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 Hail tongmu! Welcome to the Democratic Choices of Coerced Sunshine Forum Decisions! Seeing such a deluge of terrible American imperialist dog trash here has led the Shining Star of our ageless country, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un to establish formal ties to Pig scum Lowtax and his Something Awful, and bring you all to the Heart Full Embrace of Mother Happy Korea!  Much like glorious Dear President, one must start low and aim high to the stars! For now, we must begin with Beloved Birth of Western Hating Child of Mountain Song!  You are a… A. Boy B. Girl C. Please note that DPRK gloriously accepts only boys and girls for the future of the country. If you take exception to this, please report immediately to training camp 36 for reeducation.  Oh bright child! Look at Your Magnificent Kimchi Youth and Marvel! D. A newborn babe! E. A young child. F. A growing adolescent, a striking image of a good Kim I might add! G. A healthy adult (20-24). H. Senior Citizen (25-34). Also tongmu, we need a Name! We Earnestly Await your Participation in the Downfall of American Imperialism! Obviously a star citizen of Glorious and Eternal DPRK must also have dreams! What is your own?  Translation: Let's develop Pyongyang, the capital city of revolution, into a world-class city.
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Apr 4, 2015 00:45
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I think the majority of you all know how this goes! Obviously this setting can get close to some… Serious poo poo, but should this ever get to that point, don’t be that goon, okay? Perfect! If you want to, feel free to join us on irc #madgod on synirc.net. The channel tends to always have some people in it and is especially active when updates go up. If you do not know what IRC is, here is a web based chat version which will not require you to register or download anything: http://chat.mibbit.com/ Koeraikus A Darker Porpoise posted:We will drop the bomb. Dammerung posted:With our rocket's strength Wonderful Poems that warm the Sunshine Reliant Korean Soul! Ramba Ral posted:All soldiers are equal under Kim Il-Sung Outrail posted:Rockets of Dear Leader pierce the sky Outrail posted:Sir! You said the rockets would have more range if they were full. Can we requisition more fuel? Dammerung posted:We have the might to foil the angry sea, Outrail posted:We are Missiles! HiHo ChiRho fucked around with this message at 04:33 on Apr 12, 2015 |
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Apr 4, 2015 00:46
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C To the training camps! H At 34 we're almost out having learned our lesson! quote:3 Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff. It rolls right off the tongue! Successful Businessmanga fucked around with this message at 00:52 on Apr 4, 2015 |
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Apr 4, 2015 00:48
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1 A 2 F 3 Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff. It rolls right off the tongue!
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Apr 4, 2015 00:50
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BF
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Apr 4, 2015 00:52
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1. A 2. F 3. Goonyu (you know it has to be come on)
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Apr 4, 2015 00:53
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1. B 2. F 3.Coco
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Apr 4, 2015 01:43
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Dammerung posted:1 A I support this plan Edit: I dream of running a restaurant that features home-grown equivalents to exotic foreign foods. Foods like Vienna sausages, spam, and hot dogs. RandomPauI fucked around with this message at 09:53 on Apr 4, 2015 |
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Apr 4, 2015 09:46
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Dammerung posted:1 A Arduous March, Juche 82, 1993  Well tongmu, it's best to start from the beginning: It was known that your family was.. non-traditional to say the least. Your father was actually a German expatriate who swore allegiance to the True Empire Republic over two decades ago. Wholeheartedly into the Juche, he married a true Korean girl and has performed valiantly in many films, playing evil American villains in War Dramas to Unite the Korean People! He even played an evil American general that was also a VAMPIRE! WOAH that scared you half to death when you first saw it! While you may sometimes get picked on in school for looking a bit different, your father is VERY famous and some of that goodwill has rubbed off on you! Well, except for your name Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff. I guess your Papa was feeling a bit nostalgic at your birth? Most Korean people choose to just call you Wolf, not only because it is easier to pronounce, but the fact that in English it means a wild dog, and while you are not American, everyone has seen your father play them and some of that also rubbed off on you. While family is important in Guiding Light True Korea, one must make their own mark on the country! You are 15 years old of age, a true miracle of North Korean industry! Of Late there has been many news stories involving Dear Presidents ultimate toil in the Korean War for Independence from Rat Japanese. There is good reason for that: With the downfall of Russkie Brethren Commies, we have not gotten goodwill tributes as of late. The droughts have affected some of our food supplies, but have no fear! We must recall Kim Il Sung's konanŭi haenggun and tighten up our britches and keep heads up high! This will just be a minor dip in Glorious Korea's meteoric rise as the sole Superpower in the world! Perhaps you may, in your career(s), find a way to solve the hunger of some? I do forget though, what secondary school did you participate in? A. Regular school B. Music school! C. Art School! D. Foreign Language School! You are nearing the age of Magical Adulthood, and must decide on what to do - aside from the compulsory participation in the Wonderous Korean People's Army, of course! What do you wish to do first? Please fill out this form: E. The sun will always give off its light even though rats make nonsensical remarks moving around ditch, while finding it hard to raise their heads to the bright human world.” Join the KPA! (I'll have to do it eventually anyway!) F. Wolf-o goes to college! G. I want to work in Fanatical Factories! H. Country Livin' is the life for me! Let us Feed the people through manual toil and praise! I. I wish to get into Politics. Juche for life! J. I want to run my own store! I don't have any money for it, but my uncle works for one as a manager, and he can get me in as a stock boy. Ground floor! HiHo ChiRho fucked around with this message at 00:22 on Apr 5, 2015 |
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Apr 4, 2015 14:46
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B, E. Use our experiences as inspiration for proarmy musicals.
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Apr 4, 2015 20:05
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1 B 2 I Hooray Wolf!
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Apr 4, 2015 20:48
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Dammerung posted:1 B Sure why not.
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Apr 4, 2015 20:57
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D,I Much like the other German infiltrator in the American province of California, your future lies in politics!
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Apr 4, 2015 21:15
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RandomPauI posted:B, E. Use our experiences as inspiration for proarmy musicals. This we can have our dad reprise his role as the evil American vampire dictator in one  .
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Apr 4, 2015 21:34
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A,E We must gladly join the KPA to ensure the defense of our people, of our Socialist homeland, manse!
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Apr 4, 2015 21:35
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A Darker Porpoise posted:This we can have our dad reprise his role as the evil American vampire dictator in one Oh now we absolutely HAVE to go to music school!
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Apr 4, 2015 21:37
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CI
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Apr 4, 2015 23:05
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 Ten Principles for the Establishment of a Monolithic Ideological System
Growing up in South Pyongan Province, you were always fascinated with the election processes and the healthy discussions that always went on in the local commissions. One time, you even saw the proceedings of the Supreme People's Assembly! How glorious! You are probably wondering how you saw that, didn't you? It's quite simple: You were invited, by General Secretary Kim Jong-Il himself to perform a historic Korean song in front of the ENTIRE ASSEMBLY!  You and the the rest of your classmates from Lair of Magical Dreams To Fulfill Juche Superiority Primary School of course. They even recorded it for posterity: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WJpk3gbuwE Of course, when you were of 16, you walked up to a member of the local party commission to inquire about joining the party and getting into politics. A friend of your mother, Rim Il Song, is nearly ancient at 63 years of age! A veteran of the Great War, he has only one eye, but that certainly doesn't stop the two on the back of his head, especially when you got mischievous as a kid (how did he know?!). "Young Wolf! where is the rest of the pack today?" "They are out doing a collection drive for our proud warriors again, Seonsaeng-nim. I have questions for you in particular before I go back to join them." "So formal today! What would you ask of an old man?" "I wish to join the Party and continue to enrich our people's lives with Juche Rim-ssi. Can I apply now?" "Ho-Ho! Trying to Carve the peg without studying the hole, aren't we? You must remember your studies also mentioned you have to be at least 18 to join, no? Even still one must make marks on the world to do so, for the list of applicants is long indeed.." "Wonders of Juche! How could I forget?!" "Well my young pup, it appears you have a few years before you speak to me again - let me get you something to do in the meantime, something that helps you make that kind of mark. See, our quotas for warriors has been upped due to Songun, would you mind picking one off of the list here...?" Bravo Dear Readers! We have decided upon leading the masses through the guiding light of the Eternal President, Kim Il-Sung. Young Wolf knows, however, that one cannot obtain a position within a party until age 18, so he plans ahead by reading the seminal NK Best Seller On the Juche Idea and keeping correspondence up with the local commissions while going ahead with the joining the KPA!  Let's help a Rim out! What service do you wish to join? A. People's Ground Force B. People's Navy C. People's Air Force and Air Defence Forces D. People's Strategic Rocket Forces Schooling Bonus! By choosing music school, young Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff has become a prodigy when it comes to music! If a song accompanies a vote glorifying North Korea or it's esteemed leaders, the vote counts extra than a letter choice on its own. If art of another sort (poem, drawing) is added, and it ASTOUNDS the Supreme Assembly (me), it counts extra as well.
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Apr 5, 2015 01:09
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D We must launch the People's rockets! e: Koreaikus eh!? We will drop the bomb. On the American Pigs. All Hail the leader! Successful Businessmanga fucked around with this message at 02:09 on Apr 5, 2015 |
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Apr 5, 2015 01:20
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B Wolf studied his history, he knows that a nation that controls the seas controls the world which is why the Korean Navy is the best.
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Apr 5, 2015 01:25
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1 D. V All right, then! With our rocket's strength We will demonstrate our might Fear us, Westerners! Dammerung fucked around with this message at 02:30 on Apr 5, 2015 |
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Apr 5, 2015 01:29
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Dammerung posted:(Are haikus acceptable?) Only if we call them Koreaikus - No love for the Japanese swine!
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Apr 5, 2015 01:30
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a All soldiers are equal under Kim Il-Sung But we ground forces hail As the partisans who fought in Manchuria plains with him So dear is our General's Glorious Name That Kim Il-Sung shall lead us still, manse!
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Apr 5, 2015 03:14
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Ramba Ral posted:a 
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Apr 5, 2015 03:37
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A Darker Porpoise posted:D We must launch the People's rockets! Rockets of Dear Leader pierce the sky Japan tremble at their furious roar Pigs cower in their awesome shadow The West crumbles to the dear leader
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Apr 6, 2015 04:38
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Looks like Wolf is leaning towards becoming a Rocketman, but I'll leave it open a bit longer since it could go either way still.
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Apr 6, 2015 21:18
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Sure, let's go with D.
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Apr 6, 2015 22:34
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D Rockets
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Apr 6, 2015 23:44
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Musudan-ri, August Juche 82, 1993 It has been nearly two months since that momentous day, tongmu! You gladly took the pen and signs your (full) name and hitch up with the People's Strategic Rocket Forces. You turned to Rim Il Song and belted out a perfect poem for the situation: Outrail posted:Rockets of Dear Leader pierce the sky How delightful! Il Song-ssi looked to have a tear in his eye as you were promptly whisked away to what is common among all newcomers to any military force: Boot Camp. You made the most of the 5 weeks of basic training: marching, drilling, marching, fire excercises, martial arts, marching.  Let's be honest, you marched nearly all the time! Given your upbringing, you were a little bit slower than the rest of the recruits, but about midway it finally "clicked". You weren't the greatest by the end, but you were certainly not the worst. The worst ones got sent off to what your instructors called a "tough love" boot camp. You often wondered what that meant, since the trucks went the same direction that a labor camp was located. Hmm - odd, that. While you were mocked incessantly for offering to start a musical group, the group eventually came to respect you once you started thinking up Patriotic (and, when the instructors weren't around, some bawdy) drill songs! In the end, though, all good things must come to an end. You got moved to the SRF, to get more advanced training in rocketry and the ancient art of shooting projectiles at your enemy. You were dismayed that much at the start wasn't practical experience. the SRF expects it's forces to understand the rockets and their launch systems WELL before they let some wet behind the ear kid near the buttons. You spent several months in classrooms understanding those very topics. Also, more marching.  It was at this time you became friends with various members of your squad. Your best friend is, of course, Oon Dae Geon. You two were in the same boot camp together, and clung together like rats aboard a ship in a violent storm. Dae Geon is of course a true believer, but while his studying of Juche is below average the man has his way with women. Many of times you wistfully sigh as Dae Geon sneaks off into the girls dorm to "get to know them better". Ye Seung Nam should have been promoted many, many times before, but he turned them down so often his superiors just stopped trying! He is older, proud of the position he is in and seems pretty content in his lot in life. A true laborer in the Land of Soon-to-be Unified Korea! That's quite enough of what has happened, though. It's time to talk about today! Yes it does involve marching, but a short one, and it leads up to this beauty:  Your trainer for today, Chungwi Hwan Hae Hyo has apparently decided that you and Dae Geon are ready for practical experience! You see the Chungwi going over maps with the driver, and you are happy to note that it is Seung Nam that is ferrying you today. Of the vehicle itself you know to be derived from a Russian TEL that carries Scud-B missiles. Since the SRF has the newer Scud-C missiles primed for defense of the Motherland, it seems reasonable that you would get practical experience on the dwindling stock of inferior missiles. That's not to say the range is nothing to sniff at, but EVERYONE wants the latest toys, and ballistic missiles are just larger toys that destroy your enemies! With gratuitous honorifics and some pre-mission briefing, the four of you head off towards the coast on the east.  You finally reach your destination, a ridge overlooking the nearby fishing village and of course your "range". This spot was chosen to not only provide a perfect view of the arc of the missiles, but as a little "show" for the village people. You already see some gathering to watch (at a safe distance, of course). Chungwi notes "Tongmu! The range of these particular missiles are worse that normal due to fuel rationing, so don't even bother to try to hit those rats in their holes." Hwan is, of course, talking about the intolerable Japanese. "Aside from that please keep clear of any foreign vessels in international waters, or even our own for that matter. If I get reamed to the wall for letting the son of Vampire Cowboy start WWIII I will swear to Dear Leader I will take you with me Wolf." Chungwi then hands you a pair of binoculars and a map while Dae Geon mans the launch panels. What do you do? Wanting to change it up a bit - Let's play Battleship, Dear Readers! For reference, we are roughly near the circle located here:   Feel free to ask questions, peek out with the binoculars,
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Apr 7, 2015 00:35
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What's that tiny-rear end rock in I-6? Let's shoot at it. Get bonus points for marksmanship and what are the chances anyone even lives there?
Theantero fucked around with this message at 01:04 on Apr 7, 2015 |
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Apr 7, 2015 00:44
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How best to serve our leader? Let's destroy I-6! Voting for S3, will make another post to make things easier on the vote counter! Dammerung fucked around with this message at 04:41 on Apr 7, 2015 |
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Apr 7, 2015 00:59
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This is what we're aiming at
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Apr 7, 2015 01:08
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Also, feel free to use Wikipedia/Google Earth. You grew up in the worlds best education system, so you should at least know what's in the Sea of Japan
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Apr 7, 2015 01:18
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Cowards! 37.565421, 126.976943
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Apr 7, 2015 01:21
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Outrail posted:Cowards! Chungwi notices you nonchalantly yelling out coordinates, and takes the map to figure out what you meant as Dae Geon obediently starts rotating the rocket inland. Chungwi waves for him to stop, and turns to you: "The Wolf has a bit of a wit! You know this rocket can't even reach the DMZ from here, let alone Seoul! Quit playing around and fire out to the sea."
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Apr 7, 2015 01:37
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Sir! You said the rockets would have more range if they were full. Can we requisition more fuel? When the rockets fly And the south dies The glorious leader asks; Who? Who led us to victory? Who, who will they look to? Chungwi! Our valiant commander! Chungwi! Our Valiant commander! Chungwi! Our Valiant Commander! CHUN-GWI! Outrail fucked around with this message at 01:45 on Apr 7, 2015 |
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Apr 7, 2015 01:41
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I-4 is the safe bet
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Apr 7, 2015 01:52
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Doublepost, but what's the rockets maximum range?
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Apr 7, 2015 01:52
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I-6!
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Apr 7, 2015 01:59
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Outrail posted:Sir! You said the rockets would have more range if they were full. Can we requisition more fuel? "This is a training excercise! we need the fuel for defense of the motherland, not for Wolf pups to try and blow up cities!" RandomPauI posted:Doublepost, but what's the rockets maximum range? Roughly 300km. Seoul is over 400km away. You can also ask what you see based on your binocs in case you wanted to try and hit something in the ocean.
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Apr 7, 2015 01:59
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