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Lillie, stop being a loving oval office and scratching me if I look at you the wrong way or deviate a quarter inch from petting you along your spine. Quiggs, stop loving jumping on my lap when I eat Chinese begging for curry chicken; your nasty diarrhea is bad enough, even worse when I see you licking it, you sick gently caress. Todd, stop going into my mother-in-law's room to poo poo in her cats' litterbox. You have a perfectly good, JUST CLEANED one available. You orange gently caress. And ALL of you, stop swarming the goddamn kitchen the second I get home waiting for your wet food! You have expensive-rear end premium chicken chunks sitting right the gently caress there next to your water bowl. Fucks.
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Sep 26, 2016 18:31
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ElectricSheep posted:My rear end in a top hat dog has probably cost me nearly $10k in 3 and a half months of ownership between a surgery, food allergies, and a bad reaction to medication, so have a picture of him mid-sneeze. gently caress is wrong with him; is he a greyhound or a horror story? Quiggs, STOP loving getting under my feet. Want to know why your tail and paws are getting stepped on? It's because you have a death wish for me, you twiggy rear end in a top hat. And stop making GBS threads in our bedroom and pissing and making GBS threads in the garage, you sick old gently caress. [Jokes aside, he IS getting old and probably will have to be put to sleep soon so he doesn't suffer as he dies slowly.  ]
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Sep 28, 2016 14:37
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Kai, stop loving oinking every time you hear Mimi chittering. You already knocked her up and you're 3 times her size; more boom boom will kill her and the babies. And speaking of Mimi, eat your drat veggies. We have all these treats and you only want cucumbers. Fuckin' pig. I swear to Christ, Lillie, if you wake me and my daughter up again by scratching my loving bed just so I'll get up so you can run in my mother-in-law's room to poo poo, I'll drop-kick you into next year. ESPECIALLY when there's one readily available for you to poo poo in in the living room. Feline Ownership Identity Disorder is a real thing; Lillie thinks she's our fuckin' cat. Eats our food, drinks our water, spends her day out with us...but she's my mother-in-law's, so she shits in her litterbox.
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Oct 3, 2016 14:01
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Lillie. You're cute and you're sweet, yes. But you're also lazy, fat, loud as gently caress, and a bitch. I can't loving hear the TV at night when you're sitting there kneading and licking my blanket right next to me, purring in my ear like a drat buzzsaw. Enough, ENOUGH with the goddamn in-and-out from your mother's room (my wife and I are not your loving owners, get over the ownership identity crisis), because every time you scratch, you ruin the carpet even more. It's already 2 inches back from the door all the way across, tacking exposed, bits of carpet flying under the door from the AC, and then the baby tries to eat them. loving STOP. Kai. You look stupid as gently caress when you sit there weeping with your mouth big enough to drive a car into. You're also loud as gently caress and I especially can't hear the TV over WEEP WEEP WEEP just because there's a female piggers 3 feet away from your cage or because you heard the wipes crinkle. Crinkles does not mean treats, you fat stinky pig. EDIT: Quiggs you eat the same food as everyone else why is your poo poo rancid diarrhea I'd rather stick my face in the litterbox after the other three cats use it than watch you poo poo with your head out of the hole, lick the poo poo, and run away from your own stench why fuckhead why And stop batting at the loving guinea pigs! Kai wants to do nothing but love you, he tries to talk to you when you're nearby and he always goes toward you when you meow. He cares, you shitlicking dicklick! D34THROW fucked around with this message at 18:21 on Oct 13, 2016 |
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Oct 13, 2016 15:11
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Kavak posted:Monique learn to bury your poo poo and Ruby learn to tolerate brushes, your fur is knotting up like mad. Daisy, when she was alive, was loving obese and couldn't lick a gigantic patch on her back to clean it, so it was always matted and she had one particular mat that stuck up like a cowlick. We had to scruff her and ply her with treats to get the Furminator through it. I miss you, doobug 
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Oct 14, 2016 14:02
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 You stinky gently caress, my side is not the place for your nasty rear end; I've smelled what comes out of that. I love you, but gently caress off.  What the gently caress is your obsession with the garage? You both sit out there for hours on end for no reason other than to sit out there.
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Oct 20, 2016 13:09
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Thin Privilege posted:I can hear the MEEEEWWR of the left one. That's exactly how he loving meows and I mock him in an equally kittenish "raowr!" because he thinks he's a loving lion. He doesn't bury his diarrhea either. EDIT: Just got reminded. The wife and I used to keep the door open so the cats could come in and out because they like to lay with us at night. We just got a new bed and bed frame...can't keep the door open anymore. Used to be Quiggs would only scratch if he needed something, but now his annoying rear end lays under the bed and scratches just to loving scratch something, which is loud and wakes our daughter up. Fuckhead. D34THROW fucked around with this message at 16:43 on Oct 25, 2016 |
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Oct 25, 2016 14:10
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Markoff Chaney posted:Mister, that *is* for you, but not like that you dumb poo poo. And you are about 70% as heavy as that box of litter and if it breaks you are going to be dinner. Did the fluffy rear end in a top hat really void in there or please tell me he's just sitting I was holding Mimi (the girl piggy) the other night, then got Kai out. He bit a hole in my brand-new loving Fallout shirt and broke the skin because she must have pissed on Vault Boy's face or something. loving fat nugget rear end in a top hat.
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Dec 14, 2016 18:39
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Goddammit, Princess, I know your previous owner abandoned you and my wife rescued you from the Humane Society and you're an old lady at 8 years old, but for gently caress'S sake will you please stop waking my pregnant wife up for pets and love in the middle of the night. It's not like you even need anything, you're just sitting on her chest meowing at her and petting her face until she wakes up to love on you.
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Jan 12, 2017 14:38
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Princess, stop loving stalking my wife. Every time I go in there while my wife's asleep, this loving cat is practically wrapped around her face, paws and all. Zuba, I know you're a rabbit. And new. And marking territory, probably. But stop loving pissing on the couch, you little poo poo. You have a litterbox for that.
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Jan 30, 2017 14:38
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You little lagomorph poo poo, I hope you loving enjoyed your area rug snack. $40 area rug now has a nickel-sized hole in the loving middle because that little loving rabbit broke out of her cage and had a snack.
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Feb 13, 2017 16:57
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Lillie. You are like three times Perdy's size. Just because she's in the catcube doesn't mean it's an open invitation to attack her. I've seen playfighting, you had your fuckin' claws out. You're like 5 times her age, gently caress off.
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Feb 22, 2017 22:43
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Avery, you little half-lopped motherfucker. Don't you EVER scare me like that again. I closed your cage because we were going to have the front door open to bring in a new table, and when I sit down after bringing it in, your cage is open and I can't find you. I went outside with a drat flashlight and tore the house apart, even looked under the couch. Started panicking until I looked under the couch again after hearing scrabbling and there's his squishy brown rear end wiggling between toys stuck under the couch. You adorable fuckhead. 
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Mar 2, 2017 14:28
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Dirt Road Junglist posted:
He reminds me of my Bootsy! He likes to walk across my keyboard and headbutt my face while I type. Princess, stop loving sleeping 2 inches from my wife's face. She can't breathe and it's weird when I wake up and my cat is petting my wife.
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Feb 20, 2020 15:29
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Dear Boots the Younger, My favorite Christmas present is not a snack grower for you. You do not need to eat the chia sprouts off of Bob Ross's prodigious clay 'fro. Nor do you need to sip the water from his tray when you have a perfectly functional Catit fountain with running water less than six feet away. Get your grubby shitbox paws off my counter and your tongue off of Bob. Sincerely, Dad
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Jan 14, 2022 15:05
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iospace posted:Post the offender The reason ChiaBob is now outside, purring up a loving storm as he shoves his face into mine. 
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Jan 17, 2022 21:39
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ohnobugs posted:This motherfucker decided to chase one of my other cats while he was in the middle of using the litterbox and left a huge pile of poo poo on the floor. "I scared the poo poo out of him. Mission succeeded."
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Mar 9, 2022 15:27
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I love kittens, Bootsy is a good girl 
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Apr 28, 2022 12:43
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| # ¿ Apr 26, 2024 08:21 |
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Love when my wife comes back from the bath to a fresh turd on the bed (thanks, Princess) and she and I are snuggling later and the mood is ruined by 2 cats chainbombing the room box 
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May 13, 2022 12:35
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