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grack
Jan 10, 2012

COACH TOTORO SAY REFEREE CAN BANISH WHISTLE TO LAND OF WIND AND GHOSTS!


meriruka posted:

This is why we can't have nice things.



Man, your catte is hosed up.

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small ghost
Jan 30, 2013



One of you vomited in my shoe. I don't know who did it, but I have my suspicions, Marlowe

Malachite_Dragon
Mar 31, 2010

Weaving Merry Christmas Magic


Fallen Rib

Cassandra, I understand you're in heat again and that's on us for still having not gotten you fixed.
This doesn't give you a reason to piss in one of my slippers and take a hefty poo poo in the other.

iospace
Jan 19, 2038




Fun Shoe

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Cassandra, I understand you're in heat again and that's on us for still having not gotten you fixed.
This doesn't give you a reason to piss in one of my slippers and take a hefty poo poo in the other.

Post the offender.

Malachite_Dragon
Mar 31, 2010

Weaving Merry Christmas Magic


Fallen Rib

iospace posted:

Post the offender.


Old pictures from years ago, we no longer have that table or that couch. I'll take newer ones later.

MrYenko
Jun 17, 2012

#2 isn't ALWAYS bad...


Taco you dickhole, it was four thirty in the morning. You donít eat for another four hours. Why do you insist on standing on my face and purring until I annoy you enough to leave? Your sister is asleep, why canít you be asleep?

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

The preceding post has been paid for by the new World order.



MrYenko posted:

Taco you dickhole, it was four thirty in the morning. You donít eat for another four hours. Why do you insist on standing on my face and purring until I annoy you enough to leave? Your sister is asleep, why canít you be asleep?



look at his tie

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.



Illegal Hen

Beemer, Midnight, and/or Gizmo:

Which one of you little assholes pissed on the clean laundry? Now I habe to do it over again which takes twice as long as it should with our piece of poo poo dryer.

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005

Now, in the quantum moment before the closure, when all become one. One moment left. One point of space and time.

I know who you are.

You are destiny.





Toff, there's no good or elegant way to say this, but a person has certain needs, and you staring at me while I'm trying to deal with that is not cool.



And you hopping up to me and purring for cuddles like an idiot while I'm trying to, uh, focus, is certainly not cool. What the gently caress, you little pervert. gently caress off.

Bust Rodd
Oct 21, 2008

TURDS BOD


Lmao my cat always loves to watch and my gf posits that he thinks Iím trying to kill her and heís coaching me on how to finish the job. He always seems so disappointed when she ďwinsĒ and heads to the shower while I pass out.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.


I was giving my partner an old-fashioned one day when I realized that Aleta wasn't just watching, but moving her head up and down as she watched. Like cock Wimbledon.

Also, one time I was having sex with my college boyfriend (who was Russian) when he all of a sudden stopped cold and screamed, "CAT GET OFF MY BUTT!!!" She didn't.

kirbysuperstar
Nov 11, 2012





Billie you loving goober. You can't just act really unwell for two days and immediately act normal when we take you to the vet. And I guess you were eating clumps of clay or compost and got blocked up and that's why you were feeling bad? Idiot!

Bust Rodd
Oct 21, 2008

TURDS BOD




Baxter, I love that my brother and his wife rescued you but every single time you pee in my room, on my clothes and on my bed, I canít help but take it personal.

Sable, please stop trying to goad Baxter into sex. You are supposed to be brother and sister and if my Sister in Law ever caught you loving it would DESTROY her and you are fixed anyway so just stop being a whiny little horn dog. Also please learn to pee in the rain, just because itís a little wet outside doesnít mean I want to have to mop the living room floor.

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.


Grimey Drawer

Bust Rodd posted:



Baxter, I love that my brother and his wife rescued you but every single time you pee in my room, on my clothes and on my bed, I canít help but take it personal.


It is 100% personal

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

The preceding post has been paid for by the new World order.



those are the eyes of a killer

OxySnake
Mar 22, 2007

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.


Dear Schmidt,

You are too god drat smart for your own good.

I know why you want to get into the basement. We are remodeling and there is a part of the floor that is dirt so you like to use it as a new litter box, also you saw a mouse down there once so there must be other mice for you to chase and toy with.

You figured out how to open the basement door, but, that was an easy fix. We just got one of those child covers that go around the knob so when you tried to open it, it would just spin instead. Fast forward 4 months, and after endless hours of hearing the plastic cover bounce around the doorknob, and you acting like were just sitting by the door when I would check on you, you have figured out how to open the basement again in a few minutes.

So I put a shoe rack in front of it with some heavy items on it to stop you from going down there.

Only for me to wake up this morning to see the heavy stuff on the ground, the door slightly ajar, and finally you and Olivia running upstairs when you heard me tink the tab on the cat food.

God. Damnit. Cat.

(He is the Tuxedo)

Bust Rodd
Oct 21, 2008

TURDS BOD


Yeah but they are hugging so obviously you have to go buy them treats and maybe a new catnip mouse and honestly just build them a small pool house and maybe while your at it you should move into the small pool house and give the kitties the big house.

OxySnake
Mar 22, 2007

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.


Thankfully I have already provided them all the toys they could ever want.

Mostly shoelaces to chase and a catnip banana to chase around.

Erisian Automata
May 29, 2002

HELLO I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY VERY STRONG OPINIONS

Jasmine, you're amazing. You're cute as a button, you like giving humans and the other cats little kisses and it's so adorable. We didn't even adopt you, we had a pizza delivered and you walked right in behind the pizza-person, took a poo poo in the litterbox like a lady, ate some kibble and laid down. You clearly owned the place.

Why you're a horrifying monster is a thing that I saw, and another person witnessed. Freyja, the old old kitty who is failing at eyesight and general mental capacity, honed in on the sound of you throwing kibble up because you are a kitten and you do that, and Freyja is old and has opinions about food going to waste. So of course she came a runnin'.

You threw up right on Freyja's eyebrows and the slurry dripped over/in her eyes and dribbled off her chin. In her confusion she just kept lickin'

Monster:

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003


Yams Fan

OxySnake posted:

Dear Schmidt,

You are too god drat smart for your own good.

I know why you want to get into the basement. We are remodeling and there is a part of the floor that is dirt so you like to use it as a new litter box, also you saw a mouse down there once so there must be other mice for you to chase and toy with.

You figured out how to open the basement door, but, that was an easy fix. We just got one of those child covers that go around the knob so when you tried to open it, it would just spin instead. Fast forward 4 months, and after endless hours of hearing the plastic cover bounce around the doorknob, and you acting like were just sitting by the door when I would check on you, you have figured out how to open the basement again in a few minutes.

So I put a shoe rack in front of it with some heavy items on it to stop you from going down there.

Only for me to wake up this morning to see the heavy stuff on the ground, the door slightly ajar, and finally you and Olivia running upstairs when you heard me tink the tab on the cat food.

God. Damnit. Cat.

(He is the Tuxedo)



Surely he hasn't figured out how to pick locks yet

Kierena
Oct 15, 2010


Wednesday you little poo poo, please PLEASE stop trying to climb in my arms while Iím working on important stuff. I know you want attention, but I need to pay bills! I get your a lovey boy but I want to be able to have internet...

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005

Now, in the quantum moment before the closure, when all become one. One moment left. One point of space and time.

I know who you are.

You are destiny.





Toff, stop trying to bimbofy me. I'm not gonna stop reading books just because you plant your fat rear end on my kindle. Stop being a loving jock, Toff.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



Phoebe, two things:



1. My roommate sewed you this wonderful bed. Please quit sleeping directly next to it. You are not a cat. I do not understand this.



2. Your anti-depressants are necessary you sweet old bean, but please quit having freak-outs in the middle of the night and waking me up.

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .


Doctor Rope

OxySnake posted:

Dear Schmidt,
[terrible things]

God. Damnit. Cat.

(He is the Tuxedo)



As a tuxedo owner, of course he's the tuxedo.

iospace
Jan 19, 2038




Fun Shoe

YeahTubaMike posted:

As a tuxedo owner, of course he's the tuxedo.

You need to share now.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.


iospace posted:

You need to share now.

Aleta is a tuxedo and she eats her wet food by delicately scooping it into her palm and then trying to lick it off. We call her FISTFULS O' BEEF.

e: I have it on video but my voice sounds like a scary monster because I was sick, so I'm shyyy

Bust Rodd
Oct 21, 2008

TURDS BOD


Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Aleta is a tuxedo and she eats her wet food by delicately scooping it into her palm and then trying to lick it off. We call her FISTFULS O' BEEF.

e: I have it on video but my voice sounds like a scary monster because I was sick, so I'm shyyy
Itís ok we only want to judge the cat

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003


Yams Fan

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Aleta is a tuxedo and she eats her wet food by delicately scooping it into her palm and then trying to lick it off. We call her FISTFULS O' BEEF.

e: I have it on video but my voice sounds like a scary monster because I was sick, so I'm shyyy



My cat does this sometimes, with the added bonus of flinging it everywhere when she's done with a particular scoop, then repeats until she's done eating. This makes the wall look like there's some kind of garbage disposal eating cat food.

She is also a Tuxedo.

ChickenWing
Jul 22, 2010



Fun Shoe

Flynn you dumbass I know you got taken from your mom way too early but jesus christ you should have learned to chew by now. I know the new wet food is fun and exciting but by god if you just lick it you'll still be here tomorrow.

small ghost
Jan 30, 2013



ChickenWing posted:

Flynn you dumbass I know you got taken from your mom way too early but jesus christ you should have learned to chew by now. I know the new wet food is fun and exciting but by god if you just lick it you'll still be here tomorrow.

If you find out how to convince a cat not to just aggressively lick wet food into submission, please let me know. I know my cat can chew, he cronches his dental food with great enjoyment, but wet food apparently can only be consumed by erosion.

Yes he is a tux, in keeping with recent thread theme.

Bust Rodd
Oct 21, 2008

TURDS BOD


Everyone who brags about having a Tux without posting the socks and the mittens is drat war criminal, Iím for real

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003


Yams Fan

small ghost posted:

If you find out how to convince a cat not to just aggressively lick wet food into submission, please let me know. I know my cat can chew, he cronches his dental food with great enjoyment, but wet food apparently can only be consumed by erosion.

Yes he is a tux, in keeping with recent thread theme.

My roommate taught me that you gotta fluff that shut up with a fork. Smash it up, stirr it up, and basically just make it not a broken hockey puck of cat food.

Bust Rodd posted:

Everyone who brags about having a Tux without posting the socks and the mittens is drat war criminal, I’m for real

zakharov
Nov 30, 2002

Tater Love


Here's a meme about my idiot orange cat

small ghost
Jan 30, 2013



Bust Rodd posted:

Everyone who brags about having a Tux without posting the socks and the mittens is drat war criminal, Iím for real

well if you insist











Check my post history in this thread for more of this rear end in a top hat mugging for the camera.

(One Momo so he doesn't feel left out)

small ghost fucked around with this message at 18:56 on Jan 17, 2020

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005

Now, in the quantum moment before the closure, when all become one. One moment left. One point of space and time.

I know who you are.

You are destiny.





Toff is just a fat tux idiot who doesn't eat up her wet food and leaves tiny bits behind that harden into kernels. That is unless Inex, a slim panther idiot, doesn't encroach and steal her food.

Black Griffon fucked around with this message at 18:36 on Jan 17, 2020

small ghost
Jan 30, 2013



Iron Crowned posted:

My roommate taught me that you gotta fluff that shut up with a fork. Smash it up, stirr it up, and basically just make it not a broken hockey puck of cat food.

I'm the level of weird about my pets where the spoilt fuckers get thrive, which is shredded whole meat in soup instead of pate or reconstituted, and Macready still insists on licking it to death. This has the charming side effect of flinging a halo of shredded chicken/tuna about a foot from ground zero every dinner time.

My other cat is a sweet perfect angel in every way up to and including eating with dainty neatness and I keep telling Macready to take notes because he'll make a very nice pillowcase if he's not careful.

ChickenWing
Jul 22, 2010



Fun Shoe

In this case it's my chonky tabby that's the dummy. My prim princess tuxedo is very neat and tidy about literally everything in her life, to the point that she will go in the litterbox and clean up if Flynn has made too much of a mess.

Pictured: Ana (top), Flynn (bottom)

MrYenko
Jun 17, 2012

#2 isn't ALWAYS bad...


Tacocat, your sister is not a chair. There are dozens of places to sit within six feet of you.

Fabulousity
Dec 29, 2008

= (Displacement through a hetero medium) / Time


Nap Ghost

Sylvester, I love you bro but what the gently caress is with being skiddish and jumpy in general but when two humans decide to have carnal relations you suddenly need to be on the bed and attacking perceived phantoms moving under the sheets? Normally a light fart from someone in the living room will put you on edge but NOW under THESE CONDITIONS you are suddenly the loving PREDATOR and AHNOLD is under those sheets and you are gonna make that Bavarian flesh GET TO DA CHOPPA right now!

And before anyone asks, yes the cat in question is a tuxedo cat.

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Axqu
Nov 28, 2016


Nyla Rose, you incorrigible fat gently caress of an amphibian, what the gently caress is your problem lately? Dubia roaches are a good healthy food that's easy to digest and low in chitin and YOU LIKE THEM. You'll eat them coated in calcium, multivitamin, whatever, you've NEVER given a poo poo until TODAY. I fill your bowl with the last of the Dubia roaches I found after the move, knowing you've eaten crickets since then since my grandma won't allow roaches on her property... 3 days you go on this sudden hunger strike where you don't eat a drat thing. I only feed you twice a week. It's not like you to skip a meal. Then, less than an HOUR after I give up and put crickets in your bowl, you eat everything in there. Dubia roaches and all. The gently caress is your deal, toad? What is going on in that pea brain of yours? I want you back on Dubias as soon as our rental property is ready but I can already tell you're gonna make that loving difficult. Oh well. At least you're in no danger of starving considering you're between growth spurts and I've probably been overfeeding you. loving toad. You're lucky you're charming and you have a noble looking face.



Axqu fucked around with this message at 21:48 on Jan 20, 2020

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