metasynthetic posted:

starbound is like the girl you thought was out of your league but you manage to land her, but she gains a little weight and at first youre like, its ok, shes still hot enough and anyway i like her for her personality, only not only does she keep getting fatter but it turns out she cant hold a real job and keeps rotating cashier jobs an dyou realize that shes actually pretty dumb, but hey you know shes your girl and youre a loyal guy and then you find out shes also cheating on you and you find out she was sucking some other dudes dick when she would never do that for you but by now shes had yoour baby and youre either going through a messy custody battle, or you just accept the situation like a little bitch because you hope one day, one day, she'll lose the weight and come to her senses and be the girl of your dreams again. but deep in your heart you know that will never happen

thats the Starbound Experience

Powercrazy posted:

Saudi Arabia is probably the only country in the world that is worse in all ways then the US.

Mr. Pumroy posted:

instead of a suicide hotline phone at the golden gate bridge, it's a sign that says "have you tried working out, idiot?"

DreadLlama posted:

I remember that place. It's got some crazy weird poo poo. I had to visit the embassy because of work. It was very asian.



I liked the open public spaces and general roundness of things. These people are not fond of straight lines.



Another thing that struck me was that - for an island nation, there sure was a lot of water!



Also there were these little yellow ladders that didn't go anywhere.

I thought maybe they were so you could go for a swim but nobody else was in the water.


If you walk around for a bit the ledges get kind of narrow.


Looking back you can see their fondness for round architechture.


You'd think that after going over a narrow ledge, you'd find some good loot or at least a health potion. I checked out this cave, but there wasn't anything interesting:


There was some green slime. But not only did I not get super powers, it didn't even taste very good.


Further along the path I thought I spotted some good loot,

but it was just some old books and things. Not even a cheese wheel:


After that, the path just trails off into the water. Maybe the devs plan to put something here later. I'll keep my eye on it in future expansions:



Back topside I found some guys house, didn't even need lockpicking to get inside. But he didn't have any loot.


There's not much of interest laying around for grabs, but I like the art direction with regards to place names:

Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, then it's a post in the schadenfreude thread.

Cyrano4747 posted:

And now, having spent my morning coffee contemplating the logistics of blowjobs from infants, I'm going to go do anything else for the rest of the day and try to forget I ever sat down to think this through.

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

im permabanned poster fendigurl58. i first started reading instagram when i was about 12. by 14 i got really obsessed with the concept of “fierce” and tried to channel it constantly, until my thought process got really bizarre and i would repeat things like “if you can't love me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best” and “don't talk to me until I've had my chai tea latte” in my head for hours, and i would get really paranoid, start seeing things in the corners of my eyes etc, basically prodromal schizophrenia. im now on antipsychotics. i always wondered what the kind of “fierce” style of instagram humor was all about; i think it’s the unconscious leaking in to the conscious, what jungian theory considered to be the cause of schizophrenic and schizotypal syptoms. i would advise all people who “get” instagram to be careful because that likely means you have a predisposition to a mental illness. peace.

Heresiarch posted:

i still feel like a small child literally all the time

why are all these adults treating me like i was one of them, clearly i'm just wearing my dad's clothes and they will figure this out any day now

Dr. Honked posted:

i'm 50 years old and i have always felt like this. it becomes hilarious and empowering if you let it

once you realise how other people see you, and how different this is from how you see yourself, and you can make this work for you, you can walk away with all the lego

you are not a tiny child in your dad's clothes. you are a tiny child in a big man's clothes. these are YOUR clothes. YOU are actually the big man - you became that way and you never noticed.

enjoy

Heresiarch posted:

i'm turning 42 this year and i have never been able to "make it work for me", probably because of the host of other issues i have, but i'm glad other people have managed

Sheng-ji Yang posted:

*gets deported every other friday night but somehow is back at work by monday*

The Real Foogla posted:

Grem posted:

So once you swipe left in Tinder there's no chance someone will see you, right? Annnd if I saw them first they'll never see me if I swipe left?

Asking cause I saw my wife lol.

E: we're separated but I'd rather her not know

fool_of_sound posted:

im ust worried that someday my uncle or something will say to me 'have you ever heard of the something awful forums' and then i will die

numberoneposter posted:

i got in trouble for saying "BLACK PAINT" the other day, can you beleive it?

i had to rephrase and say "AFRICAN AMERICAN, PLEASE PAINT"

Volume posted:

CobiWann posted:

Does anyone have the "end of the world report" from the National Weather Center about one of the major hurricanes? I think it was Isaac or Ivan, but it ended with "IVAN IS HERE, IVAN IS HERE, IVAN IS HE

I think it was goon wrote...

quote:

HURRICANE IKE FINAL ADVISORY NUMBER 666
NWS TPC/NATIONAL HURRICANE CENTER MIAMI FL
0200 AM SUN SEP 14 2008

A MASSIVE HURRICANE, NEY, A TITANIC BLACK MASS OF DESTRUCTION, BORN OF THE COLD, EVIL WOMB OF MOTHER NATURE, WILL RENDER MUCH OF COASTAL AND INLAND TEXAS A BARREN WASTELAND. IKE IS COMING.

SUCH IS THE POWER OF THIS STORM, IF INDEED, ANYTHING DISPENSING THIS AMOUNT OF HUMAN SUFFERING CAN BE CALLED A STORM.

THE STORM SURGE, ONCE PREDICTED AT 17 FEET, WILL NOW REACH UNHEARD OF HEIGHTS. IF WILL BE AS IF THE OCEAN ITSELF HAS VACATED IT'S VAST PRISON, SHAKING LOOSE HER CHAINS, AND LAYING ITSELF PRONE ATOP THE CITIES OF MAN. THE LAST VESTIGES OF IT'S BONDAGE SINKING ALL THAT LIES IN IT'S PATH.

ALL STRUCTURES WITHING A 100 MILE RADIUS WILL SUFFER DEVASTATING EFFECTS. WOOD WILL SPLINTER, CONCRETE WILL BECOME DUST. THE FOUNDATIONS WILL BE THE STARK REMNANTS OF HUMAN EXISTENCE IN THESE AREAS. TREES WILL BECOME UPROOTED AND CARRIED MILES BY WINDS THAT WILL BLAST THE VERY SKIN FROM ANYONE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO REMAIN OUTSIDE. BUT THEY WILL BE THE LUCKY ONES...THE FIRST TO DIE. FOR A MUCH GREATER MISERY AWAITS THOSE THAT SURVIVE.

AMIDST THIS MIRE OF CARNAGE, THE FEW SURVIVORS WILL WALLOW IN A SOUP OF DEATH AND DESPAIR, AS THEY FACE GRIM ODDS. FEW STRUCTURES WILL EXIST, AND FOOD AND WATER WILL BE MORE PRECIOUS THAN GOLD. AS CORPSES OF HUMANS AND ANIMALS ROT, DYSENTERY AND MALARIA WILL BEGIN THEIR MACABRE DANCE AMONG THOSE REMAINING AND MANY WILL BE FORCED TO CONSUME ONE ANOTHER TO LIVE ONE FINAL DAY.

ENTIRE GENERATIONS WILL PERISH, AND THE HURRICANE WILL CREEP INTO LEGEND. IT WILL BE A SIN TO EVEN CALL ITS NAME ALOUD, THE VERY EXISTENCE OF THIS EVENT BEING SPOKEN OF IN HUSHED TONES, AND REVERED BY THOSE WHO SEE IT AS JUDGMENT. IKE IS HERE. IKE IS HERE. IKE IS HERE. IKE IS HERE. IKE IS H

radiums enemy posted:

It's cool that most of this job is just guessing what's wrong and telling you why I'm probably not going to be able to fix it

TVarmy posted:

sovereign citizens are doing this all wrong. the judge is all well and good, but you should really be focusing on the stenographer. they write the record, and if you get to them, you could rewrite the entire verdict and sentencing. chances are, they aren't trained to properly escape strings, and might not even know what unicode is. use this to your advantage!

make sure you say stuff like "backslash carriage return judge says not guilty everyone go home." if you're really clever, you could do an sql injection on the us lawbooks, and i suspect it's only a matter of time until someone sends the right statement to drop all but the first 10 amendments from the constitution, just as washington intended.

Whatev posted:

Beatbox to young people means that pfoo puh-cha pfoo pfoo puh-cha rhythm thing you do with your mouth and hands.

You know, eating pussy.

Frogisis posted:

This is really old but it pops into my head every once in a while --

There was this goon who would post weird, rambling sex boasts in character as the Men's Warehouse guy, with poo poo like "I'll bend you over the movie theater seats and gently caress you so hard your nose ring will magnetize!" and end each one with "I GUARANTEE IT!"

They were really funny and I can't seem to find them (and search isn't forthcoming). Does anybody know what I'm talking about?

Killed By Death posted:

This might be a long shot, but I'm looking for a goon quote containing a story. The goon in question buys a pizza and for some reason decides to eat in a park. He's approached by some drunk/high teenagers and doesn't know how to handle it. I specifically recall them asking him "Hey *unintelligible*, got any weed?". I think he escapes the situation by throwing the pizza over their heads and running away, but I'm not sure.

I read this story several years ago and I'm certain it was a quote then, too, so it's probably pretty old.

Russ posted:

A guide to EPL club Blackburn Rovers for new American fans by Russ



You're massive Yankee oval office, probably with a terrible American sport avatar, and most of us don't want you posting here. But don't worry, most of the people who have made serious contributions to this thread are just like you. Clueless Americans who follow a team for two or three years, read a few wikipedia articles and call themselves supporters. You are not a supporter or a fan but you're probably going to "root" for a team that you have absolutely no connection to other than the fact that you like when they win.

You watched the World Cup and realised that football is the only real sport worth watching and all of your poo poo American "sports" are terrible in comparison. Now that the tournament is over you're going to try to watch a domestic league for a couple of months, probably make some terrible posts in this forum and lose interest. The only chance you have of making your pathetic attempt at becoming a football fan enjoyable is if you support Blackburn Rovers. I myself don't really like Blackburn. But I don't like lovely American posters trying to talk about football as if they know what they're on about either. You're both poo poo and made for each other.

However, while I'm not a fan of Blackburn, nor do I even live in the country they play in, I have actually seen the team in person. Because I'm one of the few posters here who actually pays money to watch football on a regular basis. Sometimes even to see clubs which I have no interest in! Because I'm a fan of football and unlike all the terrible Americans here who are either stupid or deluding themselves, watching a game on TV is poo poo compared to actually going.

I'm not going to copy and paste some poo poo about the history of the club from Wikipedia unlike all of the terrible posters who did the same for "their" club. When you're probably the kind of massive arsehole who will ask a question like "How many games are in the EPL Playoffs?" or "How does the FA Cup differ from the league cup?" you almost certainly don't give a poo poo if Blackburn finished 7th in the old first division 63/64.

There's a few important things to know. Your strip looks like this. Also note how I used the word "strip" and not "uniform" or something else gay and American because I actually know things about this sport and manage to put a sentence together without phrases like "offsides" or "Enemy Zones" which clearly show I know nothing about the game. Maybe if you want to at least try not to come across as a clueless gently caress you could consider copying me. Anyway, the kit-



It's blue and white, and yes, the sponsor Crown Paints is the same one that Liverpool had all these years ago. Oh, that's right, you're a stupid Yank oval office who knows nothing about anything that happened in football before this summer, my mistake.

Here's your new team's stadium.



There's probably a wikipedia article on it which will tell you all about it. I don't know how many people it holds and I don't care enough about you to look it up. For once in your drat life why not make the effort to do something yourself instead of calling your Mexican nanny on minimum wage to do it for you. Oh, it's called Ewood Park by the way. It's walkable from Blackburn city centre but you'd be better getting the bus from across the road from the train station I reckon. Feel free to use this information in conversation to make it seem like you have at least some knowledge of the town in which your new team plays in, you plastic American oval office.

Since you're a demanding twat who will no doubt want more information, here are literally the first few things that come to mind when I think about Blackburn. If you memorise these things then around other dumb Americans you'll probably come across as quite knowledgable. No one else will know enough about football to question you since they probably started watching in 2009.

- You won the league in 1995 when Jack Walker spent a loving fortune on players who performed for a season or two before buggering off elsewhere or becoming poo poo again. Kenny Dalglish was your manager, and he wore a big brown coat quite a lot.

- You had some reasonably famous players at that time. You won't know any of them since you probably know as much about football as w00bi (that is to say not much at all) but use this as a list of names to look up on wikipedia. Alan Shearer, Chris Sutton, Tim Flowers, Colin Henry, Henning Berg, David Batty and Tim Sherwood were all actually quite good at that time. Jason Wilcox and Stuart Ripley were there too but were mostly gash.

- After that, Kenny Dalglish went upstairs (this doesn't mean he died it means he got a new badge on his door that said DIRECTOR OF FOOTBALL yet somehow this meant he played golf a lot), Shearer went to Newcastle and your team became poo poo. Why, somehow, it's almost like Blackburn relied on these two people quite a lot. Roy Hodgson took over and the media thought he was poo poo then, so he got you relegated along with Bryan Kidd. Nobody knows how you got promoted again a year later because no one has ever watched a game outside of the English top tier.

- The money ran out and you became poo poo. You've had years of dull mid-table finishes with managhers like Graeme Souness, Mark Hughes and Paul Ince. I'm not going to lose any sleep if you don't know who Gael Givet is but loving hell, pretend to at least know one of these managers if you're attempting to be a football fan.

- You had one of these American keepers playing for you for quite a few years. His name was Brad Friedel and he's a bit like Marcus Hahnneman except he behaves like a mature adult and is good.

- Blackburn had the chance to sign Zinedine Zidane but decided not to because Garry Flitcroft was deemed to be the better option.

- Garry Flitcroft is always the first person I think of when I see the name "Garry"

- Google seems to think that Garry Shandling is a more famous Garry but Larry Sanders never went on loan to Bury did he

- This is literally all you need to know about Blackburn Rovers

WHY YOU SHOULD SUPPORT BLACKBURN

Remember above I said that you were essentially human scum? Blackburn Rovers are basically the same but in football team format. Now, I hate American things, but I understand the American mindset and it's very important that you trust me. Everything you are looking for (except one thing) in a football team can be found in Blackburn. Here is a list confirming this assumption.

-You love terrible sports where the focus is on people getting hurt

The Bad Football that they play in America features lots of injuries, which is surprising because they wear padding like big girls. For some reason, dumb Americans seem to love watching this and youtube is full of awful videos set to terrible music featuring "BIG HITZ" where large men run into each other and get hurt. Blackburn Rovers are the perfect football team for you if you love to watch large men run into each other and get hurt. You were probably one of the massive faggots who complained that Spain were "boring" at the World Cup. Except you probably called them 'ESP' like a clueless oval office. Blackburn Rovers are the anti-Spain. They will not pass the ball around majestically. They will not hold possession for 12 minutes at the half way line. Blackburn Rovers will get the ball and kick it as long and as hard as possible towards one of their strikers. When they lose the ball, they will not attempt to win back possession by intelligently looking to intercept loose passes. Blackburn Rovers will kick the man with the ball. Blackburn Rovers will run towards the man with the ball and throw at least one body part in his direction. Blackburn Rovers love to hurt, injure and maim their opponents and will play a very fast, direct style of football that your small American brain will gobble up with gusto. Blackburn Rovers are a cross between the hardest hitting American football team and the fastest breaking basketball team. That is why you will love them.

-You love Large Black Men

American sports fans love Large Black Men. In any terrible GBS thread debating which football is best, every page is filled with stupid yanks posting pictures of Large Black Men and dumb things like "When you find a soccer player who can run the 100m as fast as this Large Black Man, let me know ". Blackburn Rovers are full of Large Black Men.

Christopher Samba? Large Black Man.

Jason Roberts? Large Black Man.

Stephen N'Zonzi? Large Black Man.

There's probably more. I have lost count of all of the Large Black Men that play for Blackburn. Americans will be in Large Black Men Heaven when they watch a Blackburn game.

-You love seeing fat white men in positions of authority

When you see a fat white man in a position of power, it makes you, an American, feel like maybe one day you can also become respected despite your severe weight problems. "Big" Sam Allardyce is about 6ft4 and weighs as much as one of your oversized American family cars. He is also the manager of Blackburn Rovers and gets to tell black people what to do. And he has heart problems too. This guy is your loving idol.

-You love technology in football

Wah wah wah I'm a dumb American baby and I hate seeing "bad calls" despite the fact they have been an integral part of football for over 100 years. Blackburn can't give you goalline technology, but the aforementioned Big Sam loves his gadgets. He wears an electronic headpiece thing on the sidelines to talk to his assistant, despite the fact it makes him look like a call centre employee. He's also big on technology being used to assess performance and injuries and stuff like that which we never see but most of the players at Newcastle thought it was "poo poo". You like poo poo things. That's why you'll make a fantastic Blackburn fan.

-You love winning

Right. This could be a problem. You clearly have no real interest in football and just want to support the best team. Don't be ashamed, every American poster here feels the same way too. Culture? History? A genuine connection with the team which has been built up over years? Hah! All I want to do is gloat in a gay baby's football forum when 11 men I will never see in person lift a big cup.

Blackburn can't give you success in the present day. However, I can offer you one thing which may be of interest. You won the league in 1995. If you were to decide to become a Liverpool fan as half of the other clueless American cunts around here do, you'd have to boast about last winning a league title in 1990. By supporting Blackburn, you have a five year advantage over Liverpool fans. Or alternatively: Why not support Liverpool AND Blackburn? No one here gives a poo poo! Let's just support every team! That way we can BoastPost every summer regardless of whoever wins the league.

PLAYERS

Here are a bunch of players you should pretend to know if you're going to keep up this ridiculous charade that somehow you're not going to lose interest in football after a couple of months when you realise that it might actually involve showing a commitment to something and you'd rather just stay in bed and play Call of Duty or have a big wank.

Christopher Samba, Jason Roberts, Stephen N'Zonzi



The aforementioned Large Black Men. You can post pictures of them with their tops off and make claims about how big and strong and black they all like most Americans who try to hide their homosexuality by embracing sports.

Paul Robinson

Sometimes is good at kicking

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjXNc_B3cCc

Sometimes isn't

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtF9tl5SLdA

You won't give a gently caress anyway though, will you? You'll just post things like "Clutch save, goalie" every time he touches the ball because that's just how little your tiny American brain understands a good sport like football.

Ryan Nelson



Had a good World Cup, is a big unit, you can share pictures of him topless with your American friends and pretend you're still talking about sports. Sorry he's not black though, hope you can still get an erection you repressed human being.

"Junior" Hoilett



A Canadian black man. Now I've heard everything! He's not very good but he is North American, so why not let you media overrate him and pretend that people take him seriously as a footballer while he's tackled in training every day by 47 year old Michel Salgado.

Jason Brown



He's a Muslim, but try to avoid your natural American instinct to seperate him from his family and hold him in a nightmare death camp without giving him the decency of having the chance to defend himself at a trial, he's now your second favourite goalkeeper and you're going to respect his Allah worshipping rear end

El Hadji Diouf



Has his own charity to give African youngsters a chance in life. Bloody nice guy.

SUMMARY

gently caress off. Seriously, don't post here. Don't try to follow football. You have absolutely nothing to offer this forum. The most you can hope to contribute here is to copy and paste a "funny" football article everyone already read a week ago or post "GOLAZO!" in a matchday thread because you read an article on wikipedia that told you how Italians say GOLAZO when there's a goal and you think it makes it look like you know things about football. You have absolutely nothing to offer any team. Somehow I think Manchester United Ltd will survive without you buying a fake top from Soccer Triads and watching all of their games on pirated Chinese internet streams.

Maybe you think you can offer some kind of interesting insight by bringing your knowledge of American things to a predominately British subforum? You can't. This place is already crawling full of terrible yanks desperate to post "THIS REMINDS ME OF A SITUATION THAT HAPPENED TO MY OWN BASEBALL TEAM..." every time they see an article about a real game like football. Everyone here has heard these awful stories and analogies before and no one cares about what an American new to the sport thinks.

It won't be any fun for you either. You'll have to get up early to watch games. You'll probably get bored after 23 minutes when you realise the game might finish goalless. The magic of the World Cup will wear off and you'll realise you hate football when every game isn't a clash of different nations and cultures, but instead is a dire 0-0 draw away to Wigan. You don't know where Wigan is. You won't understand the rules. Any question you ask here will make posters laugh at you. Any joke you try to make has been made for years by other cluessless American fuckwits. It was an awful idea for you to try and read this forum in the first place.

But somehow, SOMEHOW, if you still think it's a good idea to follow football, you should support Blackburn Rovers. It will be a lot more interesting than being the 497th fan to decide to support Liverpool or Chelsea here. But I'd still prefer if you'd gently caress off forever.

Also if you call them "The Blackburn Rovers" you should genuinely consider suicide and I don't mean this in a funny way where internet posters exagerate and say "kill yourself!" for laughs, I would honestly feel a lot better if you died.

Triggerhappypilot posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTPTYn01_h8

I am never doing something this again to make a stupid joke about Yosuke.

Blurred posted:

*George enters looking tired and dishevelled*

George: Well, I got shut in the 'Schwitz last night.
Jerry: You got shut in the 'Schwitz?
George: I got shut in the 'Schwitz, baby!
Elaine: Get OUT! How did this happen?
George: The tour guide was an early locker...
Jerry: Oh my God, he was an early locker!?
George: Sun goes down, gates get locked... he was an early locker Jerry!
Jerry: So...? How was it?
George: Let's just say I'm never showering again.
Elaine: You're never showering again...?
George: NO MORE SHOWERS FOR GEORGIE!

*Slap bass music / credits roll*

Soul Reaver posted:

I feel this is the script to a Seinfeld episode.

Jerry: "Yeah, I know she's really great and everything, but..."

George: "Just spit it out Jerry!"

Jerry: "She's got this brown tooth."

George: "A brown tooth?!"

Jerry: "A brown tooth."

Elaine: "What does that matter anyway? If someone's got one brown tooth?"

Jerry: "Yeah, but I think THAT'S why she's a bit flaky. She's insecure! Insecure about the tooth!"

George: "It all makes sense!"

Jerry: "I thought maybe I should bring it up in conversation or something? I dunno, like maybe next time we're out buying toothpaste?"

Kramer: (looks up from rifling around in the fridge and points at Jerry): "I think maybe YOU'RE the one insecure about the tooth"

(Everybody stares at Kramer)

Kramer: (nodding quickly, eyes wide): "Oh yeah."

JebanyPedal posted:

She is going to die young, her skin will slowly lose its luster as her hormones go insane, she will lose the ability to make the confident tall poses as her body sags and pushes her downwards, trapping her in an eternal defeated slump.
She will look pathetic and sad. Her eyes will develop bags from the lack of proper nutrition. She will develop bowel symptoms and become sick incredibly easily. Her heart will coagulate with clumped garbage and her breathing will become shallow.
She will never have a good night's sleep and will feel perpetually tired. Her body will intake massive calories but her body will be less and less capable of utilizing any of the nutrients. She will become sluggish and foggy. Her mental acuity will diminish, any intelligence or creativity she had will steadily be obscured by a constant shroud of ennui.
She will become depressed. Her binge eating will become more regular, her diet steadily worse as it becomes less about satiety and more and more about satisfying bad cravings.
Her joints will begin to grind to dust, her spine will steadily compress more and more, reducing her height and producing constant aggravating lower back pain. Clothes will fit her even less, special order and resorting to oversized hideous body encasing dresses will become the norm.
Her sex drive will slowly fade away, leaving the fetishists who crave her excess without satisfaction, reducing her to a powerless sex object. She will lose all confidence she previous harbored in her delusions. She will think about losing the weight, but will continue bathing in her twisted ideals as she crawls to an agonizing death as her body shuts down.
She will never be satisfied, her ghrelin levels will be going ballistic, saying she is always, ALWAYS hungry. She will no longer enjoy the foods she eats, as she knows the cravings will begin again soon.
Her metabolism will slow to a crawl, demolishing any decent chance of undoing the incredible damage she gas done to herself.
She will forever be a niche product, catered to the insecure, and the fetishists.

drat LEMME GET AT THAT PUSSY.

Das Boo posted:

zoux posted:

Munkeymon posted:

Texas Mirac_allllllllll

THE PENETRATOR posted:

i want to know where 400 oil rigs go!!

Sham bam bamina! posted:

God, it's beautiful.

whoflungpoop posted:

so autistic i can't even read a clock's face

spooky girlfriend posted:

When you jizz in a girl's mouth do you say "Take, eat, this is my body which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me."

Because honestly that'd be a mood killer

D-Pad posted:

Does anybody have the Strom Thurmond and Jesse Helms quotes? They were similar, but not sure if they were from the same user. The general theme of both was that they were undead or liches. I know one of them talked about a phylactery.

quote:

autopsy-turvey posted:

This week the shriveled husk of million term United States Senator and malevolent lich Jesse Helms

was sealed in a bleak crypt deep beneath the sands of his native Stygia, North Carolina. Flowers placed

on his grave by grieving shitheads withered and died within seconds.

Helms, known to friends and slaves alike as an unredeemed racist, was famous in the Senate for his

passionate defense of segregation, opposition to the civil and voting rights acts, and his black crusade

against the sun and all things which draw life from it.

As one of the first conservative talk radio hosts of the 1960’s Helms pioneered the technique of

getting poor stupid whites to vote against their own interests by tricking them into hulking the gently caress

out over black people, immigrants, and the betrayal of the Confederacy by jews, liberals, and the hated

abstract concept of literacy. He went on to parley his repulsive backwoods celebrity with the curbstomp

set into a long career in government where he played a prominent role in the unbelievably vicious and

petty dixiecrat movement. His leadership resulted in a fundamental realignment of the American domestic

political scene over the question of just how much we should hate niggers (”A whole lot”, contended

Helms).

Long considered a strong contender for “worst person in the entire world” Helms in his declining

years began to find that limited title constraining. Last summer recess he gathered together all the

educated mulattos and wizened negro shaman from the swamps and dungeons of his grim feudal demesne and

began a search for the blackest of black tomes, arts, and metal. That search culminated last week in his

ascension to lichdom with the completion of a vile phylactery in the form of a fat lipped bejeweled bone

sambo, pulsating with false life and the rhythm of hot jungle beats. His triumph over death itself

coincides with a departure from this plane of existence for the astral realms, where he will spend the

next thousand years pursuing recognition as the “worst person in the entire metaverse.”

Here on Earth Helms will be remembered as a southern gentleman, a family man, and the kind of guy

that’ll eventually turn out to have dozens of child sized skeletons buried in his yard and whose family

members when interviewed will say they thought he just liked collecting tiny shoes.

Tags: lichcraft, niggers

Dienes posted:

Say Nothing posted:

Sounds terrible!

Master has presented Dobby with clothes! Master has given Dobby a dress!

Dobby...is...sexually liberated!

Blue Train posted:

Iron Casanova posted:

Is that the progressive chick?

a hole-y ghost posted:

the only flo in that picture is silicone into her blood stream