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I wrestled in high school, and during one practice, my coach was focusing on getting out of headlocks. I still really like the analogy he used, because it actually applies to dealing with most stressful situations. "Be a cow, not a horse." The reasoning is that if a horse gets his head caught in a fence, he'll buck and thrash and most likely kill himself in the process of escape. A cow, on the other hand, takes a minute to figure out what's going on and calmly works his way out of the predicament.
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Mar 16, 2015 01:57
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well actually op a cow probably won't do anything because it's the slow kind of retarded, as opposed to the horse
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Mar 16, 2015 05:29
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Anyway, some epic advice I was told was "if you're going to do it, make sure you don't get caught."
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Mar 16, 2015 05:30
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"Don't take a poo poo while doing a handstand."
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Mar 16, 2015 06:20
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"to defeat the cyberdemon, shoot at it until it dies."
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Mar 16, 2015 07:06
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"Take a salt tablet."
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Mar 16, 2015 08:50
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Von Humboldt posted:"Take a salt tablet." "Walk it off."
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Mar 16, 2015 09:01
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"pain is weakness leaving your body" "vomit is breakfast leaving your body"
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Mar 16, 2015 10:06
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make sure you're pissing clear before the big game
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Mar 16, 2015 10:39
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then wed all line up and coach would walk up and down examining our pee streams
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Mar 16, 2015 10:43
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"If you're going to insist on wearing that hat during your performance you'd better be really fuckin' good at piano playing."
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Mar 16, 2015 11:07
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"Embrace the gay."
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Mar 16, 2015 14:41
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When I was a pre-teen/teenager, I was very self-conscious about having stretchmarks on my arms and hips, and I was convinced that I was going to die alone because no guy would ever be able to look past my stretchmarks and see me as a lovable human being. My great-aunt said that if guys really cared about stretchmarks, she wouldn't hav five kids. That was the end of me ever worrying about my stretchmarks again. 
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Mar 16, 2015 16:59
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Flattery always works on everyone at every time. Life has taught me that this is indeed very true.
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Mar 16, 2015 18:05
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Off the top of my head: -Don't listen to politicians (especially at the state and national level). They're all liars in suits and will do and say anything to get elected and get your money. They don't care and you'll never meet them except in commercials or fake TV appearances. -Sometimes it's not what you know but who you know. -It takes money to make money. -A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. -Buckle your safety belt in the car. You don't want to be killed do you?! -Don't get in a car with a drunk driver. -Don't talk to strangers in cars. They're pedophiles. -Don't talk to people online. They're pedophiles. -Don't argue with the police. You will lose 100% of the time. -You can't fight city hall. -Don't lend people money. -Only invest $$ in companies you're sure won't go bankrupt. Diversify! -Don't go in XYZ neighborhood. You'll be shot/mugged and/or killed! -Don't hang around with loose women. Don't let them get fresh either. -Don't hang around with stupid people. You'll get caught up in their stupidity and could be an accessory to a crime or worse.
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Mar 16, 2015 23:55
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"Console Role Player, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly! If a stranger offers you a ride I say take it!"
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Mar 17, 2015 00:20
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"Everyone, no matter their sexuality, likes boobs."
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Mar 18, 2015 04:02
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Thought of some more: -When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you lemonade, drink it. -Always lock your doors. There are a lot of crazy people around here. -Don't look a gift horse in the mouth -All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances. -It doesn't matter what you think but rather what you do. -People think world peace is possible when people can't even get along with their own blood relatives, spouses and friends. -People think you can make the world a better place by bombing and shooting it into submission. -If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. -Don't bother with guns. Much more likely to shoot your eye out.
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Mar 20, 2015 00:01
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-Don't marry the first girl you gently caress -if it has tits or tires, it will give you problems
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Mar 20, 2015 21:25
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"Rich or poor, it's nice to have money." "If the bare minimum wasn't acceptable, it wouldn't be the bare minimum." "Wear a condom."
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Mar 20, 2015 23:05
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"Don't smoke cigarettes, smoke weed" Source: Dad.
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Mar 20, 2015 23:11
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"I don't want to be your buddy, Rick. I just want some breakfast." "Take some shooting lessons, rear end in a top hat."
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Mar 20, 2015 23:51
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From my father: "Don't marry an Irish woman." My mother is Irish.
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Mar 21, 2015 00:17
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"I only tried cocaine seven or eight times but it was too expensive."
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Mar 21, 2015 03:50
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"The rush you feel from manly advice wisdom? It's all a lie"
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Mar 21, 2015 12:33
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From my mom: "Don't ever marry for money! Don't marry for security, either. And don't get married just because you want to have kids. Love is great, but don't marry the person you love if they're not secure in life. You know what? Just don't get married."
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Apr 2, 2015 23:21
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"If you're getting a C in my class don't bother going to college." ~10 grade geometry teacher. gently caress you dude.
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Apr 3, 2015 01:15
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My uncle told me to always be punctual but never be in a rush as being in a hurry makes you do stupid poo poo like drive like an rear end in a top hat or trip up when running for a bus. I aim to be a few minutes early for everything and it works out well.
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Apr 3, 2015 01:56
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"Smoke weed if you want, I did it too"
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Apr 3, 2015 05:51
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"If I ever find out you're doing drugs I'll beat the gently caress out of you" Thanks dad.
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Apr 3, 2015 06:11
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"Wait until you're married to have sex. Then do whatever weird poo poo you want."
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Apr 3, 2015 06:37
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"wait till the teachers aren't looking and punch them as hard as you can. Preferably in the back." -my religious mother Advice I never got but works with everyone: in casual conversation if someone asks you a question they're really asking you to ask them that question. That and everyone, especially stupid people, loves a simple compliment. Hair, shoes, style of driving, anything. And finally, advice from both my parents, my partner's mother, a sibling, and pretty much everyone that has ever done it: don't loving ever loving have kids. It is never in any way worth it. Never.
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Apr 3, 2015 07:14
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My dad never really was one to impart any sage advice, but I remember one good conversation we had years ago. He used to be a boxer back in his late teens/early 20's. His advice? "Don't be afraid to get hit." I've kind of applied that to anything I am finding to be a challenge. Don't be afraid to get hit with anything bad, instead just accept that there will be times where you will be on the recieving end of some poo poo. I think I'm happier for it. That same conversation, which we were having on the steps of my parents shop, he also gave me some other good advice when a local drunk stumbled up the street and stopped for a chat. He asked if I liked football, and I replied honestly that it didn't really interest me. Dad does like football, and engaged him before he stumbled off. Afterwards, dad turned to me and delivered a useful lesson on people. I can't recall the exact words, but he said something along the lines of "Football is what drives that guy, so you just go with it. Always find what drives a person in their life, and you'll never have any problems talking with them, and keeping them onside again." Good advice that has kept me in good stead and with an unbroken nose to this day.
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Apr 3, 2015 15:52
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"You should take up drinking." Thanks mom.
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Apr 3, 2015 16:16
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When I was learning to drive my dad offered this advice. Dad said "The secret to driving smoothly and in control is to imagine your getting road head from a beautiful woman that doesn't have any arms or legs and if you drive reckless the only way she can keep from falling off the seat is to bite down." Powerful advice there.
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Apr 3, 2015 16:29
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"Being fair isn't about treating everyone the same, it's about treating different people differently."
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Apr 3, 2015 18:10
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alcharagia posted:"Everyone, no matter their sexuality, likes boobs." This is simply not true.
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Apr 3, 2015 19:39
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"Relax, it will pinch less."
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Apr 3, 2015 19:51
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You don't have to like someone or even be nice to them, but you should always be civil. My dad told me that and it has saved a lot of people from verbal smack downs from myself. Many times I've gritted my teeth and repeated that in my head.
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Apr 6, 2015 03:42
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The lord loves a working man. Don't trust whitey.
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Apr 6, 2015 13:19
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