Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«31 »
  • Post
  • Reply
ScamWhaleHolyGrail
Dec 24, 2009




Hambone, I know you want attention at all times ever, and I appreciate your commitment to being in the way. You need to stop changing my monitor settings with your butt, though. Also, please stop laying on the keyboard's "volume up" button.

I am now blind and deaf.

Edit: Look at your dumb loving face. You're so proud of yourself.

ScamWhaleHolyGrail fucked around with this message at Aug 14, 2015 around 03:39

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

JohnnyCanuck
May 28, 2004

Strong And/Or Free


Your cat is two cats. Tell it to stop that.

Pile of Kittens
Apr 23, 2005

Why does everything STILL smell like pussy?



Chicken in Black posted:

Bird, please stop hopping onto my laptop in order to poo poo on the keys. Also please stop trying to rip the keys off, you little bastard.

give me my shift key back

also please could you not look so loving pleased with yourself about it?

Fenrir
Apr 26, 2005

We will fight them to the last. And we will defend those that cannot defend themselves. Today we fight, brothers and sisters. Today we stand up and never, ever relent. Brothers and sisters -- prepare yourselves. Today we go to WAR!


Lipstick Apathy

Ok seriously, you little bastard, STOP eating the cat food. You have your own food! Go eat out of your own motherfucking bowl, it's not even that different! Jesus christ, this is the third time in the last week I've seen you try to shoulder the cat out of the way while he's eating and take his food away. Keep this up and I'm going to start throwing you out of the house when I feed the cat.

Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.




Lucy:

I don't know why you're so obsessed with eating the leaves from the eggplant in the garden, but STAHP. There's a reason why humans don't eat them.

Seriously, I have a bunch of actual nutritious, tasty, non-toxic stuff like tomatoes and lettuce and squash and actual eggplants growing back there and you go for the one thing (well, apart from the tomato leaves) that turns you into a sad, lethargic lump every time you eat a piece. Are you getting high off it?

(I've got some barriers set up around the eggplant now)

Talkc
Aug 2, 2010

Mizuki! Mizuki! Mizuki!
***DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME***

Gathers, next time you lay down in front of me in the bathroom hallway and trip me when i really need to pee, you have two options:

Get stepped on

Get peed on

Your move dumb cat.

Digital-Smoke
Feb 13, 2013


Duke you are a Buzzkill. when I'm high listening to music I don't want you jumping in my face and trying to lick it. especially after I've seen you pick up and eat a 3 week old piece of roadkill. gently caress off duke if you weren't such a cute redbone coonhound you'd all ready be at the pound

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien


Digital-Smoke posted:

Duke you are a Buzzkill. when I'm high listening to music I don't want you jumping in my face and trying to lick it. especially after I've seen you pick up and eat a 3 week old piece of roadkill. gently caress off duke if you weren't such a cute redbone coonhound you'd all ready be at the pound

Pics

sneakyfrog
Mar 16, 2011





Fan of Britches

Hey. Dog who doesn't have a name yet! Tell your previous owner that if I catch his tiny penis bro truck driving rear end throwing another dog out of the window of a moving vehicle, I might actually do something drastic.

Malachite_Dragon
Mar 31, 2010

Weaving Merry Christmas Magic


Fallen Rib

Name him Ben. He looks like a Ben.

Tux, stop trying to push the blanket out from behind my monitor. It's for you to lay on, you little assbag.

Flaccid Trip
Apr 29, 2008



I work with dogs now, and some dog breeds need helldumping.

Mastiff: HELLO, I AM LAP DOG
Shetland Sheepdog: Let me sing you the song of my people: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
Akita/Sibe/Any spitz, really: KING poo poo OF gently caress MOUNTAIN
Beagle: I will eat all of the poo poo. I hover around the other dogs like a goddamned turd vulture :D
Yellow lab: rear end in a top hat
Black lab: Chill as hell
Weimaraner: Crackheads of the dog world
German Shepherd: THE FUN POLICE YOU CANNOT HAVE FUN NO NO NO >:(
French Bulldog/Boston Terrier snortsnortsnortfartsnortfartfartsnort

Just Offscreen
Jun 29, 2006



SneakyFrog posted:

Hey. Dog who doesn't have a name yet! Tell your previous owner that if I catch his tiny penis bro truck driving rear end throwing another dog out of the window of a moving vehicle, I might actually do something drastic.




Yeah that's totally a Ben.


Guys.

For five minutes.

For five loving minutes.

Stop fighting for the love of Christ.

sneakyfrog
Mar 16, 2011





Fan of Britches

Its a girl dog..

There is already a Ben, and my suggestion of "Cat" is not flying well with the girlfriend.

Still trying to figure out the breed. Know there is definitely pit in there but she is huge. She weighs about 26 pounds and is about 30 inches long. Still has milk teeth and puppy breath

I'm going to go broke feeding this monster.

sneakyfrog fucked around with this message at Aug 31, 2015 around 13:24

Arriviste
Sep 10, 2010

Gather. Grok. Create.




Now pick up what you can
and run.


SneakyFrog posted:

Hey. Dog who doesn't have a name yet! Tell your previous owner that if I catch his tiny penis bro truck driving rear end throwing another dog out of the window of a moving vehicle, I might actually do something drastic.



Quick translation search for the noun "stripe" in Hindi yielded "Dhaari" or "Dhari."

moonsour
Feb 13, 2007

Ortowned


Arriviste posted:

Quick translation search for the noun "stripe" in Hindi yielded "Dhaari" or "Dhari."

Daria!

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien


Drum posted:

I work with dogs now, and some dog breeds need helldumping.


German Shepherd: THE FUN POLICE YOU CANNOT HAVE FUN NO NO NO >


Oh yeah, the little gsd girl in paxs puppy class would actively try to break up any puppy play or rough housing

kitten
Feb 6, 2003


Drum posted:

Mastiff: HELLO, I AM LAP DOG

If you have no lap, I must lean on you!

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011


kitten posted:

If you have no lap, I must lean on you!
Is this like a big dog thing, because I knew a great dane who does this.

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012


We've got this thing licked!



FactsAreUseless posted:

Is this like a big dog thing, because I knew a great dane who does this.

Yeah I knew a guy who had a pair of great danes that would just come up and lean against you for petting. If you were by a wall then, whelp, you were trapped until sufficient petting was given.

grack
Jan 10, 2012

COACH TOTORO SAY REFEREE CAN BANISH WHISTLE TO LAND OF WIND AND GHOSTS!


(Posting on behalf of a friend)

Hello Stubs. You are a very cute and affectionate doberman, and we let you get away with a lot. We even don't mind you sitting on people because it's kind of funny.

That said, we have to draw a line somewhere and this is it: Please stop trying to follow people in to the bathroom. They do not need your supervision or require your help to use the toilet. Frankly it's creepy as gently caress to try and go with a dog staring at you from three feet away. Waiting outside the locked door and whining and scratching to be let in is right out as well.

And for the love of all things holy STOP DOING IT TO HOUSEGUESTS.

Flaccid Trip
Apr 29, 2008



Oh yes, the Big Dog Lean. Try to move away and they lean harder. Or they go between your legs so your only options are shuffling backward or attempting to step over them, but they're just going to keep moving with you in the endless dance. You are trapped, and now you have drool going down your legs.

sneakyfrog
Mar 16, 2011





Fan of Britches

Drum posted:

Oh yes, the Big Dog Lean. Try to move away and they lean harder. Or they go between your legs so your only options are shuffling backward or attempting to step over them, but they're just going to keep moving with you in the endless dance. You are trapped, and now you have drool going down your legs.
Its even better when you are relatively small.

You are literally a big dog plaything.

I get to dogsit a St Bernard this weekend.

JohnnyCanuck
May 28, 2004

Strong And/Or Free


You mean you get to be dogsat by a St. Bernard this weekend.

sneakyfrog
Mar 16, 2011





Fan of Britches

More like sat upon. It weighs over 30 pounds more than I.. big dogs are the best

Tamarillo
Aug 6, 2009


Hi Sterling. I missed you when I went away too. I put my bag on the floor to give you hugs because you were so EXCITED TO SEE ME. What a lovely homecoming, I thought to myself.

Then I went out of the room for 5min and came back to you eating an extremely expensive leather glove you helped yourself to out of my bag. No leather specialist in the city does glove repairs.

Thanks, fucker.

Bomrek
Oct 9, 2012


Yo Patrick you can hang out in my room once you stop pissing everywhere. Until then you can just shut up all the complaining, i don't care how you feel nothing in my room needs a new pee-coating.

You are only pissing everywhere because Roommate hosed up your food but I still don't want to hear it. And stop clawing my butt when I sit down you stinky gently caress!

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien


Please stop herding children

Digirat
Sep 14, 2011



Taco Defender

You look like a dumbass, which is fitting because you are a dumbass.



Remember when you got a bath and how much you hated it? Why are you back in the sink of your own free will?







HOLY poo poo BUBBLES

Ferremit
Sep 14, 2007
if I haven't posted about MY LANDCRUISER yet, check my bullbars for kangaroo prints

Isaac, your in the cage because you forgot how to cat and broke your leg jumping off a desk, not because I'm punishing you, so SHUT THE gently caress UP WITH THE PITIFUL MEOWS!

You know what, screw it, I'm going to play mad max with headphones on and ignore your poo poo today.

Triangulum
Oct 3, 2007

by Lowtax


dear dogs,
two cats in one week is an excessively high body count, don't you think?

Canned Ham Radio
Feb 4, 2009

Long range, Mobile,
And Delicious!


Pillbug

Azrael,
You too were on death row when I adopted you. We only met because I had an hour to kill before I could get my hair cut.
The "adoption tech" at Petsmart told me about how you had been adopted twice and were going to be put down in a few days as a
lost cause. They said you were shy and had issues around other animals.. That you were antisocial.. I wasn't looking for a cat..


You are sweet and VERY needy..
But I do not need to wake up to this EVERY morning 20 minutes before my alarm goes off..


And though I have fun chasing you around the house, deciding to attack me at 0300 while I am staggering to the bathroom to pee
was a bad idea.. I like to think we both learned something about ourselves that morning..

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien


Variety is the spice of life. Stupid dogs are the spice of rabies shots.

Tasty_Crayon
Jul 29, 2006
Same story, different version.



LOLA, I let you scream your own name into my ear, the least you can do is let me pet you, you loving jellybean

AtomikKrab
Jul 17, 2010

Keep on GOP rolling rolling rolling rolling.


Tasty_Crayon posted:

LOLA, I let you scream your own name into my ear, the least you can do is let me pet you, you loving jellybean



That bird is the very essence of smugderp.

Hitlers Gay Secret
Mar 7, 2010

The Third Reich's under new -- and better -- management.

Hasn't word reached Camp Pendleton yet?


College Slice

Dear porchcat,

I'm glad you decided to pick our front porch as your home away from home, but could you please stop meowing at the front door every morning? You aren't coming in.

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien


Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Dear porchcat,

I'm glad you decided to pick our front porch as your home away from home, but could you please stop meowing at the front door every morning? You aren't coming in.

let him in

Blackchamber
Jan 25, 2005

Don't call me, I'll call you.


Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Dear porchcat,

I'm glad you decided to pick our front porch as your home away from home, but could you please stop meowing at the front door every morning? You aren't coming in.

Did you just helldump yourself? Let him in. He's probably some old cat that was abandoned and he just wants to come in and pretend for one day that he has a family that loves him like he remembers before he spends another cold night on the street and freezes to death.

Ferremit
Sep 14, 2007
if I haven't posted about MY LANDCRUISER yet, check my bullbars for kangaroo prints

Isaac, can you PLEASE stop stepping in your own poop in the cage? We dont like you being in there, you dont like being in there, but its two more weeks and im sure you dont like the foot scrubbings as much as i dont like the foot scrubbings!

sneakyfrog
Mar 16, 2011





Fan of Britches


My house apparently has a sign "throw animals here"

but for serials

let him in.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

AtomikKrab
Jul 17, 2010

Keep on GOP rolling rolling rolling rolling.


Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Dear porchcat,

I'm glad you decided to pick our front porch as your home away from home, but could you please stop meowing at the front door every morning? You aren't coming in.

You should let him in.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply
«31 »