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Volkerball
Oct 15, 2009

by FactsAreUseless


The Cowboys won 4 straight Super Bowls, so I'm ok with the Suns being the coke team.

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Looten Plunder
Jul 11, 2006


Grimey Drawer

Cam Pederson being listed as a key player? Wow, this year is gonna be terrible.

Paracausal
Sep 5, 2011

Oh yeah, baby. Frame your suffering as a masterpiece. Only one problem - no one's watching. It's boring, buddy, boring as death.


cpaf posted:

As a relatively recent Tasmanian migrant it's becoming increasingly apparent to me that not following a team or AFL in general is a borderline criminal offence. Those that will continue speaking to me after discovering this fact inform me that a good choice of team would be the Kangaroos. Is there an AFL equivalent of that footy banter app Richard Ayoade uses in the IT crowd, else, can someone provide me with a short list of important terms and phrases that will let me participate in communication in this region of Australia?

AUSSIE RULES SLANG FOR POOFS
1%er - a variety of actions which benefit the team, but are infrequent or defensive. Includes knock-ons, spoils, smothers, and shepherds.
aerial ping-pong - a term used to describe the sport since the ball often moves back and forth between two halves of the ground. More often than not a derogatory term used by rugby league football fans, the term was more valid through the 1960s and 1970s; the faster paced running game and increased use of hand passing of the current age has made the term largely obsolete.
bag of (no.) - the number of goals a player kicks in one game, e.g. a bag of six.
baulked - using deception as the ball carrier to beat an opponent by sidestepping or feigning disposal
ball - short for holding the ball - screamed by supporters to plead for the umpire to pay a free kick for holding the ball, often at first instance of a tackle. Often dragged out as BBAAAAALLLL YOU loving MAGGOT UMPIRE.
belt the living suitcase out of - a piece of radio-friendly vernacular, referring to players in a melee, or a team being thrashed
bomb - a long high kick
candy (or sell some candy) - to feign a disposal, either by hand or foot.
centimetre perfect - a pass which somehow avoids going out of bounds on the full and/or being spoiled by an opponent.
charlie - the Brownlow Medal, given to the Best & Fairest player in the league.
clanger - An error made by a player that has a negative result for his side, ie. turnovers
coathanger - dangerous high tackle with a forceful straight arm to the opponents neck or head.
corridor - the centre path of the field, drawn from goalface to goalface, and therefore the most direct way to the goals
crumbing - smaller players or 'rovers' picking the ball up off the ground after an aerial contest
delicious - homoerotic term used by commentator Bruce McAvaney to describe the skills of a specific player - Cyril Rioli
dukes - refers to the outstreched hands of a player, usually when taking or spoiling a mark
don't argue - when a player with the ball pushes out his hand in the direction of an opponent to fend them off
falcon - when the ball hits a player in the face or the head
fat side - refers to the side of the ground which has more space on it
father-son - a player acquired by a club via the AFL's father-son recruiting rule
fifty - screamed by fans for the umpire to award a 50-metre penalty when an opposition player as much as coughs after giving away a free kick
free - short for free kick (ie. that should've been a free)
floater - a kick which does not spin and floats through the air haphazardly, or a handpass with a very high trajectory
golden fist - a defender who is very good at punching the ball away from a marking contest, ie. spoiling the ball
grab - another word for mark (ie. nice grab)
granny - slang for Grand Final
guts, the - slang for the corridor
hardball get - act of obtaining the ball when it is at ground level under direct physical pressure
hitout - the act of knocking the ball away from a ruck contest
hanger - one of many slang words for a spectacular mark
how'd he get rid of it (ump)? - the truest question of the football supporter
have one's number taken - to be reported; referred to as such because the umpire writes down the player's number in his notebook
inside 50 - a key stat that refers to moving the ball from the midfield into the forward zone
intercept - any possession won that came from an opposition disposal
junk time - a portion of the game with low intensity after the final result is beyond doubt
kick-to-kick - backyard game of having two groups that kick the ball back and forth ad nauseam, often held at the end of games on the field.
leading - player running into the clear to present himself to a fellow team mate as a possible target to receive a pass from him
maggot - slang for umpire - white maggot is the more traditional terminology, but this has been generalised since umpires switched to coloured uniforms
magoos - derogatory slang for the reserves, also known as the twos
man - short for holding the man - called by supporters to plead for the umpire to pay a free kick for holding the man, often when they fear he might pay holding the ball. The two are often screamed simultaneously by opposing fans.
minor score - a behind
pill - another term used to describe the ball
prune - yet another term used to describe the ball
pine, the - the interchange bench
proud club - an old club that's just poo poo now
rushed - the act of forcing a ball through the defensive goals, awarding a behind
rebound 50 - moving the ball from the defensive zone into the midfield
run-with - where a player's main role is to prevent his direct opponent from winning any easy possessions, different from a defender as it mainly occurs in the midfield or forward line. Also referred to as a tagger.
roost - kicking the poo poo out of the ball to obtain both a significant distance of height and length in the kick
rotation - tactical interchanges or positional changes used to ensure that players do not succumb to fatigue
sausage roll - rhyming slang used to refer to a team scoring a goal
scrag - hold a player by the jumper behind play or after they have taken a mark.
scone - nickname for football player's head.
screamer - another one of many slang words for a spectacular mark
September - used to refer to the finals series at season's end
shank - when a player has miscued a kick, he is said to have "shanked" it
sherrin - the name of the ball manufacturer, used as a direct reference of the ball "grabs the sherrin"
shirtfront - a front-on shoulder charge used instead of tackling an opponent. Looked down upon by hierarchy but strangely used in Australian diplomatic language.
spoil - a defender punching the ball away from a marking contest
specky - the most common of many slang words for a spectacular mark
special - a sign that Bruce McAveney is having a stroke
spray - a harsh lecture given to a poorly performing player or team by the coach or captain; also called a bake or a roast - also to badly miss a shot at goal
stepladder - the player over whom a specky is taken
stiff - unlucky or harshly dealt with (i.e. he was stiff not to get a free)
set shot - refers to a scoring shot that comes from either a free-kick, mark or 50 metre penalty
seagull - a player who collects a lot of uncontested disposals, like a seagull waiting for a hot chip
smother - suppressing an opposition kick by blocking the disposal as it leaves the foot
switch - to kick the ball across the field to the open 'fat side' allowing for easier progress down the field
tagger - a player whose sole purpose is to negate the influence of an opposition player on the game.
throw - an illegal pass with the hands, often called by supporters in amidst the calls for ball and man
torp - short for 'torpedo' a method of kicking the ball, named due to ball spiralling or spinning in the air in a torpedo like fashion
ump - maggot
vic bias - jealousy of other states projected as fear that the AFL and media is running the competition to benefit the Victorian teams
woodwork - goal or behind post
worm burner - a kick along the ground that keeps low, and skids along the grass
wrapped up - used to describe a player who has been well tackled
zone - areas of the ground used in defensive schemes, the field is usually broken in 3 zones, defensive, offensive and midfield, the 50m arcs are good indicators of the lines of delineation of these zones.

put both hands in
Nov 28, 2007

:swoon:FYFE:swoon:


Re the thread title, Harper Lee recently announced a followup to To Kill a Mockingbird, which came out in 1960.

Still more recent than the Footscray's last flag.

Gough Suppressant
Nov 14, 2008


xcore posted:

Cam Pederson being listed as a key player? Wow, this year is gonna be terrible.

I'm honestly not even sure Pederson makes the side without injuries. Hogan deep, Dawes up the ground and Gawn/Jamar rotating through ruck/forward

Paracausal
Sep 5, 2011

Oh yeah, baby. Frame your suffering as a masterpiece. Only one problem - no one's watching. It's boring, buddy, boring as death.


Melbourne's player rankings according to Champion Data is as follows;

ABOVE AVERAGE
Heritier Lumumba, Lynden Dunn, Jeremy Howe, Cameron Pedersen

AVERAGE
Nathan Jones, Bernie Vince, Colin Garland, Jeff Garlett, Chris Dawes, Jack Watts, Tom McDonald, Dom Tyson

BELOW AVERAGE
Daniel Cross, Mark Jamar, Jack Grimes, Jack Trengove, Rohan Bail, Neville Jetta, Matt Jones, Dean Terlich, Jack Viney, Jake Spencer, Dean Kent, Max Gawn, Sam Frost, Jack Fitzpatrick, Jay Kennedy-Harris.

The rest are POOR or ??? because there's a lot of unknown youth on the list.

tnimark
Dec 22, 2009


That's interesting. So did all of the 'key player' picks come from those Champion Data breakdowns? Because I was curious about Jarryd Blair being a key player in the OP, but not Travis Cloke.

Gough Suppressant
Nov 14, 2008


I don't expect you to do a personalised list of every team but in terms of creating a list of Melbournes best or most important players that champion data list is really bad.

Paracausal
Sep 5, 2011

Oh yeah, baby. Frame your suffering as a masterpiece. Only one problem - no one's watching. It's boring, buddy, boring as death.


tnimark posted:

That's interesting. So did all of the 'key player' picks come from those Champion Data breakdowns? Because I was curious about Jarryd Blair being a key player in the OP, but not Travis Cloke.

Yeah I pretty much went over their breakdowns and picked the top 5 or so players. Cloke is at the top of Collingwood's 'average' list, on par with Jesse White.

Paracausal
Sep 5, 2011

Oh yeah, baby. Frame your suffering as a masterpiece. Only one problem - no one's watching. It's boring, buddy, boring as death.


Gough Suppressant posted:

I don't expect you to do a personalised list of every team but in terms of creating a list of Melbournes best or most important players that champion data list is really bad.

might re-do them with AFL rankings or something instead then?

Gough Suppressant
Nov 14, 2008


Those 5 are way more accurate imo. Jones and Dunn are the two keys then daylight to the rest, but Vince and McDonald would probably make a top 5. I'd probably have Tyson or Lumumba above Howe depending on whether you want to include guys that haven't played a game for us.

Gough Suppressant fucked around with this message at 23:50 on Feb 25, 2015

Paracausal
Sep 5, 2011

Oh yeah, baby. Frame your suffering as a masterpiece. Only one problem - no one's watching. It's boring, buddy, boring as death.


'Key' pretty much means 'best' in this instance, it's hard to predict how teams have changed their tactics and some players that seem prevalent might actually not be so. Collingwood are interesting in that regard:


Cloke is not even in the top 200 in the comp! More alarming is how many top players the Pies have shed in the last year.



As far as compared to his contemporaries he just isn't a factor anymore?

Anyway, I'll redo the key players list to draw from this rather than the prospectus.

tnimark
Dec 22, 2009


Yeah I absolutely get that based on his performances last year he wouldn't rank highly in any statistical analysis. But I think most people would still consider him a 'key' player based on how pivotal his form is to the team. Having said that, it's really not a big deal at all and I feel like a bit of a dick for nitpicking that tiny bit of detail in the huge OP that you clearly put a ton of effort into.

Testekill
Nov 1, 2012

I demand to be taken seriously

:aronrex:



I was actually gonna say that no way is Matthew Boyd a key player for the Bulldogs any more. His experience is important but I'd say that Dale Morris and Liam Picken are more important to the team.

Paracausal
Sep 5, 2011

Oh yeah, baby. Frame your suffering as a masterpiece. Only one problem - no one's watching. It's boring, buddy, boring as death.


tnimark posted:

Yeah I absolutely get that based on his performances last year he wouldn't rank highly in any statistical analysis. But I think most people would still consider him a 'key' player based on how pivotal his form is to the team. Having said that, it's really not a big deal at all and I feel like a bit of a dick for nitpicking that tiny bit of detail in the huge OP that you clearly put a ton of effort into.

No it's cool :hfive:

p.s. new gold coast smilie :cocaine:

Paracausal
Sep 5, 2011

Oh yeah, baby. Frame your suffering as a masterpiece. Only one problem - no one's watching. It's boring, buddy, boring as death.


Testekill posted:

I was actually gonna say that no way is Matthew Boyd a key player for the Bulldogs any more. His experience is important but I'd say that Dale Morris and Liam Picken are more important to the team.

With Griffen and Cooney leaving, Boyd has leapt up to the top 5 on the Bulldogs list via AFL Rankings, obviously that's based on history and not so much looking forward.

Champion Data has the doggies laid out like this;

ELITE
Robert Murphy

ABOVE AVERAGE
Will Minson, Stewart Crameri, Tom Liberatore, Lake Dahlhaus, Easton Wood, Jake Stringer, Marcus Bontempelli.

AVERAGE
Matthew Boyd, Dale Morris, Jack Macrae, Tory Dickson, Nathan Hrovat

BELOW AVERAGE
Liam Picken, Jordan Roughead, Jarrad Grant, Mitch Wallis, Koby Stevens, Clay Smith, Jason Johannisen, Lachie Hunter

Remainder are POOR or ???

Testekill
Nov 1, 2012

I demand to be taken seriously

:aronrex:



TG-Chrono posted:

With Griffen and Cooney leaving, Boyd has leapt up to the top 5 on the Bulldogs list via AFL Rankings, obviously that's based on history and not so much looking forward.

Champion Data has the doggies laid out like this;

ELITE
Robert Murphy

ABOVE AVERAGE
Will Minson, Stewart Crameri, Tom Liberatore, Lake Dahlhaus, Easton Wood, Jake Stringer, Marcus Bontempelli.

AVERAGE
Matthew Boyd, Dale Morris, Jack Macrae, Tory Dickson, Nathan Hrovat

BELOW AVERAGE
Liam Picken, Jordan Roughead, Jarrad Grant, Mitch Wallis, Koby Stevens, Clay Smith, Jason Johannisen, Lachie Hunter

Remainder are POOR or ???


Even over the last couple of years he's been a turnover merchant. He just gets the ball, makes poor decisions going forward and sends it directly to an opposition flanker. Picken doesn't have amazing skills either but he's a solid small defender and one of the best taggers going around.

Adnar
Jul 11, 2002



Swans fan checking in.

Currently based in Asia still, does anyone know if the Australia Network Australia Plus Brought to you by News Corp. is definitely NOT showing footy this year?

Also shaping up to represent The Philippines again in major tournaments this season :smug:

hiddenmovement
Sep 29, 2011

"Most mornings I'll apologise in advance to my wife."

To be fair if I won the hard ball and ran forward to see that Jarryd Grant was the best forward to kick to I'd just give it back to the other team as well

gabensraum
Sep 16, 2003


LOAD "NICE!",8,1

Adnar posted:

Also shaping up to represent The Philippines again in major tournaments this season :smug:

Do you know my mate "Hollywood"?

You Am I
May 20, 2001

Me @ your poasting



Late to the party, but great work there OP

The Deadly Hume
May 26, 2004

Let's get a little crazy. Let's have some fun.

Here's an updated version of the Western Bulldogs banner with their new logo.



A little surprised none of the other logos seemed to have changed in three years given how clubs lurrrrve rebranding.

(I probably should redo the whole set using whatever font you used for the other titles, but :effort: )

The Deadly Hume
May 26, 2004

Let's get a little crazy. Let's have some fun.

They should've rebranded back to Footscray imho.

(Yeah, I know they call their VFL team that, but that doesn't count.)

Paracausal
Sep 5, 2011

Oh yeah, baby. Frame your suffering as a masterpiece. Only one problem - no one's watching. It's boring, buddy, boring as death.


If I'm being picky, the Blues have a new logo this year :P

The Deadly Hume
May 26, 2004

Let's get a little crazy. Let's have some fun.

TG-Chrono posted:

If I'm being picky, the Blues have a new logo this year :P
Oh yeah, so they have. It's kind of, well, the monogram's the same on the badge (obviously they've gone back to the old school on the jumpers), they haven't changed the look of the animal.

gabensraum
Sep 16, 2003


LOAD "NICE!",8,1

TG-Chrono posted:

If I'm being picky, the Blues have a new logo this year :P

Do you mean the guernsey monogram? It's an excellent reinstatement but not the official logo. Or is there a logo change too?

The Deadly Hume
May 26, 2004

Let's get a little crazy. Let's have some fun.

gabensraum posted:

Do you mean the guernsey monogram? It's an excellent reinstatement but not the official logo. Or is there a logo change too?
They've put the wreath and all the other dinguses back, with a few alterations, for instance they've stuck the establishment date on the ball.

gabensraum
Sep 16, 2003


LOAD "NICE!",8,1

Oh right, I forgot that they moved away from the wreath etc. for a while. Cool.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlton_Football_Club#mediaviewer/File:Carlton_FC_logo.svg

Drugs
Jul 16, 2010

I don't like people who take drugs. Customs agents, for example - Albert Einstein


Adelaide's logo is hot garbage and will remain so for evermore

tnimark
Dec 22, 2009


TG-Chrono posted:

Goon Golden Spoon 3 - UltimateFooty Draft League.

Is the Ultimate Footy draft really going to be at 6:30 on a Saturday night? I mean I know we're all goons with no friends or social life, but c'mon.

MysticalMachineGun
Apr 5, 2005



Drugs posted:

Adelaide's logo is hot garbage and will remain so for evermore

:smith:

Change it to this and everyone will be happy:

Nutsngum
Oct 9, 2004

I don't think it's nice, you laughing.

gabensraum posted:

Oh right, I forgot that they moved away from the wreath etc. for a while. Cool.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlton_Football_Club#mediaviewer/File:Carlton_FC_logo.svg

A sound mind in a sound body?

Jesus Carlton, everything you do is either awkward or boring.

Dandy GO
Sep 27, 2004

flavour country

Tops OP.

That Nathan Foley photo is really something...

Box Hill Strangler
Jun 27, 2007

Frozen peas are on special at Woolies! Bargain!


There were like 3 or 4 'well how did I not know/never realise that?' things in the OP and then that Bootsma pic made me forget them all plus some other stuff

gabensraum
Sep 16, 2003


LOAD "NICE!",8,1

Nutsngum posted:

A sound mind in a sound body?

Jesus Carlton, everything you do is either awkward or boring.

It comes from this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mens_sana_in_corpore_sano

You're not wrong but in invoking the saying the club is also invoking the spirit of the poem as a whole, which is slightly less boring.

Periphery
Jul 27, 2003
...

Awesome OP. It was well worth the wait.

FOOTBALL TONIGHT :toot:

Divorced And Curious
Jan 23, 2009

democracy depends on sausage sizzles


TG-Chrono posted:

After 10 years in the job, Andrew Demetriou resigned from his post as the AFL chief executive officer. While his tenure ended on a sour note due to the protracted Essendon supplements saga, his legacy will resonate in the game for generations to come. Under his reign, the game underwent unprecedented growth and change. Mainly for the positive.

...except in Tasmania, where he'll forever be loathed for handing the 18th license to West Sydney rather than Tasmania, economic sense be damned.

Great OP and go the Dees hopefully the Dees don't suck quite so bad this year!

Testekill
Nov 1, 2012

I demand to be taken seriously

:aronrex:



SeekOtherCandidate posted:

...except in Tasmania, where he'll forever be loathed for handing the 18th license to West Sydney rather than Tasmania, economic sense be damned.


At least he isn't Ian Collins who has the legacy of setting up such a poo poo stadium deal at Etihad that Footscray made more money by having gold coin donations at VFL games than actual AFL matches.

Although he wasn't the boss of the AFL by then. I'll just have to remember his term as president because of him deciding that Chris Grant just had to be suspended despite the match umpire not making a report and Nick Holland saying that there wasn't much in it.


EDIT: Why were there so many Hollands running around in the VFL back in the 90s?

Testekill fucked around with this message at 05:50 on Feb 26, 2015

hiddenmovement
Sep 29, 2011

"Most mornings I'll apologise in advance to my wife."

When is that lovely deal finally due to expire (and could the Dogs conceivably play the GWS at Whitten Oval?)

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Testekill
Nov 1, 2012

I demand to be taken seriously

:aronrex:



hiddenmovement posted:

When is that lovely deal finally due to expire (and could the Dogs conceivably play the GWS at Whitten Oval?)

I think 2023 or somewhere around then. And I would love to see GWS play at Whitten Oval just because it would be literally the most hostile crowd that I'll ever see.

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