march vet thread - ??????? - The Something Awful Forums

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WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Spicy Guacamole posted:

Good thing you have that case of MONSTER ENERGY under your desk, right?

rip its my man

# ¿ Mar 2, 2015 07:21

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# ¿ Dec 5, 2023 04:57

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

The Rat posted:

On my first contract, one of the Ugandans on the opposing shift team literally had a heart attack and died at age 40 from Rip It overdose. They found him in his room, on his cot, dead, bowels voided, surrounded by Rip It cans.

haha

# ¿ Mar 3, 2015 02:53

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

OMFG PTSD LOL PBUH posted:

On antipsychotics I got close to 300 pounds a year and a half ago.

I Was 178 this morning and peeping my stomach muscles in the mirror and my balls without a mirror unlike a year and a half ago.

Yay for medical marihuana.

Being fat suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked. I'm putting a bullet in my head if I ever get morbidly obese again. If I'm too lazy to do it, would one of you American Patriots be my angel and not let me go out like Hags and instead give me a high speed hollow point lead diet in the dome when I'm sleep apneaing one night? Then just burn my house down with me in it, the crane would just add to the embarrassment.

P.S. We need Cole to find my body and try to wake me up to really make this off meds mess of a sidebar into a true Gilbert Grape joke.

antipsychs loving suck good on you brah

# ¿ Mar 3, 2015 07:01

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Casimir Radon posted:

Will the military comes down on you for being underweight outside of a training environment?

sometimes

if you look like a loving holocaust victim your command might be concerned. otherwise no.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2015 21:42

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

at the date posted:

Does a weight waiver even apply to being underweight? My recruiter said I had to gain 15 lbs before Basic, there was never any mention of a waiver.

The catch is that you get the exact same 4-6 minutes to eat it as everybody else. Source:

im so sorry that you only get 5 minutes to eat 2x as many sausage patties and biscuits and gravy as everyone else :smugjones:

# ¿ Mar 3, 2015 22:20

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

at the date posted:

When you can't finish even the first portion of food in the allotted time (which was 4 minutes until week 7), the extra is worthless. PLUS everybody else in your platoon is thinking "Why do YOU get special treatment, shitbag?" Any amount of dirty looks and a few mysteriously rearranged fire watches would be a small price to pay for extra bacon in the morning, but you never get a bite of it.

Idk, I had no problem hammering out my entire portion in the allotted 5 minutes I was given, then again I also didn't stack my plates to the brim with loving bagels and peanut butter, I just ate what was given to me by the nice black lady who would say "Whatcha havin' baby?" until like week 4 when my about-to-be off the trail DSs let us have 10 minutes to eat. then it was bagels and raisin bran on the daily

# ¿ Mar 3, 2015 23:41

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Fart Sandwiches posted:

I've been wearing flannel shirts since I was a baby because that's what my dad wore when he climbed radio towers to replace antennas and poo poo. He said the pattern kept wasps away. I wanted to be cool like my dad and so I've worn flannel/plaid patterns/denim poo poo my whole life because I'm kind of a reject idiot. I've been able to grow a beard since 6th grade so flannel and beard are what I roll with. loving hipsters appropriated my culture.

I used to enjoy pabst blue ribbon

# ¿ Mar 4, 2015 06:15

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

has been my newest beer choice, pretty stout, pretty good.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2015 07:17

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Nostalgia4Dicks posted:

Holy gently caress GI bill

I can finally afford that 2015 Dodge Charger

enlisted.txt

# ¿ Mar 5, 2015 00:16

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

my hooptie got totalled 6 months ago. I miss my 300,000 mile dodge intrepid sometime.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2015 07:01

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:

just imagining the smell of swampass and cigarette smoke permanently embedded into your chyrlser econo shitbox upholstery is giving me shivers

the guy I bought it from said he had spilled a 2 litre jack daniels container and it smelled like an alcohol factory. It was like a grand and I am a cheap jew. I never had to put the thing through any maintenance other than oil changes. It ran like a champ and smelled like alcohol and cigarettes. And to boot it was destroyed by a mustang, which was also demolished in the crash. A 2014 mustang got murdered by my dodge intrepid :smug:

# ¿ Mar 6, 2015 08:45

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Bolow posted:

When did the Irish start being considered white

# ¿ Mar 7, 2015 04:35

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Pot Card approved.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2015 05:17

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Slim Pickens posted:

I think I need to start referring to myself as a Rickykin from now on. People just don't understand my need for booze, chicken fingers and getting rich quick selling dope I grew in my trailer.

And smoking the finest dope and drinking the finest ales
in Jail?

# ¿ Mar 7, 2015 08:08

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

LITERALLY SHAKING posted:

Even if they're white as paper, 1/16 black = black. Come on guys, there were rules about this poo poo once, look them up.

Slightly racist undertone

# ¿ Mar 7, 2015 08:14

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Painsaw posted:

I made the great big mistake of letting my wife

# ¿ Mar 7, 2015 08:30

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Painsaw posted:

Don't bring logic into this, fucker

if you allow a significant other to make any monetary decision without having the observation skills of a piss test NCO

# ¿ Mar 7, 2015 09:18

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Slim Pickens posted:

Welp, looks like I'm single again. Dunno when I should start hitting up tinder, i agreed to get a place together and get a dog like a dumbshit so it's gonna take a while to sort out.

Okcupid has resulted in me getting a pot card and two dates lined up so Im sticking with that

# ¿ Mar 8, 2015 07:29

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Nostalgia4Dicks posted:

Wait people have success with okcupid? I thought it was for fat chicks (most likely with kids) and tinder was where the cuties are

Yes actually. There's massive fat chicks on OKC but there's also decent looking women.

# ¿ Mar 8, 2015 19:18

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Mike-o posted:

lol washington

# ¿ Mar 8, 2015 19:58

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Nostalgia4Infinity posted:

my rear end has already been gaped enough by being in the military, ty

# ¿ Mar 8, 2015 20:30

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

yeah anyway

# ¿ Mar 8, 2015 20:53

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

MassivelyBuckNegro posted:

Its not really all that weird when you consider that someone has also hosed your mother at least once.

come on guys, ONE FORCE ONE FIGHT HOOAH

But :drat:

# ¿ Mar 9, 2015 01:05

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

LITERALLY SHAKING posted:

we're all loving retarded and our enlistment contracts were the burden of proof

# ¿ Mar 9, 2015 16:36

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Kawasaki Nun posted:

I had started drinking and dipping pre millineum. Ipso facto I am a gen-xer

before all those hippie commie socialist-funded warning labels on tobacco products?

# ¿ Mar 9, 2015 21:10

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

It was me

# ¿ Mar 10, 2015 10:30

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Vasudus posted:

why isn't the dead man profile in the op forever

is that the one that evaluated the guy to literally be able to do nothing or even wear a uniform for more than an hour or some poo poo?

# ¿ Mar 10, 2015 18:26

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Fart Sandwiches posted:

Saved it from last time I asked about it.

No Bending, Walking, Crawling, Running, Jogging, Sitting

what the gently caress is he supposed to do

# ¿ Mar 10, 2015 19:45

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Zeris posted:

He told me today he got an OTH (or general, I forget) for drinking too much because of submarine sadbrains. Please tell me you're him. Please please please.

lol it's pretty hard to get an OTH these days so he's a real champ.

# ¿ Mar 11, 2015 00:18

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

LITERALLY SHAKING posted:

Remember when I said my boots were going to be like wearing buttery smooth brown baby skins?

Well, cow skins.

Now I get to spend the next week showering in them so they shrink up a bit, then waterproofing. Ticks and slightly deeper than ankle high stream crossings be damned.

They're so loving comfortable even with socks.

Please go to a fur-convention wearing solely leather clothing and only speak in Buffalo Bill quotes.

# ¿ Mar 11, 2015 02:05

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Delizin posted:

A little over 3 grand each month, then the fed kicks in another 1k+ because I'm too hosed up to be able to hold down a job until I can find a doctor that can treat me instead of trying to murder me like the VA docs.

What exactly hosed you up so badly if you don't mind me asking

# ¿ Mar 11, 2015 04:09

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Please make some for 3840x1080 these are amazing.

# ¿ Mar 16, 2015 02:40

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Mike-o posted:

gently caress my life, I think all that dumb infantry poo poo has finally come back to haunt me. Lower back started hurting about a week ago and now I can barely stand. Pain in my lower back and the back of my left leg. One second Google search says sciatica. Awesome! Now to call the VA since it's finally Monday and see if they tell me to wait 4 months for an appointment so I can finally just use that loving card they sent to see a real god drat doctor.

Try sleeping on the floor, that has always helped my back problems temporarily

# ¿ Mar 16, 2015 17:13

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

I have found that the recovery position is one of the only comfortable position when my lower back is killing me.

# ¿ Mar 16, 2015 20:50

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

I never thought about back pain while doing stupid ruck march challenges of who can carry the most weight the farthest. Now my body hurts if I sleep on anything other than a rockhard surface

# ¿ Mar 17, 2015 00:37

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Slim Pickens posted:

What's with all these pain killers you guys take having worse side effects than the symptoms? We need to make weed legal nationally already something something BIG PHARMA

weed has made my sleeping quality pretty great for the last week

# ¿ Mar 17, 2015 20:55