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Bleusilences
Jun 23, 2004

Be careful for what you wish for.

Holy poo poo for the lady who wants somebody that makes 60k but barely make any money herself. She is pretty much the kind of parasite nobody need in their life.

Bleusilences fucked around with this message at 19:09 on Feb 9, 2015

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Vorik
Mar 27, 2014

it's really cool how the internet has allowed ugly/incredibly average looking women to feel like anyone gives a gently caress about them for the first time in their lives

Mr. Creakle
Apr 27, 2007

Protecting your virginity



Vorik posted:

it's really cool how the internet has allowed ugly/incredibly average looking women to feel like anyone gives a gently caress about them for the first time in their lives

There are plenty of guys with the male equivalent profiles, basically 3 paragraphs of bashing women, bitches, Nice Guy talk, "don't contact me if (insanely long laundry list ranting about things their rear end in a top hat ex did or insane physical specifications of their dream waifu), etc. The internet has given these people access to each other, which is good because they are the only ones who could tolerate each other.

Actually no it's bad because now these people can find each other and breed :stare:

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

hi, i'm known for my sarcastic sense of humor

Hesh Ballantine
Feb 13, 2012
i like having fun and i love to laugh!!!

The Monkey Man
Jun 10, 2012

HERD U WERE TALKIN SHIT
I have seen several women who described themselves as bisexual, but waited until the last line of their profile to say that they weren't into cis dudes. How do you not put something like that front and center?

Jimlit
Jun 30, 2005



I used to have an account with access to the community moderation features. Like every time something got reported it would go into this feed and people would vote on what actions should be taken. Nothing on the internet will ever be that entertaining again.

anime was right
Jun 27, 2008

death is certain
keep yr cool
hi, im here

wheres macky

jk

Whirlwind Jones
Apr 13, 2013

by Lowtax

LOU BEGAS MUSTACHE posted:

hi, im here

wheres macky

jk
im cute

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

I like that the OKC people do seem to have a sense of humor about how messed up internet dating is and try to provide examples of how people act/react to profiles and messages and so on. I also like that it usually shows how shallow and sad people are, and users react by getting pissed at OKC instead of seeing how messed up they are about love and relationships.

LethalGeek
Nov 4, 2009

Jimlit posted:

I used to have an account with access to the community moderation features. Like every time something got reported it would go into this feed and people would vote on what actions should be taken. Nothing on the internet will ever be that entertaining again.

I still have this access but they stopped letting us vote on chats a while ago :( It really was the best way to spend 10 minutes laughing my rear end off. When you shot a lot of guys down they revert to 12yo boys on Live just screaming every obscenity they can think of, it really was the most hilariously sad thing I've ever seen.

InFlames235
Jan 13, 2004

LIKE THE WAVES IN THE OCEAN I WILL DIG IN YOUR FAT AND SEARCH FOR YOUR CLITORIS, BUT I WON'T SLAM WHALE

Vorik posted:

it's really cool how the internet has allowed ugly/incredibly average looking women to feel like anyone gives a gently caress about them for the first time in their lives

There are some hot girls on okcupid too but they usually have a lot of other problems which leads them to needing okcupid in the first place so just being too hot is already a red flag.

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

my 6 fav things:

1)hiking
2)hiking
3)coffee
4)bespoke kitty treats
5)hiking
6)paris

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

InFlames235 posted:

There are some hot girls on okcupid too but they usually have a lot of other problems which leads them to needing okcupid in the first place so just being too hot is already a red flag.

everybody listen to this man, hes been through it

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

I went on a date w/ a girl from OKC last week. She was very cute and we enjoyed each other's jokes but after the first date she said she didn't feel a spark which means I'm probably ugly but still she was nice and up-front and I told her she was great and wished her luck and probably the saddest thing is that a normal unsuccessful date is something to be cherished these days.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

post your feet dude, we'll tell you if you're hot or not

staberind
Feb 20, 2008

but i dont wanna be a spaceship
Fun Shoe
Christ, I survived a relationship with a girl I met on okc, I still have all my limbs and quite a bit of my sanity intact.

Go for it, :stwoon:

No, dont.

oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009

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I like to cover all the bases so I always put down that I like staying in some nights but I'm also agreeable to go out someplace if the mood strikes.

InFlames235
Jan 13, 2004

LIKE THE WAVES IN THE OCEAN I WILL DIG IN YOUR FAT AND SEARCH FOR YOUR CLITORIS, BUT I WON'T SLAM WHALE

Slime Bro Helpdesk posted:

I went on a date w/ a girl from OKC last week. She was very cute and we enjoyed each other's jokes but after the first date she said she didn't feel a spark which means I'm probably ugly but still she was nice and up-front and I told her she was great and wished her luck and probably the saddest thing is that a normal unsuccessful date is something to be cherished these days.

Hey at least ur a normal dude who took it in stride and r just moving on. Good job bro.

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...
someday you'll be mine, underemployed horse-lady

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

InFlames235 posted:

Hey at least ur a normal dude who took it in stride and r just moving on. Good job bro.

I occasionally manage that.


I do like that sharing bad first-date stories is now a first-date thing thanks to online dating. She was telling me one guy asked her out for a Saturday night then messaged her Saturday afternoon asking if she could bring some friends because he and his friends had been day-drinking.

I was like drat, that's alpha.

LethalGeek
Nov 4, 2009

Also lol if you're not aiming for 40ish divorced women cause as someone else said most everyone else on their is in their 20s and probably mental in some way.

Rivethead
Feb 22, 2008

I guess "pos my neg hole" is old and busted these days eh?

Setzer Gabbiani
Oct 13, 2004

I'm the single mom with a son that's my life and has no time for games or drama

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

You could say that I have considered the whole of human condition and I know what I want.

InFlames235
Jan 13, 2004

LIKE THE WAVES IN THE OCEAN I WILL DIG IN YOUR FAT AND SEARCH FOR YOUR CLITORIS, BUT I WON'T SLAM WHALE

Setzer Gabbiani posted:

I'm the single mom with a son that's my life and has no time for games or drama

It's funny how the women I've dated on okcupid who said this actually loved games and drama more than anyone else I've dated who never brought that up.

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

InFlames235 posted:

It's funny how the women I've dated on okcupid who said this actually loved games and drama more than anyone else I've dated who never brought that up.

thats just dames in general

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...
yeah basically all their "dealbreakers" are just their own flaws they're self-conscious of

canNOT fart in bed!
*concerned about self flatulance*

Bro Nerd Alpha
Aug 27, 2012

going on pussy patrol
I was drunk on okc once and messaged a sad looking 38 year old lady. I figured it'd be a slump buster if you will. Her first message was "I have a colostomy bag just so you know"

I can deal with sassy fat girls that put up pictures from 60lbs ago but not poop bags.

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO
please provide link to the woman in the op, she sounds lik emy type :swoon:

The Cubelodyte
Sep 1, 2006

Practicing Hypnolaw since 1990
Grimey Drawer
Who the gently caress vilifies blue whales? :confused:

Sweaty IT Nerd
Jul 13, 2007

Libelous Slander posted:

yeah basically all their "dealbreakers" are just their own flaws they're self-conscious of

canNOT fart in bed!
*concerned about self flatulance*

Like how insanely jealous people also happen to often be cheaters themselves.

The Cubelodyte posted:

Who the gently caress vilifies blue whales? :confused:

I guess you've never dated one.

toggle
Nov 7, 2005

ah yes. interesting :rolleyes:

quote:

My self-summary
PLEASE READ MY PROFILE & OKCUPID ANSWERS CAREFULLY. Due to the large amount of people who have contacted me without bothering to read my profile I have tried to make it as detailed as possible in the hopes of limiting incompatible matches. If you message me I will go to your profile & read ALL of it (which is the respectful & courteous thing to do) as well as read your answers to the OKCupid questions. If I don't think we have enough in common I will message you back to say thanks but no thanks. If it is obvious you have not even bothered to read my profile, & it is always obvious, I will not message you back & will just delete your message. Thanks.

*** Also, if you don't like my profile then just close it & move on to another person's profile. Anyone who messages me anything negative about my profile or me will be reported. I do not tolerate internet harassment in any form no matter how 'constructive' (aka passive aggressive) it may seem. Thanks ***

Having said all that... I have recently moved back to the coast after being out west (QLD) for the last few years working in mining. I am currently using this time to relax & plan my next life step/move.

I enjoy being out & about on the weekends attending community or cultural events. I am really not into sports, cars or anything like that. I don't mind fishing or camping occasionally but I really don't like getting dirty.

My interests include visual & performing arts (including ballet, contemporary dance, opera & symphonies), singing & music theory, ethical philosophy, evolution, history & documentaries on social issues. Over the next 12-18 months I want to become competent in guitar & have some singing lessons to widen my vocal range, learn French, take up rock 'n' roll or rockabilly dancing & I wouldn't mind doing a painting course to learn some new skills.

I love to laugh & joke around so comedy & humour are very important to me. I am very interested in the world around me. Fighting social issues & injustices are at the forefront of my interests & my humanist passion.

I have had a lot of 'athletic' guys contact me who are all about the gym & other forms of exercise. I am not a lover of exercise, I do just enough to get me by at present. I am wanting to get a regular routine going over the next few months but once again I don't intend on going crazy. If you are looking for a trim, taut gym Barbie then don't contact me because you will be very disappointed. I don't have a flat stomach or a thigh gap, I am 5'8" & a curvy hourglass size 14/16. To me this is not 'fat' because I come from a family where curvy women are considered beautiful but I am aware beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So if you prefer a Sophia Loren over a Kate Moss & we have similar interests then feel free to contact me :)

PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME IF YOU:
1. ARE BI OR BI CURIOUS. I AM LOOKING TO MEET A STRAIGHT MALE ONLY.
2. ARE RECRUITING FOR YOUR 'OPEN RELATIONSHIP'. I AM LOOKING TO MEET A SINGLE MALE WHO IS LOOKING TO ESTABLISH A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP.
3. HAVE ANY CHILDREN.
4. SMOKE OR GAMBLE.
5. ARE RELIGIOUS.
6. HAVE ANY SHIRTLESS PHOTOS OF YOURSELF IN YOUR PROFILE.
7. HAVE POOR SPELLING OR GRAMMAR.
8. USE THE TERM 'LOL' OR 'LMAO' OR ANY OTHER SUCH POP CULTURE ACRONYMS.
THANKS
What I’m doing with my life
Currently having some down time after a ridiculously crazy 3 years living out west & working in mining. I am currently doing a Cert 3, taking some music classes & doing some autodidactic study. This month (Feb 2015) I re-enter the real world aka get back to the daily grind of working 9-5 :S
I’m really good at
Learning & retaining facts quickly, conveying ideas concisely, standing up for the under dog, fighting for people's & environmental rights, singing & most visual art.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Some of my favourite authors are Jane Austen, The Bronte sisters, Charles Dickens, Oscar Wilde, William Shakespeare, George Orwell, Salman Rushdie, Leo Tolstoy, Mark Twain, Edgar Allen Poe & there are many, many more but if I listed them all it would go on forever.

Movies: Pulp Fiction, Snatch, The Little Mermaid & The Wedding Singer.

TV: Arrested Development, Black Adder Series, Big Love, Breaking Bad, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Flight of the Conchords, Frasier, Futurama, Last Week Tonight, Peep Show, Seinfeld, Old school Simpsons, Old school South Park, The Office UK & The Wonder Years

Music: I only listen to Triple J or 4ZZZ. I have a lot of musicians I like so this is just some of the top of the list. Aretha Franklin, Black Sabbath, Bruce Springsteen, Dolly Parton, Glen Miller, Led Zeppelin, Leonard Cohen, Neil Diamond, Neil Young, Pink Floyd, Prince, Ray Charles, The Who & Tina Turner

Food: My favourite foods are Turkish & Greek.
The six things I could never do without
1. Sunscreen & all other sun smart items (wide brimmed hat, sunglasses, parasol etc)
2. Antibacterial hand sanitiser
3. Music
4. Books
5. Fresh air
6. Hair heat protection, hair dryer & straightener

I would have put all the typical family, friends & pets answers but they are just a given & those answers have been done to death.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Ethical philosophy, secular humanism, environmental issues, political issues, global women's rights issues just to name a few.
On a typical Friday night I am
Where ever my plans have taken me. Usually a Long Island Ice Tea or a Margarita is involved & some Sing Star/karaoke with my friends.
You should message me if
You are seriously looking to meet your future spouse & settle down. Below is what I am looking for.

I am looking for someone who is independent, loyal, responsible, domesticated & baggage free. Someone who has substantial life experience & knows who they are & what they want. Someone who has finished sewing their wild oats, has all their drunken, partying, bachelor days behind them & is now ready to be an adult & look to settling down.

Someone who is not under the control of their mother or their sister/s or insert some other family members title here. Someone who is not all about the boys & their bromances who is going to conveniently forget about the plans they made with me when ‘Johno’, or ‘M-dawg’ or insert some other inside joke nickname here calls.

I am looking for someone intelligent (this does not necessarily mean formally educated. Intelligence & formal education are not the same things), funny with a sharp wit, who is interested in the world around them past & present. Someone who is financially stable & responsible, who is out going, likes to socialise & who can carry on a lively discussion or debate regarding a range of topics. Someone who is down to earth, non materialistic & who is kind & caring, not only to other humans but also to animals. I have two dogs & a cat so I am looking for someone who likes cats & dogs equally. My cat also sleeps at the end of my bed & on my couch so you will have to be ok with that.

Sweaty IT Nerd
Jul 13, 2007

*** Also, if you don't like my profile then just close it & move on to another person's profile. Anyone who messages me anything negative about my profile or me will be reported. I do not tolerate internet harassment in any form no matter how 'constructive' (aka passive aggressive) it may seem. Thanks ***

Haha. That's a good one.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Bleusilences posted:

Holy poo poo for the lady who wants somebody that makes 60k but barely make any money herself. She is pretty much the kind of parasite nobody need in their life.

and yet some 60k/year incel will find his true love

CISMALES DID 9-11
Jun 5, 2002

chaotic good STEM major; INTJ
mods i am formally requesting permission for pictures

I actually don't even mind the whole "RULES FOR CONTACTING ME" stuff because I can only imagine what it's like being a girl on these sites. My favorite part is that, without fail, you read about how they are fighting social issues and stuff, but they want a stable MAN with a good job and salary while they work through "their issues" and "find a place for themselves" in the world (aka broke and poo poo job or unemployed)

what I'm saying is Bill Burr is right

midnightclimax
Dec 3, 2011

by XyloJW
maybe mspaint the pictures.

PsionicAnt
Jul 16, 2001
gonna read all these words in this thread

Fidel Cuckstro
Jul 2, 2007

I went on a couple of dates w/ girls in the medical field a few months ago- 2 Doctors (I think one in residency technically) and a therapist. They always seemed to show up to a first date really tired and right after work, which seems kinda self-sabotaging but oh well what do I know?

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ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug
me:
Fat
Poor
Spinning my wheels

you:
Fit
Wealthy
Has poo poo together, plan for future

Oh, so women aren't allowed to have standards? *Expands like a pufferfish to deter predators*

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