Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
youre wife
Dec 25, 2014

by Ralp


Books are great for reading, but have you ever considered other uses? This is where the hardcover really has the advantage over the digital copy. You wouldn't want to throw your laptop/iPad/phone at your partners head.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Good Lord Fisher!
Jul 13, 2006

Groovy!



Depends on the phone to be perfectly honest.. a sh*tty old Nokia, heck yes I'm gonna throw that and not my priceless hardcover...

gey muckle mowser
Aug 5, 2003

Do you know anything about...
witches?





Buglord

They can make good conversation pieces. Like, you can hit someone over the head with a big fat book and then have a conversation about why you just did that.

anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.



Grimey Drawer

It's the real reason why War and Peace is a classic.

Good Lord Fisher!
Jul 13, 2006

Groovy!



What's your favourite title for bookular homicide, Book Barn? Mine's Infinite Jest

Hieronymous Alloy
Jan 30, 2009


Why! Why!! Why must you refuse to accept that Dr. Hieronymous Alloy's Genetically Enhanced Cream Corn Is Superior to the Leading Brand on the Market!?!






Morbid Hound

Yeah, a phone is going to be a superior missile weapon. I've thrown hardbacks in anger before they tend to flop open in flight and lose velocity. Phones make a great flung missile -- small, dense, compact, and they tend to hit on a point or edge.

ON the other hand, if you want to smash a bug, it's hard to beat the classic telephone book (if you still get a telephone book).

Blurred
Aug 26, 2004



I like to go out with my friends and randomly beat people with copies of a clockwork orange. If they get the irony then we give them a wink and a thumbs up and we're on our way, but if not then we start beating them with copies of great expectations (not to make a literary statement, but just for fun).

Benagain
Oct 10, 2007

Can you see that I am serious?


Fun Shoe

Recommending books to people by throwing at them is very underappreciated.

Burning Rain
Jul 17, 2006

What's happening?!?!


i always jizz on my books first and stare at the image created by the semen trying to see what is it telling to me with the form it's taken intertwined with the book's cover forming something like your own reflection in a fast-moving river

Earwicker
Jan 6, 2003



youre wife posted:

Books are great for reading, but have you ever considered other uses? This is where the hardcover really has the advantage over the digital copy. You wouldn't want to throw your laptop/iPad/phone at your partners head.

in one of John LeCarre's most recent novels someone does exactly that, knocks a dude out with a laptop to the back of the head. it worked and LeCarre's novels are known for realism I guess so its probably doable, though he did not say whether the laptop still functioned afterwards.

Earwicker
Jan 6, 2003



But on the other hand:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLt7lXDCHQ0&t=115s

xsuperkidx
Sep 21, 2000



Bread Liar

OP did you know you can even put a comic book or baseball card inside a hardcover book and put it under a couch leg to flatten it back out? Try that with your kindle

anilEhilated
Feb 17, 2014

But I say fuck the rain.



Grimey Drawer

Maybe the sorely lacking ballistic properties of books could be improved if some kind of table-sized catapult entered the equation...

gey muckle mowser
Aug 5, 2003

Do you know anything about...
witches?





Buglord

Fun book-throwing fact: If you toss Gravity's Rainbow really high up in the air over a crowd of people it will come down on the nearest guy with a boner. Do not attempt if you yourself have a boner.

youre wife
Dec 25, 2014

by Ralp


Burning Rain posted:

i always jizz on my books first and stare at the image created by the semen trying to see what is it telling to me with the form it's taken intertwined with the book's cover forming something like your own reflection in a fast-moving river

Hmmm... Yes. This may be a good way to determined if a book is worth the time before reading. Similar to tea leaves

proof of concept
Mar 6, 2005

by FactsAreUseless


war and peace a p obv candidate

then there's the BOOK OF RAGE

I don't know if that counts though because
1) It's fictional (note: not fiction)
2) there was that one episode where the kids looked inside it and all the pages were blank and they were like whaaaaaaaaaat

xsuperkidx
Sep 21, 2000



Bread Liar

Do you prefer throwing large print or small print books? I mostly throw large print when I want to show off, but small print is nice because of its density.

Pannus
Mar 14, 2004



paperbacks are good for slappin

proof of concept
Mar 6, 2005

by FactsAreUseless


For a real finesse kill you will want to go with microfiche to the jugular.
You can use a microfiche on shurikan if you're a weeaboo but if your blood is red and American you'll want to use a microfiche of this for true home of the brave irony

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

My "Not Vincent Price" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.




Smellrose

My go-to has always been the Oxford English Dictionary.

xsuperkidx
Sep 21, 2000



Bread Liar

Do you ever hit people with like an english/spanish dictionary and yell out something funny like "bofetada"?

Good Lord Fisher!
Jul 13, 2006

Groovy!



xsuperkidx posted:

Do you ever hit people with like an english/spanish dictionary and yell out something funny like "bofetada"?

All the time, my man! All the g*d dang time. Never gets old.

Ornamented Death
Jan 25, 2006

Pew pew!



Hieronymous Alloy posted:

Yeah, a phone is going to be a superior missile weapon. I've thrown hardbacks in anger before they tend to flop open in flight and lose velocity. Phones make a great flung missile -- small, dense, compact, and they tend to hit on a point or edge.

This is why you get the best of both worlds and throw a Kindle at someone.

Juaguocio
Jun 5, 2005

Oh, David...


Panniculus Rift posted:

paperbacks are good for slappin

You're gonna need to use a lot of force to do any damage with a paperback. I dropped a whole shelf of Nora Roberts books onto an old lady while I was trying to straighten them, and she wasn't hurt at all.

I bet you could lay a whipping on someone with a board book. Those things are designed to survive being bitten by toddlers.

GrrrlSweatshirt
Jun 2, 2012


with a v thin paperback u can do the android kill from alien where u roll it up and try to push it down their throat

Octy
Apr 1, 2010



ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

My go-to has always been the Oxford English Dictionary.

If the first volume fails to knock out or kill the intended victim, rest assured there's another 19 hefty volumes at your disposal.

youre wife
Dec 25, 2014

by Ralp


So that's why dictionaries are currency in prison

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

My "Not Vincent Price" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.




Smellrose

Octy posted:

If the first volume fails to knock out or kill the intended victim, rest assured there's another 19 hefty volumes at your disposal.

Exactly :c00l:

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011



I use The Sword of Shannara, because a sword is way more effective than a book.

  • Locked thread