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bacalou



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alnilam




security drone might have a weird tendency to copypaste articles about military campaigns/hardware but he/she also makes good posts sometimes so idg why everyone hates on them w/e idk

alnilam





lmao

Bwee

tao of lmao


bahahaha

Commie NedFlanders


☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭
Love God, Love Thy Neighbor
☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭

WetNightmare


joke_explainer



Commie NedFlanders


great work bacalou and that awesome image makes my last post 'work' even better

☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭
Love God, Love Thy Neighbor
☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭

mailorder bees!

Sparkling
Wide
Pressure!

Ace of Baes

(George is in the Matrix being chased by Agents while Jerry guides him outside the Matrix on the computer)

George: I could use a LITTLE help here Jerry.

Jerry: Calm down Georgey boy, I'm sending you some weapons.

(an object starts to materialize in George's hand)

(it's a danish)

George: Jerry this is a doughnut, a doughnut.

Jerry: No, no, this doesn't add up at all, these is from the right directory...

Jerry: Someone replaced all of the gun programs with one's for pastries!

George: What the hell Jerry?! Who would do something like that?!

(Jerry staring at the camera): Newwwwman.

I Dunno


GEORGE: So I'm the Chosen One, right? Which means I can do anything in the Matrix, right?

JERRY: Right.

GEORGE: And because of this I'm supposed to save mankind. Yeesh.

JERRY: A daunting task.

GEORGE: Or....

JERRY: Oh no.

GEORGE: I could just...keep living in the Matrix.

JERRY: What?! You can't do that!

GEORGE: Don't you get it Jerry? I can have everything I ever wanted! My lie about being an architect at Vandelay Industries wouldn't be a lie anymore! I could make it real! I would never have to lie again! I could just change the Matrix to suit myself!

JERRY: Oh, they're still lies in the sense that none of it matters.

GEORGE: Come on Jerry, can't you be happy for me?

JERRY: Happy? You need to save humanity! You need to save me, your friend, from the Matrix! And you're throwing it all away to be a fake architect?

GEORGE: No, not fake, because I can download the architect program to my brain.

JERRY: Oh I can't believe this.

Mac Tonight

aw yeah tahts it man

Dont bully me! posted:

Jerry: It's a trilogy about nothing.

WetNightmare


Bwee posted:

oh god security drone forget everything bad i ever said about you i love you

WetNightmare


everybody thank Security Drone for this idea and this thread

perhaps he is a godkiller, ready to defeat polishthunder84?

WetNightmare


MORPHEUS: Hurry! [holds up phone] Neo, you go first!
COSTANZA: Really, you're going to make me go through a dirty payphone?
MORPHEUS: Hurry!
COSTANZA: [reluctantly touches phone] [licks lips] Eugh, geez. I can't.
MORPHEUS: Tank, Chlorox wipes!
TANK: [typing furiously] On it! [rising violin and brass horns music]

WetNightmare fucked around with this message at Jan 22, 2015 around 07:16

joke_explainer



WetNightmare posted:

everybody thank Security Drone for this idea and this thread

perhaps he is a godkiller, ready to defeat polishthunder84?

aww geeze I feel bad for making a big deal out of it now, I was just kidding. You gave it a life I was never creative enough to bring forward. I only wish I could read the entire script redone with Costanza scene by scene.

Also, no man can defeat polishthunder84. Polish thunder, hear my cry...

WetNightmare


Security Drone posted:

I only wish I could read the entire script redone with Costanza scene by scene.

wow i want to do that

joke_explainer



[INT. the Nebuchadnezzar. GEORGE is resting on a cot. MORPHEUS enters.]

MORPHEUS: When the Matrix was born, there was a man born inside. He could shape the Matrix into whatever he desired. It was he who showed us the way, and told us the truth of the Matrix.

GEORGE: Ugh, what is the thread count on these sheets? 5? This is just... unacceptable. What's the room service policy here?

MORPHEUS: [eye twitching] There's always one like that. There are those of us who have spent our entire lives, searching for him.

GEORGE: I mean seriously, look at these pajamas? You can't check out how to make proper cloth in the Matrix? We got tons of looms in there. Rolling in cloth and looms. It's ridiculous.

MORPHEUS: I did what I had to do, because...

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, I know. It's real important and all. Anyway, we got a continental breakfast getup or something? I hope it's not like 7:00 to 9:00, I never get why they expect us to get up on those hours on vacation, I mean it's a vacation!

MORPHEUS: It's not a vacation Neo. This important.

GEORGE: Yeah, I know, I know. But we haven't really talked about compensation, you know? What sort of deal are we looking at here? We get dental? Tell me we get dental.

MORPHEUS: [flustered] Augh, I don't know, Neo. A billion dollars. That good?

joke_explainer



Side note: In the next scene, Tank says, 'Hey mikey, I think he likes it.' in regards to Neo training.

Why does Tank know about that commercial? That commercial was made in 1972, and ended its run in 1984. Tank in the previous scene claims he's never been in the Matrix, that he's a home-grown human in Zion. So, what, did someone come out of the Matrix and be like, TANK! YOU GOTTA HEAR ABOUT THIS CRAZY COMMERCIAL FOR QUAKER OATS 'LIFE' CEREAL!!'. Why would tank have any contemporary pop culture knowledge??

bacalou



it is assumed that the matrix is set in a cycle of like 1990's-2000's so it wouldn't ever really be 'old' and he probably has information about the past from data caches

joke_explainer



bacalou posted:

it is assumed that the matrix is set in a cycle of like 1990's-2000's so it wouldn't ever really be 'old' and he probably has information about the past from data caches

true, but still seems like a weird thing to look up, like, why would those commercials cut into his study time, and how did he decide to use it as a phrase... ah, I'm just nitpicking.

ulvir

Jeg estimerer deg ikke.

Jett posted:

Jerry: So how's the whole chosen one thing going, George?

George: Oh, that. Yeah, I quit.

Jerry: You quit? Why? You had a hot girlfriend, you got to wear cool shades, you were the only hope for humanity, how could you just quit?

George: Well, that Smith guy, he's, um…(gesticulates vaguely) replicating himself.

Jerry: Replicating himself.

George: Yeah, you know, he jabs someone in the chest, and they become...him.

Jerry: Then what does he become?

George: He's him too, Jerry.

Jerry: So they're both him?

George: They're both him.

Jerry: Then what?

George: Then those hims touch two more people and then they're all him.

Jerry: So he's got the Midas touch except everything he touches turns into…

George: Him.

Jerry: Gotcha.

George: And all the hims want to kill me. I mean how am I supposed to compete with that?

*Eight Kramers burst into the room*

Kramers: (in slightly off-sync unison) Jerry you're not gonna believe this!

ulvir

Jeg estimerer deg ikke.


oh man, haha

Cosmic Charlie

How do you do? Truckin' in style along the avenue

[George sees a box of raisins sitting on the ground, he looks away for a moment and when he looks back the raisins are gone]

George: Whoa. Weird.

[Everyone freezes right in their tracks]

Jerry: What did you just say?

George: Nothing. Just thought I saw a box of raisins.

Elaine: What did you see?

Kramer: What happened?

George: A box of raisins was just sitting on the ground back there, and now. *poof hands*

Elaine: Are you sure? Who just leaves a box of raisins

George: They may have been prunes. I'm not sure.

Jerry: Drake! Whatley!

George: What is it?

Kramer: A box of raisins is usually a glitch in the Matrix. It happens when they change something. You know, Sunmaid...

George: You'd think if they were gonna make some changes in this city they'd do something about the parking

ulvir

Jeg estimerer deg ikke.

George: so let me get this straight. I can go anywhere I want?
Jerry: anywhere you want!
George: I go?
Jerry: you go!
George: and there I am.
Jerry: and there you are!
George: and it happens just like that? *snaps fingers*
Jerry: just *snaps* like that.
George: this is amazing! So I can teleport right to the cleanest toilet in the city!
Jerry: like that! *snaps fingers*
Jerry: hey! Where did you go?!

Gone Fashing

KEEP POSTIN
I'M STILL LAFFIN


ahahaha

google THIS


ron color

INT. GREEN TINTED SUBWAY STATION ------ AFTERNOON
ELAINE and GEORGE are waiting to use the phone booth. GEORGE is staring at the MAN USING THE PHONE.

GEORGE
He knows I'm waiting. He sees me. He doesn't want to look.

ELAINE
What?

GEORGE is locked on the MAN ON THE PHONE . . .

GEORGE
You know, it's a public phone. You're not supposed to just chit chat.

ELAINE
George I want to tell you something. Everything the Oracle has told me--

GEORGE (CONT'D)
I just can't believe the way people are. What is it with humanity? What kind of world do we live in?

Now THE PHONE GUY gets off the phone. ELAINE goes over.

ELAINE
George, the phone's free.

GEORGE
Hallelujah!

After ELAINE picks up the receiver she sees a woman beat GEORGE to be next by the thinnest of margins . ELAINE disappears. She awakens in the real world.

ELAINE
George . . .

JERRY
What happened?

ELAINE
Some lady cut the line to use the phone . . . You have to send me back

JERRY
I can't.

Back in the subway station GEORGE confronts the WOMAN.

GEORGE
Excuse me, I was waiting here.

WOMAN
Where? I didn't see you.

GEORGE
I've been standing here for ten minutes.

WOMAN
I wont be long.

GEORGE
Uh, that's not the point. The point is I was here first.

WOMAN
Well, if you were here first, you'd be holding the phone.

She puts her quarter in and ignores him completely. She starts to dial.

GEORGE
You know, we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way . . .

He turns away from the WOMAN

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Does she care? . . . No. Does anyone ever display the slightest sensitivity over the problems of a fellow individual? No, no, a resounding no!

Right on cue, he's stopped by an AGENT.

AGENT
Mr. Costanza . . .

ELAINE
Run, George. Run . . . !

The AGENT is actually THE PHONE GUY from before.

PHONE GUY
Hey, sorry I took so long.

GEORGE
(COMPLETE ABOUT FACE) Oh, that's okay, really, don't worry about it.

Afro Doug


ron color posted:

INT. GREEN TINTED SUBWAY STATION ------ AFTERNOON
ELAINE and GEORGE are waiting to use the phone booth. GEORGE is staring at the MAN USING THE PHONE.

GEORGE
He knows I'm waiting. He sees me. He doesn't want to look.

ELAINE
What?

GEORGE is locked on the MAN ON THE PHONE . . .

GEORGE
You know, it's a public phone. You're not supposed to just chit chat.

ELAINE
George I want to tell you something. Everything the Oracle has told me--

GEORGE (CONT'D)
I just can't believe the way people are. What is it with humanity? What kind of world do we live in?

Now THE PHONE GUY gets off the phone. ELAINE goes over.

ELAINE
George, the phone's free.

GEORGE
Hallelujah!

After ELAINE picks up the receiver she sees a woman beat GEORGE to be next by the thinnest of margins . ELAINE disappears. She awakens in the real world.

ELAINE
George . . .

JERRY
What happened?

ELAINE
Some lady cut the line to use the phone . . . You have to send me back

JERRY
I can't.

Back in the subway station GEORGE confronts the WOMAN.

GEORGE
Excuse me, I was waiting here.

WOMAN
Where? I didn't see you.

GEORGE
I've been standing here for ten minutes.

WOMAN
I wont be long.

GEORGE
Uh, that's not the point. The point is I was here first.

WOMAN
Well, if you were here first, you'd be holding the phone.

She puts her quarter in and ignores him completely. She starts to dial.

GEORGE
You know, we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way . . .

He turns away from the WOMAN

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Does she care? . . . No. Does anyone ever display the slightest sensitivity over the problems of a fellow individual? No, no, a resounding no!

Right on cue, he's stopped by an AGENT.

AGENT
Mr. Costanza . . .

ELAINE
Run, George. Run . . . !

The AGENT is actually THE PHONE GUY from before.

PHONE GUY
Hey, sorry I took so long.

GEORGE
(COMPLETE ABOUT FACE) Oh, that's okay, really, don't worry about it.

WetNightmare


ron color posted:

INT. GREEN TINTED SUBWAY STATION ------ AFTERNOON
ELAINE and GEORGE are waiting to use the phone booth. GEORGE is staring at the MAN USING THE PHONE.

GEORGE
He knows I'm waiting. He sees me. He doesn't want to look.

ELAINE
What?

GEORGE is locked on the MAN ON THE PHONE . . .

GEORGE
You know, it's a public phone. You're not supposed to just chit chat.

ELAINE
George I want to tell you something. Everything the Oracle has told me--

GEORGE (CONT'D)
I just can't believe the way people are. What is it with humanity? What kind of world do we live in?

Now THE PHONE GUY gets off the phone. ELAINE goes over.

ELAINE
George, the phone's free.

GEORGE
Hallelujah!

After ELAINE picks up the receiver she sees a woman beat GEORGE to be next by the thinnest of margins . ELAINE disappears. She awakens in the real world.

ELAINE
George . . .

JERRY
What happened?

ELAINE
Some lady cut the line to use the phone . . . You have to send me back

JERRY
I can't.

Back in the subway station GEORGE confronts the WOMAN.

GEORGE
Excuse me, I was waiting here.

WOMAN
Where? I didn't see you.

GEORGE
I've been standing here for ten minutes.

WOMAN
I wont be long.

GEORGE
Uh, that's not the point. The point is I was here first.

WOMAN
Well, if you were here first, you'd be holding the phone.

She puts her quarter in and ignores him completely. She starts to dial.

GEORGE
You know, we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way . . .

He turns away from the WOMAN

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Does she care? . . . No. Does anyone ever display the slightest sensitivity over the problems of a fellow individual? No, no, a resounding no!

Right on cue, he's stopped by an AGENT.

AGENT
Mr. Costanza . . .

ELAINE
Run, George. Run . . . !

The AGENT is actually THE PHONE GUY from before.

PHONE GUY
Hey, sorry I took so long.

GEORGE
(COMPLETE ABOUT FACE) Oh, that's okay, really, don't worry about it.

Dr Cheeto

Holy poo poo ron

Ace of Baes

ron color poster of the year

deep dish peat moss

On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.

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Salmiakki



hurf de durf sliding into the goooooldmiiiiine

https://twitter.com/sallymiakki
ty cat dynamite

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