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down beat
Jul 11, 2002


I'm a stand up comic and comedy fan. I've heard a lot of stand up. I've heard a lot of the same lines from different people. It isn't always necessarily joke theft. Maybe a little parallel thinking. Either way, there's a lot unoriginality.

"The more you drink, the funnier we get"
I've actually said this line on stage without irony thinking it's never been done before. There are some similar ones you usually hear road emcees close out a show with:

"Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer!"
Which is I'm pretty sure a meme my parents used in the 80s. Fairly sure it's also a NOFX song. I've seen multiple comics do it unironically. Alternatively, there's

"Go ahead and drink and drive. They can't catch us all! "
Ugh

Rap Lyrics make no sense when recited
I see this bit done ALL THE TIME. Yup, rap lyrics often sound ridiculous when read by a white guy out of context.

To a heckler: "Shut up, dad!"
This is a really good comeback, at least whenever it was first done. I don't think every comic that does it ripped it off as the logic behind writing it isn't exactly out there, but it's been done. You can see Bill Hicks do it in the infamous video where he snapped in Chicago.

Saying "HASHTAG" to tag a joke
I thought this joke barely made sense when I FIRST heard it.

"Never use WebMD because it'll say you have cancer"
Very true. Very overused.

"If someone says 'I'm not racist but...' you're about to hear something racist"
Good point but it's been made. I don't know who did it first, but it wasn't this dude at this open mic.

"My phone autocorrected a text I sent into something embarrassing"
I don't know why people are still writing jokes about this. Granted the actual autocorrect is usually unique but the idea that autocorrect can lead to awkward texts is not novel. Patton did a bit about it when there weren't countless tumblr accounts about it and he actually had jokes that were insightful about it. Which leads me to a really bad premise:

"This crazy homeless guy said something crazy to me"
Again, the thing that they said is usually unique, but the overall experience isn't. And usually the joke is nothing but what the crazy person said without the comic providing any additional insight. At that point, they're just a lovely journalist recounting something that happened to them. Stand up is more than just what happened to you. It's about perspective. This is like the ultimate form of hackery or joke theft, except the joke is being stolen from the universe.

There are soooo many more. What's your most hated ones? Double meta hack points if you say "What's the deal with airline food?" Stand up didn't stop being hack in the 80's.

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Rapman the Cook
Aug 24, 2013

by Ralp


Those are all just terrible jokes, really.

down beat
Jul 11, 2002


That's the idea

Ego-bot
Jul 8, 2007


It's not really a joke, but when a stand up comic tells the audience that they just had a kid/got married or anything else said to elicit some cheap, unearned applause.

I remember Louis CK said something like this once and when the audience started clapping he told them to shut the gently caress up.

Another comic said that he just had a kid, the audience started clapping, then he told them he just made it up. "Don't you feel stupid for clapping now?"

THE PENETRATOR
Jul 27, 2014

by Lowtax


anyone who quotes seinfeld

Nuclear Pogostick
Apr 9, 2007

Bouncing towards victory


Jokes about jokes about airline food. We get it, airline food jokes aren't funny. Neither are jokes about jokes about airline food.

Sabaka
Aug 12, 2005


I dislike it when comics pick some random woman in the front row to try to humiliate.

Arivia
Mar 17, 2011
BUT DID ANY OF YOU STOP FOR ONE SECOND TO CONSIDER HOW THIS EFFECTS ME PERSONALLY?! NO YOU DID NOT BECAUSE I AM STUPID AND UNIMPORTANT! GOOD JOB! KEEP IT UP!

Seriously though. Ignore me. For your health.

"She had a penis!"

Machaon
Sep 2, 2008


I used to have my tv on comedy central like 24/7, and one gimmick I saw starting to pop up a lot was the incorporation of music into their act. I hated this crap. Assuming you can make them out, the lyrics were sometimes amusing, but either way the audience always seemed to feel obligated to give a round of applause after every little diddy they did. It just seemed like a cheap way to get applause. Most of the time it wasn't impressive musically or comically. Why are you clapping? Shut the gently caress up!

Also, anytime a comic mentions any kind of drug or alcohol; automatic cheering. A comic could probably go up and just name a bunch of alcoholic beverages and the crowd would cheer until they're blue in the face.

Maybe I hate the crowds more than the actual gimmicks, I dunno. I do hate when they mix music in though. gently caress that.

casual poster
Jun 29, 2009

So casual.


So stand up comics don't do this but it falls in the category of comedy and you kind of mentioned it in the OP, but I can't stand it when people do some acoustic cover of a rap song and act like it's the most hilarious poo poo in the world. Get over yourself. It's the equivalent of some comedian saying "thug life" after they tell some story of them doing something off-grain.

Tiggum
Oct 23, 2007


Audience interaction is a thing that always annoys me. It's pointless at best, but when they single out some audience member and make fun of them it just makes me feel sorry for the victim. Particularly when it's a child and they don't get that they're being made fun of.

Machaon posted:

I used to have my tv on comedy central like 24/7, and one gimmick I saw starting to pop up a lot was the incorporation of music into their act. I hated this crap. Assuming you can make them out, the lyrics were sometimes amusing, but either way the audience always seemed to feel obligated to give a round of applause after every little diddy they did. It just seemed like a cheap way to get applause. Most of the time it wasn't impressive musically or comically. Why are you clapping? Shut the gently caress up!
Comedy songs are the laziest way to get a laugh. You just need to take a song that someone else wrote and change the lyrics a bit and you're guaranteed laughs. Your new lyrics don't have to be clever or even make sense, just the fact that you're singing words that rhyme and they're supposed to be funny is enough. There are a few exceptions, but generally comedy songs are terrible.

Idiot Kicker
Jun 13, 2007


"My mom says crazy poo poo!" followed by an over-the-top accent.

GOTTA STAY FAI
Mar 24, 2005

~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~


College Slice

casual poster posted:

So stand up comics don't do this but it falls in the category of comedy and you kind of mentioned it in the OP, but I can't stand it when people do some acoustic cover of a rap song and act like it's the most hilarious poo poo in the world. Get over yourself. It's the equivalent of some comedian saying "thug life" after they tell some story of them doing something off-grain.

I was at an open mic night last month and this fucker with an acoustic guitar got on stage and performed Lil Wayne's "Lollipop" singer/songwriter style. Dude was playing three chords over and over and just quietly saying the words to the song into the mic and people thought it was the funniest poo poo.

Content:

"Anybody smoke pot in here?"

*loud cheers*

"Oh, you guys are all sitting in the back because you got here late!" or "Yep there you are, at the tables covered in snacks!" or "The cops are on their way!"

Rapman the Cook
Aug 24, 2013

by Ralp


Tiggum posted:


Comedy songs are the laziest way to get a laugh. You just need to take a song that someone else wrote and change the lyrics a bit and you're guaranteed laughs. Your new lyrics don't have to be clever or even make sense, just the fact that you're singing words that rhyme and they're supposed to be funny is enough. There are a few exceptions, but generally comedy songs are terrible.

https://mydickband.bandcamp.com/track/piano-dick

down beat
Jul 11, 2002


When it comes to cheap crowd work, the most abused scenario is asking if a couple is going out or how long they've been together. The couple is being caught off guard so there's usually hesitation in their answer so the comics like "UH OH YOU HESITATED THERE! Do you not know?" The confused face along with the line "She's with you?!" can be thrown in at any point.

If you're ever near the front during the show and a comedian asks you what you do, say you're an agent or studio exec.

down beat
Jul 11, 2002


GOTTA STAY FAI posted:


"Anybody smoke pot in here?"


"Don't worry I'm not a cop. Don't be paranoid"

or

"Any cops here? I probably should have asked that first"

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010



Every single hack comedian these days have do a bit on fedoras. It's so overused these days so first of all, you guys might one to come up with an original premise. Second of all, fedoras aren't even that bad, if you tried wearing one you'd probably like it.

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

We're still wearing the fucking hats!


little munchkin posted:

Every single hack comedian these days have do a bit on fedoras. It's so overused these days so first of all, you guys might one to come up with an original premise. Second of all, fedoras aren't even that bad, if you tried wearing one you'd probably like it.
i cant find one that matches my silk anime button ups

Tea Bone
Feb 18, 2011

I'm going for gasps.

"Who in here is married"
*cheers*
"Who in here is single"
*cheers*
"See how much happier they sound?"

-every hack compare I've seen.

Elodious
Sep 9, 2004
Look at all these porno books... But theres no time for that now...

casual poster posted:

So stand up comics don't do this but it falls in the category of comedy and you kind of mentioned it in the OP, but I can't stand it when people do some acoustic cover of a rap song and act like it's the most hilarious poo poo in the world. Get over yourself. It's the equivalent of some comedian saying "thug life" after they tell some story of them doing something off-grain.

I've never seen this one before. However, the last contest I was in there was a guy who went over his 7 minutes with a acoustic rendition of TOOL's "Sober" on a mandolin. But with all the lyrics changed to something about Christmas.

I think a lot of hack stuff is just to fill stage time. Ones that never make sense to me are:

"How is everyone tonight?" - Ready for jokes, just get to it please!

"Anyone celebrating anything?" - Probably not, even if someone is it never gets addressed. Why bother asking?



GOTTA STAY FAI posted:


Content:

"Anybody smoke pot in here?"

*loud cheers*

"Oh, you guys are all sitting in the back because you got here late!" or "Yep there you are, at the tables covered in snacks!" or "The cops are on their way!"



Also this. I feel like this is a top easy-laugh getter.

"Man I was so high/drunk that I..." Is the icing that makes some people accept a joke. Even if the punchline is "Just watched T.V."

Also living near Missouri, anything meth related works just as well.

Blue On Blue
Nov 14, 2012



Can I say Russel Peters' whole routine?

I laughed my rear end off at his first TV special or whatever, and had a good chuckle at his DVD.

Then I noticed every. single. time he is on stage it's the same exact routine, full stop.

Make a few jokes about indian people, make some canadian jokes, rip on your very indian (now dead) dad to get the sympathy laughs.

Seriously dude came out the gate running as a new up and coming comedy force, but now it's just same old

down beat
Jul 11, 2002


Elodious posted:



"How is everyone tonight?" - Ready for jokes, just get to it please!

I once asked that and after realizing I was just saying that because it's also weird just to start telling jokes, I sincerely said "yeah I don't care," which itself is hackneyed.

Starting a set sucks. I always hope for a terrible intro so at least I can comment on that.

Ytlaya
Nov 13, 2005

0.000% of Communism has been built. Evil child-murdering billionaires still rule the world with a shit-eating grin.

little munchkin posted:

Every single hack comedian these days have do a bit on fedoras. It's so overused these days so first of all, you guys might one to come up with an original premise. Second of all, fedoras aren't even that bad, if you tried wearing one you'd probably like it.

I agree that it's an overdone joke at this point, but fedoras really do look bad if you're not an old man or something. I can't imagine a single situation where a young person wearing a fedora wouldn't look dumb.,

Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007


little munchkin posted:

Every single hack comedian these days have do a bit on fedoras. It's so overused these days so first of all, you guys might one to come up with an original premise. Second of all, fedoras aren't even that bad, if you tried wearing one you'd probably like it.

Show us a picture of you in a fedora.

PizzaThief
Sep 22, 2006

Traveling through time AND space?

I do comedy / improv shows at conventions and every time, without fail, someone makes a "Mother in law" joke. Every time.

I just did a show at comic con in New Orleans today and a twelve year old kid made a mother in law joke.

mycot
Oct 23, 2014


Hell Gem

Ytlaya posted:

I agree that it's an overdone joke at this point, but fedoras really do look bad if you're not an old man or something. I can't imagine a single situation where a young person wearing a fedora wouldn't look dumb.,

Pretty much. They're not going to suddenly look good on you just because comedians stopped making jokes about them.

Pocket Billiards
Aug 29, 2007
.

'Kanye West is ignorant and or self-absorbed' as a punchline is pretty played out.

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

I've got a pocket full of cheese, and a garden full of trees.

I hate the "pull back and reveal".

For example. "I was just sitting there having a wank .... and the conductor asked me to get off the bus!"

HA HA The way you started it, it sounded like you were at home, but you weren't! What a wacky subversion of my expectations! HAHA you masturbated in public, you really are a wild and crazy guy!

So many comedians do it, and it is so easy and so overused.

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

"Loosen up, folks."

Vriess
Apr 30, 2013

Select the items of interest in the scene.

Returned with Honor.

"Give it up for the troops."

Except one regional dude in the US Southeast who uses that as metacommentary as a quick follow-up to a bombed joke in order to get quick applause to bounce back in an attempt to make the audience forget you just bombed.

FBIASSMAN69
Aug 15, 2006



i just flew into this thread and BOY ARE MY ARMS TIRED

ZenMasterBullshit
Nov 2, 2011

Ziggy Hero!
Ziggy! Save! Everyone!



Your mom is the most overused prop in stand up comedy.

Smerdyakov
Jul 8, 2008



"Let's do this"
"these are just jokes, people"
"Right?"
"See what I did there?"
"My dad is ____ and my mom is ____ so that means I'm ____"
"I look like *pop culture reference* hosed *pop culture reference*"

Topics that are almost always handled badly: jokes that hinge upon knowledge of HBO/IFC shows, jokes where you reveal that someone else is racist, not you, and you think racism is wrong, announcing that you think Nickelback/ICP/Justin Beiber/etc. sucks, explaining that religion is stupid because there's no evidence god exists, letting people know your ex sucks and you're better off without them, retelling poo poo that didn't happen where the joke is that the other person is wrong and you are right and you're better than them, any impression, even an accurate one.

Worst new trend: hacky black comics that think they're Patrice O'Neal and have no material, hacky white comics that think they're Patrice O'Neal and have no material AND come off sounding racist.

Patrice spending 15 minutes just ripping into the crowd: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYdb9wADImY

Smerdyakov has a new favorite as of 10:26 on Jan 12, 2015

Boz0r
Sep 7, 2006
The Rocketship in action.

Chris Brown! How's that for a punchline!

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless


You suck, McBain!

Wank
Apr 26, 2008


Funny this comes up now as Fey and Poehler's whole routine in their opening monologue of "So and so is here tonight and they ____ punchline" For one of the few times I couldn't believe they would be so cliche. At least introduce Oprah to Uma or something.

Say Nothing
Mar 4, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


*Mentions thing that is popular to get a cheap pop from the audience*

Elodious
Sep 9, 2004
Look at all these porno books... But theres no time for that now...

Say Nothing posted:

*Mentions thing that is popular to get a cheap pop from the audience*

"I'm excited to be here in <your town>, I love <your sports team>! I was in <rival town> last weekend and I said <rival team> sucked!"

Dr Christmas
Apr 24, 2010

Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!


Hey guys, what if, heh, what if we called M Night Shyamalan...snicker...SHAMALAMADINGDONG?

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Kugyou no Tenshi
Nov 8, 2005

We can't keep the crowd waiting, can we?

Comedians who do "shock" pieces out of nowhere in the middle of otherwise inoffensive-to-"naughty" sets. I'm not sure what's the worse follow-up, either - the one who gets laughs and applause and screams "Don't laugh at that! What's wrong with you?" or the one who gets booed and starts in on "Oh, you laughed at <fairly plain if a little 'blue' joke> but now <poo poo that would offend serial rapists> is off the table?", completely unironically.

The first is an obvious setup to get cheap laughs. The second just sounds like someone who can't take their knocks.

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