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DrHammond
Nov 8, 2011



Oliver, I know the discovery that lifting then dropping your automatic feeder just so would occasionally reward you with delicious kitty kibble was revelatory. I'm sure it was frustrating when I built a wooden base for it, and velcroed that poo poo to the ground. But cat, how in the gently caress did you get it into your fluffy little brain that trying to knock over the water fountain was the second best thing?

The apartment has nice hardwood floors you little rear end, and I'd rather not lose my security deposit to water damage.

Are you REALLY going to force me to go back to the hardware store? Cute little fucker.

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iospace
Apr 20, 2020




Fun Shoe

DrHammond posted:

Oliver, I know the discovery that lifting then dropping your automatic feeder just so would occasionally reward you with delicious kitty kibble was revelatory. I'm sure it was frustrating when I built a wooden base for it, and velcroed that poo poo to the ground. But cat, how in the gently caress did you get it into your fluffy little brain that trying to knock over the water fountain was the second best thing?

The apartment has nice hardwood floors you little rear end, and I'd rather not lose my security deposit to water damage.

Are you REALLY going to force me to go back to the hardware store? Cute little fucker.



He'll eventually flop on your lap, on his back, and you will give him tummy rubs and forget all about it.

He is a rag doll afterall

DrHammond
Nov 8, 2011



iospace posted:

He'll eventually flop on your lap, on his back, and you will give him tummy rubs and forget all about it.

He is a rag doll afterall

He refuses to actually sit in laps, but will lay right next to you no problemo...

So yes, accurate.

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012


We've got this thing licked!



DrHammond posted:

Oliver, I know the discovery that lifting then dropping your automatic feeder just so would occasionally reward you with delicious kitty kibble was revelatory. I'm sure it was frustrating when I built a wooden base for it, and velcroed that poo poo to the ground. But cat, how in the gently caress did you get it into your fluffy little brain that trying to knock over the water fountain was the second best thing?

The apartment has nice hardwood floors you little rear end, and I'd rather not lose my security deposit to water damage.

Are you REALLY going to force me to go back to the hardware store? Cute little fucker.



The photogenic little bastard looks like he knows EXACTLY how handsome he is and how to weaponize his looks to get out of trouble.

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003


Yams Fan

Neddy Seagoon posted:

The photogenic little bastard looks like he knows EXACTLY how handsome he is and how to weaponize his looks to get out of trouble.

Malachite_Dragon
Mar 31, 2010

Weaving Merry Christmas Magic


Fallen Rib

Porthos, you have never ever done the whole "desperate paws under the door" thing before in your life, that the gently caress. I'm poopin', go away.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.

GORILLA BASTARD posted:

TIGER: Meow
GB: "No, your not allowed outside anymore"
TIGER: MEOW?
GB: "You keep getting into fights with other cats in the neighborhood"
TIGER: Hsssss
GB: "Because you like fighting outside your weight class & keep getting your rear end handed to you dummy"

I miss my little country cat from years ago who used to fight ferals all the time and win. Don't mess with a Manx.

Thin Privilege
Jul 8, 2009
IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT

Gravy Boat 2k

Bust Rodd posted:

Android, I have a lot of love for you.

Ever since we met in the park and your mom said hi to me and we fell in love and moved in together, my life has been so much better.

But dude, I swear to god you are the biggest little cockblock on fuckin planet Earth! Itís like you can hear a boner from two rooms away! The second his mommy, my GF, starts to get even a little ďinto itĒ this little shithead comes barging into the room, jumps onto the bed, and wiggles his little buns right between us! Smooching, serious snuggling, anything even remotely rated ĎRí just get Android all kinds of riled up and he just wonít let us head down to bonetown until weíve wrapped him in a blankie in another room with a Milkbone.

Stupid cockblock piece of poo poo little dipshit rear end in a top hat, fuckiní snuggly cutie-pie piece of trash rat dog just lemme get laid!

Just be like my dog or my cat! They just chill out and sometimes watch a little before getting bored.

I was having some really good sex and a cat comes in and lets out a huuuuuge MRRRREEEEOOOOOWWWWW. Yeah that killed the mood. Though one time I ruined the mood by reaching over the guy and petting my tiny adorable cat (runt of the littler) and I guess both of us ruined the mood. Here's the little adorable bastard stealing Chester's spot:

Erisian Automata
May 29, 2002

HELLO I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY VERY STRONG OPINIONS

In the spirit of the season, let's have a holiday helldump, complete with forgiveness for our terrible pets



Odin, you awful gently caress. I know you're part maine coon, so the maine coon sized dumps are to be expected, but the smell. I have smelled the poo poo of a thousand cats at the pet shelter and yours doesn't even smell like poo poo. It's an entirely new class of horrifying odor. And you don't even cover it up you lazy bastard.

But hey, at least you're getting it all in the box now so thanks buddy And your bestie covers it up for you like a weirdo. Which brings us to:



Lasciel, I wish you weren't such a worthless lazy poo poo. All you do is eat, sleep, and torment the other cats when it suits your capricious whims. And stop eating plastic, that's weird you're weird.

I love how you keep purring for like an hour after I stop petting you sweetie.



And little miss new girl on the block Mikasa, complete with terrifying meow and constant demands that the faucet be on for you, aren't you just so, so very special. Lasciel and Odin had a nice little pecking order where Odin did everything lash said, and you've hosed it all up now. You somehow rule the living room, but not the food bowl? Who the gently caress is the alpha here anyway?

Who am I kidding, the screeching is endearing, cutie-pie.

Erisian Automata fucked around with this message at Dec 24, 2018 around 19:24

Werong Bustope
Jan 30, 2013


sweet, perfect cats of mine: im glad you're such good friends but please stop wrestling on the bed next to my face at 3am

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012


We've got this thing licked!



Werong Bustope posted:

sweet, perfect cats of mine: im glad you're such good friends but please stop wrestling on the bed next to my face at 3am

How else are you going to officiate and declare a winner??

Lightning Knight
Feb 24, 2012

AOC, of course, stands for
Alexandria Occasional-Crowtez




Mika you were so cute and pretty when you wanted to sleep in my lap last night.

So why the gently caress did you decide to start crying at 5 AM you little poo poo???

Lightning Knight
Feb 24, 2012

AOC, of course, stands for
Alexandria Occasional-Crowtez




gently caress you!!!

iospace
Apr 20, 2020




Fun Shoe

Lightning Knight posted:



Mika you were so cute and pretty when you wanted to sleep in my lap last night.

So why the gently caress did you decide to start crying at 5 AM you little poo poo???

Cats.

Erisian Automata
May 29, 2002

HELLO I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY VERY STRONG OPINIONS


This. Did you make the mistake of leaving a door shut, anywhere in the house?

Lightning Knight
Feb 24, 2012

AOC, of course, stands for
Alexandria Occasional-Crowtez


Erisian Automata posted:

This. Did you make the mistake of leaving a door shut, anywhere in the house?

No, I didn't! All the doors were open. She did it for several nights in a row.

My parents left and now she doesn't do it anymore so idk whatever the gently caress.

iospace
Apr 20, 2020




Fun Shoe

Lightning Knight posted:

No, I didn't! All the doors were open. She did it for several nights in a row.

My parents left and now she doesn't do it anymore so idk whatever the gently caress.

Kavak
Aug 23, 2009


Our elderly cat has been doing that every single night for months- vet says that old cats get lost easily. How can a cat that's barely self-aware go senile?

Werong Bustope
Jan 30, 2013


Both my cats like to just stand in the hallway and yell at 2am until I call them into my room. The door isn't closed or anything, and they both pop in and out of the bedroom at all other times without issue. For some reason, 2am = invitation required. They're lucky I'm an insomniac.

Lightning Knight
Feb 24, 2012

AOC, of course, stands for
Alexandria Occasional-Crowtez


Werong Bustope posted:

Both my cats like to just stand in the hallway and yell at 2am until I call them into my room. The door isn't closed or anything, and they both pop in and out of the bedroom at all other times without issue. For some reason, 2am = invitation required. They're lucky I'm an insomniac.

Your cats are vampires at 2 am.

sneakyfrog
Mar 16, 2011





Fan of Britches

yeah 2 of our 3 do that.

i usually just yell at them to shut the gently caress up

Lightning Knight
Feb 24, 2012

AOC, of course, stands for
Alexandria Occasional-Crowtez




Mika you little brat, you hide all day and get mad when you arenít allowed to do so. What will you do when we get a second cat? Youíll be so loving owned.

Blue Footed Booby
Oct 4, 2006

got those happy feet




Slippery Tilde

Werong Bustope posted:

Both my cats like to just stand in the hallway and yell at 2am until I call them into my room. The door isn't closed or anything, and they both pop in and out of the bedroom at all other times without issue. For some reason, 2am = invitation required. They're lucky I'm an insomniac.

They maybe did it once, you called them, and now continue the ritual like superstitious gamblers who won big after standing on one foot and whistling or whatever. Wouldn't be the first time someone accidentally trained an animal to do something obnoxious.

Werong Bustope
Jan 30, 2013


Blue Footed Booby posted:

They maybe did it once, you called them, and now continue the ritual like superstitious gamblers who won big after standing on one foot and whistling or whatever. Wouldn't be the first time someone accidentally trained an animal to do something obnoxious.

I will admit, I am 100% complicit in my cats being spoilt little assholes and I have no regrets.

Thumposaurus
Jul 24, 2007



It's official we picked up our guy who had been missing for 2 years the other night.
The people that found him had been feeding him outside for almost a year. They definitely have seen our other missing boy around too so we're going to put up flyers around the neighborhood.
We had pretty much given up on every seeing them again.

He's currently chilling upstairs away from the other cats. He's eaten food drank water and used the litter box.
He just needs a little time to de-stress.

He's so much bigger now! He was only just about 2 when he went missing. Very skinny and long now he looks like a line backer.

E:Whoops wrong thread should have gone in the general cat thread.

To make it relevant:
ET you were missing over 2 years we were worried sick you dumb idiot.

Thumposaurus fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2019 around 22:04

Faerie Fortune
Nov 13, 2004





terra

you are extremely cute, I almost can't believe how adorable you are sometimes. That being said, I'd really appreciate it if you could stop masturbating on my bookshelf, it's weird and makes me uncomfortable, at least wank in your cage like most parrots do so I don't have to see it!

Xenomrph
Dec 9, 2005

AvP Nerd/Fanboy/Shill


So I, uh

I didnít know birds could masturbate.

I guess you learn something new every day.

Mr. Crow
May 22, 2008

Snap City mayor for life


Got a new puppy yesterday and the first thing he does this morning as I sit down to work is try and strangle himself on the only exposed cord he could find

sneakyfrog
Mar 16, 2011





Fan of Britches

uhm i believe you need to picture tax that poo poo pal.

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011



Grimey Drawer

Mr. Crow posted:

Got a new puppy yesterday and the first thing he does this morning as I sit down to work is try and strangle himself on the only exposed cord he could find

Puppies are such a wonderful mix of dumb-as-hell and quick-to-learn smart. I love that moment when they figure out a new trick/command, and then immediately afterward run directly into a wall.

Also thereís a picture tax on puppies. Pay it pal.

Faerie Fortune
Nov 13, 2004



Xenomrph posted:

So I, uh

I didn’t know birds could masturbate.

I guess you learn something new every day.

they can and do, quite a lot! I'm no biologist but I think it's because they're smart enough to realise that it's fun so why wait for mating when you can just do it yourself?

Mr. Crow
May 22, 2008

Snap City mayor for life


Oops!

He's such a goober



Bust Rodd
Oct 21, 2008

Pull up your pants and get to work


We wanted a puppy, not that perfect caramel colored teddy bear! I...wait... awwww

Malachite_Dragon
Mar 31, 2010

Weaving Merry Christmas Magic


Fallen Rib

Aaaaaa he looks so soft

unidef freeman
Sep 18, 2014

by R. Guyovich


Kelly, you gdb, quit taking my food. This is my deli sandwich and if you keep on stealing my food Iím going to leave you at the shelter, the only reason we keep you here is cause of a little girl. A little girl. You donít even have puppies youíre the cause of most of my problems kelly

unidef freeman fucked around with this message at Feb 12, 2019 around 12:29

unidef freeman
Sep 18, 2014

by R. Guyovich


unidef freeman posted:

Kelly, you gdb, quit taking my food. This is my deli sandwich and if you keep on stealing my food Iím going to leave you at the shelter, the only reason we keep you here is cause of a little girl. A little girl. You donít even have puppies youíre the cause of most of my problems kelly


Isnít it bad enough we feed you lamb and beef shanks? Why do you have to steal my food? Iím disabled and itís a pita driving 20 minutes TO GET A loving SANDWICH, kelly. You think sandwiches grow on trees? When you wake up Iím just going to put my hand above your head and pretend youíre worthy of ms kitties place

Kelly is a chihuahua terrier we spent loving 500 on. She is an og, my brother and his friends taught her how to nod her head when we walk by

unidef freeman fucked around with this message at Feb 12, 2019 around 12:30

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AuntBuck
Feb 22, 2003



Scratchmo

This idiot likes to try and sleep my head. Had to take him to the e-vet today.



You better be all right you stupid goddamn cat.


edit: Turned out to be nothing super serious. He is now zooming around banging into walls and doors trying to get his cone of shame off. Goddamn idiot.

AuntBuck fucked around with this message at Mar 4, 2019 around 01:16

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