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NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!
I'm tempted to see Murray, but I need to read a Walken segment with all the punctuation literally removed. I vote Walken.

Also Fire Miz.

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Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

Box. Flipped.
Plaster Town Cop
Walken, keep Miz.

Mukaikubo
Mar 14, 2006

"You treat her like a lady... and she'll always bring you home."
Oh hey I missed this getting back into gear! Exxxcellent.

Walken, Keep Miz

Edit: C'MOOOOONNNNnnnnn. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQ7z57qrZU8

Mukaikubo fucked around with this message at 15:09 on Oct 16, 2015

Senerio
Oct 19, 2009

Roëmænce is ælive!
I've already voted, but I'll justify it in four words:

Have Walken manage Miz.

Alan BStard
Oct 25, 2003

Izzy wizzy, let's get Byzzy!
I say bin off Miz, just because the roster is already massive and it would be interesting to start throwing some people to other companies - purely for game reasons.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

Workers in TEW are pigeonholed pretty effectively into very specific ranges of product type, at least if we extrapolate AI hiring practices by how bizarrely difficult it is to work out talent trades. I'd imagine Miz's career in the event of a release would be pretty realistic - he'd end up in the high card of FWE and GFW and Preston City Wrestling and other assorted small-time promotions that draw off of WWE washouts.

Odds of him showing up in a prominent foreign fed, for example, are pretty low, even if they're trying to break into American markets (one game I played had NJPW pick up Punk but that seems like a fluke). But with all that said, ROH have just crossed into the low end of National size and have already snapped up most of TNA's high card, which is basically a bizarro world WWE midcard. Miz could very well end up there, if whatever AI script that calculates salary doesn't price him out. If we fired anyone in our high card there would be no other feds with either the cash or (more importantly) popularity to pass muster for them.

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!
I want to fire Miz even more now that I can imagine RoH trying to figure out what the hell to do with him. Actually, he could fit in well over there acting as the embodiment of WWE as a whole in RoH, trying to host interview segments and whatnot that keep getting interrupted and wrecked, set destroyed, etc. by RoH dudes. Kind of act as the guy who keeps insulting RoH and then is killed by RoH.

I also want him to change his name to start with an H, and for RoH to just have big H's on their mics. That way he can invert the H logo and it can be extra dumb because it'll basically still just be an H :allears:.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

r/squaredcircle posted:



WWE Superstars for week 4 of March 2015 is being taped from the Pepsi Center in chilly Denver, Colorado.

- - -

DARK: The Realest Guys on Raw vs. Ash Dixon and Bann McAllister. Enzo goes over McAllister with a slingshot DDT. D+

DARK: Natalya vs. Taylor Made, Made taps to the Sharpshooter. C-

DARK: Paul Heyman cuts a promo with Kevin Owens about how little chance Christian has at Wrestlemania. B+

DARK: Paige and Emma vs. Kana and Madison Eagles. Paige taps out Kana with a PTO! D+

DARK: Sami Zayn vs. Brad Maddox, Maddox is pinned off a Yakuza Kick. C

- - - - -

- Our last Superstars before Wrestlemania kicks off with ”The Boss” Sasha Banks fighting Amanda Lyons, who waits in the ring while Banks makes her entrance. After some technical back-and-forth, Banks gains the upper hand and keeps it, finally locking in the Bank Statement and tapping Lyons out. D

- - - - -

- A promo with Ric Flair and JAZZ CLUB in the back as they idly discuss how the experience of winning a championship is akin to finding a life-changing groove. B

- - - - -

- Mark Henry vs. Kalisto for the Network title. Henry retains in a squash with the World’s Strongest Slam, bringing his defense count to 20. The ref raises his hand and Henry boasts that he is unstoppable. C-

- - - - -

- Yet another Diva debut as Evangelise takes on Jessicka Havok. Evangelise evades Havok’s power arsenal and gets the pin with a sunset flip powerbomb. D+

- - - - -

- William Regal and the BRC mock jazz music and speak about how the Tag Team Championship can only ever stay in the hands of serious, professional wrestlers, rather than dabblers like JAZZ CLUB. C+

- - - - -

- Stardust takes on El Local #1. It’s an extended squash, with Stardust countering the lucha’s elbow attacks and kicks and sealing the deal with a knee strike transitioned into a Cross Rhodes to get the pin. B

- - - - -

- Next is a pretaped segment featuring none other than Vince McMahon interviewing young Diva Sasha Banks. Vince (who seems to be taking a pronounced interest in this new Divas uprising) plays gruff, prodding Banks on whether she’s ready for the opportunity she’s been given, but Banks challenges his skepticism every step of the way and Vince seems impressed. Banks improvised well but was dwarfed in presence by the venerable owner of the WWE. B

- - - - -

- Sheamus vs. Damien Mizdow is next. A surprising amount of back-and-forth here but Mizdow can’t keep up with the Great White’s brawling prowess, and he walks right into a Brogue Kick to lose the match. B-

- - - - -

- Backstage, Cesaro and William Regal are approached by Joey Styles. Saxton interrupts whatever it is they’re talking about and asks for a reaction to John Cena’s strong words from last Smackdown. Regal is about to answer but Cesaro stops him and answers himself, going on a short, charged tirade about how Cena doesn’t respect him, and that when he comes “straight at” Cena, he’ll know it. B+

- - - - -

- In the show’s main event match, The Big Show stays strong against jobber Bob Snide, who falls to a knockout punch. B-

- - - - -

DARK MAIN: Randy Orton and Chris Jericho defeat Dolph Ziggler and Roman Reigns, Orton pins Ziggler with an RKO.

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!
I'm jumping ahead a bit, but we should have Brock Lesnar coin his hot new catchphrase while throwing Daniel Bryan around the ring. I'm thinking something like:

Suplex Village, bitch!

GreatestLurker
Sep 12, 2011
This is legitimately better than WWE irl - I know you're busy BC, but any updates? Hate for this to die out.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

drat me with faint praise why don't you ;)

I'm in the last week of my semester, actually, so I'm hoping that after next week it's going to be a lot easier to relax and cut loose. I'll also have more time to actually watch wrestling, which helps a lot too.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

ITS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

r/squaredcircle posted:


WWE RAW for week 4 of March 2015 is LIVE from the Pepsi Center in chilly Denver, Colorado.

- - -

DARK: Nev the Knife pins Kalisto with a Red Arrow. Flicked a toothpick at a fan afterward, he's quite rude. D+

DARK: Bayley vs. Minerva (ne Athena) goes down with Athena eating a Belly to Bayley to clinch it. D

DARK: Video in which Ric Flair cuts a promo about the power of jazz over JAZZ CLUB match footage. B

DARK: Emma vs. Jessicka Havok, the Emmalock nets the face a win. D

DARK: Sami Zayn vs. The Miz, Zayn picks up a solid win with a Yakuza Kick. C+

DARK: Stardust demolishes John Morrison with the Dark Matter. B

- - - - -

- It's the last RAW before Wrestlemania 31 and the normally sombre Denver crowd is hot as Cole, Renee Young and JBL briefly highlight all the storylines that are sure to come to a head at the show of shows. Bryan and Lesnar, Ambrose and Rollins Triple H and Angle's proxy war through Orton and Shaw, the IC title struggle between Wyatt and Ziggler, the BRC's defense of the tag straps against JAZZ CLUB, Cesaro and Cena, even Rusev's stranglehold on the US title and Mark Henry's seemingly unstoppable Network title defense streak.

Cole reminds us that although Wrestlemania is less than a week away, a lot can happen in that time, and that we're bound to be surprised tonight. The night's main event is the powder keg match up of Orton and Shaw in singles action, bolstered by a singles match between Nakamoro "Hepcat" Ihara and Hideo Itami, and a much-awaited faceoff between Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins. Cole put extra effort into hyping the show but JBL sounded a little lost. B+

- - - - -

- Our first match of the night pits The New Day (Big E and Kofi Kingston) against Family Law (Don English and Gerald "The Bull" Dempsey APS). There's a good back-and-forth between English and Kofi to start off, with English showing cold sadism working the arm, but Kofi makes the hot tag and English beats a quick retreat to make his own tag. This turns out to be a mistake, as Dempsey clowns himself against the US title contender, falling to the Big Ending in less than a minute. English curses on the outside as the pin is counted and The New Day celebrates in the ring. Big E gestures at his waist in universal "I'm coming for a belt" signage while Xavier Woods does an exaggerated Rusev impression as Kofi mugs and Lana. B+

- - - - -

- Daniel Bryan shows up on the big screen to a big pop. He's backstage, stretching in the locker room, when Randy Orton enters. Bryan seems focused, not even looking back. "What do you need?" Orton paces at the door, shaking his head. "I came to ask you something." Bryan turns around and Orton continues. "Listen, I don't need to tell you how important next week is, but we've got a problem in common, here. You've got Lesnar to contend with, I recognize that, but the Authority is right behind him. They've got their sights on me now but you'll be next."

Bryan furrows his brow. "And?" Orton sniffs. "Shaw requested this match with me tonight, but old man Kane's gonna to interfere, I can feel it. So I made my own request to Angle: If I can find a partner, tonight's main event goes from a singles match to a tag match. I know you've got nothing to prove - you beat Kane last month already. But if you'd team with me tonight I'd take it as a favor. You and me, versus Shaw and Kane. Help me even the odds." Bryan considers it for a few moments, then just nods. Orton nods back, then walks out. Orton didn't quite sell the urgency of this conversation when going off-script, but it didn't matter much to the crowd. A

- - - - -

- Back from commercial, Cole says he just received word that Angle's approved a tag match change for the main event, before Sasha Banks makes her entrance to face Evangelise, already in the ring. The in-ring action is solid, with both competitors working a stiff, physical style. But Banks gets the upper hand after a series of neckbreakers and clotheslines, making her opponent easy pickings for the Bank Statement, which looks absolutely brutal. C-

- - - - - -

- There are some crowd shots of various signs (a lonely "Push Locke" sign held by a portly, sad-looking man is a highlight) while the ring is cleared for Ryvaughan vs. El Malo Locals (#s 2 and 3). Though the masked heels aren't exactly tiny, the musclemen still come out like powerhouses, wrenching themselves out of various painful holds their opponents apply and hitting thundering suplexes in response. Ryback works most of the match but tags in Samuel Vaughan for a tandem shoulderblock, followed by a lungblower that wins the match. C+

- - - - - -

- We're in the back again, where the entirety of the BRC - William Regal, Tyson Kidd, Cesaro, Hideo Itami, and Curtis Axel - lurk menacingly around a single hanging lightbulb. Axel speaks first, crossing the light and out of the frame as he finishes his thought. "It hasn't been long since we came together, but the influence of the Brass Ring Club has only grown in the face of so much opposition, so much denial of our greatness." Kidd walks past next, the tag title over his shoulder. "We have been denied the power befitting our prowess. We will seize these symbols of prestige from a company that once kept them from us." Itami follows, with his own belt. "We will no longer be denied. The WWE will pay for its mistakes." Regal is next. "This Sunday marks a momentous day for supporters of passion and mastery of craft, a black day for lovers of empty spectacle and pageantry."

Finally, there is Cesaro, standing straight in the center of the light. "When we came together we promised that we would rise, not with the permission of money-counters or so-called fans, but on our own terms. This Sunday, the BRC will prove unstoppable. We will begin the task of dismantling the WWE - I will strike at its heart, and my brothers will show that it has no future but ours. The WWE's history will end, and ours will begin." B

- - - - -

- Backstage, Dolph Ziggler wanders the halls, glassy-eyed. He's stopped on his way by WWE Commissioner Kurt Angle. "We need to talk." Ziggler stops. "You haven't been the same these last few weeks, Dolph. It's been... distressing to see. When was the last time you slept?" Ziggler bristles, closes his eyes in clear frustration. "I'm coming up on the biggest match of my life, Kurt. I don't have time for sleep. I don't have time for anything that blocks the path between me and the Intercontinental Title. It's waiting for me. I won't tolerate any distraction."

Angle is flummoxed. "I'm going to be straight with you. I don't know what's going on with you, and normally I'd call it your business, but it's my business to ensure that every superstar who gets in the ring at Wrestlemania is fit to do so." Ziggler jerks as if snapped awake and he looks disoriented for a moment before shaking it off. "No, no I'll be fine, don't worry about me. I've just got to... focus. I need to focus. This is what focusing LOOKS like. I know where I am, I don't know..." Ziggler begins moving his lips as though speaking, but he makes no sound, and he sneers. "I know where I'm going, to Wrestlemania, to the championship. I have to stop Wyatt, I have to have the intercontinental title." Ziggler straightens, energized. "I will have it. Everything is going to be fine, just fine." He walks past a baffled Angle as though he isn't even there. Angle really sold the exchange, he had the crowd rapt. A*

- - - - -

- Next up, "Hepcat" Ihara makes his entrance, blowing on a stylized sax prop while the rest of JAZZ CLUB flanks him. As soon as he enters the ring, The BRC's music hits and Hideo Itami walks out, followed by Kidd and Axel! Itami gets in the ring as Balor stares down Kidd at ringside before they move to their respective corners.

The match doesn't actually get very far - Itami and Ihara circle one another, looking to tie up, but Itami has set a trap - as Ihara circles around to the BRC's corner, Axel and Kidd bolt into the ring! But Balor is no slouch, and he slides in for a leaping tackle that broadsides Kidd before he can reach Ihara. As a brawl commences, the ref calls for the bell. No contest! C+

- While Balor wails on Kidd, Ihara takes on both Itami and Axel and while he fends them off and gets shots in, they manage to overwhelm him and take him outside. The five wrestlers brawl to the back as we go to commercial. C+

- - - - -

- We're in the back again at Kurt Angle's office as he stands and reviews some important-looking binders at his desk. Jackson Shaw appears in the doorway, leaning on the frame and chewing gum. Angle gestures him in. Shaw seems relaxed, so does Angle.

"Jackson."
"Kurt."
"One week left."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, in one week, the decisions we made when we got here, they'll set us on paths we can't come back from."
"You think I made the wrong choice?"
"I think you made the easy choice. You and I both have been around a long time. You know as well as I do how far you can sink chasing someone else's promises."

Shaw looks off at nothing in particular and pops his gum. "I know you're lookin' out. Can't say for certain how this whole power struggle's gonna play out - first I thought Orton and I were gonna sort it, but it's on you now. But consider that whatever happens, I'm out for myself here. Triple H," he sniffs "He's a boss like any other, he wants results, which I'm gonna deliver, but he's only as good to me as what he can give me in exchange. Maybe next week I come out on top of my fight but he doesn't."

Shaw shrugs. "If he can't give me what he promised, I've still got the trophy kill, yeah? I'll make my name with or without him. It would be easier with him. But if he can't stand on his own, he ain't leaning on me."
"You're a mercenary, then."
"Precisely."

Angle produces a bottle of clear liquid and some glasses from a desk drawer, pouring them as Shaw looks on. He takes a sip. "So I assume you've come here to offer your services if things don't go his way." Shaw takes a glass and smirks. "I'm not that hasty. But whatever happens, wherever things land, it ain't personal. I wanted to clear the air on that." Angle nods. "I get it. But I'm under no illusion that going freelance would make you a known quantity. You watch yourself out there, Shaw. If you want to make your way, don't expect that I'm gonna roll out the red carpet for you." Shaw smiles as they clink their glasses together, then Shaw downs his in one gulp, gets up, and walks out. B+

- - - - -

- Back to the arena as Roman Reigns makes his entrance through the crowd, coldly ignoring the jeering fans and psyching himself up while Christian makes his own entrance, accompanied by Edge.

What follows isn't the best match either worker has ever had, but it's not the worst either - Christian's highly technical style doesn't quite gel with Reigns' light brawling, but soon enough he adjusts into a heavier mode of strikes and suplexes. Reigns' relentlesness works to his advantage, then to his disadvantage. He reverses an irish whip and catches Christian for a pretty cool flapjack, then throws him into the corner and signals for a spear... and Christian rolls forward and under as he charges. Reigns rams his shoulder into the turnbuckle and is stunned enough for the veteran to take advantage, hitting the killswitch and getting the pin. B-

- - - - -

- Christian is celebrating with Edge in the ring, when suddenly Paul Heyman appears on the 'tron! The close shot is a bit shaky - looks like a mobile phone recording. "Gentlemen!" Paul smiles wickedly. "Congratulations on your win. We'd be there to see it ourselves but, well... Kevin Owens and I had more important matters to attend to. Hey Kevin, show em what we've been up to."

The camera turns and there's Kevin Owens, standing in what looks like a shop window or exhibit... and he's surrounded by relics from Edge's WWE run. Owens has apparently somehow gotten into his WWE Hall of Fame space! Owens addresses the camera. "I've decided that, with Wrestlemania coming up and all, that it wouldn't do to simply dismantle ancient history in the figurative sense, in the ring. It would be much more to my taste to demonstrate in a literal sense just how obsolete this old guard really is."

Owens picks up Edge's old bug eye sunglasses, as Christian holds Edge back in the ring. "A legend, that's what they call Edge. A legend. You're not even an old man! You were handed accolades for no other reason than the fact that you couldn't take care of your own body, the WWE didn't want to be done with you when they were done with you. But me, see, I have no room in my very exclusive list of respected colleagues for anybody whose greatest claim to fame was a consolation prize." Owens lets the glasses drop to the ground. "I came to this company because I knew that if I worked for it, there would be a place for me, a prominent place, that would provide for my family. And yet I show up and all I see are decrepit old men still keening for my spotlight. I won't allow it. At Wrestlemania I'll do my part to sweep away the living detritus of this company. But right now I'm doing my part to rid it of what should have been gone long ago." Owens brings his heel down on the glasses and crushes them before the feed cuts out. The announce team denounces and denigrates Owens as Christian tries to calm a clearly enraged Edge as we cut to back. B+

- - - - -

- In the back we are once again in the Commissioner's office. Dean Ambrose sits in a chair opposite Angle, splayed out and chewing gum like a punk in detention. The battered MITB case lays in his outstretched lap. He sits at attention and turns slightly as Seth Rollins appears in the doorway. Rollins clearly was not expecting Ambrose to be there. "Oh come on!" Ambrose is relaxed. "Don't look at me, I didn't ask for this," he tips his head at Angle. "I mean, we got things to work out, but an intervention isn't what I had in mind."

"Enough." Angle is firm. "I called the both of your here because somehow you had it in your heads that you could set a match for tonight without my say-so." Rollins is about to protest, but Angle holds a hand up. "No way in hell am I going to sanction a match between two competitors on the same terms they'll be meeting under at Wrestlemania a week before the show." Ambrose rolls his eyes openly. "You're worried about this." He shakes the case violently. Angle shakes his head. "The booking of this program is my purview, but the case was retrieved by Seth, not me. I have no control over when or if the Money In the Bank contract will be put into effect and it's not my responsibility to ensure the opportunity for its use. As far as I'm concerned, that's a personal dispute. I'm not getting involved."

Ambrose bristles and scoffs. "If you weren't getting involved then you'd let this match happen, 'cause this thing? It ain't the "personal dispute" I'm interested in settling. I'm trying to prove a point here."

"Forget it." Rollins steps forward.

Ambrose' face turns quizzical as he turns to face Rollins. "Screw the contract. I'm sick of this game. Taking back my case is going to just be icing on the cake when I've put you down for good." Ambrose rises, his eyes trained on Rollins, and he sidles up to his rival, case in hand, so that they're standing eye-to-eye. "You mean that?" Rollins is unflinching. "I don't need to beat you for a case. Been there, done that. You took that from me because you know it's mine, because you know I beat you, and you can't stand it. But you can't turn back the clock, Ambrose. You can take the case but you can't take my victory. And I don't put any value in a point made twice. So put the case up for grabs, give it away, lock it up, I don't care. Any way you go, I'm teaching you the lesson of your life and when I'm sure, when I'm absolutely sure you've gotten the message, then I'll get my case back."

They stand face-to-face, eyeing one another, for a few moments. Without breaking eye contact, Ambrose lifts the case up to chin level. "You can have your toy back." Seth says nothing, only stares back, and takes the case. Ambrose slowly eases back, smirking. He tilts his head slightly, eyes still on Rollins. "Like the man says, Angle, forget the match. Everybody's on the same page." He then moves even closer to Rollins, the tips of their noses almost touching. His face is all business. "See you on Sunday, friend." Ambrose removes his gum and slaps it onto the side of the case, then roughly brushes past Rollins and out the door. Rollins stares stone-faced as the segment ends. B+

- - - - -

- Back from commercial, we're in the ring where a table has been set. Commissioner Angle (truly everywhere these days) stands beside it, suit neat, mic in hand. "One of my responsibilities as the Commissioner of WWE is to arrange and solidify the schedule for all of our shows, big and small. The greatest event in sports entertainment is bearing down on us, and while much of the Wrestlemania card has been guaranteed, there are some that have yet to be officially confirmed."

"John Cena and Cesaro have gone to battle many times by now, but they have expressed to me and to the WWE universe that they desire a final confrontation on the greatest stage of them all. I made the decision that, given the animosity and instability that have plagued this conflict, the WWE universe is entitled to a show of good faith, a promise from these great performers that they will deliver on the match they claim to want. So with that in mind, I have drafted a binding contract placing a one-on-one contest at Wrestlemania. I will reiterate that all affiliated third parties will be banned from ringside, under penalty of match forfeit. So without further ado, John Cena and Cesaro, please join me and sign on the dotted line."

Cena is the first to come out, making his customary entrance (the serious-about-this version) to a big pop, sliding into the ring and shaking Angle's hand. He signs the contract immediately and drops the pen, taking the mic for a brief statement. "I'm more than fine with any formality that brings me closer to my match, but the WWE Universe knows that the only people bringing this "instability" to the show are Cesaro and his little club. So why don't you all get out of here and let's see if we can't clear the last hurdle without y'all making a fool of yourselves." he tosses the mic on the table, looking intently toward the entrance.

The Brass Ring Club make their entrance in ochre and gold (save for Regal, in his coal suit, red tie and and ruddy red undershirt), moving with purpose down the ramp. Kidd, Itami and Axel stand at attention outside the ring, while Regal and Cesaro enter it. Cena is clearly preparing for a brawl, but Regal moves forward calmly, picks up the pen and extends it to Cesaro, whose eyes are locked intensely on Cena. He looks over to Regal, who nods, and Cesaro takes the pen. But before he can sign, he picks up the mic next to the contract. The crowd is spoiling for something to happen.

But Cesaro just talks. "John, you don't know how long I've waited for this. You can't know what this means. My entire WWE career, I've been putting on the best matches on every show I featured in, and yet I went nowhere. And for all that time, you were there, at the top, fighting champions, holding titles, being sold as the best of the best. But I knew, I knew, that I was better. And when you're better than the best, where does that leave you? In a broken system, unsung, undervalued, demeaned. So I found my brothers, my misfit masters of craft, and together we are going to make some necessary adjustments to the way things are done here."

Over the jeers and cheers of the crowd, Cesaro continues, Cena's stare still steely. "And I'm going to start by beating you, John Cena. I can't deny your talent, I can't deny that you've pushed me to my limits. Not many people can say that. I'm going to beat you, John, not because I'm the better wrestler, but because winning means something to me. To you it's just something you do, something that keeps sales up, opens more doors to more colors on your merchandise. Those are the stakes for you. My stakes are my future, and the future of my friends, who work their asses off and go nowhere in this company. I'm willing to tear this whole company down to see them vindicated. And that's why I'm going to beat you at Wrestlemania - because this isn't just another Wrestlemania match. I'm going to prove that to you on Sunday." Cesaro places the mic on the table, leans down and signs the contract. He and Regal stare at Cena for a few moments more... and then exit the ring.
A

- - - - -

- A sumptuous Wrestlemania hype package plays, set to some Slayer track or another (not a fan, but I guess they're playing the show?). Paul Heyman's ominous No Way Out promo is laid on top of it all as we get profiles in miniature of the hottest angles going into Wrestlemania - Angle and Orton against HHH and Shaw, Cena and Cesaro, Ambrose and Rollins. Various little bits of promo from each are intercut into Heyman's over footage of big hits and spots -

"I fight for my life in that ring and I sure as hell make the people in it with me fight harder for theirs."
"You don't know what waits for you, Doph. I pray for your sake that your last breath before the plunge is deep enough to see you through what comes."
"This reign of terror, this Angle regime, it's going to come to an end at Wrestlemania."
"If they wanted to put the fear of failure into me, then they just don't know John Cena."

Abruptly, the footage cuts out and we get a slo-mo shot , angled upwards, of Lesnar hoisting the WWE World Heavyweight Championship up to the sky in a massive, dark and domed arena. "2015 will be the year of the beast." Heyman intones. From there, the truck monkeys put their backs into it, showing big Daniel Bryan spots, Knee+ hits in slo-mo, opponent after opponent tapping to the Yes Lock, and finally Bryan pointing at the sign at the conclusion of the Rumble, looking back at Lesnar. "I am still the greatest wrestler in this company, and I'm still the man that the fans want to see on top of this business... Brock Lesnar doesn't have what I want, he has what belongs to me. And I'm reclaiming it."


The poster for Wrestlemania 31 is revealed as the announcers talk up the card and ordering details. Wrestlemania, in Slamadu New Jersey for the first time, only on the WWE network! and participating cable channels

- - - - -

- We're back from commercial as we prepare for the last RAW main event of this season. Kane come out first, looking grim and stoic, followed by Jackson Shaw, clearly pumped up and focused. Shaw shadowboxes in the ring as Randy Orton makes his entrance, warming up on the stage til Daniel Bryan's music hits to a huge pop. The two shake hands and Daniel YESes down to the ring, Orton following calmly.

The match starts deliberately slow as all involved soak up the heat. Kane and Orton start off, but sizable portions of the crowd call for Bryan. They lock up and Kane throws Orton into a far corner, running immediately for a corner clothesline, which Orton ably ducks, rolling into a schoolboy off Kane's rebound. It gets one, but Orton is fired up already and leaps for a forearm strike on Kane's head as he rises. Kane goes to rise again and again Orton unleashes a forearm. Orton gets Kane's arm twisted and pulls him to the corner where Bryan tags himself in to a crowd eruption - he jumps on the turnbuckle and comes down with a double axe-handle on the immobile arm of Kane.

Bryan lays in with strikes and wears down Kane even further, but he gets his second wind, blocking a punch and throwing one of his own, and another and another before hitting a signature throat thrust. With Bryan seemingly on the ropes, Kane shambles back toward his corner, where Shaw's hand is outstretched. But Bryan shakes it off quickly and hits a big front dropkick on Kane's back - not a tactically sound move, as Kane stumbles forward, allowing Shaw to tag himself in.

Shaw leaps in and we witness a fast-paced trading of strikes, with each blocking or evading most of the other's offense. But inevitably Bryan's stiff striking pries apart an opening and soon Shaw is eating kicks and slaps faster than he can react. Bryan whips Shaw into the corner but he flips backward over it as Bryan runs under him, but Bryan immediately swings backward and hits a nasty chop to the chest of the landing Shaw that staggers him. Shaw turns around... and nails Bryan with the pele kick! Both men are down and the ref starts counting.

Outside, Kane thinks he's slick as he flits around the ring, looking around the ring for an opening to distract or interfere at an opportune moment. But Orton is wise to him, and blindsides him with a clothesline that lays him out, then lays in with punches on the ground. Orton throws Kane into the ring post, the turns his attention to the ring, as he rises to the apron - but so does Shaw, who leaps from kneeling position into a dropkick that sends Orton flying! Too bad for Shaw that Bryan's recovered as well, and his gloating is cut short by a tiger suplex. If that wasn't enough, Bryan's not done as he locks in another, and then another! Bryan's clearly making a point for someone not currently here.

The crowd is loving it as Shaw stumbles over to the corner and Bryan starts hulking up! The YESes start, and just as Bryan starts to run, Kane hauls himself up to the apron and Shaw blind tags, rolling out of the ring... and into a furious assault from Orton. Bryan steps back but Kane charges, going for a haymaker that Bryan ducks. The middle kicks start again in earnest, but suddenly Kane gets his hand wrapped around Bryan's throat... a crucial mistake, as he's out of it enough for Bryan to counter it into the Yes Lock! Shaw scrambles into the ring but Orton is right beside him and continues his assault.

Kane is straining, too far from the rope. But before he can tap, before anyone can think, a looming figure enters the ring and Daniel Bryan is hoisted upward like a toy. Brock Lesnar releases his german suplex and Bryan's laid out! He must have been hiding under the ring? Kane tries to throw a slow, shaky punch and Brock pulls it into fireman's carry position, and hits an F5! Kane's comatose body rolls out of the ring and the bell finally rings for the no contest. B+

- After the bell rings, Orton is still fresh and leaps for an RKO as Brock turns to him... but it doesn't connect! Orton bounces back up only to be scooped into an F5 that plays out as one whirling, fluid motion, and Orton is out of it as well. Shaw rises to his knees from across the ring, takes one look at the hulking Lesnar, and scrambles out of the ring as Lesnar takes a step forward toward him. The momentary distraction, however, gives Daniel Bryan an opening, as the sound of a dropkick to Lesnar's wall-like back rings out. Lesnar snarls and turns around, and the brawling that follows is furious and evenly matched.

Lesnar maneuvers them into a corner just as talent from the back starts piling into the ring, and the swarm of workers slowly manages to separate the two rivals, pulling them into opposite corners. This lasts for about 30 seconds, the ring in total chaos... Before the veritable pile of bodies holding back Lesnar practically explodes as he surges forward with single-minded focus, tearing men away from his path toward the opposite corner. The loosening of the pack allows Bryan a bit of separation and he uses it to leap to the third rope and launch himself over the fray onto waiting Lesnar - who catches him in front slam position! It doesn't last however as a knee to the side of the head causes his grip to slip and Bryan lands on his feet.

Before the fracas can continue, the remaining wrestlers and a new glut of black-clad security personnel charging in from the back press again, and Lesnar is forced back to the ropes. He takes the opportunity to slip out of the ring, to where a frenzied Paul Heyman waits. A sweaty Lesnar grins dementedly at a barely-held-back Bryan who stares back at him from the ring. Bryan shrugs off the interference of security in the ring and seethes. The final shot of RAW is Lesnar hoisting the WWE World Heavyweight Championship belt skyward and bellowing, before turning his back to Bryan and walking back. The tron shows WRESTLEMANIA 31: SLAMADU. A

- - - - -

DARK MAIN: Brock Lesnar comes out again for a short exhibition against Dean Ambrose. Lesnar goes over with an F5 onto a chair. These two happen to have great chemistry.

- - -

A great go-home show, I'm hyped for everything they put in front of me. I give this a solid A

Basic Chunnel fucked around with this message at 20:56 on Dec 25, 2015

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

JingleHELLs420 posted:



WWE Main Event is being taped at the Izod Center in New Jersey.

- - - - -

DARK: "The Gambler" Dash Wilder defeated a jobber with the Aces Wilder (Knee Trembler). F+

DARK: The Realest Guys on Raw defeated Elias Samson and Gerald "The Bull" Dempsey, APS. D+

DARK: Jimmy Uso pins Viktor off an Uso Crazy! C+

DARK: Paul Heyman cuts a promo on Christian and Daniel Bryan. A

DARK: Erick Rowan pins Fandango. C-

- - - - -

- Our first match of the night is unusual - Fin "Sticks" Balor vs. Mark Henry for the WWE Network Championship. Obviously, this one's not a squash. Henry tosses Balor around but Balor gives as good as he gets, being cheered on by "Hepcat" Ihara and Ric Flair.

Just when Balor gets the upper hand and sets up for the Cymbal Crash, he's suddenly knocked off the post by Rhyno, who had been hiding nearby! Corey Graves claims this must have been Henry's insurance. Balor wins by DQ, and Henry retains his title. Ihara and Balor beat down Rhyno after the match. C

- - - - -

- A hype video for Cena vs. Cesaro plays, emphasizing the tension at Monday's contract signing. B+

- - - - -

- Nev The Knife, all swagger in a leather vest and knife-emblazoned trunks, pins El Local #3 with a bridging deadlift german suplex that Graves dubs the Switchblade Suplex. C+

- - - - - -

- Edge cuts a promo on Kevin Owens, on behalf of Christian. B-

- - - - - -

- Natalya submits Amanda Lyons with a sharpshooter. C-

- - - - - -

- RAW's Wrestlemania hype package plays. B+

- - - - - -

- Kevin Owens pins El Local #1 after nailing a huge pop-up powerbomb. B

- - - - - -

- Paul Heyman hypes up Owens' incredible power and prowess on the mic as the man antagonizes the crowd. Heyman improvised like only he can. Heyman promises a reckoning at Wrestlemania, and that's the show. A

- - - - - -

A pretty solid B-show all around, I think. I give it a B, in fact.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013




Really glad to see this is still going. Hyped for Goon alt universe mania 31.

GreatestLurker
Sep 12, 2011

Junpei Hyde posted:

Really glad to see this is still going. Hyped for Goon alt universe mania 31.

Same.

BC, is there anyway to contact you that isn't PM, since a platinum upgrade would be quite a dent in my wallet right now?

I have some (probably mostly terrible and stupid) :siren: FANTASY BOOKING :siren: suggestions that I'd like to share.

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

I can't wait to see how Brock-Bryan plays out. Does Bryan just steal CM Punk's SS 2013 strategy?

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

GreatestLurker posted:

BC, is there anyway to contact you that isn't PM, since a platinum upgrade would be quite a dent in my wallet right now?

I have some (probably mostly terrible and stupid) :siren: FANTASY BOOKING :siren: suggestions that I'd like to share.
****at gmail

Basic Chunnel fucked around with this message at 07:44 on Dec 29, 2015

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

THE GAME IS REAL

(Smackdown going up later today)

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

It's funny how real life is now mirroring goon alt universe WWE with the signings of Styles and Nakamura.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013




Jenkem Delivery posted:

It's funny how real life is now mirroring goon alt universe WWE with the signings of Styles and Nakamura.

Wait what

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

They haven't signed with WWE, they just handed New Japan their walking papers (Anderson and Gallows too). For all we know they could be starting a farm co-op together! We simply cannot know

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!
They signed with WWE, the twist is they found a way to join our Goon WWE.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

Apologies to all, the new show's been delayed til tomorrow - got most of it done but I got called up to the family house to look after a convalescing relative and prepare food, so I wasn't able to write today as I wanted to.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

Dropbox failed to retain my .txt laptop edits so I'm going to have to rewrite a promo or two. Tomorrow! Pinkie swear

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!
It's been awhile since I've tossed out a batshit crazy idea, so here's one: with the recent WWE raid of NJPW, have an outside organization like RoH or NJPW raid WWE after Wrestlemania and lure away some decent talent. I'd love to see our simulated version of panic booking as crazy poo poo goes down. I'm thinking we'd lose some random midcarders and the "big name" to get lured off would be Randy Orton, given how he's tended to be pissed off with us a lot.

That would give us a crazier than usual Raw after Wrestlemania if we sim that they left right after the show, or we could push it to the raw 8 days after WM. I'm thinking crazier writeups and happenings in the short term, and shorter/easier ones in the future as you write with fewer storylines going on.

On the other hand, I don't think anyone would hold it against you Chunnel if you wrapped things up right after Wrestlemania or any time soon thereafter. I personally love reading this stuff even if I have to wait a month to do so, but if it becomes an albatross for you then don't feel obliged to keep on going.

In any case, thanks for all the hard work keeping this going, even while life kept giving you actual things to do!

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

NowonSA posted:

It's been awhile since I've tossed out a batshit crazy idea, so here's one: with the recent WWE raid of NJPW, have an outside organization like RoH or NJPW raid WWE after Wrestlemania and lure away some decent talent. I'd love to see our simulated version of panic booking as crazy poo poo goes down. I'm thinking we'd lose some random midcarders and the "big name" to get lured off would be Randy Orton, given how he's tended to be pissed off with us a lot.

That would give us a crazier than usual Raw after Wrestlemania if we sim that they left right after the show, or we could push it to the raw 8 days after WM. I'm thinking crazier writeups and happenings in the short term, and shorter/easier ones in the future as you write with fewer storylines going on.

I think it would take a much bigger event than Orton jumping ship to really make things go nuts for us. If in the space of about a week Orton jumped ship, history went the other way and Brock decided to go back to UFC, Bryan's injury flared back up and took him off TV for the rest of the year as in real life, AND Cena got a big Hollywood deal to do some crazy simul-film trilogy movie project that would require him to take most of the year off to be part of it and elected to spank us with his Independant Contractor status, THEN poo poo would hit the proverbial fan. With Roman coming back as a heel, I think Ambrose and Sting would be our only main event level Babyfaces left standing.

GreatestLurker
Sep 12, 2011
Let us just let things be and see what the game conjurs.

It would take much more than 1 big star jumping ship for NJPW/RoH/what have you to become a threat anyway. We'd have to pretty much move half the roster, I'd assume.

Also I just dislike the thought of tinkering too much with the database.

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!
Yeah, I was thinking of just some stuff to shake it up and keep things fresh, rather than turning it into the apocalypse of WWE and us trying to salvage something from the ashes of a hugely depleted roster.

GreatestLurker
Sep 12, 2011

NowonSA posted:

Yeah, I was thinking of just some stuff to shake it up and keep things fresh, rather than turning it into the apocalypse of WWE and us trying to salvage something from the ashes of a hugely depleted roster.

edit: misunderstood you completely.

Iunno' - up to BC.

GreatestLurker fucked around with this message at 23:01 on Jan 6, 2016

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

The problem with dumping guys is that the WWE at this point is so far ahead of everyone else that our top dudes would refuse to stoop to working for anyone else, even if they could be afforded. Hacking in a new contract manually might be possible but I've never done it before.

If we really wanted to challenge ourselves we would turn on economy effects


Doing so would probably put us into an immediate tailspin that we might not be able to get out of, given the number of written contracts we have. The only market that isn't in the toilet at present is Japan, but both economy and industry are on a downward trend there as well.

Basic Chunnel fucked around with this message at 06:05 on Jan 7, 2016

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

Apologies to everyone for this last delay, I usually write & revise while on desk at work but a few weeks ago we received about 700 PCs and I've got to painstakingly track who they're going to in the organization and where they are, and then deliver them. So I've had vanishingly little time compared to the thread's heyday. Also I'm in a position where I'm writing out booking that was run far in advance, so there's no playing the game involved at this juncture. Booking and running shows is fun, writing about them when they're still fresh is work but it's rewarding. Writing about them when they've sat for awhile is actually pretty hard, especially when future possibility (and the way booking allows you to steer the game toward those possibilities) captures the imagination. You lose sight of the vitality of what's in front of you, to an extent. So I've resolved not to get ahead of myself in the future.

I would be remiss to say, also, that I've been putting more work into exploring other forms of extracurricular writing (as well as writing), and while this is a fun hobby for me, it has to come second to things that can get me $$$. So bear with me as I scrounge up time. I've basically got 2 segments and 2 matches to be written for the go-home SD. It'll get there. And then there's a good amount of Wrestlemania already written, thanks to the contributions of readers. Whatever the future of the thread is, there's no way I won't let their writing go to waste.

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

Wow real life seems to mirror our game again because Cage is channeling a bit of Big Poppa Pump in this promo

https://youtu.be/rABkQessohg

Holla if you hear me

GreatestLurker
Sep 12, 2011
So supposedly, there's some sort of converter released along with the new TEW. Gives me hope that this isn't dead in the water, but is that hope even somewhat warranted, BC?

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

The converter works on mod databases, but only original DBs work, which is to say that saves can't be converted. I'm assuming it's because active game / save DBs add a number of new relational tables that don't play well with the converter.

It's no secret that I've slowed down on this, to put it mildly. But I'm through with school forever as of Thursday and at the very least, I want to get to Wrestlemania. I'm considering whether to leave it open or wrap it up Lucha Underground style. Whether we go with a new thread will depend in large part on how intense my new job ends up being.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013




Basic Chunnel posted:

The converter works on mod databases, but only original DBs work, which is to say that saves can't be converted. I'm assuming it's because active game / save DBs add a number of new relational tables that don't play well with the converter.

It's no secret that I've slowed down on this, to put it mildly. But I'm through with school forever as of Thursday and at the very least, I want to get to Wrestlemania. I'm considering whether to leave it open or wrap it up Lucha Underground style. Whether we go with a new thread will depend in large part on how intense my new job ends up being.

If you need help writing you could always enlist help. I'd be willing to take some of the load off you.

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

Basic Chunnel posted:

The converter works on mod databases, but only original DBs work, which is to say that saves can't be converted. I'm assuming it's because active game / save DBs add a number of new relational tables that don't play well with the converter.

It's no secret that I've slowed down on this, to put it mildly. But I'm through with school forever as of Thursday and at the very least, I want to get to Wrestlemania. I'm considering whether to leave it open or wrap it up Lucha Underground style. Whether we go with a new thread will depend in large part on how intense my new job ends up being.

I think after you get to Mania 32 and D-Brys big win you should auto-run it to Mania DALLAS STAR and we can see what our timeline changes wrought and keep up with the current product :D

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

Box. Flipped.
Plaster Town Cop

Basic Chunnel posted:

The converter works on mod databases, but only original DBs work, which is to say that saves can't be converted. I'm assuming it's because active game / save DBs add a number of new relational tables that don't play well with the converter.

It's no secret that I've slowed down on this, to put it mildly. But I'm through with school forever as of Thursday and at the very least, I want to get to Wrestlemania. I'm considering whether to leave it open or wrap it up Lucha Underground style. Whether we go with a new thread will depend in large part on how intense my new job ends up being.

Okay, I'm super glad I didn't miss out on helping with Wrestlemania, because I'll keep the matches I offered to help with!

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

Oney.Lorcan69@wrestlehut.net posted:



WWE Smackdown for week 4 of March 2015 is being taped from the Izod Center in New Jersey before a crowd of 20,213. Beneath our feet, an ominous rumbling is faintly felt... SLAMADU stirs in the deep!!

- - -

DARK: Jason Jordan pins CJ Parker with a spinebuster. D

DARK: Bayley goes over jobber Madison Rayne with a Belly to Bayley. D+

DARK: Sami Zayn puts down El Local Mal #2 with a skull-cracking Mafia Kick. C

DARK: The masked villains haven't learned their lesson as El Local Mal #3 rushes out from the back. Zayn submits El Local Mal #3 with a Koji Clutch in a quick match. C

- - - - -

- Styles, Young and Nash welcome us all to the last SMACKDOWN show, the last climactic WWE programming to air on television, before the WWE descends into Slamadu and emerges stronger than anyone could have ever imagined. Their reverent chatter is interrupted by none other than the Boss, Sasha Banks, whose music hits as she struts out to the stage. She has shutter shades tucked under flawless hair and her manicured hands hold a mic.

"Hey hey hey" she laughs in a scoffing fashion at the restless crowd. "I been hearing about some big ~*Live Event*~, some big party, some show that's gonna show off the best and brightest that this company has to offer" She begins walking down to the ring.

"Well I know that ain't true because I ain't seen no card with MY name on it. If this company can't recognize greatness, it's cool, you just won't be seeing' me there, and there ain't nothin to see unless the Boss is an attendance. Y'all can't say you didn't bring it on yourselves." She laughs at the jeering crowd. "Hell, let's get somebody out here, my blood's up." She hands her earrings to the ref as Eiffel 65's eurobeat hit "Blue" hits! A woman we've never seen before (announcer says Leva Bates?) skips down to the ring and we start our match.

Long story short, Leva isn't completely out of it for TOO long but this is a squash by any other name. Some stiffs slaps and kicks, a brutal draped-across-the-turnbuckle elevated knee drop, and a Bank Statement are all the Boss requires to get the win. The crowd was cold but these Jersey bitches will recognize one day. Banks antagonizes the crowd while we cut to the back. D

- - - - -

- Backstage, Beth Pheonix is at the craft services table with the Divas title slung over her shoulder, texting on her phone. She looks up (and the camera pans) to see AJ Lee take a plate and start loading it up. The two eye each other cooly. "What do you think your chances are?" Phoenix's voice is casual. "Honestly, do you think you can beat me?"

Lee is unbowed. "I know I can." Phoenix chuckles, walking up to Lee with a sneer. "In case it hasn't registered with you, I came back to the WWE for one reason - to stand atop the Diva's division and hold this title. It's needed me, it's needed the seriousness that I give it. I'm not done yet, not by a long shot. So if you want to try and take this from me, go on ahead. I'm always open to easy wins." Beth chuckles again and walks away, Lee fuming behind hit. B

- - - - -

- Up next we're treated to Stardust vs. Rey Mysterio. Really wish Rey was in his prime - not that Stardust is carrying him, necessarily, but I just can't keep my mind off of how this match would
play out with two knee-owning workers. Still, there's a good amount of flying in this match, though it isn't the most spectacular out there. With Rey going safe with bumps and Stardust's meat-and-potatoes aerial arsenal, it's engaging but not spectacular.

Mysterio avoids and counters for the first half of the match but Stardust gets steadily more aggressive and catches up to the veteran. Rey sees a glimmer of hope toward the end and sets up the 619 - but
the extraterrestrial superstar quickly recovers as Rey runs the ropes and manages to catch him on the rebound with a Disaster Kick that gets the pinfall. After the match, Stardust presses his ear to the mat, as if hearing something deep under the ground, and he cackles menacingly. B

- - - - -

- Backstage we see Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods and Big E - The New Day! Kofi and Xavier are hyped up as Big E stands tall, looking forward, and the two exhort his virtues. Kofi looks incredulous. "Can you imagine any man, Russian -" Xavier interrupts "Bulgarian! Bulgarian." Kofi shakes his head and gestures at the massive man beside him "BULGARIAN or otherwise, who could hope to match the sheer power and the prowess of this man?" Big E is still staring ahead but is clearly getting pumped. "Power and prowess energized by POSITIVITY AND SPIRIT." They start clapping and chanting and Big E points at the camera, yelling "I'm comin for that title!" before joining in the celebration. C

- - - - -

- Next up we have Christian vs. the BRC's Curtis Axel. A methodical and precise match between two seasoned workers. But Axel is cocky, per usual, and eats poo poo while gloating to his ringside
comrades on more than one occasion. The man is... not smart. Christian goads him into charging him in the corner, which gets him a kick in the face for his trouble, and that's enough to hit the
Killswitch for the pinfall. The rest of the BRC charges the ring after the fall but Christian evades them and walks up the ramp, smiling and playing to the crowd. B-

- - - - -

- We're backstage again, and where else but the office of Commissioner Angle? But Angle is not there, instead there's Triple H, looking idly at knickknacks on the shelf behind the desk with his hands in the pockets of his slacks. From behind him, Angle walks in, suddenly wary. "I don't remember inviting you in." Trips smirks. "Well, it doesn't take a lot for the COO to get whatever keys he needs, when he needs them."

"So what need brings you to my office?" Trips sidles up to Angle casually, and looks him in the eye dispassionately. "I need to figure out where I'm gonna put my things once you're all moved out. I'm thinking I'm gonna put my skull helmet from Wrestlemania 29... Right over here" he points out a spot in the corner. "Haven't figured where I'm gonna keep this year's prop. Somewhere nice and visible. Might knock down this wall here, put up a window. I find it pays to make yourself visible to the people who work for you." He holds up a finger, and points it away as he speaks. "More importantly, it pays to be aware of what's going on out there." Angle scoffs. "Oh, I think I'm aware enough." Trips purses his lips, and he sounds almost disappointed. "You know what? I'm not so sure about that."

A figure blurs into frame as Jackson Shaw blindsides Angle! The Commissioner is knocked into his desk as the southern psychopath wails on him. He picks him up by his lapel and hurls him clear over the desk, knocking over all its contents with a clatter. Shaw leaps over the desk and resumes the beat down on Angle now out of frame, then reaches out and wrenches the bookshelf from the wall. Triple H gingerly steps out of the way as the shelf crashes down, prevented from fully collapsing to the floor by the desk, all the books and objects raining down in a cacophony of noise. Shaw, now panting, walks out of the office. Triple H chuckles. "Never too soon to start remodeling."

Before he can leave, Randy Orton suddenly appears! Trips looks uncertain for a moment as Orton stares him down, but the Viper instead rushes to check on Angle. Trips stands for a moment, looking around, before stepping carefully over a smashed box - the glimmer of a gold disc peeking out - and out of the office. A

- - - - -

- Styles and Nash argue over the implications of what we just saw before our next match starts - Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler. Sheamus comes out in typical fashion with a "fella", interacts with fans in the front row, etc. Ziggler follows in highly untypical fashion, stopping for his signature dance but not actually turning around - as the stadium lights flicker above him, he simply stands and breathes, motionless for a few moments, before trudging down to the ring.

Per usual for this matchup, it's a stiff-hitting force versus a well-selling object. But Ziggler is more hard-charging than usual, giving as good as he gets at a faster clip, shaking off the big hits quicker. Still, the Irishman is energized and aggressive with his brawling and powers out of Ziggler's technical maneuvers even as the latter breaks away before effective counters can be deployed. With each man set in their game plan, it's a war of attrition - and Ziggler seems to be digging deeper. A big Oklahoma slam gets a two count and a White Noise gets 2.9, and while Ziggler's slowing down he's not staying down. He counters an irish whip into a jumping DDT that gets two, but Sheamus rallies, belting his opponent with a stiff lariat.

Sheamus begins pounding his chest in anticipation of the Brogue Kick, and Ziggler stumbles up - but barely dodges the finisher, pivoting immediately into a superkick as Sheamus turns around and landing him straight on his back. Ziggler is mad now, and stalks the dazed Sheamus as he rises, easily hitting a Famouser. Having lost patience, Ziggler brings Sheamus up and hits a violent, jerking Zig-Zag to get the 3. B-

- The ref moves to raise Ziggler's hand but Ziggler ignores him, like he's not even there. He simply stares into space, hunched over on the mat.

Ziggler seems to snap out of it for a moment, looking around and letting the confused ref hold up his arm. But as he stands there and his music plays, his face changes. Brow furrowing, lips curling, breathing suddenly heavy. All of a sudden the lights in the stadium flicker, and Ziggler's head turns this way and that, as though trying to place a noise, and his body tenses visibly as he looks down with wild eyes. He collapses with his knees to the mat, and at first he touches the mat gently, dropping his head down to listen... but then he begins pounding the canvas wildly!

Sheamus is recovering in the corner and sees this strange spectacle, rearing himself up. Ziggler, now muttering to himself, has stopped hitting the mat and gets up calmly, turns around - and gets a face full of shoe lift! Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick!

Sheamus looks fired up, but he turns around to see Ziggler standing behind him! The Show Off hadn't even stayed on the mat for a split second and now eyes Sheamus coldly. Sheamus knows a bad thing when he sees it and scrambles out of the ring immediately. Ziggler does not follow, he simply stares as his opponent retreats up the ramp hastily.

Suddenly, the lights flicker again, and Ziggler again has weathered whatever trance he was in. Seeing Sheamus walking backward up the ramp, Ziggler wobbles, then collapses one knee as the ref checks on him. B-

- - - - -

- Here we have a lavish video package for WM30 - we open on a strange, misshapen landscape, a white sun gleaming coolly through a red sky, and the camera pans over colossal iron statues of many prominent WWE superstars dug into the side of a barren, lifeless mountain - Ambrose, Rollins, Orton, Shaw, Phoenix, Lee, Cena, Cesaro. At the top we see the massive visages of Daniel Bryan and Brock Lesnar, facing one another. The discordant howl of a choir rises as the eyes of the two main event contenders begin to glow, and the ground shakes violently as one after another, the other statues collapse into the mountain as it caves in spectacularly. As the fissure reaches the feet of Lesnar and Bryan, the camera pans upward and the two remaining statues sink below the frame. In the dim red sky, the stars scatter and swing violently, until they spontaneously arrange themselves into the shape of the WWE WHC belt, and the sound falls into silence for an extended period. The video ends showing nothing more. The crowd didn't know what to make of this, but they were staring glassily at the Titantron for the duration. B+

- - - - -

- For a minute or two, the announcers seem to have lost the ability to speak legibly, as they spout complete gibberish, but eventually they regain the power of rudimentary speech and finally the ability to speak in full sentences. They choose not to acknowledge the events of the last while, however. As Renee and Nash hype up WM30, Joey Styles seems to come to some revelation. He interrupts his fellows: "Did you see that?"
Nash cocks an eye at him, "see what?"
"The promo, man!"
"Dude we just got back from commercial, relax."
"But did you see it? The red sky, the mountain, the stars! My God, the stars."
"Are you off your meds, man?" Styles realizes that Nash isn't about to come around, and so abruptly he bolts, scrambling over the desk and getting caught by the wire of the headset he wears. "Where are you going?" asks Nash, but Styles simply moans "There's no time, there's no time." as he disentangles himself and begins running up the ramp.

Nash and Renee get back to the action as we arrive at our main event of Jackson Shaw vs. Ryback! Shaw emerges to thunderous boos with a characteristically smug Triple H by his side, walking down the ramp with purpose. As he warms up in the ring we see Ryback's hulking frame enter the stage, and he does all his usual crowd-pleasing chants and rituals and what not. More eye-catching is Big Poppa Pump Samuel Vaughan, who poses down in sync with Ryback's hype-building exercises.

This one goes about as well as you'd expect, though the palpable feeling of nameless dread that drapes itself over the arena adds a little something to the match. Ryback goes all out in his hoss approach but that just means that he's a bull in a shop full of highly agile china. He gets some big hits in - a corner clothesline that Shaw can't avoid, a walking sidewalk slam that gets good air on the way down - but Shaw is tough as well as spry, and when he wears down the Big Guy's right knee it's in long strings of strikes and stretches. When Ryback's clocked with a flying forearm, Shaw takes the opportunity to slap on the Calf Killer and Ryback can't shake him. Ryback taps for a win with a disquieting sense of finality. Vaughan gets up on the apron to aid his partner but Triple H sneakily cuts his legs out from under him, causing him to be stunned as his head hits the apron, and Triple H catches the young muscle freak with a Pedigree on the floor. He and Shaw walk to the back against the backdrop of an angry crowd. B

- - - - -

- Somewhere in the back, we see Joey Styles frantically digging into a dusty crate, tossing away forgotten costumes (Koko B. Ware and the Spirit Squad are among those seen), props and knick-knacks, until he seems to come upon what he was searching for - a large safe. With a shaky hand, he produces a coal black key from his pocket and inserts it into a slot. He produces a second, blood red key and inserts it into another. Finally, he holds his breath as he carefully enters a combination on the combination lock, and with a *thunk* the door unlocks, a plume of dust coating Styles' glasses. He hurriedly wipes them off as the door creaks open, then reaches inside - and pulls out a thick black tome, bound in black leather. Before Smackdown ends, we catch a glimpse of a word scrawled red with a wild hand upon the black cover of the book - Power. B+

- - -

That was a pretty good show but I'm scared now and I don't know why!! That's a B for sure.

Basic Chunnel fucked around with this message at 22:02 on Jun 10, 2016

I Before E
Jul 2, 2012

Ooh, very Lucha Underground.

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Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

Can we have Big Poppa Cage use the Steiner Screwdriver as his finisher? Will he kill any wrestlers?

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