The Royal Rumble Roulette Teams Thread & Shit-Talking Station

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > The Royal Rumble Roulette Teams Thread & Shit-Talking Station

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HOTLANTA MAN: Jul 4, 2010; by Hand Knit; Lipstick Apathy

Moving to name Team 24 Team Unununium

(also we have three winners! Hogan in 91, Rock in 2000 and Motherfucking Stone Cold Steve Austin in 98. Y'all are hosed)

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:03

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 14:15

Thauros: Jan 29, 2003

What's that site that does the history for each number anyway? Curious about #19.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:05

Shima Honnou: Dec 1, 2010; The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit; College Slice

Lazer posted:

Hey Look! Team 12.

I hereby call us Team Sele�nium.

We've produced no Rumble winners, but at least we know we'll be able to stop any Nitrogen based alien lifeforms from taking over the WWE Heavyweight Title picture. All while remaining dandruff free. Maybe with all this Evolution talk, we'll get Randy Orton!

Stardust hasn't got a chance with us around.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:06

birdlaw: Dec 25, 2006

Thauros posted:

I wish Atticus had finally gone with the Pokemon theme so we could've been Team Tauros.

If #20 Team Argon objects to us using the Argonauts name, then I propose naming #9 Team Blastoise.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:08

Sticky Nate: Jan 9, 2012

Last year team 5 (Team SILICON) had Kane, who killed CM Punk forever so I hope we get Kane again and he kills Daniel Bryan forever. Take your magic, voodoo-healed neck and dick back to Washington, nerd.

Sticky Nate fucked around with this message at 01:30 on Jan 24, 2015

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:08

BoredDG: Aug 10, 2013

For the benefit of Team Ruthenium Aggression, here are all the number 2s and their times:

1988 - Tito Santana - 10:41
1989 - Smash - 4:55 *
1990 - Koko B. Ware - 1:36 *
1991 - Dino Bravo - 3:06 *
1992 - Ted Dibiase - 1:18 *
1993 - Bob Backlund - 1:01:10
1994 - Samu - 3:13 *
1995 - The British Bulldog - 38:41
1996 - Henry O. Godwinn - 16:24
1997 - Ahmed Johnson - 3:02 (eliminated himself)
1998 - Chainsaw Charlie - 25:19
1999 - Mr. McMahon - 56:38 (Won the Rumble)
2000 - Grand Master Sexay - 7:42
2001 - Bull Buchanan - 2:08 *
2002 - Goldust - 13:00
2003 - Chris Jericho - 38:54
2004 - Randy Orton - 33:43
2005 - Chris Benoit - 47:26
2006 - Rey Mysterio - 1:02:12 (Won the Rumble)
2007 - Finlay - 32:33
2008 - Shawn Michaels - 32:39
2009 - John Morrison - 19:32
2010 - Evan Bourne - 2:26 *
2011 - Daniel Bryan - 20:55
2012 - Alex Riley - 1:15 *
2013 - Chris Jericho - 47:53
2014 - Seth Rollins - 48:31

The shortest time was Alex Riley in 2012.The longest was Rey Mysterio in 2006, with Bob Backlund in second place. Only Chris Jericho has had 2 twice. But do you see those stars? Those are the wrestlers who were eliminated first, before anyone else. That's the risk of being number two. But 2 has won not once, but twice, and on Sunday everyone will see Ruthenium Agrression when we win again!

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:17

Codependent Poster: Oct 20, 2003

Petitioning Team 24 to be Team Thorium.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:21

No Irish Need Imply: Nov 30, 2008

BoredDG posted:

2012 - Alex Riley - 1:15 *

GOD gently caress ALEX RILEY

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:22

Happyman: Jul 20, 2011; Say, do you take your mask off when you go to the bathroom?

~~I claim Helium in the name of Team #1, because we're rising straight to the top, brother.~~

Happyman fucked around with this message at 01:27 on Jan 24, 2015

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:23

Good Listener: Sep 2, 2006; Ask me about moons
Fact #1 The Moon is really cool

Tonfa posted:

23, Team Manganese is going to have surprise entrant Okada-san win it all and go to Wrestlemania

23 is going to relive its Lex Luger glory days. All aboard the Manganese express :c00l:

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:26

21 Hoot Salute: Feb 8, 2005; Night-time, turn around
Lonely is the city tonight
Night-time, all around
Lonely in the city tonight

Jayou posted:

When you think of for you may think of The Four Horsemen, Maybe even The Fantastic Four. When you combine this with Platinum and everything it stands for you get class, you get style. Its a combination that is destined for success....

4
2014: Cody Rhodes
2013: Kofi Kingston
2012: Cody Rhodes
2011: Zack Ryder
2010: JTG
2009: MVP
2008: The Great Khali
2007: Matt Hardy
2006: Psicosis
2005: Hardcore Holly
2004: Tajiri
2003: Rey Mysterio
2002: Bradshaw
2001: Farooq
2000: Christian
1999: Droz
1998: The Rock
1997: Rocky Maivia
1996: Jerry Lawler
1995: Duke "The Dumpster" Droese
1994: Kwang
1993: Ted DiBiase
1992: Jerry Sags
1991: Paul Roma
1990: Jake Roberts
1989: Mr. Perfect
1988: Jim Neidhart

..... We are going to get the Bunny arent we?

holy poo poo

with such an epic # 4 roster backing us up, there's no way we DON'T take this

also haha

1998: The Rock
1997: Rocky Maivia

the difference a year makes

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:27

skaboomizzy: Nov 12, 2003; There is nothing I want to be. There is nothing I want to do.
I don't even have an image of what I want to be. I have nothing. All that exists is zero.

Team 9, the Noble Argonauts, will teach you peasants the true meaning of victory.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:29

Karmine: Oct 23, 2003; If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine.

If we're doing cute team nicknames I hereby christen team 21 the Iridi-Yum-Yums.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:34

NutritiousSnack: Jul 12, 2011

oatgan posted:

team 14 is the only one worth its own weight

look out, we weigh alot

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:34

Daniel Bryan: May 23, 2006; GOAT

Here's #5 up through 2013.

In 2014, we got KANE who lasted 55 seconds, eliminated no one and was eliminated by CM Punk. Though he did show up later to retire Punk from pro wrestling.

This should help those who want stats. Should be accurate up to 2013 at least.

http://www.reddit.com/r/SquaredCircle/search?q=rumble+by+the+numbers&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all

We had Steve Austin???

Daniel Bryan fucked around with this message at 01:45 on Jan 24, 2015

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:39

oatgan: Jan 15, 2009

NutritiousSnack posted:

look out, we weigh alot

i'll say

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:42

Jeabus Mahogany: Feb 13, 2011; I'm mad because of a thorn in my impenetrable hide

I'm calling 27 Team Yard Dogs because no one is here to stop me.

e: Oh, I guess the rules stopped me. My bad.

Jeabus Mahogany fucked around with this message at 03:40 on Jan 24, 2015

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:44

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

Team 16 represent, let's have a look at the long list of incredible talent that has taken up Glorious Team Livermorium's banner in the past.

code:

Year	Entrant				Eliminations
1988	Hillbilly Jim			1: Jim Neidhart
1989	Arn Anderson			3: Shawn Michaels (w/ Randy Savage), Marty Jannetty (w/ Tully Blanchard) & Tito Santana (w/ Randy Savage)
1990	Akeem the African Dream		None
1991	Hawk				2: Jimmy Snuka & The Undertaker (w/ Animal)
1992	Jake Roberts			None
1993	Terry Taylor			None
1994	Mabel				1: Diesel (w/ Crush, Bam Bam Bigelow & Sparky Plugg)
1995	Mo				None
1996	Squat Team #2			None
1997	Mark Mero			None
1998	Mankind				1: Chainsaw Charlie (also Tom Brandi (w/ Chainsaw Charlie) as Cactus Jack & Blackjack Bradshaw & Henry Godwinn as Dude Love)
1999	Goldust				None
2000	Crash Holly			None
2001	Bradshaw			None
2002	The Godfather			None
2003	Rosey				None
2004	A-Train				None
2005	Charlie Haas			None
2006	Johnny Nitro			2: Tatanka (w/ Joey Mercury) & Joey Mercury
2007	Randy Orton			2: Super Crazy (w/ Edge) & Matt Hardy
2008	The Miz				None
2009	The Undertaker			3: JTG, Shelton Benjamin & Chris Jericho
2010	The Miz				None
2011	Tyler Reks			None
2012	Hunico				None
2013	Bo Dallas			1: Wade Barrett
2014    The Great Khali                 None

Jesus loving christ there's like three decent wrestlers out of the lot of them. Who the gently caress is Squat Team #2? We couldn't even get Squat Team #1? We're so hosed.

edited with eliminations. I defy anyone to find a number with a larger number of "None" entries.

Memento fucked around with this message at 01:50 on Jan 24, 2015

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:45

Demp: Nov 5, 2003; GLORIOUS

Sasha aint ratchet posted:

E:fb

Okay so let's try Team Ytterbium for team 13

13 had the first ever Rumble winner in Hacksaw Jim Duggan and goddammit, we can do it again!

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:46

dsriggs: May 28, 2012; MONEY FALLS...

...FROM THE SKY...

...WHENEVER HE POSTS!

#11

quote:

1988: Don Muraco
1989: The Honky Tonk Man
1990: Andre the Giant
1991: Tito Santana
1992: Greg Valentine
1993: Skinner
1994: Randy Savage
1995: Owen Hart
1996: Takao Ōmori
1997: Mil Mascaras
1998: D'Lo Brown
1999: Mabel
2000: The British Bulldog
2001: Grand Master Sexay
2002: Maven
2003: B²
2004: Booker T
2005: Chris Jericho
2006: Carlito
2007: CM Punk
2008: Jamie Noble
2009: Chris Jericho
2010: John Morrison
2011: Mark Henry
2012: Kofi Kingston
2013: Sheamus
2014: Dean Ambrose

Truly, the king of numbers.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:50

Boardroom Jimmy: Aug 20, 2006; Ahhh ballet

EDIT: ^What he said^

Technetium Team 2000 is due. Number 11 has been trending up for the past decade or so.

1988: Don Muraco - Lasted 16:16 with 3 eliminations
1989: The Honky Tonk Man - Lasted 4:12 with 0 eliminations
1990: Andre the Giant - Lasted 10:16 with 2 eliminations
1991: Tito Santana - Lasted 30:23 with 0 eliminations
1992: Greg Valentine - Lasted 4:12 with 0 eliminations
1993: Skinner - Lasted 3:05 with 0 eliminations
1994: Randy Savage - Lasted 4:38 with 1 elimination
1995: Owen Hart - Lasted 0:03 with 0 eliminations
1996: Takeo Omori - Lasted 2:48 with 0 eliminations
1997: Mil Mascaras - Lasted 7:28 with 2 eliminations (not sure if this includes him eliminating himself or not)
1998: D'Lo Brown - Lasted 32:21 with 1 elimination
1999: Mabel - Lasted 1:26 with 5 eliminations
2000: The British Bulldog - Lasted 15:22 with 1 elimination
2001: Grand Master Sexay - Lasted 1:03 with 0 eliminations
2002: Maven - Lasted 3:34 with 1 elimination
2003: B2 - Lasted 0:24 with 0 eliminations
2004: Booker T: Lasted 9:11 with 2 eliminations
2005: Chris Jericho: Lasted 28:22 with 2 eliminations
2006: Carlito: Lasted 38:29 with 2 eliminations
2007: CM Punk: Lasted 27:16 with 1 elimination
2008: Jamie Noble: Lasted 0:28 with 0 eliminations
2009: Chris Jericho: Lasted 37:17 with 1 elimination
2010: John Morrison: Lasted 11:37 with 0 eliminations
2011: Mark Henry: Lasted 7:04 with 2 eliminations
2012: Kofi Kingston: Lasted 17:55 with 0 eliminations
2013: Sheamus: Lasted 37:23 with 4 eliminations
2014: Dean Ambrose: Lasted 33:36 with 3 eliminations

We're due.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:50

Blasmeister: Jan 15, 2012; 2Time TRP Sack Race Champion

Teddybear posted:

Winners from number 28:

Batista, 2005 (after tearing Vince's quad)
Batista, 2014 (after busting the fans' balls)

Notable losers from number 28:

Rick Rude, 1990 (finished 3rd)
Santino Marella, 2009 (lasted one second)

This is all bad. All of it.

I dub Team 28 the Wooden Nickel. Because we ain't worth poo poo.

All in on the glorious Batista threepeat!

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:51

Thauros: Jan 29, 2003

If you're looking for the history of your number Reddit has a series up(thanks to Awful Jack for link)

19's a mixed bag. Only one winner (Cena) but a few big names and legends mixed in with the usual jobbers.

Sorry for the thumbnails, the normal program I use to capture images in a non table breaking size on my rMBP isn't working correctly right now for some reason.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:54

VoLaTiLe: Oct 21, 2010; He's Behind you

Memento posted:

Jesus loving christ there's like three decent wrestlers out of the lot of them. Who the gently caress is Squat Team #2? We couldn't even get Squat Team #1? We're so hosed.

edited with eliminations. I defy anyone to find a number with a larger number of "None" entries.

We go to war Brothers the other numbers shall feel our hot, warm and sticky victory all over their panic stricken faces :jihad:

.....yea thats alot of suck in the past years

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:56

Twisted Eye: Jan 6, 2011

TotalHell posted:

Oh hell yeah, 20 is my lucky number.

I'm proposing Team Argon, as we'll be the only ones left standing when all the other competitors ARGON.

drat straight. Go 20, our victory is a f-argon conclusion

# ? Jan 24, 2015 02:07

Gaspar Lewis: Nov 30, 2007; by Lowtax

ALL TEAMS NOT NUMBERED NINETEEN: THE gently caress OUTTA HERE WITH THAT DOGSHIT

# ? Jan 24, 2015 02:07

Another Person: Oct 21, 2010

HOTLANTA MAN posted:

Moving to name Team 24 Team Unununium

(also we have three winners! Hogan in 91, Rock in 2000 and Motherfucking Stone Cold Steve Austin in 98. Y'all are hosed)

24 is the best fucken team, no jobbers here

e; except jbl

# ? Jan 24, 2015 02:12

ARMBAR A COP: Nov 24, 2007

Please to spell "XENON" as such. Just like KENTA.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 02:12

Metal Ray Sunshine: Jun 16, 2009; Muta's Mating Dance Rates a 5 on the Muta Scale

I vote our team name, team 27, be named after the most crafty of elements. the Element of SURPRISE

# ? Jan 24, 2015 02:21

Evil Canadian: Sep 10, 2000; No one man should have all that Psycho-Power.

Metal Ray Sunshine posted:

I vote our team name, team 27, be named after the most crafty of elements. the Element of SURPRISE

I agree with this. #27 did not produce the most winners in rumble history by playing by the rules!

# ? Jan 24, 2015 02:33

bean mom: Jan 30, 2009

Metal Ray Sunshine posted:

I vote our team name, team 27, be named after the most crafty of elements. the Element of SURPRISE

# ? Jan 24, 2015 03:12

BGrifter: Mar 16, 2007; Winner of Something Awful PS5 thread's Posting Excellence Award June 2022

Congratulations!

Holy poo poo the list for #26 starts off ok with Michaels and Hogan but goddamn does it fall apart.

The Barbarian
Shawn Michaels
Jim Niedhart
Hulk Hogan
Rick Martel
Rick Martel again
Steven Dunn
Fatu
Mank Ind
Savio Vega
The World's Happiest Champion Mark Henry
The Big Show
Scotty Too Hotty
Kurt Angle
Maven
Charlie Haas
Gene Snitsky
Chris Masters
MVP
Chavo Guerrero
The Brian Kendrick
Jack Swagger
Kofi Kingston
Bad News Barrett
Randall Keith Orton
Ryback

All I can say is, we're due. #26 has never produced a winner.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 03:26

GrimGypsy: Mar 27, 2007

Alright TEAM #7 Team Americium, here's our stats

1988: Jim Brunzell lasted 12:06, 1 elimination, eliminated by Volkoff
1989: Jake the Snake Roberts lasted 2:06, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Andre The Giant
1990: The Warlord lasted 8:16, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Andre The Giant
1991: Saba Simba lasted 2:27, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Rick Martel
1992: Tito Santana lasted 13:55, 1 elimination, eliminated by Shawn Michaels
1993: Jerry Lawler lasted 14:35, 1 elimination, eliminated by Mr. Perfect
1994: Diesel lasted 17:41, 7 eliminations, eliminated by several competitors
1995: Tim Prichard lasted 5:30, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Shawn Michaels
1996: Jake the Snake Roberts lasted 14:39, 2 eliminations, eliminated by Vader
1997: Jake the Snake Roberts lasted 1:10, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Steve Austin
1998: 8-Ball lasted 30:43, 1 elimination, eliminated by Steve Austin
1999: Steve Blackman lasted 7:22, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Mabel and Singh
2000: Steve Blackman lasted 0:44, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Rikishi
2001: Raven lasted 8:51, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Kane
2002: Billy lasted 3:37, 1 elimination, eliminated by The Undertaker
2003: Chavo Guerrero lasted 7:10, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Edge
2004: Matt Hardy lasted 14:18, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Rene Dupree
2005: Edge lasted 40:19, 5 eliminations, eliminated by Batista and Cena
2006: Johnathan Coachman lasted 0:30, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Big Show
2007: Sabu lasted 5:28, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Kane
2008: Tommy Dreamer lasted 2:09, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Batista
2009: HHH lasted 49:55, 6 eliminations, eliminated by Randy Orton
2010: Zack Ryder lasted 0:32, 0 eliminations, eliminated by CM Punk
2011: John Morrison lasted 13:24, 0 eliminations, eliminated by CM Punk & Nexus guys
2012: Mick Foley lasted 6:34, 3 eliminations, eliminated by Cody Rhodes
2013: Titus O'Neil lasted 7:30, 0 eliminations, eliminated by David Otunga
2014: Jack Swagger lasted 12:07, 0 eliminations, eliminated by Kevin Nash

We have NEVER produced a winner. Our best performances were Edge, Disel, and HHH, and it appears our greatest nemesis is whichever big Hall of Famer happens to be wandering around at the time. Our average lasting time isn't bad, but #7 has only accounted for eliminating 27 people across all Royal Rumbles - the vast majority of which were Edge, Diesel, and HHH.

History suggests we should expect a midcarder with middling popularity and no push behind them, and we're fairly unlikely to get a comedy or surprise entrant.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 03:32

nooneofconsequence: Oct 30, 2012; she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

xNarUtoRKOrton420x posted:

EDIT: Oh we're Team Radon

Team Radon: We'll... kill you slowly?

I'm bad at this.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 04:14

TERRIBLE SHITLORD: Oct 20, 2005; MY NIGGA HAVE
YOU TRIED LSD

TEAM 30 LETS GO!

I bet it's either The Ryback or The Big Red Accountant.

TERRIBLE SHITLORD fucked around with this message at 04:22 on Jan 24, 2015

# ? Jan 24, 2015 04:20

Daniel Bryan: May 23, 2006; GOAT

Catpiss Neverclean posted:

TEAM 30 LETS GO!

Did you know that the coveted number 30 spot has produced the same number of winners as number one?

# ? Jan 24, 2015 04:22

HOTLANTA MAN: Jul 4, 2010; by Hand Knit; Lipstick Apathy

Official Team Name of Team Unununium shall now be Team Unununium Yum Yum in honor of fallen hero Big Daddy Yum Yum

# ? Jan 24, 2015 04:25

Cavauro: Jan 9, 2008

nooneofconsequence posted:

Team Radon: We'll... kill you slowly?

I'm bad at this.

I'm sorry

# ? Jan 24, 2015 04:28

Shayna Baszler: Oct 24, 2001; i'll always take care of you; Muldoon

I'm on team 25 and I say we're Arsenic

# ? Jan 24, 2015 04:33

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 14:15

Quantrill: Nov 18, 2005

Team 12 Selenium (whatever that is), this is our year! Maybe!

# ? Jan 24, 2015 04:36

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > The Royal Rumble Roulette Teams Thread & Shit-Talking Station

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