The Theater [Mafia]

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > The Game Room > The Theater [Mafia]

give head or get dead: Feb 16, 2010

Dwarfia, Lynching is fun

I had a cool original PR that gave a death report that could be used to figure out which other PR killed flipped players. I eventually got NK'd, but my death was janitored. I came back as a Vengeful spirit aligned with scum, lied out of my rear end saying i had a scum cop investigation on the games Actual cop, and then the scumteam won a few days later yaaaay

Also inb4 harry potter gambit

# ? Mar 20, 2015 02:59

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 19:53

Snooze Cruise: Feb 16, 2013; hey look,
a post

sc4rs posted:

Hi all, I'm the Diamond Prince!

_{don't google image search diamond prince}

For my favor, you must tell me a joke! A good one. Preferably one I haven't heard before. (Preferably meaning preferably for you, since I will not pick one I have heard before.)

You only get ONE JOKE, however. So make it good. Preface your joke with ##JOKE so I can easily find your official entry into the contest.

Some guidelines so you're not flying totally blind:

1) I will probably have to read a lot of these so don't give me Better Nate than Lever.
2) Dead babies, blondes, the Polish, your mom, and people walking into bars can be funny, but I've probably heard yours. I strongly suggest not giving me a formula joke.
3) Puns are terrible and not jokes.

i recorded mine

##joke
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1CNPrTPe2Ui

# ? Mar 20, 2015 03:01

GulagDolls: Jun 4, 2011

# ? Mar 20, 2015 03:05

Mills: Jun 13, 2003

GulagDolls posted:

This doesn't sound like something Ecco would say

# ? Mar 20, 2015 03:14

Atoramos: Aug 31, 2003; Jim's now a Blind Cave Salamander!

Token Female posted:

Hello, I'm the Sapphire Princess!

For my favor, please post an image that best explains one of your favorite moments playing mafia. You can also post a description of what happened, and in which game.

US Election '08 Mini Mafia!

I was Wolf Blitzer, and I would win if I managed to make 200 posts. I bet Jose V that I could get the remaining 60 I needed in one night. At the time sometimes mods would probate/ban mafia players for not following general forum rules, so to avoid getting banned for spamming the same thing over and over I needed some content, so I told a story drawing pictures of all the players in paint. Sadly everything was hosted on WaffleImages and the only one that remains is this picture I made of Windshipper, but that was the night Jose V bought me archives.

Thanks, Jose.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 03:20

flatluigi: Apr 23, 2008; here come the planes

whoops it's supposed to go here

# ? Mar 20, 2015 04:05

Alaster: Nov 18, 2006; Hanging just next to your door in the hallway is a painting of an EXQUISITE WIZARD. Your mother collects these awful things IRONICALLY.

Tremendous Taste posted:

The best effort chart to be posted in the theater wins a boon.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 04:06

Cartridgeblowers: Jan 3, 2006; Super Mario Bros 3

##joke

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1NSzy0bBsvQ

# ? Mar 20, 2015 06:10

Mills: Jun 13, 2003

i think ernie and KB were gambling on who would end the day dead and now they got it wrong~

# ? Mar 20, 2015 06:15

Alaster: Nov 18, 2006; Hanging just next to your door in the hallway is a painting of an EXQUISITE WIZARD. Your mother collects these awful things IRONICALLY.

Mills posted:

i think ernie and KB were gambling on who would end the day dead and now they got it wrong~

i dont think this is what the theatre thread is for mills.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 06:20

Mills: Jun 13, 2003

idk what the theater thread is really for or why it is misspelt so

# ? Mar 20, 2015 06:24

Power of Pecota: Aug 4, 2007; Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!

Eight Dollars posted:

##joke

I want to open up a Jamaican-Irish-Spanish small plate breakfast restaurant and call it 'Tapas the Morning to Jah'

If we're doing a Harris Wittels tribute

##joke

Wheat Thins? Call me when they're Wheat THICKS! Gimme that wheat!

# ? Mar 20, 2015 06:26

Mills: Jun 13, 2003

also happy birthday tokie

# ? Mar 20, 2015 06:55

Alaster: Nov 18, 2006; Hanging just next to your door in the hallway is a painting of an EXQUISITE WIZARD. Your mother collects these awful things IRONICALLY.

im p sure im winning the chart contest btw.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 07:16

The Ninth Layer: Jun 20, 2007

I'm somewhat proud to say that I'm the one who made the Original Chart�

# ? Mar 20, 2015 07:31

The Ninth Layer: Jun 20, 2007

Imagine a Lumpen List but in ~two dimensions.~

# ? Mar 20, 2015 07:31

50 pounds of bread: Sep 27, 2006

##joke

I have a heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban to the San Francisco Zoo.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 07:49

Rarity: Oct 21, 2010; ~*4 LIFE*~

Token Female posted:

Hello, I'm the Sapphire Princess!

For my favor, please post an image that best explains one of your favorite moments playing mafia.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 10:50

AnonymousNarcotics: Aug 6, 2012; we will go far into the sea
you will take me
onto your back
never look back
never look back

Rarity posted:

This is also my favorite mafia moment! Rarity totally owned this game.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 11:50

Rarity: Oct 21, 2010; ~*4 LIFE*~

# ? Mar 20, 2015 12:24

Jose Valasquez: Apr 8, 2005

# ? Mar 20, 2015 13:00

Mills: Jun 13, 2003

I think I've been completely mischaracterised on that graph. I'm still the direct middle

# ? Mar 20, 2015 13:04

Jose Valasquez: Apr 8, 2005

Mills posted:

I think I've been completely mischaracterised on that graph. I'm still the direct middle

It is a 2D representation of a 3D graph and it is not to scale. There are way more SA Mafia Players than Good Mafia Players so the direct middle of the graph is somewhere inside SA Mafia Players

# ? Mar 20, 2015 13:09

Mills: Jun 13, 2003

Edit in a ##joke and you may win!

# ? Mar 20, 2015 13:10

HiipFire: Sep 1, 2013; JENNY DEATH LIVES

Rarity posted:

I'm proud to be in the negative intellectual spectrum.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 13:16

Pinterest Mom: Jun 9, 2009

I'm on the emotional side? :raise:

I'm more emotional than capps??? :raise:

# ? Mar 20, 2015 13:40

Atoramos: Aug 31, 2003; Jim's now a Blind Cave Salamander!

2 for 2 for being too hard to read to fit into one of dem charts

# ? Mar 20, 2015 13:43

Atoramos: Aug 31, 2003; Jim's now a Blind Cave Salamander!

Rarity posted:

Also I'm pretty sure this is a Game of Thrones spoiler????!

# ? Mar 20, 2015 13:44

Byers2142: May 5, 2011; Imagine I said something deep here...

Thye problem with most of these charts is that they try to look at the players, and the players always change. People leave, people join, people change how they play, but the overall SA Mafia trends don't change. This is SA Mafia:

# ? Mar 20, 2015 14:05

Pander: Oct 9, 2007; Fear is the glue that holds society together. It's what makes people suppress their worst impulses. Fear is power.

And at the end of fear, oblivion.

Rarity posted:

# ? Mar 20, 2015 14:11

Pinterest Mom: Jun 9, 2009

I don't understand why people don't like winvirus.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 14:12

Byers2142: May 5, 2011; Imagine I said something deep here...

Token Female posted:

Hello, I'm the Sapphire Princess!

For my favor, please post an image that best explains one of your favorite moments playing mafia. You can also post a description of what happened, and in which game.

You may only submit one entry, but you are free to talk up other people's images/moments and no making GBS threads on other images.

This was my favorite moment playing Mafia, even if I was not involved personally.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 14:14

Byers2142: May 5, 2011; Imagine I said something deep here...

Pander posted:

Harold Krell - Intellectual

Chart is flawed.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 14:15

Mills: Jun 13, 2003

He's funny but he can be emotionally immature which will surely rub some people the wrong way.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 14:15

Byers2142: May 5, 2011; Imagine I said something deep here...

Mills posted:

He's funny but he can be emotionally immature which will surely rub some people the wrong way.

winvirus? Yeah, that's accurate. Plus there was a one year stretch where he fake claimed cop every game, except the one time he was a cop and he called me town when I was scum.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 14:16

Jose Valasquez: Apr 8, 2005

Dang, I didn't see Tokens contest until just now and I'm at work. How long do I have before the contest closes.

This is why I should never sleep when I'm in a mafia game

# ? Mar 20, 2015 14:21

Byers2142: May 5, 2011; Imagine I said something deep here...

sc4rs posted:

Hi all, I'm the Diamond Prince!

_{don't google image search diamond prince}

For my favor, you must tell me a joke! A good one. Preferably one I haven't heard before. (Preferably meaning preferably for you, since I will not pick one I have heard before.)

You only get ONE JOKE, however. So make it good. Preface your joke with ##JOKE so I can easily find your official entry into the contest.

Some guidelines so you're not flying totally blind:

1) I will probably have to read a lot of these so don't give me Better Nate than Lever.
2) Dead babies, blondes, the Polish, your mom, and people walking into bars can be funny, but I've probably heard yours. I strongly suggest not giving me a formula joke.
3) Puns are terrible and not jokes.

Your username, sc4rs, has led me to remember and tell this story. It is a joke, a joke life played on me...

##joke

I began going through puberty earlier than most people; at age 9, I was noticing girls and getting random boners. These two facets of puberty would be my downfall.

Where I grew up, houses are never on the same level as the street, so there's usually a retaining wall in the front holding up the front yard, as shown below:

When I was nine, I was being watched by my next door neighbor, whose retaining wall was being replaced. Along the side of the house were the cinder blocks that they were using to build up the wall. I wasn't the only one being watched, my neighbor's niece was also over there. And I decided that I would impress her by helping to carry the bricks from the side of the house to out front. So I walked up to the stack of bricks when I knew she'd be watching, and I lifted with all my might. I put everything into that lift, back arched, thighs pressing against the lower brick for support.

Freeze that moment in your mind. I was doing this for a girl and I'm a nine-year old just hitting the start of puberty. I was hard, hard enough that with my thighs pressing against the brick below, I was extended to over it. The brick above is shaking in my grip; it was heavy, heavier than I should have been lifting at nine years old, and I was unaware of the precarious situation I'd just put my dick in. But God saw. He knew. And I'm convinced that God looked down, smiled, and said, "This poo poo is going to be hilarious."

The brick slipped from my grasp.

Now, I've been hurt many times in my life. I broke my ankle in my first wrestling match of high school, but finished the match anyway because I didn't know that injury timeout was a thing. I've broken most of my knuckles from crowding the plate in baseball, I've had a knee infection so bad that the doctors had to drain it just to relieve the pressure before it exploded, I've been burned. But nothing, nothing, compares to the sheer blinding white pain of having your nine year old dick smashed between two large cinder blocks.

I regained the ability to think curled up in the bathroom, my neighbor knocking on the door to be let in, to let her see. There was vomit in the bowl, and spots of blood on my pants. Downstairs, I could hear my neighbor's daughter dancing around the living room, singing "He smashed his peepee, he smashed his peepee!" It took a long time for me to gather the courage to open that door and show my neighbor my now-mangled nine year old penis.

It had long scrapes on it where, in my haste to not have my dick smashed between two bricks, I'd jerk it out, and blood blisters were already forming and in one case popping at the point of impact. My neighbor's solution was to hand me a damp cloth and a package of frozen peas, tell me to wipe off then put the package down my pants, and wait for my parents to come how. It was Green Giant brand.

When my mother came home, she demanded to see it. At this point, I was long past shame and just going with the flow, so I stood up and dropped my pants. I didn't remove the peas first because I thought they'd go along with the pants, but no. No, the cold of the peas, the stickiness of the blood, and the condensation from the packages had combined to cause the peas to stick to my penis, and over the space of ten second the package slowly peeled away from me to finally land on the floor. I remember standing there, watching this macabre event unfold, and realizing something about how the package fell.

I looked up at my mom and said, "Mom, I think the Green Giant just winked at me."

She couldn't help it. In that situation, all you can do is laugh.

Looking back on it, it was at the same time the most painful and yet the most surreally funny event to happen in my life. My nickname in high school was Brick because my mom never missed a chance to tell this story. I'd get brick cakes for my birthday from friends.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 14:50