coast Titans were established in 2007 and have never won a premiership, but they're new so that's OK. There is absolutely nothing interesting happening with this side and they will continue to be mid-table performers on the back of a very talented halves pairing in Aidan Sezer and Albert Kelly. Predicted Finish: 13th.

Supporters: Byolante, iajanus, oystertoadfish, Redeye Flight, Sojobo. You should support this club because there is nothing else to do on the Gold Coast.





The Manly Sea Eagles were established in 1946, have won 8 premierships and their last premiership was in 2011. The players, coaches, management and fans have been cunts since inception and this has never changed. Originally hated for being a rich club that bought the best players from other clubs to win premierships, their holier-than-thou attitude hasn't changed despite almost going bankrupt earlier this decade. Objectively, the second-most hated team. Predicted Finish: 2nd.

Supporters: Crawfoot, Fanatic, The Deadly Hume. You should support this club if you're OK with no one liking you.





The Melbourne Storm were established in 1997, have won 2 premierships and their last premiership was in 2012. Supporters of this club think that they're true victims of hate coming from Sydney and they blame this for their two stripped titles (which explains why they've won 4 grand finals but have 2 premierships to show for it). Everyone else simply acknowledges that it is cheating to pay your squad twice as much as any other team, and then lie about it. They've left an unfortunate stain on the game that will probably never be removed. Most of us would feel better about them if they would just start performing poo poo as atonement but that probably won't happen given they have 3 of the top players in the game in Cameron Smith, Billy Slater and Cooper Cronk and have made some solid signings for 2015 in Dale Finucane, Marika Koroibete and Tom Learoyd-Lahrs. The only shining light is that those 3 top players are another year older and are no longer the spring chickens they once were; they're still good but they're definitely not ageing like fine wines. Predicted Finish: 8th.

Supporters: Franko, I Love Sanchize, piss explosion. You should support this club if you have no respect for yourself.





The Newcastle Knights were established in 1988, have won 2 premierships and their last premiership was in 2001. They've got fanatical supporters but that's about all that can be said for them. The squad is terrible and nothing is expected out of them in 2015. Club favourite Kurt Gidley is due for another season-ending injury. Predicted Finish: 11th.

Supporters: bowmore, fuckpot, Mackay, LuckySevens. You should support this club because there is nothing else to do in Newcastle.





The New Zealand Warriors were established in 1995 and have never won a premiership. But what an entertaining side! Typically slow starters to a season, they're known for putting 50 points on a team one week, and then having it done to them the next week. Always great fun to watch but their lack of consistency should continue. Predicted Finish: 10th.

Supporters: Ewar Woowar, Jono C, Smorgasboard. You should support this club because you're an edgy New Zealander who doesn't want to like Rugby Union like everyone else in the country.





The North Queensland Cowboys were established in 1992 and have never won a premiership. Most of us accept that the secret NRL High Council has a hidden reason for ensuring that they never win since they have been the victims of a terrible refereeing decision in the finals for three years in a row. They've still got a great strong young side so, once again, expect them to go far and then fall at the final hurdle through no fault of their own. Expected finish: 5th.

Supporters: foolish fool. You should support this club if you're comfortable with not getting a fair go.





The Parramatta Eels were established in 1946, have won 4 premierships and their last premiership was in 1986. They were surprise improvers in 2014 but no one will be tipping much from them in 2015 with star player Jarryd Hayne leaving to try and make a fist of the NFL. They still have a solid young squad and I don't expect them to embarrass themselves. Capabale of flashes of brilliance which will leave you depressed in between these occurances. Expected finish: 9th.

Supporters: Danoss, Saul Goode. You should support them if you enjoy rollercoasters.





The Penrith Panthers were established in 1966, have won 2 premierships and their last premiership was in 2003. The surprise performers of 2014, new coach Ivan Cleary and a host of underrated savvy signings saw them make it all the way to the preliminary finals when most expected them to miss the top 8 altogether. Their starting 17 is practically unchanged and they're definitely capable of winning the premiership in 2015. Predicted Finish: 6th.

Supporters: Mootallica, Pig in the City. You should support this club if you're looking for someone inoffensive and on their way up!





The St George Illawarra Dragons were founded in 1998, have won 1 premiership and their last premiership was in 2010. Fans of this club will probably say I'm underselling them if I don't mention they were a merger between the St George Dragons (15 premierships) and the Illawarra Steelers (0 premierships). For most of the early 2000s they had an incredibly strong squad and continually underachieved. In 2010, they had a much weaker squad but Wayne Bennett was able to drag them to the grand final with a boring style of play that suffocated other teams. Ever since then, they've been complete poo poo again and 2015 will not be substantially different despite the 'key' signings of Josh Dugan and Benji Marshall who are talented but very inconsistent. Predicted Finish: 12th.

Supporters: heladocasero, Gregorio. You should support them if you won't get angry watching your club be obviously mis-managed.





The South Sydney Rabbitohs were founded in 1901, have won 21 premierships and their last premiership was in 2014. Where do I start? A founding club, the most successful club ever, and last season's premiers. Often thought to be everyone's 'second' club, they're also considered to be the "pride of the league" and there is an old adage that if Souths are going well, then Rugby League is going well. A somewhat weaker squad in 2015 means that they've fallen back to the chasing pack. Premiership contenders, but it's generally considered very difficult to go back-to-back in the modern game. Predicted Finish: 4th.

Supporters: Antitonic, Mills, Penguin Radar. You should support them if you want a club rich with history, passion and success. Or if you love Russell Crowe.






The Sydney Roosters were founded in 1901, have won 13 premierships and their last premiership was in 2013. Where do I start? Objectively, the most hated club. Their players are cunts and their fans are cunts who don't even turn up to their games. Despite this, they're a very wealthy club and can afford to attract talented players. Their squad is still very strong in 2015 and, as much as everyone wants to see them fail, they're top contenders. Predicted Finsh: 1st.

Supporters: Apollodorus, Green Eggs and Sam, Ribbo. You should support them if you identify as a oval office.





The West Tigers were founded in 1999, have won 1 premiership and their last premiership was in 2005. Fans of this club will probably say I'm underselling them if I don't mention they were a merger between the Western Suburbs Magpies (4 premierships) and the Balmain Tigers (11 premierships). On the field, they weren't a very good side in 2014 and having let a few of their better performing players to go in order to sign absolutely no one of relevant it's difficult to see how 2015 is going to be any better. Throw in off-field drama with their finances and captain Robbie Farah who is slowly trying to hire his family members into all areas of the club and you have a recipe for further disaster. Predicted Finish: 15th.

Supporters: Abalone Malone, Contra Duck, emjayelle, Gorbash, MacDougall, Minisune. You should support them if you like to drink yourself unconcious while watching your team play.

Mills fucked around with this message at 02:23 on Jan 12, 2015

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Mills
Jun 13, 2003



FIRST UTILITY SUPER LEAGUE 2015, A NEW ERA™ [WITH THANKS TO :siren: STICKYFNGRBOY :siren:]


It's a new Super League era™ in tyool 2015. How long that era will last is anybody's guess. I wouldn't put money on it.

In a complete restructure, there are now 12 clubs in the top division, down from 14 prior to this year (Goodbye London and Bradford), and 12 teams in the Kingston Press Championship (the division lower than Super League). Promotion and relegation have returned, but, well, not as we know it. Here's what happens:

Super League: 12 teams play each other twice in the regular season, plus one game in the 'Magic Weekend'. The Magic Weekend is when all clubs meet in one stadium over a three day period, all of which are televised. More Money Weekend, basically.

Championship: 12 teams play each other twice in the regular season, plus one game in the 'Summer Bash' (idk wtf this even is it can't be for money).

After playing 23 games, the 24 teams involved will split into three groups of 8, based on league position, which we now call the SUPER 8s™. Still with me?

The top 8 remain Super League. - guaranteed top flight status for 2016

The middle 8 will be The Qualifiers - top 3 clubs guaranteed top flight status 2016 - 4th and 5th placed clubs will play for the MILLION POUND GAME which will be the last top flight spot for 2016.

the bottom 8 will contest the Championship Shield - who cares.

From here, everyone plays 7 games in a league format, the scheduling of which will...
get this, there's a grid to explain it.



Yeah.

After these seven matches, the top four super league clubs will play the play offs (1st v 4th, 2nd vs 3rd) with the winners of these games going on to play the Grand Final. Easy.

Rules: There are a number of rule changes this season.

If a player cannot continue because he needs 'concussion assessment' his club can use a 'free interchange'.

Referees have to give a decision before going to the screen (as in NRL, I think).

Obstruction has changed so a team has to be 'materially disadvantaged' before it can be given as an infringement. This will hopefully stop the shambles that was last season.

Unsportsmanlike conduct, dissent, repeated infringements and foul play/dangerous contact are the only four guidelines that refs now have to follow wrt giving cards or putting a player on report (down from seven infringements last season).

Now because of the ridiculous amount of explaining I've had to do, which is necessary to understand the god drat format they've decided upon, no one will want to know about the teams involved. So I'll give you the 4 clubs which will (probably) finish in the play off places. If anyone disagrees feel free to add your own, and mills can choose to edit it in later.

The top four clubs will (very probably) be, in descending order of greatness:



Leeds Rhinos. Poor showing in the league last time out will be rectified this season with the addition of Adam Cuthbertson, who is a good Aussie, and a number of young players coming through the excellent Headingley academy. Current holders of the Challenge Cup, beating Castleford Tigers in last year's final (HA). 2015 is the great Jamie Peacock's final, and testimonial year.



Phwoar!



St Helens RLFC. Current champions, also finished top of the pile after the regular season. No mean feat. Lance Hohaia, the st helens back, was on the end of this punch



which led to Ben Flower, the Wigan prop, being sent off, in a move that guaranteed Saints victory. Team player, Lance. Good chance of making another Grand Final, this lot.



Warrington Wolves. It's always their year. They'll make top four this year more down to other clubs being garbage rather than anything they do themselves. A collection of really good players who on their day can beat anyone, but who, more often than not, bottle it on the big stage. The 2014 Man of Steel, Daryl Clark, joined from Cas Tigers, and may make a big difference. Probably won't. Some giant Aussie guy called Ashton Sims also joined in the winter break. He looks big.



Wigan Warriors. Lost in the grand final last time out to St Helens. Because their prop, Ben Flower, did this



to Lance Hohaia. Team player, Ben. Anyway, Wigan did well last season, unexpectedly for most people after Sam Tomkins, their star man, went to New Zealand. Hard to tell what they'll do because I hate them and want them to fail in everything but they'll probably win it again the fuckers.

Wigan, btw, are the only club I know of that give their fans a squad number. 18, I think it is. Morons. Still bang on about the 'glory years' which was the duration of time in which they were the only RL club in England who were professional and played against pit-men and plumbers every week.


(if anyone does actually want the remaining 8 clubs writing up I will happily get to it later in the week, but who actually cares or even reads this)

edit: Okay here's the remaining eight while i've got a few minutes free.



Castleford Tigers. Runners up in the Challenge Cup final at Wembley, will get nowhere near those heights this season after all their good players left. Craig Huby, Weller Hauraki, Lee Gilmour and Dan Fleming all left, but perhaps the biggest loss will be that of Daryl Clark, the young hooker who won last season's Man of Steel award. He's gone to warrington as I already mentioned. Tigers fans have six fingers instead of the more normal five. They used kenny, the tiger with down syndrome, for their logo.



Expect them to be in the middle 8 qualifiers after round 23.



Catalans Dragons. Started last season really badly, but ended up going further than the Leeds Rhinos in the play-offs after embarrassing them at home. Remy Casty and Scott Dureau, along with Morgan Escare, keep them ticking along nicely and they should find themselves in the top 8 after 23 games. Totally forgot about Todd Carney joining this club. Should make for some interesting headlines at least, which is more than can be normally said about the Dragons.



Huddersfield Giants. Took Craig Huby and Jamie Ellis from the Tigers, and both will be good additions to a decent squad. Danny Brough is the stand out half and Sean Lunt is a quality hooker, but they're a decent side all round and play well together. Top 8.



Hull FC. One of two sides from the fishing village of Hull, on the river Humber. Signed Richard Whiting because he's named after a fish and they got confused. Gareth Ellis, former Leeds and Wests Tigers forward, plays for this lot. They must pay him loads because he's miles better than the rest of this shambles. Middle 8 qualifiers



Hull Kingston Rovers. The second hull side. Recently signed Leeds legend Ryan Bailey, but he won't change much. They're garbage. Middle 8 qualifiers.



Salford Red Devils. Built from the ground up by the owner, multi billionaire (maybe) Dr Marwan Koukash. He's currently trying to buy an NRL side. His philosophy at Salford was 'spend a poo poo load of money on average players and make it work', which he's had to change due to that philosophy being completely stupid. Players like Kevin Locke, Ben Jones Bishop, and Rangi Chase will give their fans something to get excited about this season, but they'll not win anything. top 8.



Wakefield Wildcats. Meh. Couple of players who can make things happen, such as Paul McShane and Tim Smith, but no real depth and they'll struggle to win many this season. Ian Kirke is a recent addition from the Rhinos, and he'll improve things in the forward line, but not enough to make any real difference. Middle 8 qualifiers.



Widnes Vikings. I like the Vikings. Kevin Brown is a tasty little back, as is Patrick Ah Van, and Rhys Hanbury knows what he's doing. Manese Manuokafoa, from the Bradford Bulls, and Chris Clarkson from the Rhinos (on loan) will both add strength to a decent set of lads. Some of their fans have a habit of upsetting stewards and causing trouble, but most of them aren't like that at all. They'll finish Top 8.

Mills fucked around with this message at 06:23 on Jan 13, 2015

iajanus
Aug 17, 2004

#GOAT



Honestly shocked that you didn't manage to fill the entire thing with Souths gifs and make every comment relate to how much better the Rabbitohs are than everyone else. I know I wouldn't have been so reserved had the Tigers managed to win anything...

Otherwise, great work! I'm not sure you truly captured the ability of the Tigers to drive their supporters to suicide or alcoholism, though. I also find it mildly insulting (and fairly liberating) to be listed as a Titans fan rather than my real allegiance.

Mills
Jun 13, 2003



You've got season tickets! :shrug: :getin:

Jono C
Mar 28, 2007

Adam is a wonderful example of how a player should go about his business in the NRL


Nicely done, although you didn't use the word "cunts" often enough when describing the cunts.

iajanus
Aug 17, 2004

#GOAT



Mills posted:

You've got season tickets! :shrug: :getin:

Much to my chagrin. I'll be getting very drunk at the games. My wife wants me to wear a titans Jersey but there's no chance of that happening; to be diplomatic I'll wear a blues T-shirt.

Byolante
Mar 23, 2008

by Cyrano4747


The most exciting thing to happen to the titans was them finding peds filled needles in the locker rooms but saying they couldn't possibly be the titans based on their performance not being improved.

Smorgasbord
Jun 18, 2004

Our review identified changes needed to be made and, in Stephen, we have a coach who has a reputation for demanding the highest standards.


Byolante posted:

The most exciting thing to happen to the titans was them finding peds filled needles in the locker rooms but saying they couldn't possibly be the titans based on their performance not being improved.

The Titans were out playing golf, the syringes belonged to Greg Bird's mate....

Byolante
Mar 23, 2008

by Cyrano4747


Smorgasbord posted:

The Titans were out playing golf, the syringes belonged to Greg Bird's mate....

He must have remembered to ring gids

stickyfngrdboy
Oct 21, 2010


I'll type up a super league roundup later, unless anyone else has done one or wants to do one.

Apollodorus
Feb 13, 2010

TEST YOUR MIGHT
:patriot:


I continue to be amused by the fact that the team I chose to support purely on the basis of their having cool jumpers and my latent homosexual attraction to SBW turns out to be not only the most hated one out there but also arguably the best.

gently caress y'all haters, Easts to Win.

Thinking
Jan 22, 2009



Put me down as a Broncos fan, although not one as optimistic as the OP that Bennett will turn them around quickly enough to do well this season.

I also love that even in NSW Manly and Easts are more hated than a team from queensland owned by rupert murdoch and a bunch of cheats from melbourne who were expertly taught how to achieve Maximum Grub

iajanus
Aug 17, 2004

#GOAT



We have deep seated grudges against the cunts in Sydney - generally the broncos are respected as being good (albeit Queenslanders) and the storm are easy to pay out because of the rampant cheating. No hatred required.

Byolante
Mar 23, 2008

by Cyrano4747


Also Easts and Manly are from Sydney so anyone not from sydney hates them on principle.

aejix
Sep 18, 2007

It's about finding that next group of core players we can win with in the next 6, 8, 10 years. Let's face it, it's hard for 20-, 21-, 22-year-olds to lead an NHL team. Look at the playoffs.

That quote is from fucking 2018. Fuck you Jim


Pillbug

Go the Bears

MacDougall
Apr 21, 2008

Definitely Australian

iajanus posted:

Honestly shocked that you didn't manage to fill the entire thing with Souths gifs and make every comment relate to how much better the Rabbitohs are than everyone else. I know I wouldn't have been so reserved had the Tigers managed to win anything...

Otherwise, great work! I'm not sure you truly captured the ability of the Tigers to drive their supporters to suicide or alcoholism, though. I also find it mildly insulting (and fairly liberating) to be listed as a Titans fan rather than my real allegiance.

I was going to ask. Maybe he didn't want to put you in there because we already have the most supporters due to being the team with the best colours and mascot.

stickyfngrdboy
Oct 21, 2010


You int seen me, roight

stickyfngrdboy fucked around with this message at 21:52 on Jan 13, 2015

MiniSune
Sep 16, 2003

Smart like Dodo!

We read it. It helps fill in the time between the players court apperances.

edogawa rando
Mar 20, 2007

I think my mass effect is broken


Catalans Dragons picked up Todd "loving Idiot" Carney after he was ostensibly banned from the NRL for being a gross pee drinker. He'll probably go a month before he does something appallingly stupid during a night out on the town.

stickyfngrdboy
Oct 21, 2010


I totally forgot about Todd Carney. Edited it in but I'm actually excited to see how badly he fucks up this season. I'm sure he will, it's just a matter of how long it takes.

ili
Jul 26, 2003



Should I follow Les Catalans? I like the French in general and especially the idea of a bunch of snooty Frenchmen (and criminal expats) playing the world's best game in a country that probably doesn't know rugby leage exists. Plus I like their kit.
On the other hand I've never seen Super League, not sure if it's even possible to watch in Australia without cable tv, and they may be the equivalent of the Canberra Raiders only without the successful history.
I'm still drawn to the idea of a team who train on garlic snails, drink wine during half time and wear berets to poorly attended media conferences though.

Ewar Woowar
Feb 25, 2007



Todd Carney will destroy that league. Before getting banned from it

iajanus
Aug 17, 2004

#GOAT



MacDougall posted:

I was going to ask. Maybe he didn't want to put you in there because we already have the most supporters due to being the team with the best colours and mascot.

Clearly the reason.

That Super-League post hurts my brain with the needless complexity - I'm pretty sure if you tried to explain that to the average NRL fan their head would explode.

Byolante
Mar 23, 2008

by Cyrano4747


iajanus posted:

Clearly the reason.

That Super-League post hurts my brain with the needless complexity - I'm pretty sure if you tried to explain that to the average NRL fan their head would explode.

The average league fan hasn't progressed to a point of comprehending the written word

MiniSune
Sep 16, 2003

Smart like Dodo!

The ESL is only shown on Foxtel's Eurosport channel in Oz. Also for those used to the NRL orgy, the ESL only broadcasts a couple of games every week so watching your team week in, week out from afar is not possible.

That said, the best way is to bail a mate/parent/relative/stranger up for his/her Foxtel Go login (they probably not using it or all of them) and install on a device (tab/phone/pc) and watch for free in glorious SD. Quota free on Telstra, but not too savage for those who are not with the evil empire.

Jono C
Mar 28, 2007

Adam is a wonderful example of how a player should go about his business in the NRL


The idea of a team like the Sharks or Eels playing against (and possibly losing to) reserve grade teams needs to be investigated further.

iajanus
Aug 17, 2004

#GOAT



MiniSune posted:

The ESL is only shown on Foxtel's Eurosport channel in Oz. Also for those used to the NRL orgy, the ESL only broadcasts a couple of games every week so watching your team week in, week out from afar is not possible.

That said, the best way is to bail a mate/parent/relative/stranger up for his/her Foxtel Go login (they probably not using it or all of them) and install on a device (tab/phone/pc) and watch for free in glorious SD. Quota free on Telstra, but not too savage for those who are not with the evil empire.

Seconded - Foxtel Go is a great thing for watching league. If I've got nothing better to do than be a massive nerd I'll frequently spend Saturday with it on my Surface whilst playing PC games and maybe having a TV show on another screen. Glorious technology!

MiniSune
Sep 16, 2003

Smart like Dodo!

iajanus posted:

Seconded - Foxtel Go is a great thing for watching league. If I've got nothing better to do than be a massive nerd I'll frequently spend Saturday with it on my Surface whilst playing PC games and maybe having a TV show on another screen. Glorious technology!

Did this on Saturday night with a good mate, BBL on one tab and soccer on the other tab. Bottle of scotch in between.

Dirty Frank
Jul 8, 2004



ili posted:

Should I follow Les Catalans? I like the French in general and especially the idea of a bunch of snooty Frenchmen (and criminal expats) playing the world's best game in a country that probably doesn't know rugby leage exists. Plus I like their kit.
On the other hand I've never seen Super League, not sure if it's even possible to watch in Australia without cable tv, and they may be the equivalent of the Canberra Raiders only without the successful history.
I'm still drawn to the idea of a team who train on garlic snails, drink wine during half time and wear berets to poorly attended media conferences though.

Over the last few years the team has been competitive, but not really serious challengers. They're like the opposite of the raiders as the south of france is an amazing place to live, so they don't have such a headache attracting players. The team is pretty big and physical, tending towards idiot violence. They have an exciting young fullback called Escare who looks like he weights about 60kg. The fans are totally convinced that the refs are against them, and I think they are in the same way that the warriors get no love in Aus. So they have a big chip on they're shoulder for that. I've got to one game a year the last two years and the stadiums atmosphere is really good, the essential phrase to know is "va te faire enculer" (go get hosed in the arse). Saw them get thrashed by Wigan last year and I was a bit worried for the wigan fans at the stadium, but there was no trouble in the end, the refs in the first half were amazing though, pushing les cats back 12m but Wigan back 8m at every play the ball. Wigan werestill a bunch better and le cats getting two players rightfully sent off didn't help much.

French people in general barely know that RL exists, but its bigish across the south, and prior to WWII it was very big, the Vichy government outlawed league and striped it of its assets giving them to union, nice article on that here.

iajanus
Aug 17, 2004

#GOAT



MiniSune posted:

Did this on Saturday night with a good mate, BBL on one tab and soccer on the other tab. Bottle of scotch in between.

I like to think that the bottle of scotch in my post was implied.

ili
Jul 26, 2003



Dirty Frank posted:

Over the last few years the team has been competitive, but not really serious challengers. They're like the opposite of the raiders as the south of france is an amazing place to live, so they don't have such a headache attracting players. The team is pretty big and physical, tending towards idiot violence. They have an exciting young fullback called Escare who looks like he weights about 60kg. The fans are totally convinced that the refs are against them, and I think they are in the same way that the warriors get no love in Aus. So they have a big chip on they're shoulder for that. I've got to one game a year the last two years and the stadiums atmosphere is really good, the essential phrase to know is "va te faire enculer" (go get hosed in the arse). Saw them get thrashed by Wigan last year and I was a bit worried for the wigan fans at the stadium, but there was no trouble in the end, the refs in the first half were amazing though, pushing les cats back 12m but Wigan back 8m at every play the ball. Wigan werestill a bunch better and le cats getting two players rightfully sent off didn't help much.

French people in general barely know that RL exists, but its bigish across the south, and prior to WWII it was very big, the Vichy government outlawed league and striped it of its assets giving them to union, nice article on that here.

Thanks for the info, that was really good. Chalk me up as the newest Catalans fan, even if only so I'll have heard about Escare before my team, the mighty Broncos, buy him from Super League just because we can and then never play him at NRL level.

Dirty Frank
Jul 8, 2004



ili posted:

Thanks for the info, that was really good. Chalk me up as the newest Catalans fan, even if only so I'll have heard about Escare before my team, the mighty Broncos, buy him from Super League just because we can and then never play him at NRL level.

Well the Broncos (my team too, its a love in!) certainly need another fullback.

computer_
Jan 4, 2012



ahem. Albert Kelly is signed with Hull KR

Burn Down Canberra
Oct 27, 2005

GAME PLANS? We don't need no stinking game plans.

:cry: :cry: :cry:

Really from my point of view the best I can hope for is ~9. That would be pretty good. Stuart has cleared out a lot of the poo poo and has brought in some decent talent despite that lolworthy period where he missed out on a stack of high profile signings in a row.

I think croker will be a good captain and I hope wighton gets first crack at fullback.

stickyfngrdboy
Oct 21, 2010


Lacklustre Hero posted:

ahem. Albert Kelly is signed with Hull KR

Hull KR physios already on standby.

Thinking
Jan 22, 2009



Dirty Frank posted:

the Vichy government outlawed league and striped it of its assets giving them to union, nice article on that here.

That's pretty awesome, not that league was crushed in favour of union but rather it was literally because of Hitler.

It's also cool that the Dragons signed Willie Tonga who I figured would be roughly a hundred years old by now but who wikipedia insists is 31, so it'll be good for Carney to have another Willie to play with I guess.

Mills
Jun 13, 2003



Lacklustre Hero posted:

ahem. Albert Kelly is signed with Hull KR

Who do they play in their halves instead? Mortimer or Hoffman?

Mills
Jun 13, 2003



Burn Down Canberra posted:

Really from my point of view the best I can hope for is ~9. That would be pretty good. Stuart has cleared out a lot of the poo poo and has brought in some decent talent despite that lolworthy period where he missed out on a stack of high profile signings in a row.

I think croker will be a good captain and I hope wighton gets first crack at fullback.

I'm not sure I agree with your assessment of your signings and losses.

Gains:
Blake Austin
Josh Hodgson
Rhys Kennedy
Frank-Paul Nu'uausala
Iosia Soliola
Sisa Waqa
Sam Williams

Austin is very quality and Hodgson is worth a go at hooker, but the rest of those signings don't excite me. FPN was solid at the Roosters but solid players at weaker clubs don't always stay solid.

Losses:
Matt Allwood
Terry Campese
Jake Foster
Matt Frawley
Tom Learoyd-Lahrs
Sam Mataora
Matt McIlwrick
Anthony Milford
Mosese Pangai
Reece Robinson
Sami Sauiluma
Lagi Setu
Brett White

Yeah there is a lot of poo poo in here but half of it is just journeymen moving on, and I'm not sure your replacements will be anything other than journeymen. You should have kept Reece too!

iajanus
Aug 17, 2004

#GOAT



For the Raiders you should also add the list of players they tried to get and failed miserably to add to their roster.

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ili
Jul 26, 2003



And the overs they had to pay to get anyone to sign. It's hard enough to get anyone to sign up to live in a frozen shithole with Ricky loving Stuart as their coach, and can only get harder when three quarters of the salary cap is used to buy other clubs' castoffs. Plus the Raiders threw an epic tanty after losing Milford and cut their association with Souths Logan, which will reduce the number of talented youngsters coming through on the cheap.

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