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Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless
"Hey guys, we think this new 'episodic' approach to gaming will let us release games that are shorter but also have shorter development times. That sounds great to us, so we'll be concluding the story of Half Life 2 over the course of 3 episodes, the first two of which we will end in giant cliffhangers."

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Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

FactsAreUseless posted:

This is a ridiculous strawman. They won't be concluding the story of Half-Life 2.
That might be true now, but in 2007 Doug Lombardi stated that the plan was for Episode Three to 'end the current Half Life 2 story arc'.

EDIT: Holy poo poo that was 8 years ago.

Soul Reaver has a new favorite as of 23:53 on Mar 8, 2015

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

Did anyone believe that? I know Newell is the king of wishful thinking when it comes to deadlines, but even he had to know that was bullshit.

Maybe ask Ritual back when they started making SiN episodes?

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Choco1980 posted:

I doubt the FFIV one is a SA reference. Goon is a pretty long-standing word synonymous with "lackey" or "henchmen".

True, but it does also mention "something awful" in the same sentence as 'goons'... not to mention that the sentence, unless it is supposed to be a reference, is a little strange. It could be coincidence, but I can see how people could see it as a reference.

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

larchesdanrew posted:

Not sure if it's been posted yet, but Penance and the Dark Aeons in Final Fantasy X seem like a really big gently caress you to me.

I've never fought it, but basically at the end of FFX you can travel the world fighting Dark Aeons, which are super powerful gimmicky versions of the Aeons you fight throughout the game. Once you've beaten all the Dark Aeons, you get to fight Penance, the ultimate optional boss of the game.

Penance has a staggering 12 million health, and is flanked by two arms respawning arms with 500,000 health each. It absorbs elemental damage, and every time you attack it or it attacks you, an invisible counter ticks up. Once the counter reaches a certain limit, the boss hits everyone for 99,999 health and 999 mana. If you use auto-revive, it'll likely just clobber everyone immediately.

The only way to beat the boss is to pretty much have everyone max out the sphere grids and have their ultimate weapons so they deal 99,999 damage on each attack, and use Tidus and Wakka for their multi-hit overdrive attacks, and then have Rikku abuse her mix ability to make everyone invincible.

The battle lasts about half an hour if performed perfectly, and your reward for beating Penance?

Nothing.

No powerful gear, no rare items (except some spheres from the arms), no titles, not even a cutscene.

Nothing acknowledges that you've beaten this boss.

gently caress you.

You also forgot that (obviously) you have to beat Penance before finishing the game. If you're in a state where you can beat Penance, the entire rest of the game can be played with your eyes closed and your hands tied behind your back. You'll have these big 'dramatic' cinematics and speeches and big boss entrances, things that the whole hugely long game has been setting up for the entire time, only to end the 'epic' battle in one regular weapon hit with one of your dudes.

It totally breaks the game and the narrative, pretty much.

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Choco1980 posted:

This is pretty much how even vanilla X went for me, because I wanted to do as close to 100% as I could, so I grinded out getting all the bonus abilities and weapons (except Khimari's. gently caress that butterfly game) and I started doing the monster hunter game. The whole little monster hunter thing is designed to trap completionists. Basically there's this dude running a little stall in the Calm Lands who asks you to go hunt monsters for him and sells you weapons capable of capturing monsters if they're used for the last blow. As you collect monsters for him, his bounties keep rising, and eventually he starts using the monsters to make stronger monsters you can fight, resulting eventually in super bosses. These don't effect the plot whatsoever, but they're MUCH harder than the regular enemies in the game. The first time I tried one I pretty much immediately got trashed to the floor, turned around and never looked back, and completely chumped the final boss afterwards in like, two turns. HOWEVER, if you get far enough in the subquest, the guy eventually starts selling skillspheres that allow you to A. erase what a spot on the grid does, and then ones that B. allow you to customize what stat gets put there. In essence, completely nullifying your leveling up, yet at the same time allowing you to start over with fully customized, maxed out stats. It's a total nightmare.

This ability to spec out each character with a full grid of the best stats/abilities is why I defeated Penance and why every 'regular' endgame boss went down in one hit. It's also part of the reason why I hate Final Fantasy X now.

I'm an OCD completionist and as such now avoid games that follow this game design philosophy.

Soul Reaver has a new favorite as of 05:09 on May 12, 2015

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Weatherman posted:

Do you guys play for 27 hours a day and poo poo into socks or something because hot drat, that's a lot of grinding.

Not quite that bad but I think I probably spent about 6 months using all my 'gaming time' on that game.

I don't do that with bad games anymore.

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless
Ok, I remember one.

I don't know how many of you will have played this, but the game is Ultima Underworld II: Labyrinth of Worlds. It's a brilliant 1st person RPG/dungeon crawler by Looking Glass (who went on to do System Shock and Thief). It's one of my favourite games of all time. Being an old-school CRPG, it's also pretty drat huge and takes a long time to complete.

One of the final (required) quests of the game needs you to imbue your body with an unleashed Djinn/air elemental. The only way to do this was:
- Find a pool of Filanium-rich mud
- Throw in a bottle of basilisk oil
- Bathe in the mud
- Step onto some lava to bake the mud solid around your body
- Cast Iron Flesh (either spell or potion) to harden it
- Stand in the middle of a pentagram
- Break the bottle containing the Djinn/air elemental

If you don't do these steps exactly, the Djinn kills you the moment you break the bottle open.

Now the troll isn't exactly the complexity of the above. You're instructed what to do quite clearly in-game. The mud can be hard to find, but it's not impossible. Stepping in lava hurts a lot but won't automatically kill you (plus you can cast a spell to negate the damage completely). If you can't cast Iron Flesh, you can buy Purple potions from a merchant that have the same effect.

The real problem is the 'basilik oil' part - namely, you're super-likely to bollocks this up without even realizing it.

When you find these items, they're not labelled as such. It's called a "Colorless potion". This game also features "Yellow potion", "Red potion", "Green potion" and so on, and won't tell you what they do until you drink them (or possibly if you cast Identify on them).
- If you've never played an Ultima game, you won't know what any of the potions do, so you'll probably drink them to find out. Including the colorless potion.
- If you HAVE played an Ultima game, you'll drink it anyway, because none of the previous games featured colorless potions. What could it be??

Ok, so you'll probably drink it, and all it'll do is cause you to have crazy hallucinations. There are plenty of 'useless' items in the game that do similar things like various poison mushrooms and the Green potion, so it's easy to dismiss the item as useless. In which case you'll likely just forget about them (and probably not take them with you if you find them, since you have limited inventory capacity).

Did I mention there are other 'colorless potions' that are NOT Basilisk Oil?

If you cast Identify on it, you'll discover it's called "Basilisk Oil"... but you STILL won't know what it's for unless someone's told you already, which only happens in the second-to-last world, and since the game is somewhat non-linear, you might well have found these potions long before you're ever told what they're actually needed for. The biggest problem?

In this huge game, with 9 different WORLDS to explore, there are only 4 such potions total. And there's no way to create/buy/spawn more. You won't have much incentive to carry them with you or keep them until after you've found out what they're for, and unless you cast Identify on it (or have a high Lore skill, possibly), you probably won't even know it's special at that point... and even then it's a stretch. So you might find yourself at the endgame without any Basilisk Oil. If you left it somewhere, good luck searching high and low trying to find it! If you never identified it, good luck knowing what they look like! And if you drank them all - well, guess you're plumb out of luck, hope you enjoy restarting your huge CRPG from scratch (or loading a previous save where you hadn't drunk the last one yet... though again, you might not realize what potion you drank that was actually 'basilisk oil')!

It's arguable whether this was a troll or just a game design decision from a different era of game design. Luckily it didn't catch me out because I'm an obsessive item hoarder and played as a mage that identified everything he came across and kept anything weird. But if you don't play that way? Ouch.

Keep in mind that this game came out 3 years before GameFaqs was established...

Soul Reaver has a new favorite as of 23:36 on May 17, 2015

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless
Since we're talking about Mass Effect, there's what I consider to be a troll in that series with the 'Conrad Verner bug'.

Conrad Verner is a ridiculous fanboy of Commander Shepherd, and when you meet him in Mass Effect 1 you can either be nice to him, or threaten him by holding a gun to his face. However, due to a bug, the Mass Effect 1 export file will flag you as having done BOTH of the above.

In Mass Effect 2, you can import you character from Mass Effect 1. If you meet Conrad Verner again, the above bug rears its head - Conrad will react to you as if you'd held a gun to his head, even if you never did (that flag apparently taking precedence). There is an actual scene for if you didn't threaten him, but it never plays because of the above bug.

Of course, that's not really a troll - that's just a bug. The real troll comes in Mass Effect 3. In ME3, if you meet Conrad Verner again, he explains away his reaction in Mass Effect 2, apologizing for saying that you threatened him even if you hadn't done so - he was under a lot of stress.

While this is kind of funny, it begs a question: if the dev team is so fully aware of this bug by Mass Effect 3, why is it STILL not patched out? Not to mention that Conrad Verner's comments make little sense if you DID threaten him in Mass Effect 1. Basically, the dev team might as well have said "meh, we can't be bothered to fix that bug, but we WILL put in this half-assed explanation instead". Considering how much the game billed itself on your actions having consequences (even in future games), this feels incredibly lazy and seems like a middle finger to the player.

On a side note: when I created my commander Shepherd, I gave him the first name "Conrad". And he had facial hair a lot like the Conrad Verner. For a while I though the game was designed so that Conrad Verner would look a lot like you and have the same first name to make him extra creepy stalker-ish - turns out it was a total coincidence. :shrug:

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

pentyne posted:

Why would they patch out a bug from a previous version of the game that goes back all the way to the original? It's easier just to make it a fun easter egg, like all the small conversations about things they changed (wait a minute, why would they switch from guns with infinite ammo to having to use heat sinks?).

There were an insane, absolutely insane amounts of permutations that you could get from a ME1-ME2-ME3 save file, and by far the best were the ones just casually inserted into the background, like the one random mention of a planned Elcor staging of Hamlet and 2 games later you hear about people reviewing it and playing clips of it.

Oh, and my favorite was punching out the reporter. Bioware knew they had a hit with that in ME2 and it showing up in ME3 was gold.

Because it was a bug that resulted in nonsense in the second game and prevented a decision you made in ME1 being acknowledged in ME2, despite ME2 having been designed to do so. Fixing this bug would probably have been pretty easy too - all it required was for it to correcly set the flags during your conversation with Conrad in ME1 (and/or save them that way in the export file). Keep in mind that they wouldn't have needed to patch or explain anything in ME3 if they'd done so at the point they discovered the error (which was before ME3's development was complete.)

The heat sinks etc were a conscious design decision and they had to explain it in-universe. Conrad Verner's dialogue was a bug, and wouldn't have needed an in-universe explanation if it had been patched.

I strongly dislike development companies who just can't be bothered to patch out bugs that are obvious and widely known.

Soul Reaver has a new favorite as of 01:28 on May 18, 2015

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

HaB posted:

I understand what you're saying here, but uh....have you watched the credits on any AAA title you've played? A LOT of people are involved in making a game that size. Fixing a bug costs money, and time. It's not as simple as "just go in and fix a few lines of code - easy peasy." It has to go through QA all over again (on every platform it's released for), and then it has to be pushed out to however many million people bought the original game. For a game that is no longer the current title, hasn't been touched in years, that's way too much time, effort and money to fix a non-critical bug which literally only results in missing a conversation option for which you are likely one of 10 people in the entire world who actually cares. Much easier to just retcon it in a later title like they did and leave it as a nod and a wink to people who caught it.

Granted, there are times when the fix involves changing a line in a config file somewhere like the bug with Garrus' face mentioned, but usually it's not that easy, plus even if it is - a company has to go through their QA process on every platform, no matter how small the change. If they don't consider it worth it to do that for something which isn't critical, they won't.

A yet some companies (Blizzard for example), manage to release patch after patch for their games, without major delays between, all tweaking, bugfixing and balancing their games. They were doing this already back in the day with Diablo 2 and Warcraft 3, before WoW came out to make them infinite amounts of money. Which leads me to think that either the above process isn't followed by everyone (and has no major detriment when it isn't), or it is, but only some companies give enough of a poo poo to do so (and in that case, Bioware clearly doesn't).

Besides, if the QA process is always so comprehensive, you'd think they'd have caught a couple of things like patch 1.0.3 in Mass Effect 3 randomly making weapon mods un-pickupable, but they still refuse to even acknowledge the existence of this bug. It doesn't bode well when a random player can conclusively say that there's a problem - and recreate it on a fairly regular basis - when their own crack team of QA specialists doesn't even pick up on it, even two patches and several years later.

Yes, I am bitter/mad about videogames.

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless
Bit of crossover from another thread, but how about this one, which I'm becoming painfully aware of:

For anyone who hasn't played it, Dark Souls 2 has a weird sort of single player/multiplayer crossover. In theory you can play the game single player only, but a lot of the fun of the game comes either from temporarily joining other peoples' games to either help them (getting summoned) or murder them (invading them). Similarly, players can join your game because you summon them, or because they invade you. And there's a lot of other interplay related to that.

Now, as an anti-cheat measure, the developer used to completely block all multiplayer for anyone who was caught having edited their save files.

This caused an uproar, so they dropped it and quietly implemented another system - the so called 'softban'.

People that get softbanned likely won't realize that they've been softbanned - there's no notification or anything. They just quietly get put on another server with everyone else that's been softbanned, and will only be able to invade/summon with people on that server. Naturally, that server has a far smaller population, essentially making the multiplayer a ghost town.

The real troll? Reports coming in seems to indicate that the ban can hit anyone who uses any mods, or anything that might do any memory injection - that includes, among other things: bugfix mods that prevent crashes; graphics enhancement mods; software used by twitch streamers to stream their game; and software used to enable the use of non-Xbox controllers with the game. But they wont' tell you if they ban you (unless you email Namco and wait several days to hear back, and will send you a form email). If you HAVE been banned, Namco says they can't do anything, and you should contact FROM Software. FROM Software literally has no contact details listed on their English site, and no email. Reports from other people suggest that those that have managed to get through to FROM have been asked to contact Namco, who, if asked, will respond with the exact same form email they sent earlier, asking the person to contact FROM. And so, round and round it goes.

So, by all accounts, softbanned accounts stay softbanned forever, with no notification they've been banned, and no recourse to do anything about it, crippling the multiplayer aspect of the game they purchased, even if they never cheated. And apparently, a lot of cheaters are still, somehow, evading these bans.

Nice. :darksouls:

Edit: Thinking about it, this is probably more like my 'least favourite' troll. But as far as trolls go, this is quite a masterpiece.

Soul Reaver has a new favorite as of 05:06 on Jul 8, 2015

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless
Tooting my own horn here, but I created the To the Bitter End custom campaign for Warcraft III.

It's an action/RPG hybrid. The entire campaign is designed to be extremely difficult but fair, so I generally avoid trolling. But I did hide a couple of things in there for people who goof off or try to exploit the game, or don't quite realize that their characters are on an important, time-critical quest and don't have time to stuff around.

1) In Warcraft III you tended to bash up every box/barrel/destructible object in the entire game to get potions and items. I think this is boring, so To the Bitter End discourges this activity by ensuring that they all contain a grand total of nothing. Hope you had fun bashing them all open!

2) I hate grinding. In early chapters, it's not really possible to grind for levels, since the number of enemies you face are finite. But when Chapter IV rolls around, you're told (in the cinematics and the quest log) that you'll need to hurry to find a safe haven, and start being attacked by waves of constantly spawning enemies. It might be tempting to grind these for levels. It's a bad idea though, because (a) there's a hard cap in every Chapter that limits you to a maximum level ceiling for that Chapter - which can easily be reached just by playing through normally and (b) there's an 'invisible' time limit on this section. The enemy attacks will get more powerful and more frequent the longer you take. Waste lots of time grinding rather than pushing forward and you'll eventually be attacked every couple of seconds by a powerful group that will wreck your poo poo - and before you even manage to rest, another one will already be on the way. I didn't say time was of the essence just for fun!

3) Some people like to exploit the bad AI/environmental interaction/lack of proper Line of Sight of Warcraft III in Chapter I by shooting 'through' doors at enemies (who would then mill around like idiots in front of the closed door while you blast them to death). In one of my later revisions of the campaign, I added code to make enemies 'react' to such attacks by throwing the doors open and charging at you. You can see this in action in a Let's Play here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6irRJchAOpM&t=1095s

4) There's a part in Chapter I where you free a bunch of prisoners, including some Assassins. A bandit leader you rescue shortly after that will then use those Assassins in a cinematic to kill some guards further ahead that would otherwise land you with a game over. This is how this normally should go down, anyway. However, I know how much people love breaking games, so I'm sure at some point people will try murdering their own assassins just to try to screw up that cinematic. Well, no such luck - if you rescue the bandit leader and don't have enough assassins, he calls you a moron and leaves you on your own, meaning you're now guaranteed a game over when you try to get past those guards the assassins normally take care of in the cinematic.

5) Chapter III features a giant, powerful boss, hidden behind a wall of trees. You're supposed to spend time preparing for the boss' arrival before he finds you by bringing magical acorns back to a druid, who can use them to create treemen to help you fight. The wall of trees the boss is behind is very difficult to get past, as the trees will regrow if you try to destroy them. It's not impossible though, with enough effort, to teleport past them. If you do so, congratulations! You immediately trigger the end-of-Chapter boss battle - likely with your preparations incomplete and any acorns you haven't already returned being discarded - and get chewed out by your allies for being an idiot!

There are plenty of other nightmarish traps and horrible enemies but they're more part and parcel of the intended gameplay experience.

Soul Reaver has a new favorite as of 14:53 on Aug 1, 2015

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Xibanya posted:

Nice, I like how you used your understanding of how people like to play the game in order to anticipate how to maintain immersion. As someone who does software QA professionally and development as a hobby, I don't think enough people realize how hard it is to look at what is being developed through the eyes of the end user who has no idea what the back end looks like. Ironically, a lot of dev's have been staring at their own game from their omniscient point of view for so long that they can miss stuff that's obvious to someone who has a smaller overall understanding of the game, and I see your approach to that avoided that pitfall. My dev colleagues can get kinda offended at bugs I open that require behavior they consider "avoidable" to reproduce; I think it takes some maturity to accept that even if you designed something well, some people aren't going to interact with its components in the sequence needed for your hard work to come together the way you want.

I would play it but Warcraft III kicks my rear end on normal difficultly so I'll just watch the let's play, but I just get such a big kick out of devs who use their empathy as well as their technical know-how.

Thanks! To the Bitter End doesn't really play like Warcraft III (since it's an action RPG, not an RTS) but yeah, if you struggled with vanilla single-player Warcraft III then this will likely straight up murder you.

I rather like Azothan's Let's Play of it, as he is enjoyable to listen to, he's actually a very capable player (especially for a blind Let's Play), and I get to watch him gradually become a broken man.

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Section Z posted:

This brings the post on topic because when they didn't fix the durability bug when they released sins of the scholar, the devs tried to pass it off as "Oh, that's a Feature".

Which they patched out now too.

But not before making sure that anyone that used the fanmade patch that fixed that bug prior to their offical fix got their Steam accounts permanently and irreversably softbanned from online play.

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Deified Data posted:

Oblivion's leveling system.

It asks you to select several "major skills" at the beginning which you must raise to level up. Naturally your inclination is to choose your favorite skills, the ones you'll be using most often, but in doing so you cheat yourself out of the highest possible stat increases. You get so many points into a stat increase at level up determined by how much you raised a skill associated with that stat - raise your heavy armor skill several times for a good endurance bonus, for example. But if heavy armor is one of your major skills, you get closer to leveling up every time you raise it, so assuming you're leveling other skills at the same time (and if you're playing the game how it's meant to be played, you are) you'll wind up with a +2 increase when you could have gotten a +5 (I forget the exact numbers, it's been years since I've played the game unmodded).

In essence, the game asks you to choose your favorite skills but punishes you if you do. Instead its far better to choose your least-used skills so you can control when you level up and get the best possible modifiers for your stats. It's the very definition of rear end-backwards It's a fundamentally broken system that can leave you unprepared for the games' merciless leveling scaling curve.The system is so bad it had to be intentional.

It's essentially the same thing in Morrowind as well. It's the most godawful stupid levelling up system I've ever seen. The rules are completely arbitrary and nonsensical - god help if you if you accidentally gain points in, say, Acrobatics when you were hoping to maximize Agility gains during your next Level up. Or worse, if you improve one of your Major or Minor skills too much without having improved other miscellanous skills first too. Argh!

Either have skills that improve as you use them, or have levels. Somehow they managed to combine the worst aspects of both in Morrowind.

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Lizard Wizard posted:

Wrong. Morrowind has the saving grace of letting you grind your miscellaneous skills after receiving the "hey you can level up now" message to maximize stat gains.

True, but it meant you had to keep an eye on EVERY point you gained in any skill - because each of those is a potential stat multiplier when you do finally rest and level up. Heaven help you if you accidentally increased a Strength-based skill (miscellaneous or otherwise) when you were planning for an Agility modifier next level up, because now you're depriving yourself of a point that in the future could have gone toward a Strength modifier (but instead will be forever lost since these modifiers all reset after every level up). Or increased a skill too much - same problem.

So instead of just going out, adventuring, fighting, exploring and having fun, the best way to become a walking god was to VERY SPECIFICALLY level up a VERY SPECIFIC set of skills (but not too much!) so you'd gain all the best modifiers next level up without wasting any. This led to, for example, my character standing in a shallow pool of water with tiny fish biting him for hours to level up the very specific heavy armour skill. Oh, and it meant that once you got the level up message, you had to avoid resting at all costs! Because again, wouldn't want to level up too soon before you get all those juicy stat gain multipliers you wanted!

That said, you could level up infinitely by letting guards arrest you and then languishing in prison so that your skills (but not Level) decrease - because by doing that, you can increase the skills again later (and level up/gain modifiers again), thus effectively removing any level cap. Woo.

Basically it's a pants-on-head stupid system that offers the best rewards if you do unfun and non-lore-friendly things in-game, and I have no idea why anyone ever thought it would be a good idea. Dump the whole 'levelling up' entirely and just have your skills and stats gradually increase from use and it would have worked way better in every imaginable way.

That's not to say the Oblivion one was smarter - the enemy scaling makes it even worse (as enemy scaling tends to do in almost every game).

Soul Reaver has a new favorite as of 22:38 on Nov 5, 2015

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Tiggum posted:

They're often the most fun part of the game. I actually want someone to make a game that's basically just a character designer with tons of clothing options. Build a bunch of characters then just pose them in a scene and you're done. That's the whole game.

I strongly suspect Japan has got you covered there.

Soul Reaver has a new favorite as of 02:24 on Nov 16, 2015

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless
Both translation AND designer troll I guess:

1/35 Soldier
12 in the set



It's from Final Fantasy VII. You could find an item called "1/35 Soldier" and the description says "12 in the set". In the whole game, there are 2 of them. If you cheat to get 12 of them, they still do nothing. And if you cheat to get 35 of them, they still do nothing. At least another useless item, the 'Tissue', doesn't have the distinction of suggesting it's collectible in some way.

The 1/35 really is supposed to indiciate its a 1:35 scale model, I suspect, and we have bad translation to thank. The 12 in the set is just cruel though.

People stressed out about them and generated rumours about them like crazy for years.


Bonus bad translation troll from the same game:

"Attack while it's tail is up! It's gonna counter attack with its laser!"
If you attack it, it counterattacks with its laser. If you don't attack, it doesn't.

Thanks for the handy tip, Cloud. You're a real pal.

Soul Reaver has a new favorite as of 03:53 on Nov 23, 2015

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

BioEnchanted posted:

The most common theory for that mistranslation is a typo. Replace the exclamation mark with a comma and it works fine.

Or you could just translate it as "Don't attack while it's tail is up, or it'll counterattack with its laser!"

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Sleeveless posted:

They couldn't even spellcheck FF7 because they had to write the entire script using ASCII characters from the Japanese script.

"This guy are sick"

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

MorgaineDax posted:

The Harvest Moon games have had poo poo translations since the first game.

I would say that's a brilliant translation, and probably better than the original.

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless
I've got one from The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth (specifically the Afterbirth expansion).

A character got added in an update: the Keeper. He's pretty much a joke/challenge run character because of how lovely he is (replacing the previous joke/challenge run character, The Lost, who got buffed a bit if you grind a certain unlock for him)

You see, the Keeper doesn't have health - he has 'health coins' . Two health coins to be exact, and he loses one whenever he takes damage. If he loses both, he's dead. This is basically equivalent to starting out with only one heart container - and there is literally no way to upgrade it. He heals by picking up pennies (which then aren't added to his penny total, incidentally). Hearts don't even spawn (turning into 'friendly flies' instead), which renders a whole slew of items (in this random-item generated roguelike) completely useless. And just to add to the aggravation, a bunch of other objects/items that are supposed to give you coins have been specifically hardcoded to be a lot effective for the Keeper. He's also the slowest character (without upgrades), and has the lowest starting luck. He starts with triple shot (which is good) and a crap firing rate (which is bad). I've died more times with this character than all others put together.

So basically, any run with the Keeper is going to be a painful experience and it doesn't take much to kill you or otherwise screw up the whole run.

There's a secret boss in the game, Hush, who can only be reached by getting through a large chunk of the game in under 30 minutes. This is already really hard to do with the Keeper, since you tend to have to play him super-safe (or have gotten lucky with insane item combos). If you somehow manage this, you then have to fight him. He starts off acting similarly to one of the final bosses, but after you beat that, he assumes his 'true form', a bullet-hell spewing, monster spawning giant head with damage resistance (ie, if you have a high damage stat, he just compensates by having more health). You're in for a marathon fight and unless you have godly defensive items then you'd better hope your dodging skills are REAL good.

So what do you unlock for beating him?

"Keeper now holds a penny"

That's right, now with every subsequent run as the Keeper you get to start with 1 penny, which is next to worthless. Woo.

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

Digirat posted:

In dark souls 2 I was able to do a coordinated coop run with a buddy from start to finish with completely reliable connection and low lag, waiting less than 30 seconds to see each other's summon signs every time. None of the other games have made that as painless as dark souls 2.

See, that didn't work for me.

Because my account got permanently softbanned because I'd installed DS2Fix (a fanmade patch that prevented hackers from dropping hacked items that would corrupt your character save or entering and crashing your game with hacked character names). You know, the fix made by the same guy who made DSFix, the patch that pretty much singlehandely made the PC version of DS1 playable for PC players.

So within the first couple of days of playing DS2 - poof, pretty much no co-op/invasions for me. And it doesn't matter that I've removed the offending mod or anything, the account's permanently softbanned.

Incidentally, the same thing can happen if you use certain graphic enhancing mods, or mods that change your controller deadzone to resemble that of Dark Souls 1, or a video-capture mod.

FROM can suck my dick.

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

GIANT OUIJA BOARD posted:

:qq: But my third party mods for this multiplayer game are okay! :qq:

If they give literally no advantage over other players and only prevent actual cheaters from griefing my game? Yeah, I'd say that's ok by any reasonable standards. I would, in fact, gladly play any and all multiplayer games where literally every person was using a third party mod of this nature without any complaint.

Your Computer posted:

No one is defending softbanning as a practice, but if you use third party software that's against the EULA on your own risk at get banned for it's it's your own loving problem.

Not something I'd deny at this point, but I'd say it's what would be referred to as 'an honest mistake', considering DSFix didn't cause any problems and I play heaps of modded games. I don't play many multiplayer games, but the few I do play do not ban player accounts for using mods. The creator of DS2Fix (after reports started coming out that it might be causing bans) also wrote a big scree of text about why it couldn't possibly be getting people banned - it was only after this fact, and a lot of digging on my part, that I actually got official confirmation from Namco Bandai that DS2Fix DOES in fact get people banned, meaning that scree of text is obviously incorrect.

I removed the mod months ago. I started a new character too and deleted my old one. Literally no harm was done to anyone, so by any reasonable stretch of the imagination it shouldn't be a big ask for me to want my softban removed - heck, I'd happily submit to them re-testing my account every time I play if they're that worried about it.

Too bad that there's no review or appeals process!

Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

GIANT OUIJA BOARD posted:

It wasn't an honest mistake though, that's the thing. You knew you were installing a third party mod. By definition not something made or approved by the company running the game. What did you think was going to happen?

E: to be clear, the lack of ability to appeal it is really dumb, I completely agree with that part.

Same thing that happened with every previous mod I'd ever installed for every game I ever modded - ie, game runs perfectly fine with the mod installed, with all the bufixes etc of the mod intact? And if you want to remove the mod, you can do so?

Like I said, I don't play a lot of multiplayer games, so the whole concept of permanently banning people for using them is foreign to me. The main games I played online were Dark Souls (lets you mod to your hearts content), Dawn of War (lets you play with whatever mods you want, as long as the other player is using the same setup) and Warcraft 3/Starcraft (if you count custom maps as mods). None of these banned people for using mods.

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Soul Reaver
Mar 8, 2009

in retrospect the old redtext was a little over the top, I think I was in a bad mood that day. it appears you've learned your lesson about slagging our gods and masters at beamdog but I'm still going to leave this av up because i think its funny

god bless

im pooping! posted:

I'm kind of unclear what DSfix is even supposed to do. I tried googling it and all I could see is it raises the FPS to 60? Does someone have a link to the actual things it fixes? I've never used it.

When Dark Souls: Prepare to Die edition initially came out, it had other ridiculous problems, like:
Fullscreen would still have Window borders
Windows mouse cursor couldn't be hidden

DSFix addressed the above, allowing proper fullscreen and auto-hiding the mouse cursor (plus all the other mentioned fixes too, like allowing higher than 720p resoulution and higher framerates).

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