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thatbastardken
Apr 23, 2010

"Because the time has come, well and truly come, for all peoples of our great country, for all citizens of our great commonwealth, for all Australians to come together and build a new future for our nation."

- Kevin Rudd



fuckin sadbrain dog has to go on prozac, gently caress you you defective piece of poo poo

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Fraction
Mar 27, 2010

CATS RULE DOGS DROOL

FERRETS ARE ALSO PRETTY MEH, HONESTLY




kalli is a disgusting cat-turd-guzzling rear end in a top hat and deserves to be tied up and shot for her sins

Kuromyneko
Aug 21, 2014

Kuro neko



My cat is trying to be the next Pavarotti he gets louder every day and can even hear him in the garden trying to get back in . Oh and he can eat more than my dog but still stays skinny.

Kluliss
Mar 6, 2011

Cake, is it a drug, or is it simply a delicious chocolatey piece of heaven?


Wraggler, you are the worst. You ate all your food today and I made a fuss of you thinking this was a good thing but no, instead you decided the best thing to do was hurf at my feet, on the rug, while I was eating my soup. As soon as you were done with emitting what looked like three days worth of food you headed straight for the food bowl. No dog, I'm not letting you gulp all your food down again. I do not need a repeat of that. I guess at least you puked quietly, I've got that to be grateful for.

Kluliss fucked around with this message at Mar 16, 2015 around 18:35

Hitlers Gay Secret
Mar 7, 2010

The Third Reich's under new -- and better -- management.

Hasn't word reached Camp Pendleton yet?


College Slice

Damnit Vincent eat the loving black rice! It's rice! You eat the white and brown variety why wont you eat the black rice!!!

Just Offscreen
Jun 29, 2006



Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Damnit Vincent eat the loving black rice! It's rice! You eat the white and brown variety why wont you eat the black rice!!!

Your pet is a racist, obviously.


God dammit Oscar stop laying with your face two centimeters away from mine when you know I am trying to sleep you rear end in a top hat! You aren't even going to stay there- in five minutes you are going to get bored, walk all over me, and go sleep on the printer! You poo poo!!



Also I don't care if we got you first- just because you hate the dog doesn't mean you can kick him out from a full third of the apartment you fucker!!!



What an rear end in a top hat.

Just Offscreen fucked around with this message at Mar 16, 2015 around 21:05

Chicken in Black
May 22, 2005

So lovely

Buzz you are brain damaged even for a loving budgie. It's millet, not cyanide. Oh yah, how you go it there I don't know but goddamn bird poo poo is not a dapper little hat, you retard.

Party Boat
Oct 31, 2007

where did that other dog come from

who is he



Jesus Christ Dio you fat gently caress

catamar
May 23, 2008


Wow Gansett, thanks so much for barking at every loving sound effect in Katamari EXCEPT for the cats. Great job, you blind moron.

bunnyofdoom
Mar 29, 2008



Harriet,

I know you are a supervilllain, but please can you call for a ceasefire with my roommate? Yes she is a vet and occasionally picks you up for brushing and a checkup. But, do not break out of your cage (Side note: Seriously, stop body slamming the cage door) scratch on her door, headbutt her door open, run under her bed and start thumping while she's asleep, and then later stalk her through the apartment, and leap on her whenever she bends down to get things like remote control, video game controllers, or a dropped loonie.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Dandywalken
Feb 11, 2014

I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation. I actually named my daughter after the Pink ranger and will provide proof if challenged.


Adelline you're a very small boston terrier. In fact I question if you're a boston terrier at all.

Ellie you get too exicited for a boston terrier. You need to mellow out like the possibly-non boston, your sister (or is she???).

Lilith you're pretty great as an English bulldog, keep up the good work. But your seasonal alopecia blows. its getting better with the season change though so nice work there.

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011


Dandywalken posted:

Adelline you're a very small boston terrier. In fact I question if you're a boston terrier at all.

Ellie you get too exicited for a boston terrier. You need to mellow out like the possibly-non boston, your sister (or is she???).

Lilith you're pretty great as an English bulldog, keep up the good work. But your seasonal alopecia blows. its getting better with the season change though so nice work there.
I hate to ruin this for you, but Lilith is just a real hosed-up Boston terrier.

Rats Tossbag
Jan 16, 2014



Daisy you have been fed in the evening only for 15 years. You're not getting fed at 6 am you greedy fucker, especially if you haven't eaten the food I gave you last night. Picky rear end in a top hat.

Kugyou no Tenshi
Nov 8, 2005

We can't keep the crowd waiting, can we?

Goddammit Vashta you act like you don't even like me most days. Why are you trying to get up in my lap now and mewling like you've been all alone your whole life? No, gently caress you, I'm playing XCOM. Right after chin scritches.

Flaccid Trip
Apr 29, 2008



Thanks for vomiting on the floor right next to my bed, Sheila so that I wouldn't see it.

Nothing wakes me up like putting my foot through the top crust of cat barf, into the cold, wet center.

JohnnyCanuck
May 28, 2004

Strong And/Or Free


WHAT THE gently caress, CAT

THAT NEWSPAPER WAS FOR READING, NOT FOR PISSING ON

WHY ARE YOU NOT PISSING IN YOUR LITTERBOX

WHY

WHY

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

Let's try this one more time, Sukie.

Your cat door is on the LEFT side of the living room. The sliding door that I have to open for you, is on the RIGHT side! STOP SITTING IN FRONT OF THE SLIDING DOOR, LOOKING PATHETIC!

Additionally, stop sleeping on my foot. One pulled muscle from rolling over, only to find my foot is trapped beneath your rear end is enough! And stop headbutting doors when you're hungry.

Finally, no, you are not an accordion, although you do a very good impression when you're asleep.

M_Sinistrari
Sep 5, 2008

Do you like scary movies?




Fulci, you have always been the sweetest, most chill cat I've ever known. Other than that stint some years back where you decided the best way to wake me up was to drape your 20lb bulk across my face, you've been probably the least assholish of cats on the planet. Why the hell do you manage just as Spring Break started when I've already got it planned to work on papers for class that you manage to develop early stage kidney failure? While I have learned that my fear of losing you is greater than my fear of needles so I can do your home dialysis, and you have responded excellently to the treatment going from your last $80 bloodwork and as I type this are currently having a case of the zoomies with Herbert-cat, I really could've done without the freaking out and stress.

I'd also appreciate you not bodychecking me when you're jumping down from the high bookshelf to my chair, but I'll take what I can get.

POOL IS CLOSED
Jul 14, 2011

I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.


Pillbug

Poyo, quit loving sneezing in my mouth when I talk to you. Just quit loving sneezing. It sounds like a human sneeze and then I say bless you and then I feel stupid for blessing a cat sneeze. Dammit.

Techno Remix
Feb 13, 2012



Hey Dweezil. When I adopted you I thought I was getting a cat, not some kind of North American Bed Hog. Christ, cat, you're lean and fit so how on earth do you manage to take up nearly a quarter of a king size bed? Eventually my wife gets mad at ME because I'm encroaching on her side of the bed when it's really your fault for pushing me over ever so slightly every time I move. I don't even notice because I sleep through it! I don't know if this is better or worse than your phase of passing out on my chest with your rear end in my face because I at least had leg room, but c'mon dude. Pick a spot and commit!

And Moon. You've trained my wife really well to feed you at 5 am, but when she leaves for work that's it. You haven't trained me, I am not getting up at 6 to shake your bowl to cover up the empty center, and all the meowing and knocking poo poo off my nightstand isn't going to change that. Your fat rear end can deal with eating from the edges. You are absolutely not going to starve, lardo.

Deep Thoreau
Aug 16, 2008





Look at my stupid dumb dog, Feldman.



This big stupid idiot eats all the stuff off the ground.



No matter how cute he was as a puppy.



And now he's getting a second surgery because his dumb rear end keeps getting blocked intestines. I've had to resort to making a gofundme page to raise funds for this, because he's too dumb to live on his own.

Clifton Privilege
Mar 19, 2015


Basil you fat sack of poo poo. You barely fit into a size DOG MEDIUM - you are the biggest fattest rear end in a top hat I've ever seen. 24 pounds for a cat is a BIG FAT rear end!! You are lucky that Star Wars is cool so I'll keep feeding you.

Primpin and Pimpin
Sep 1, 2011




I don't know how you managed to pee inside of the bottom of the vacuum without somehow drenching the floor around it and I did not find it the least bit funny when all your stank rear end piss spilled out onto the carpet when I went to vacuum the mess your Pee-ccomplice made in the 10 minutes I was running to the train station and back.



please stop getting older, both of you fuckers. soon you won't even have teeth left for them to pull out and you'll drool everywhere and look really dumb.

You both stink and take up way too much of the bed and why won't you STOP LICKING EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.

Nude Bog Lurker
Jan 2, 2007


Fun Shoe

There is no tummy bug in the world that is cured by a car ride to the vet and forking out dollar bills so the vet can look at you bounce around right as rain and say that you look fine as far as they can tell, Charles you piece of poo poo rabbit.

Arriviste
Sep 10, 2010

Gather. Grok. Create.




Now pick up what you can
and run.


God drat it, Luther. It wasn't even addressed to you. Thanks for bringing it upstairs for me, I guess.






I'm going to make you start wearing this again:

Quad
Dec 31, 2007

10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 GOTO 10
END



You little assholes both know drat well that I work nights. Save the meowing contests for then, or at least have the decency to be fighting when I come out to check that you're ok.

DoggPickle
Jan 16, 2004

LAFFO


Batman, learn how to eat. Your brain might be the size of a marble, but you only have to know like 4 things to survive and one of those is sleeping. Stop devouring your food in 5 seconds and then burping, farting, and dog coughing all over the house like you're gonna die. You've had 8 years of never going hungry.

Dig-Dug, I'm sorry that you're going blind and all, but every time I make any type of sharp noise whatsoever, you do not get to freak out and bark for ten minutes. I have to put the dishes away! Sometimes I drop stuff. Y accident. OMG CALM DOWN!

teenytinymouse
Aug 3, 2005

I'm Shannon and I'm the biggest Idiot Ever!



Piece of poo poo rodent I know you know peanuts don't go in your wheel, you take them there to pee on them and rattle them so I wake up and pay attention to you. Now you've started to put them back once I remove them I don't know how much longer this arrangement is going to last, the arrangement where you aren't set free to live among the scary city rodents where there are no peanuts.

Kluliss
Mar 6, 2011

Cake, is it a drug, or is it simply a delicious chocolatey piece of heaven?


Dog, if you manage to sneak upstairs when I'm looking for something, stay out of the bedroom and for the love of all that's green, stop destroying my knickers. If you're going to ignore me on this then at least take my old tatty ones that I don't wear rather than one of my most comfortable pairs of undies.

Angela Manaconda
Aug 1, 2010




Pig. Pig. Why are you the worst. Why are you just the absolute worst, dumbest cat in the world.
Why. Why do you do these things.

DoggPickle
Jan 16, 2004

LAFFO


Kluliss posted:

Dog, if you manage to sneak upstairs when I'm looking for something, stay out of the bedroom and for the love of all that's green, stop destroying my knickers. If you're going to ignore me on this then at least take my old tatty ones that I don't wear rather than one of my most comfortable pairs of undies.

I know it hasn't happened in >10 years, but please for the love of god, can you not get bored and present a used tampon to a guest? TMI, but this is seriously lovely behavior, and if you ever do it again, I will... I will.. yell at you a little and be really embarrassed. drat it.

candywife
Mar 3, 2011


Fimmion, you are kind of the worst pet.
I thought you would die like, a month after I won you at the fair. Then I found out goldfish get huge and live forfuckingever.
You're only 2 years old, how are you already as long as my forearm? Stop growing so much.

I buy you beautiful plants to decorate your home, like this water lily, and you just uproot them and rip them to shreds.
Also, thanks for attacking the algae cleaning magnet til it fell into the gravel where I can't get it unless I stick my entire arm and shoulder into the tank.
When I do go to get it out, please don't bite my fingers cause last time you did you startled me so bad I jerked my arm back and bruised it really badly on the rim of the tank.



(Although I still think you're pretty badass, and that it's cool that you get excited when I come home at night, not like that lazy rear end cat)

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012


We've got this thing licked!



candywife posted:

Fimmion, you are kind of the worst pet.
I thought you would die like, a month after I won you at the fair. Then I found out goldfish get huge and live forfuckingever.
You're only 2 years old, how are you already as long as my forearm? Stop growing so much.

I buy you beautiful plants to decorate your home, like this water lily, and you just uproot them and rip them to shreds.
Also, thanks for attacking the algae cleaning magnet til it fell into the gravel where I can't get it unless I stick my entire arm and shoulder into the tank.
When I do go to get it out, please don't bite my fingers cause last time you did you startled me so bad I jerked my arm back and bruised it really badly on the rim of the tank.



(Although I still think you're pretty badass, and that it's cool that you get excited when I come home at night, not like that lazy rear end cat)

Pro-tip from a fellow goldfish-owner; Go get some frozen Brine Shrimp from a pet store, defrost a little bit and give him it. He'll be your best friend forever and do you have more? We're gonna follow you around the room when you walk by now, do you have brine shrimp? Is it time to give us brine shrimp now?

No it isn't you fuckers, you got fed your regular stuff this morning, stop sitting and staring at me any time I go past your drat tank you creepy little shits. Other people's fish happily swim around the tank all day amongst their plants and things, but nooo mine have to be bored people-watchers.

Malachite_Dragon
Mar 31, 2010

Weaving Merry Christmas Magic


Fallen Rib

Precious, you belch like a goddamn trucker. How can your tiny body contain such a violent noise? There's never any warning, either- you'll roll over in bed and then let out a monstrous "BHRUUUUP" and at me like I am somehow responsible for you vibrating the window.

Jess, you fart like a Clydesdale both in volume and in potency, and you revel in it. You eat the same food Precious does, what the gently caress.

candywife
Mar 3, 2011


Neddy Seagoon posted:

Pro-tip from a fellow goldfish-owner; Go get some frozen Brine Shrimp from a pet store, defrost a little bit and give him it. He'll be your best friend forever and do you have more? We're gonna follow you around the room when you walk by now, do you have brine shrimp? Is it time to give us brine shrimp now?

No it isn't you fuckers, you got fed your regular stuff this morning, stop sitting and staring at me any time I go past your drat tank you creepy little shits. Other people's fish happily swim around the tank all day amongst their plants and things, but nooo mine have to be bored people-watchers.
I already do, and he loves that poo poo. The second I come home he's like "YAS YAS FEEDING TIME NOW YAAAAAS LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME I AM SO HUNGRY"
I'm just glad goldfish are pretty quiet animals. I don't know if I could deal with him if he was as annoying as my cat gets the second I say anything relating to food or open literally any can of food. It's a can of beans you dumb gently caress, it's not cat food, leave me alone! I have fed her canned food maybe three times in her entire life yet somehow she thinks any time a can opens, it's for her. Same with pouring cereal, or dried rice, or anything out of a bag. It's not kibble gently caress OFF.

DoggPickle
Jan 16, 2004

LAFFO


My house is around 75% linoleum/hardwood/tile. Why is the 25% expensive carpet the ONLY place you guys will puke?? Why why why?

bonvivant
Oct 1, 2014

I may be racist, transphobic, an antisemite and a misogynist, but I project like an angel


thatbastardken posted:



don't look sad about your muzzle at me you piece of poo poo, this is what happens when you bite someone.

normal

MrYenko
Jun 17, 2012

#2 isn't ALWAYS bad...


DoggPickle posted:

My house is around 75% linoleum/hardwood/tile. Why is the 25% expensive carpet the ONLY place you guys will puke?? Why why why?

To echo this, why, Darcy, you stupid loving cat, why do you insist on puking almost every time I feed you? If you would slow down long enough to chew your food, even just a little bit, you wouldn't have to puke it up into the carpet and eat it a second time, you stupid silly bitch cat. I loving hate you.

And Cooper, why do you feel the need to eat her food, as well? Particularly after she's eaten it the first time?

You two are loving disgusting.

cyberia
Jun 24, 2011

Do not call me that!
Snuffles was my slave name.
You shall now call me Snowball; because my fur is pretty and white.

To continue the theme: Neon, you furry rear end in a top hat, I know I was out of the house way too much yesterday and didn't give you nearly enough attention but that doesn't give you the right to puke on the bed just as I was about to go to sleep

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Pile of Kittens
Apr 23, 2005

Why does everything STILL smell like pussy?



Bird, if you keep biting birdsitters, they won't want to feed you anymore when I go on trips. I'm not going to stop going on trips, so you're just going to have to loving starve.

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