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6-Ethyl Bearcat
Apr 27, 2008

Go out

Just loving stop barking whenever the lead comes out, I know everyone else in this house reinforces you for it but it doesn't get the lead on any faster and probably actually makes it slower!!!

ETA Also I can cut your nails without you literally dying so let me do that you dumb gently caress.


Apr 3, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

stop barking at literal shadows you old, deaf, half blind, arthritic piece of poo poo

Mar 24, 2001

Oh you're such a loving bad rear end when you see a cat outside? You wanna fight all the cats?

Such a tough dog at home where the cat literally makes you her bitch every time you interact.

Also, keep your loving dirty rear end paws off my bed in the morning.

Dec 19, 2006

Did you drink the death slushie? Is that what you did?

Squee and Noodles, y'all are too dumb to kill a mouse. I'm pretty sure you thought it was a toy, and you got bored with it. Spoiled assholes.

Squee, just because you can see a little bit of the bottom of your dry food dish does not mean you get to be a little poo poo about waking me up. There's still food in there, loving eat it. Get back to me when it's finished.

Noodles, shut the gently caress up already. You're a cat. We get it. And learn to keep your claws in. Squee is dumb as poo poo, and he can do it. Work on that.

Sep 13, 2010


Pixelated Dragon
Jan 22, 2007

Do you remember how we used to breathe and watch it
and feel such power and feel such joy, to be ice dragons and be so free. -Noe Venable

Gremlin that was a shard of broken glass why the gently caress were you swatting it around why did you want to cut your paw on it what the hell Gremlin?

May 28, 2004

Strong And/Or Free

Mocha, when I comment that I haven't seen you throw up in a while that's not an invitation to immediately show me how well you can hork

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


Sep 10, 2010

Gather. Grok. Create.

Now pick up what you can
and run.

LUTHER: You are not living up to your namesake, the bbc on BBC. I swear to loving god, allah, and juju you are such a dumbfuck sometimes. BE MORE SMART, CAT. My feet are not cool hangout spots for cat bros.

I was sad that I stepped on your foot this morning, but I thought it might finally teach you a lesson about ninja-ing up to my feet. I was wearing shoes and, judging by the way you yelled, it really hurt. What was your takeaway from the experience? DUHR, THE KIBBLE BIN IS BAD so you run and hide under the bed when I open the lid on your food storage now. YOU ARE ALMOST THREE YEARS OLD and make the weirdest bridges about cause and effect. Is this why all the redirected aggression spazz outs? NEURO SHITLORD. Is this why you were abandoned at two weeks old? Could your mom smell the stupid in you?

Mar 31, 2010

Unlimited Groove Works

Jessie I understand you are less than a year old and prone to post-poo zoomies but please stop zipping back across the yard and stepping in your own turd before I have a chance to pick it up

Mar 27, 2010



Arriviste posted:

Is this why you were abandoned at two weeks old? Could your mom smell the stupid in you?

Just look at that stupid little loving face. Of course she could. I can smell the stupid radiating through the screen.

Mar 27, 2010



Lola if you continue to react to my alarm by shrieking and leaping toward my face, I will punch you. Again. It's your own loving fault, dickhead.

Chicken in Black
May 22, 2005

So lovely

Boo you are a adorable little creature, but for stop the constant loving finger biting. I'm trying to scratch you to make you happy, don't show your joy by clamping onto a cuticle and chewing for all you're worth you little bastard.

Oct 25, 2010


Peanut the food tastes just as good when I give to you as when you steal if from Snoopy's mouth you loving idiot, it's the same piece of carrot. Also stop pooping on the one specific carpet right next to your toilet, I know you do it to show us who's boss but gently caress you.

Snoopy, the paint on the walls and the legs of wooden furniture are not your chew toys you poo poo-for-brains imbecile, you have a giant buttload of hay and a dozen other crappy things for that. And jesus christ climb all the way into the litter tray for peeing, leaving your rear end hanging out and pissing on the floor is the stupidest loving thing out of all the stupid loving things you two do.

Prawned fucked around with this message at 14:57 on Feb 27, 2015

Feb 16, 2011

Prawned posted:

And jesus christ climb all the way into the litter tray for peeing, leaving your rear end hanging out and pissing on the floor is the stupidest loving thing out of all the stupid loving things you two do.
My old rabbit did this. Eventually I had to put the litterbox against a wall where he physically could not do that.

Jul 17, 2010

Keep on GOP rolling rolling rolling rolling.

Jerry, Please please stop pooping so much, I know you are huge but you poo more than a dog twice your size would and unlike a dog you do it in a litterbox where I have to scrape it up.

Genuine Fake
Oct 2, 2004

by Nyc_Tattoo

Seamus, you shat IN the router, you glorious retard.

Mar 31, 2010

Unlimited Groove Works

Holy_Zarquon posted:

Seamus, you shat IN the router, you glorious retard.


Genuine Fake
Oct 2, 2004

by Nyc_Tattoo

Pretty much exactly like it sounds. Explosive diarrhea, a whole bunch of it right into the vents of the router.

He really was mentally retarded though.

Ema Nymton
Apr 26, 2008

the place where I come from
is a small town


You hate me? OK then, so I hate you too! I saved you from life on the streets and you give me no thanks. No cuddles, no pets, just poop. You are a fatass and only talk to me when you're hungry. Otherwise you're hiding under the bed or in that hole you tore in my box springs.

I ought to throw you out on the curb if this is how much you appreciate me you dick! I had your balls cut out, so I've already been more responsible than the average pet owner. Or I should leave the door open all day. You can't stand me? Then GTFO.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Jun 8, 2005

Life still hard.

Hurley, if you wake me at 530 in the morning again when I have to wake up at 615 to get ready for work , I will rip off those huge derpy ears and beat you to death with them. Mommy works 12 hour shifts, you gigantic piece of furry poo poo. She needs all the sleep she can get!! I should quit my job and you will be forced to eat cheap rear end dollar store kibble, ya prick.

Also, Buffy, the gently caress?????? If I am calling for you to go out, go the gently caress out. Don't wait til I go upstairs to sneak down and poo poo in the porch. Seriously dog??? Seriously??? I know you are old and don't have much fur, but come on, douche.

Error 404
Jul 17, 2009


Sterling Mallory Archer, you fat piece of poo poo. It's bad enough that our roommate over feeds you, and you bitch and moan constantly if you don't get your daily 'too much food', and you're mean to the other cats (up until they stand up to you, then you run like a coward haha), and you poo poo outside your litter box as some kind of loving protest whenever roomie is gone for longer than 12 hours, but now you're sharpening your claws on my wife's leather sofa, and teaching the other cats to do it.

I swear, I loving swear to Jesus tittyfucking Christ if I ever catch you in the act, your cute fluffyness will not save you, and I will have a brand new pair of slippers. Fuckhead. Yeah, you better run and hide.

Jul 14, 2011

I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.


Holy poo poo Poyo, you are not loving starving if you haven't had breakfast by 6. Stop loving yowling in the hallway, for the love of god. And Fatfat, quit loving barfing on the radiators. The barf bakes on and it's a bitch to chip off. Also, disgusting. drat cats.

Mar 29, 2008

He wants to come in...

Harriet, stop loving loving bullying the dog! It is her dog bed, not yours. It is her water bowl, not yours. It is her food, not yours. All your poo poo is in your cage, with your literal poo poo!

Also, the dog is like 30 times as big as you, and will gently caress your poo poo up.

EDIT: Also, stop peeing in your water bowl you stupid gently caress!

U.T. Raptor
May 11, 2010

Are you a pack of imbeciles!?

Quinn, stop pissing on the floor you loving moron. You have a whole goddamn backyard for that

May 28, 2004

Strong And/Or Free

What the gently caress are you doing?

No really, what the gently caress are you doing

Nov 3, 2009

Moth Lesbian Comrade

JohnnyCanuck posted:

What the gently caress are you doing?

No really, what the gently caress are you doing

Feline yoga obvs

Prescription Combs
Apr 20, 2005

lazy as fuk cat 1


Fat gently caress cat 2

Prescription Combs fucked around with this message at 04:31 on Mar 7, 2015

Jun 4, 2011

Katarína you stupid dumb idiot BITCH stop tearing all my posters, stop EATING MY HOMEWORK, and for the love of god STOP WAKING ME UP AT FIVE loving AM goddAMN

Sep 10, 2010

Gather. Grok. Create.

Now pick up what you can
and run.

She's just upgrading your Periodic Table with the element of surprise.

Flaccid Trip
Apr 29, 2008

Sheila, stop banging on the door to the music room at THREE IN THE loving MORNING. There's nothing in there for cats.

Aug 10, 2013

by Ralp

gently caress you Francis Wolcott, enough. God forbid if my date and I pop in a dvd, you stare at my guest like a loving psychopath and then attack. So instead of enjoying "Guardians of the Galaxy" , I am performing triage followed by making excuses for you.

"He's a great cat once you get to know him ohh let me apply another Snoopy bandage."

I am tired of cleaning up after you. You are ruining my chance at a decent relationship. Have you noticed that only the crazy ones come back? Sane and healthy women will not put up with this loving madness in this house. You maniac.

Sep 14, 2002
Ask me about my micro-penis



Ramsus fucked around with this message at 05:21 on Mar 11, 2015

Jul 15, 2007


helo why do you cost so much

like, how can i be almost 6k in the hole and why do you have to have the most obscure presentation of addison's disease ever so we have been going to different vets for a year and you almost became blind wtf

also your farts are horrendous and that thing where you bark in my ear when i'm asleep makes me want to murder you

plus you're fat and you only eat like 1 cup of food per day and i know that's cause you're sick but gently caress it's embarrassing

soap. fucked around with this message at 08:01 on Mar 12, 2015

Like Clockwork
Feb 17, 2012

It's only the Final Battle once all the players are ready.

Ally. We do not have invisible zombie hordes roaming around our house. You do not need to bark at the movement of grass and the existence of small animals all day.

Also you stink. How do you manage to stink immediately after a bath? Is this a mutt superpower I was unaware of? You're lucky you're cute. <>

Apr 23, 2010


don't look sad about your muzzle at me you piece of poo poo, this is what happens when you bite someone.

Jun 24, 2011

Do not call me that!
Snuffles was my slave name.
You shall now call me Snowball; because my fur is pretty and white.

Neon, you goony rear end in a top hat. You spend all day looking cute but your fur is so black that I can't take photos of you with my cellphone and when I finally get my good camera out for the first time to take some nice photos of you, you reveal your true greasy, neckbeard self.

Party Boat
Oct 31, 2007

where did that other dog come from

who is he

Your dog may actually be Slavoj Zizek.

atlas of bugs
Aug 18, 2003


you people can't even do it can you

"oh Fido your hair is so lustrous it makes it hard to photoblog you with my DSLR!!"

you disgust me


Apr 23, 2010


woah poo poo threads getting meta

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