|
a family of nomads are wandering the desert chasing mirages in desperation and finally at a tiny oasis they see a you-are-here sign and it says they are in the middle of the former pacific ocean the dad sarcastically thanks obama
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:05
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 18, 2024 03:08 |
|
|
Acne Rain posted:the moon is an egg and that's why it's gaining mass I like this one
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:07
|
|
|
A man finds out that his wife's dinners are made of whatever the cat brought in. And that cat was Hitler, so it brought Jews.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:09
|
|
|
the worlds last bible falls down a well followed immediately by a man gay marrying a turtle
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:09
|
|
|
There was a brief thread about John Titor, the time-traversing poster. I ain't got search, but an it's interesting theme to follow. Perhaps after many attempts, he's finally able to only connect to 2015 internet subforum FYAD to get out his urgent message to save humanity. Kills self.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:13
|
|
|
In the future, death row inmates are given the choice of either being executed or going on the United Corporations of America(tm)'s favorite game show: The Walking Briskly Guy. Can a falsely convicted morbidly obese Hitler make it to the end to clear his name?
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:15
|
|
|
Religions are actually terrorism memes sent from aliens in the future to thin our numbers so they can win the war.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:18
|
|
|
exspurt analcyst posted:There was a brief thread about John Titor, the time-traversing poster. I ain't got search, but an it's interesting theme to follow. Just watch steins;gate it's probably better
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:24
|
|
|
There is a private detective who recently lost his wife. He's investigating a strange series of murders happening. One day he goes to a psychic and the psychic says his wife had unfinished business. They do that scene from ghost with whoopie Goldberg and the wife tells him to go do a bunch of specific things. Turns out those specific things were all set ups for "accidental" deaths. The psychic is the mastermind behind it all. And the detective has to chase him down across America. After years of searching he finds his location but it turns out it's in a coffin in a graveyard. What a waste of time.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:30
|
|
|
Acne Rain posted:a ghost is trying to find his identity, but it turns out he was a cat and not a guy that was a nice game
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:38
|
|
|
Someone discovers that people only exist when other people look at them, the rest of the time they're tormented in hell by demons with pitchforks who want their souls. Government surveillance is a plot by the vatican to observe everybody and keep people out of hell. Ends with a news report about a vitamin deficiency causing blindness, while a man with a forked tail laughs in his Monsanto lab coat.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 19:48
|
|
|
A bee stings a man in the nose and the stinger falls out. The bee dies. The man is allergic to bee stings and also dies. The detached stinger goes on to be President of the United States.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:10
|
|
|
Everything the government does is a false flag operation to cover up their real job: drug dealing
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:11
|
|
|
A man goes to Hell, but surprisingly enough, seems to love it there! Satan goes out of his mind trying to torture the man, but nothing seems to work. It turns out that the man was Hitler, and he loves it there because he gets to see all those Jews burning eternally (because they didn't accept Jesus, duh). Satan decides to force the man's soul into a newborn baby Jew as a form of poetic justice. The twist is that the baby was Bibi Netanyahu.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:19
|
|
|
It turns out cats are a mass hallucination.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:22
|
|
|
Dogs may seem to be Man's best friend, but the twist is that they are in fact just cats with better social skills and less shame.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:24
|
|
|
man living suspiciously perfect life suspects that his every waking moment is being recorded for a TV show turns out he's just schizophrenic
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:24
|
|
|
"Welcome to a land called Gor!"
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:25
|
|
|
With his last breath a dying man mutters "Redrum". Realizing that it's actually 'murder' backwards, the police start an investigation to get to the bottom of the story. The twist is that Redrum was the man's sled.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:28
|
|
|
While filming an episode of the twilight zone, a lighting engineer falls to his death. The investigator points out that the twilight zone hasn't been made for years and the whole set dissolves into mist.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:31
|
|
|
A couple is trapped in a blizzard and things look bleak. Why does God torment them so capriciously? After a heroic effort to survive, they eventually succumb and freeze to death. It turns out they were living in a snowglobe being shaken by a child.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:32
|
|
|
astronaut crash lands on a strange new planet where the denizens are humanoid, yet incredibly hostile and speak bizarre gibberish. turns out he landed in Texas
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:35
|
|
|
A man flees a squad of Hitler clones. Everywhere he turns, Hitler torments him. The Hitlers capture him and strap him to an operating table. It turns out everyone in the world is Hitler except for this guy and the Hitlers are trying to "help" him by giving him surgery to look "normal."
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:35
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:A man flees a squad of Hitler clones. Everywhere he turns, Hitler torments him. The Hitlers capture him and strap him to an operating table. And that man was called Ted Rall.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:37
|
|
|
A goon who was previously invisible begins to branch out and make new threads. Surprisingly to himself, he begins to notice that his threads are popular and he has become a beloved member of the Something Awful community. The episode begins with a healthy looking, but somewhat nerdy young man of about 17 making a post and all of the rest of the episode is told only through his online posts. He posts often in threads about crossfit complaining about people at his gym curling in the squat rack, keeping him from performing his daily squats. He posts about these "totally crazy" chicks he has met on Tinder, etc. Basically posts that paint him to be a socially well functioning and normal person. The last shot of the episode pans out from the computer screen and shows a now morbidly obese man of about 30, almost completely bald and covered in Cheetos dust. In the background, a woman yells "Honey, your TV dinner is ready!" The man replies "just bring it to me, mom!" and starts chugging a 2 liter of Mountain Dew. He begins making a post in the AUG thread making fun of an obese woman with an overbite. Obligatory Handle fucked around with this message at 20:50 on Feb 4, 2015 |
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:43
|
|
|
A blue hedgehog becomes famous for running fast and foiling a fat scientist's evil schemes. At first he enjoys his fame and lives the high life, but gradually comes to realize that his fanbase is composed almost entirely of the most reprehensible people imaginable. He does everything he can to sabotage his own career and drive fans away, but no matter what he does, these horrible people just love him more! Eventually he can't take it anymore and commits suicide. A man reading about the suicide in a newspaper shakes his head and clucks his tongue, remarking to his companion that he's baffled by how someone beloved by so many could want to kill himself.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:56
|
|
|
An innocent teenager is given the death sentence. The camera slowly zooms out to reveal a calendar with the far future date of "2016" on it.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:57
|
|
|
Obligatory Handle posted:A goon who was previously invisible begins to branch out and make new threads. Surprisingly to himself, he begins to notice that his threads are popular and he has become a beloved member of the Something Awful community. The episode begins with a healthy looking, but somewhat nerdy young man of about 17 making a post and all of the rest of the episode is told only through his online posts. He posts often in threads about crossfit complaining about people at his gym curling in the squat rack, keeping him from performing his daily squats. He posts about these "totally crazy" chicks he has met on Tinder, etc. Basically posts that paint him to be a socially well functioning and normal person. The last shot of the episode pans out from the computer screen and shows a now morbidly obese man of about 30, almost completely bald and covered in Cheetos dust. In the background, a woman yells "Honey, your TV dinner is ready!" This one is gonna give me nightmares.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 20:57
|
|
|
A child sees a shooting star and makes a wish to become a famous athlete one day. And that child grew up to be Albert Einstein.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:01
|
|
|
A carnival sideshow features a mirror that only shows people what they hate most about themselves. Everyone who looks into it is driven to depression and suicide. The mirror is condemned as evil and an angry mob smashes it to pieces. It turns out it was just a normal mirror.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:10
|
|
|
A man farts so hard the entire Earth is destroyed. He won the farting contest, but at what cost?
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:12
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:A carnival sideshow features a mirror that only shows people what they hate most about themselves. Everyone who looks into it is driven to depression and suicide. The mirror is condemned as evil and an angry mob smashes it to pieces. I like this one
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:24
|
|
|
A man signs up for a personal trainer, but the personal trainer is Hitler's ghost and the sauna is, well...
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:25
|
|
|
A girl posts a naked selfie to ismynakedselfiehotornot.com her naked selfie is in fact so hot the entire capitalist structure of the western hemisphere is ruined by men not able to take their eyes off of this naked selfie. It turns out the girl is an alien ant queen and this is how male ants are turned into mindless slaves
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:28
|
|
|
A renowned literary professor, Professor Niel Leeson, (played by Liam Neeson) is invited to meet the President of the United States (played by Michael Douglass) regarding his new book series and then speak at the White House Dinner as the guest of honor. After a brief encounter in the Oval Office, the President excuses himself from the room and the Professor notices a plain black book with his name written in gold leaf on the cover. Unable to control his naturally curious mind, he opens the book to the page book marked to find a paragraphs long description of his last bowel movement. Confused, he thumbs his way to the beginning of the book, realizing that it documents every dook he's taken since the beginning of the year. He then realizes that the bookcase behind him is filled with similar looking books, recording everything from when popped a teeny turdlet during his breach birth to the massive bowel obstruction he passed in the airplane toilet on his flight to D.C. Suddenly, a hand appears on his shoulder - it's the President! Horrified, he runs toward a news crew interviewing the First Lady. In an incredibly gory scene, he is gunned down by Secret Service agents. As his last breaths leave him and his bowels release, the President steps over his dying body to address the news crew and the nation. "My fellow Americans," he says to TVs across the world, "I regret to inform you that Professor Leeson was actually a spy working for the Foreign Government. The book he held in his hand contains state secrets that have guided my decisions through every office I have ever held. Fortunately, we were able to stop him before any sensitive information could have been leaked." Inhaling deeply the poo poo-fumes of the dead man below him, the President clasps his hands and flashes a coy smile. "I'm pleased to announce that we've concluded this turdulent chapter in American history." The camera pans down to the now dead Professor. As the last bit of bowel gas squeaks through Dr. Leeson's cheeks, an image of an atomic bomb explosion is superimposed on the screen.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:31
|
|
|
Far in the future a new ice age has begun. Our hero is a courier who skates across the vast frozen oceans to deliver messages between continents. On one such trip he keeps seeing a figure off in the distance, always disappearing before he can get close enough to identity them. The protagonist slowly dies as he wastes time trying to find the mysterious figure. With his last dying breath he finally reaches it, and falls down face first in the snow dead. The camera pans up to reveal the figure was a snowman.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:32
|
|
|
A remake of the classic plane episode but with Benedict Cumberbatch instead of Shatner or Lithgow. The flight's destination? Lower Manhattan. A man enters the new store down the street that appeared out of nowhere and asks the shopkeeper if they've got anything to help him with his relationship worries. He recieves a bottle labeled "rape juice". His girlfriend turns out to be a skeleton. A space ship is on its journey, carrying aboard the last of humanity. They finally find a habitable planet and land on it, only to get devoured by robot zombie laser apes. The universe is shaped like a donut and they looped back to earth.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:42
|
|
|
mr.capps posted:Far in the future a new ice age has begun. Our hero is a courier who skates across the vast frozen oceans to deliver messages between continents. On one such trip he keeps seeing a figure off in the distance, always disappearing before he can get close enough to identity them. This except it turns out the world was slowly collapsing and the figure off in the distance was the back of his head
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:43
|
|
|
A young couple (Kylie Minogue and Liam Neeson) refuse to have their children vaccinated for fear of giving them autism. When the children get autism anyway, it's a race against time to prove to a skeptical world that they've given birth to a race of human-cat hybrids.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:45
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 18, 2024 03:08 |
|
|
A scientist out to prove his world-changing theory has a robot servant that he repeatedly berates. The closer he gets to the answer, the more irrational and abusive he becomes, belittling the robot for every tiny mistake and hurling insults constantly. The robot passively accepts every indignity because it is an emotionless machine. Finally, the efforts of a lifetime come down to a single experiment that will make or break the scientist's whole career. Just as he is about to throw the switch, the robot starts clearing away the scientist's uneaten lunch and accidentally knocks over a vial of chemicals, ruining the experiment. "I am sorry, doctor. I am so clumsy," the robot apologizes mechanically as it watches the scientist wail in despair. Was it really an accident? Fade out on the robot's dispassionate expression.
|
|
#
?
Feb 4, 2015 21:46
|
|