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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Let's Play the Grailquest series! (If this kills you, go to 14.)
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  • Locked thread
Omobono
Feb 19, 2013

That's it! No more hiding in tomato crates! It's time to show that idiota Germany how a real nation fights!

For pasta~! CHARGE!

 This is Vulcan we're talking about, yes? Mighty blacksmith, but lame, as in actually one leg paralyzed lame?
He's loving bluffing. 144

E: update last page.

* # ? Dec 29, 2015 23:20
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# ? Apr 25, 2024 08:05
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Comstar
Apr 20, 2007

Are you happy now?
When someone asks if you want to beat a god you say YES.

* # ? Dec 30, 2015 06:47
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Tallgeese
May 11, 2008

MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR


 I point out that Vulcan says he is immune to damage.

The Crystal Knife does not inflict damage, and is simply instant death on strike.

Ergo, if given an opportunity, use that on him. Go to 144 and see if it gives the option.

* # ? Dec 30, 2015 07:57
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Marmaduke!
May 19, 2009

Why would it do that!?
Can't use a weapon though, you dirty rules lawyer. Deffo fight though!

* # ? Dec 30, 2015 10:53
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Tallgeese
May 11, 2008

MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR

Squalitude posted:

Can't use a weapon though, you dirty rules lawyer. Deffo fight though!

Hey, he's breaking the rules already by using a hammer!

But fine, in that case we have a shot using the illusion spell, which is also instant death and not a weapon of any type. Some god.

* # ? Dec 30, 2015 11:06
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FredMSloniker
Jan 2, 2008

Why, yes, I do like Kirby games.
Almost certainly this is a secret test of character. Almost certainly. But I'm going to laugh if he says 'if you're willing to stand up to those odds, you don't need armor', even if he doesn't then squish us like a bug.

* # ? Dec 30, 2015 11:22
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Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!
 Please tell me he's bluffing, please, please...

Section 144 posted:

'Now I do appreciate,' Vulcan continues as you stare at him wide-eyed and quaking (but courageously standing your ground for all that), 'that a straight fight would be somewhat unbalanced in my favour, so in order to make it interesting, I propose that you wear the armour. This will absolutely protect you from the first two blows, even from a +50 hammer. Furthermore, I neglected to mention that while strong, I am not particularly skilled in fighting, so I require to roll 9 or better in order to score a hit. Finally, since I'm not very good with pain, I shall surrender if you manage to hack off 18 or more of my 100,000 LIFE POINTS.' He smiles benignly. 'Now, why don't you roll to see who gets first strike?'

Oh God he's not bluffing :gonk:

Well, those odds don't sound too bad. We only need to do 18 LIFE POINTS' worth of damage to him before he manages to hit us thrice. Anyone want to do a quick calculation on those odds? Anyone?

Section 144 posted:

Well, why don't you? If Vulcan kills you in this combat, go to 14. If you force him to surrender, give the V for Victory sign and take your new breastplate to 32 where you can pick a new direction.

Let's get ready to rumble!

Vulcan's initiative roll: 5 + 2 = 7
Pip's initiative roll: 3 + 4 = 7

Vulcan's initiative re-roll: 6 + 2 = 8
Pip's initiative re-roll: 4 + 5 = 9

Pip attacks! 5 + 1 = 6, a hit! But no damage.
Vulcan attacks! 6 + 1 = 7, a miss.

Pip attacks! 3 + 3 = 6, another useless hit.
Vulcan attacks! 2 + 6 = 8, that was close but it's a miss.

Pip attacks! 2 + 2 = 4, missed :cripes:
Vulcan attacks! 4 + 6 = 10, CLAAAAAANG goes his hammer against our shiny new breastplate.

Pip attacks! 3 + 2 = 5, missed again.
Vulcan attacks! 6 + 5 = 11, CLAAAAAANG and that's two.

Pip attacks! 4 + 2 = 6, yet another useless hit.
Vulcan attacks! 1 + 1 = 2, whoooosh.

Pip attacks! 3 + 4 = 7, Vulcan is hit for 1 LIFE POINT (seventeen remaining).
Vulcan attacks! 2 + 2 = 4, missed.

Pip attacks! 4 + 3 = 7, and that's another LIFE POINT chipped off (sixteen remaining).
Vulcan attacks! 2 + 4 = 6, missed again.

Pip attacks! 3 + 4 = 7, damnit roll something higher! :argh: (fifteen LIFE POINTS remaining).
Vulcan attacks! 6 + 6 = 12, and the sound is a little bit different than CLAAAAAANG this time.

:siren: Death the sixth: came prepared to fight a madman, but instead found a god. :siren:

Let's roll for LIFE POINTS for the seventh time this book: 2 + 3 = 5, 2 + 6 = 6, 4 + 4 = 8, and we have 33 LIFE POINTS this time.

Now our "save point", so to speak, takes to right before we took the fateful decision to fight Vulcan. What say you, Goons? Round two (and three, and four, and five, and so on, if necessary, this could take a while), or do we just leave and forget the armour?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 33 / 32+1
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 5
INVENTORY: Sword (hits on a 6, +3 damage), Good Armour (-3 damage), Rusty dagger (hits on a 6, +2 damage), rope, grappling hook, lamp, flint and steel, poison stiletto (+1 damage, 8 doses of 2-damage-per-round poison), healing potion x2 (restores two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), magical quinine (heals malaria), tiny little golden key x10, Pigform Scroll x1 (works on a 4 or better on two dice, turns a single enemy into a 15 LIFE POINT pig that hits on a 6 for normal damage), Bottle of Grog x1, Long John Silver's Bribe (100 Gold Pieces), Cricri bird egg x6 (heals poison when eaten with purple spinach), inflatablefish's not-quite-seaworthy paper boat, vancho1's purple boat, Magic Talisman (-1 to an opponent's first dice roll in combat), Anti-poison potion x1, Caul (can ignore all "you drown, go to 14" indications), Golden Fleece Sweater (technically Jason's),[s] ILLUSION SPELL scroll (can be cast anytime at no cost, works on 11 or 12 on two dice, kills all enemies who roll 3 or less on one die), piece of driftwood (+2 damage), Crystal Knife (never misses, kills anything in one blow, shatters after one strike), Crossbow (automatically gets first strike, hits on a three or better, 15 damage, 6 bolts remaining)
STATUS EFFECTS: none
TREASURE: :siren: 1209 :siren: gold pieces, gems worth 1,500 gold pieces, 20 gold nuggets worth 450 gold pieces each (9,000 gold pieces total)
EMPLOYEES: Gopi Kirshna (automatically kills "Any sort of snake or serpent", costs 10 Gold Pieces per section visited)

Roll of the Dead posted:

Death the First: Snacked on by Babysaurus Rex
Death the second: transfixed by a magic song and starved to death
Death the third: chopped into tiny little pieces by a whole drat lot of guards
Death the fourth: starved to death due to digging into a banquet at the wrong time
Death the fifth: Yes! Boldly stride up through the illusionary door of the illusionary castle on top of the very real and very high cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..........*splat*
:siren: Death the sixth: came prepared to fight a madman, but instead found a god. :siren:
* # ? Dec 30, 2015 21:06
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FredMSloniker
Jan 2, 2008

Why, yes, I do like Kirby games.
Can we go with the 'burninate him with an illusion' plan?

Also, as far as the odds go: I can't find what we need to roll to hit with unarmed combat. If you can give me that, I can calculate the odds of pummeling him down.

* # ? Dec 30, 2015 22:11
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Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

FredMSloniker posted:

Can we go with the 'burninate him with an illusion' plan?

Also, as far as the odds go: I can't find what we need to roll to hit with unarmed combat. If you can give me that, I can calculate the odds of pummeling him down.

We could go with that plan, sure! The only problem is that if he disbelieves the illusion it won't work, but there's no harm in trying.

Unarmed combat it's treated as a hit-on-6, +0 weapon (meaning we hit on a 6, but the damage is "number rolled - 6" so we need at least a 7 to actually do damage).

* # ? Dec 30, 2015 22:23
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FredMSloniker
Jan 2, 2008

Why, yes, I do like Kirby games.

Mikl posted:

We could go with that plan, sure! The only problem is that if he disbelieves the illusion it won't work, but there's no harm in trying.

Unarmed combat it's treated as a hit-on-6, +0 weapon (meaning we hit on a 6, but the damage is "number rolled - 6" so we need at least a 7 to actually do damage).

Okay then. So if we roll a 7, we do one point of damage, up to rolling a 12 giving us 6 points of damage. Meanwhile, he has only to roll a 9 or better thrice. If I've done the math right, that means we have a surprisingly high 40% chance of beating him if we have the initiative and a 34% chance of beating him even without it.

E: the math: f(p, v, i) is the probability of our success, where p is Pip's remaining 'health' (0 to 3), v is Vulcan's remaining 'health' (-5 to 18), and i is who has the initiative (0 being Pip and 1 being Vulcan). f(0, n, m) = 0; f(n, m, o) = 1 for m <= 0.

f(p, v, 0) = 15 / 36 * f(p, v, 1) + 6 / 36 * f(p, v - 1, 1) + 5 / 36 * f(p, v - 2, 1) + 4 / 36 * f(p, v - 3, 1) + 3 / 36 * f(p, v - 4, 1) + 2 / 36 * f(p, v - 5, 1) + 1 / 36 * f(p, v - 6, 1).

f(p, v, 1) = 26 / 36 * f(p, v, 0) + 10 / 36 * f(p - 1, v, 0).

I set up a spreadsheet to make the calculations.

E2: I can calculate whether trying the illusion spell will actually help (we have to roll 11+, then hit a 50-50 chance, for it to work, right?), but not right this second, as I have an appointment to get to.

E3: let dp(v) be the expected damage if we attempt to punch Vulcan, where v is his remaining 'health'. It is defined as follows for different values of v:
  • <= 0: 0.
  • 1: 21 / 36 * 1, or 0.58333...
  • 2: 6 / 36 * 1 + 15 / 36 * 2, or 1.
  • 3: 6 / 36 * 1 + 5 / 36 * 2 + 10 / 36 * 3, or 1.2777...
  • 4: 6 / 36 * 1 + 5 / 36 * 2 + 4 / 36 * 3 + 6 / 36 * 4, or 1.444...
  • 5: 6 / 36 * 1 + 6 / 36 * 2 + 4 / 36 * 3 + 3 / 36 * 4 + 3 / 36 * 5, or 1.52777...
  • 6+: 6 / 36 * 1 + 6 / 36 * 2 + 4 / 36 * 3 + 3 / 36 * 4 + 2 / 36 * 5 + 1 / 36 * 6, or 1.555...
di(v) is the expected damage if we attempt to use the illusion spell on Vulcan. Its definition is much simpler: di(v) = 3 / 36 * 1 / 2 * v.

For v in the range 1 to 5, dp(v) > di(v), so there's no point in trying to use the illusion if Vulcan is at 5 or fewer 'health'. But what about the general case? Well, then we need di(v) > 14 / 9 (or 1.555...) Substituting the definition of di(v), we get:

3 / 36 * 1 / 2 * v > 14 / 9
1 / 12 * 1 / 2 * v > 14 / 9
1 / 24 * v > 14 / 9
v > 14 / 9 * 24
v > 37.333...

As v is never greater than 18, it's never worth it to try the illusion spell.

FredMSloniker fucked around with this message at 23:21 on Dec 30, 2015

* # ? Dec 30, 2015 22:32
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inflatablefish
Oct 24, 2010

FredMSloniker posted:

Okay then. So if we roll a 7, we do one point of damage, up to rolling a 12 giving us 6 points of damage. Meanwhile, he has only to roll a 9 or better thrice. If I've done the math right, that means we have a surprisingly high 40% chance of beating him if we have the initiative and a 34% chance of beating him even without it.

E: the math: f(p, v, i) is the probability of our success, where p is Pip's remaining 'health' (0 to 3), v is Vulcan's remaining 'health' (-5 to 18), and i is who has the initiative (0 being Pip and 1 being Vulcan). f(0, n, m) = 0; f(n, m, o) = 1 for m <= 0.

f(p, v, 0) = 15 / 36 * f(p, v, 1) + 6 / 36 * f(p, v - 1, 1) + 5 / 36 * f(p, v - 2, 1) + 4 / 36 * f(p, v - 3, 1) + 3 / 36 * f(p, v - 4, 1) + 2 / 36 * f(p, v - 5, 1) + 1 / 36 * f(p, v - 6, 1).

f(p, v, 1) = 26 / 36 * f(p, v, 0) + 10 / 36 * f(p - 1, v, 0).

I set up a spreadsheet to make the calculations.

E2: I can calculate whether trying the illusion spell will actually help (we have to roll 11+, then hit a 50-50 chance, for it to work, right?), but not right this second, as I have an appointment to get to.

E3: let dp(v) be the expected damage if we attempt to punch Vulcan, where v is his remaining 'health'. It is defined as follows for different values of v:
  • <= 0: 0.
  • 1: 21 / 36 * 1, or 0.58333...
  • 2: 6 / 36 * 1 + 15 / 36 * 2, or 1.
  • 3: 6 / 36 * 1 + 5 / 36 * 2 + 10 / 36 * 3, or 1.2777...
  • 4: 6 / 36 * 1 + 5 / 36 * 2 + 4 / 36 * 3 + 6 / 36 * 4, or 1.444...
  • 5: 6 / 36 * 1 + 6 / 36 * 2 + 4 / 36 * 3 + 3 / 36 * 4 + 3 / 36 * 5, or 1.52777...
  • 6+: 6 / 36 * 1 + 6 / 36 * 2 + 4 / 36 * 3 + 3 / 36 * 4 + 2 / 36 * 5 + 1 / 36 * 6, or 1.555...
di(v) is the expected damage if we attempt to use the illusion spell on Vulcan. Its definition is much simpler: di(v) = 3 / 36 * 1 / 2 * v.

For v in the range 1 to 5, dp(v) > di(v), so there's no point in trying to use the illusion if Vulcan is at 5 or fewer 'health'. But what about the general case? Well, then we need di(v) > 14 / 9 (or 1.555...) Substituting the definition of di(v), we get:

3 / 36 * 1 / 2 * v > 14 / 9
1 / 12 * 1 / 2 * v > 14 / 9
1 / 24 * v > 14 / 9
v > 14 / 9 * 24
v > 37.333...

As v is never greater than 18, it's never worth it to try the illusion spell.

*Nods sagely*

Why yes, these calculations concur precisely with my own. Honest.

In any case, I'm curious to see how many tries it will take us to beat this guy, plus I figure Pip's a glutton for punishment. Let's savescum the hell out of this guy.

* # ? Dec 30, 2015 23:38
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idonotlikepeas
May 29, 2010

This reasoning is possible for forums user idonotlikepeas!
We only run away when it would be funnier to do so. Time to ogg a god.

* # ? Dec 30, 2015 23:42
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Mister Perky
Aug 2, 2010
 We only fail if we give up.

DO BATTLE! :black101: with Hephaestus until we beat him, however many tries and pages it takes. That breastplate is sweet and there's no downside but shame.

Besides, we rolled really badly that go-around. Rematch is bound to go better.

* # ? Dec 31, 2015 03:45
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Glazius
Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.

Clapping Larry
Wow. Congratulations to the book for making this feel like a real fight with a real god.

* # ? Dec 31, 2015 05:19
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dmboogie
Oct 4, 2013

 Aw, dammit, I hoped that you'd make it to Lost Island before I caught up with the thread, but this is still one hell of a place to rejoin. FISTICUFFS WITH GOD it is, of course!

As someone who very thoroughly enjoyed the first book of this series as a kid but was never able to find any others, I am very much appreciating this LP and am looking forward to seeing all the adventures of Pip I missed out on!

* # ? Jan 5, 2016 07:52
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Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!
 It occurred to me that I've neglecting this thread. My excuse is that the new year has brought with it some changes that drastically reduced the amount of time I have to roll dice. (Nothing terrible, don't worry.) The situation has stabilized somewhat now, so you may look forward to this LP restarting before the end of the week, and if all goes well we'll be done with this book by the end of January (we have only have two updates left, maybe three if we pick the "wrong" answer to a non-critical decision, plus the post-book wrap-up).

Sorry for the delay goons, and I'll see you soon!

* # ? Jan 24, 2016 14:10
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Russ L
Feb 26, 2011
 Also, Fighting.

* # ? Jan 31, 2016 13:12
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Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!
 "Sunday afternoon" is still "this week"!

As a reminder (it has been a while), we need to knock off 18 LIFE POINTS from Vulcan before he hits us three times. So without further ado, let's see how many tries this takes us.

Vulcan's initiative roll: 6 + 6 = 12
Pip's initiative roll: 5 + 6 = 11

Vulcan attacks! 1 + 2 = 3, missed.
Pip attacks! 2 + 1 = 3, also missed.

Vulcan attacks! 4 + 3 = 7, wooosh.
Pip attacks! 2 + 6 = 8, and we hit Vulcan for two LIFE POINTS (sixteen remaining).

Vulcan attacks! 3 + 2 = 5, missed.
Pip attacks! 4 + 3 = 7, and that's one more LIFE POINT (fifteen remaining).

Vulcan attacks! 3 + 3 = 6, missed.
Pip attacks! 6 + 3 = 9, three more (twelve remaining).

Vulcan attacks! 2 + 5 = 7, missed.
Pip attacks! 6 + 2 = 8, and we're on a roll with two more LIFE POINTS chipped off (ten remaining).

Vulcan attacks! 3 + 6 = 9, and we're hit for the first time.
Pip attacks! 6 + 4 = 10, and that's FOUR more LIFE POINTS (six remaining).

Vulcan attacks! 1 + 2 = 3, missed.
Pip attacks! 1 + 3 = 4, whiff (spoke too soon...).

Vulcan attacks! 3 + 1 = 4, missed.
Pip attacks! 1 + 1 = 2, missed.

Vulcan attacks! 1 + 4 = 5, missed.
Pip attacks! 2 + 2 = 4, missed.

Vulcan attacks! 4 + 6 = 10, and that's two.
Pip attacks! 5 + 3 = 8, and we have four LIFE POINTS remaining to knock off.

Vulcan attacks! 3 + 3 = 6, missed.
Pip attacks! 4 + 5 = 9, only one LIFE POINT left!

Vulcan attacks! 1 + 6 = 7, missed.
Pip attacks! 6 + 1 = 7, and we've won!

That wasn't as hard as I thought, was it?

Now let's pick up our shiny new armour and get out of here. The path out leads to 32, where we came from, and from there we can only go to one place we haven't explored yet: 68.

Section 68 posted:

As you reach the rock-strewn plain at the head of the valley, the glint of water catches your eye. You move in that direction and find yourself on a narrow strip of sandy shore.

Before you stretches the ocean with the great golden ship standing at anchor near the horizon, patiently awaiting your return. And before you too is the most exciting find you could possibly imagine: a rowboat, swept up on the beach!

Breathlessly you rush to the rowboat, half thinking it might be holed. But a quick examination shows it is intact. Even the oars are there, ready to take you away from this dangerous isle.

You climb in delightedly and are just fitting the oars to the rowlocks when your eye catches a scrap of paper in the bottom of the boat. Curiously you pick it up and read the writing scrawled on its surface:

Farewell, young friend! We should have met
But we can meet yet
Should you pronounce the magic word
Which will let you fly like a bird
To somewhere never seen before -
The horrid 34.

Think well before you utter it:
The Word is called PRODUCTOVIT!

The note is unsigned, probably a forgery and certainly very dangerous advice. However, the choice is yours as always.

If you pronounce the magic word PRODUCTOVIT go direct to 34.

If you feel you should get back to the Argonauts and your ship, simply row away. When you have reached the ship (which you will do in a very short space of time) you may consult the Sea Chart and navigate to a new destination.

The magic word PRODUCTOVIT works only once, but it does work. This means that if you decide NOT to use it straight away, you can still use it once at any time during your adventure - even during combat - to transport you directly to the mysterious 34. This could be worth remembering, so take a note of the word and the section it leads to if you decide to row back to your ship.

34 is where we met the Poetic Fiend, and he's clearly the author of that note. Probably.

Only one place left to go now, so let's set sail for Lost Island!

Section 122 posted:

This island is impossible! You've sailed the Argo all the way round it four times running and not only are you unable to find a mooring, but neither are you able to find even a yard of beach where you could land a rowing boat. No wonder it's called Lost Island.

It looked welcoming enough at a distance, but now you are closer, you can see that it is a veritable bastion, its entire coastline enclosed by a massively ancient stone wall, high as cliffs, and built, to all appearances, by giants.

Your crew are not happy at this development. The superstitious bunch are already muttering that perhaps this place would be better left alone. You, of course, are made of sterner stuff: but how to get on to the island?

On your fifth circuit, your eagle eye catches sight of what might just be an opening in the wall. It's narrow indeed: even a single rowboat would have trouble negotiating the inlet, but it might just be possible. Ignoring the mutterings of the Argonauts - none of whom has volunteered to accompany you - you set out in the little boat, rowing strongly towards that narrow gap.

You reach it and experience a moment of panic as a strong current seizes your craft and sweeps it inwards. Yet this might be a blessing in disguise, for the current runs true, carrying you squarely between the looming walls before slackening into still water near what was obviously built as a mooring.

You look around. You are bobbing lightly in a tiny, totally enclosed harbour, built, presumably, when that great wall was constructed, aeons of years ago. Before you is a dock, little more than a ledge really, and beyond it, set into the wall, is a gigantic door of solid bronze.

You tie up your craft and approach the door. It towers above you as if it had been made for someone at least four times your height. Experimentally, you press your hands against it, and find, with no surprise at all, that it does not move. There is a massive bronze handle, some distance above your head and below it, just within reach, no fewer than ten tiny keyholes.

Those keyholes intrigue you. They are totally out of proportion with the door, yet something tells you that they, and not the massive handle, hold the secret of opening this portal.

If you happen to have ten tiny golden keys, you may fit them in the keyholes and see what happens at 153.

If you do not have all ten keys, your only option is to return to the Argo and pick another destination. Unfortunately this is not as easy as it sounds, since the current running in the entrance passage will make the manoeuvre very dangerous. Roll two dice. Score 2-4 and your craft is dashed against the wall so that you sink through the icy waters all the way to 14. Score 5-8 and you reach the Argo minus one third of your LIFE POINTS due to exhaustion. Score 9-12 and you reach the Argo without mishap.

And this is what the tiny little golden keys we've been collecting are for. There are eleven of them spread throughout the book, so we can safely avoid picking up one (like we did when we decided not to test our luck against the T-rex for a second time).

No time to lose, let's open the door!

Section 153 posted:

You insert the keys one after another. As the tenth is pushed home, there is a grinding of massive gears and the huge door swings slowly open.

Behind it is a stone-lined corridor, as gigantic as the door itself. Although gloomy and forbidding as the door opened, the walls of the corridor quickly begin to glow with a soft, warm, inviting light. Encouraged, you step forward, wondering what you will do if the great door slams shut behind you, but nothing happens. You take a cautious step forward.

The great door slams shut behind you.

For a moment you stand seized by panic, then, with a gentle musical note, a luminous green arrow appears in the floor almost beneath your feet. Then another appears a short way ahead, then another and another, making a trail. With nowhere else to go, you follow.

The arrows continue to appear as you move forward, taking you some two hundred yards along the massive corridor until, quite suddenly, it branches. The arrows continue to the right. To your left, another corridor opens.

To continue following the arrow trail, turn to 196.

To turn left, go to 119.

Alright, time for one of the final decisions of the book! Which way do we go?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 33 / 32+1
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 5
INVENTORY: Sword (hits on a 6, +3 damage), Good Armour (-3 damage), Rusty dagger (hits on a 6, +2 damage), rope, grappling hook, lamp, flint and steel, poison stiletto (+1 damage, 8 doses of 2-damage-per-round poison), healing potion x2 (restores two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), magical quinine (heals malaria), tiny little golden key x10, Pigform Scroll x1 (works on a 4 or better on two dice, turns a single enemy into a 15 LIFE POINT pig that hits on a 6 for normal damage), Bottle of Grog x1, Long John Silver's Bribe (100 Gold Pieces), Cricri bird egg x6 (heals poison when eaten with purple spinach), inflatablefish's not-quite-seaworthy paper boat, vancho1's purple boat, Magic Talisman (-1 to an opponent's first dice roll in combat), Anti-poison potion x1, Caul (can ignore all "you drown, go to 14" indications), Golden Fleece Sweater (technically Jason's),[s] ILLUSION SPELL scroll (can be cast anytime at no cost, works on 11 or 12 on two dice, kills all enemies who roll 3 or less on one die), piece of driftwood (+2 damage), Crystal Knife (never misses, kills anything in one blow, shatters after one strike), Crossbow (automatically gets first strike, hits on a three or better, 15 damage, 6 bolts remaining), :siren: Godly armour (completely blocks the first two blows, -4 damage after that) :siren:
STATUS EFFECTS: none
TREASURE: 1209 gold pieces, gems worth 1,500 gold pieces, 20 gold nuggets worth 450 gold pieces each (9,000 gold pieces total)
EMPLOYEES: Gopi Kirshna (automatically kills "Any sort of snake or serpent", costs 10 Gold Pieces per section visited)

Roll of the Dead posted:

Death the First: Snacked on by Babysaurus Rex
Death the second: transfixed by a magic song and starved to death
Death the third: chopped into tiny little pieces by a whole drat lot of guards
Death the fourth: starved to death due to digging into a banquet at the wrong time
Death the fifth: Yes! Boldly stride up through the illusionary door of the illusionary castle on top of the very real and very high cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..........*splat*
Death the sixth: came prepared to fight a madman, but instead found a god.
* # ? Jan 31, 2016 15:40
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inflatablefish
Oct 24, 2010
 If Lone Wolf taught me anything, it's that you should always Go Left!

(I also think that we ought to say PRODUCTOVIT halfway through the Pip Triumphant page. Just for the hell of it.)

* # ? Jan 31, 2016 15:59
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Russ L
Feb 26, 2011

inflatablefish posted:

PRODUCTOVIT

Damnit, you just said it! Now we have to go to 34!

Or, if it doesn't work that way, then go left.

* # ? Jan 31, 2016 16:05
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Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!
 Then :goleft: we shall! (You're not the boss of me, arrows.)

Section 119 posted:

The tunnel you have entered slopes downwards with an ever-increasing gradient until after only a few hundred yards it has become so steep you are having real difficulty in keeping your footing. Up ahead, you notice the floor glistens slightly, as if wet or possibly oily.

The thing is, do you want to keep going this way? If so, move on cautiously to 192. If not, you still have the option of returning the way you came and following the green arrows to 196.

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 33 / 32+1
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 5
INVENTORY: Sword (hits on a 6, +3 damage), Good Armour (-3 damage), Rusty dagger (hits on a 6, +2 damage), rope, grappling hook, lamp, flint and steel, poison stiletto (+1 damage, 8 doses of 2-damage-per-round poison), healing potion x2 (restores two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), magical quinine (heals malaria), tiny little golden key x10, Pigform Scroll x1 (works on a 4 or better on two dice, turns a single enemy into a 15 LIFE POINT pig that hits on a 6 for normal damage), Bottle of Grog x1, Long John Silver's Bribe (100 Gold Pieces), Cricri bird egg x6 (heals poison when eaten with purple spinach), inflatablefish's not-quite-seaworthy paper boat, vancho1's purple boat, Magic Talisman (-1 to an opponent's first dice roll in combat), Anti-poison potion x1, Caul (can ignore all "you drown, go to 14" indications), Golden Fleece Sweater (technically Jason's),[s] ILLUSION SPELL scroll (can be cast anytime at no cost, works on 11 or 12 on two dice, kills all enemies who roll 3 or less on one die), piece of driftwood (+2 damage), Crystal Knife (never misses, kills anything in one blow, shatters after one strike), Crossbow (automatically gets first strike, hits on a three or better, 15 damage, 6 bolts remaining), :siren: Godly armour (completely blocks the first two blows, -4 damage after that) :siren:
STATUS EFFECTS: none
TREASURE: 1209 gold pieces, gems worth 1,500 gold pieces, 20 gold nuggets worth 450 gold pieces each (9,000 gold pieces total)
EMPLOYEES: Gopi Kirshna (automatically kills "Any sort of snake or serpent", costs 10 Gold Pieces per section visited)

Roll of the Dead posted:

Death the First: Snacked on by Babysaurus Rex
Death the second: transfixed by a magic song and starved to death
Death the third: chopped into tiny little pieces by a whole drat lot of guards
Death the fourth: starved to death due to digging into a banquet at the wrong time
Death the fifth: Yes! Boldly stride up through the illusionary door of the illusionary castle on top of the very real and very high cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..........*splat*
Death the sixth: came prepared to fight a madman, but instead found a god.
* # ? Jan 31, 2016 19:00
  • Quote
Explosions
Apr 20, 2015

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryIjCkw3Jfg

192

* # ? Jan 31, 2016 20:07
  • Quote
Russ L
Feb 26, 2011
 Proceed, but not cautiously. Steam in. 192.

* # ? Jan 31, 2016 22:21
  • Quote
Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Section 192 posted:

It's slippery all right - so slippery that you can't keep your feet. You're falling, and sliding. The corridor becomes steeper and steeper until it's practically a chute, hurtling you downwards into...

It's dark in here. (Not to mention a bit chilly.) And the darkness must be magical since you find within seconds that absolutely nothing will dispel it. You begin to fumble round, hoping to find a wall, but after nearly fifteen minutes you're still fumbling with no sign of anything which will help you get your bearings.

Pssst!

You stop fumbling to listen. 'Is anybody there?' you ask a little nervously.

'No,' a voice whispers so close to your ear that you nearly jump out of your skin.

When your heart stops thumping and you catch your breath, you say bravely, 'If there's nobody there, how come I can hear you talking to me?'

'A good question,' whispers the Voice. 'But I have a better one. Pay close attention.'

'All right,' you whisper back. (Funny, isn't it, how you always feel obliged to whisper back when anybody whispers at you.)

'Good,' whispers the Voice.

After a while you whisper, 'You aren't saying anything.'

'That's because I'm thinking,' whispers the Voice. 'Specifically, I'm thinking of a number. Can you guess what it is?'

'Don't be -' you begin loudly. Then, remembering your difficult situation, you whisper, 'Don't be daft. How can I be expected to guess what number you're thinking? It could be anything from 6 to 128,753,209!'

'No,' whispers the Voice, 'it isn't either of those. I tell you what, I'll make it easier for you. I will add five to the number I'm thinking of Now I'll subtract two. Now I'll add fifteen. And now I'll take away the number I first thought of Now I'll multiply by two. Finally, I shall add one hundred and fifty-one. Can you tell me the number I'm thinking of now?'

Well, can you? If so, go to the section with the number you have calculated.

I... I'm not very good with differential calculus, how am I supposed to solve this one?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 33 / 32+1
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 5
INVENTORY: Sword (hits on a 6, +3 damage), Good Armour (-3 damage), Rusty dagger (hits on a 6, +2 damage), rope, grappling hook, lamp, flint and steel, poison stiletto (+1 damage, 8 doses of 2-damage-per-round poison), healing potion x2 (restores two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), magical quinine (heals malaria), tiny little golden key x10, Pigform Scroll x1 (works on a 4 or better on two dice, turns a single enemy into a 15 LIFE POINT pig that hits on a 6 for normal damage), Bottle of Grog x1, Long John Silver's Bribe (100 Gold Pieces), Cricri bird egg x6 (heals poison when eaten with purple spinach), inflatablefish's not-quite-seaworthy paper boat, vancho1's purple boat, Magic Talisman (-1 to an opponent's first dice roll in combat), Anti-poison potion x1, Caul (can ignore all "you drown, go to 14" indications), Golden Fleece Sweater (technically Jason's), ILLUSION SPELL scroll (can be cast anytime at no cost, works on 11 or 12 on two dice, kills all enemies who roll 3 or less on one die), piece of driftwood (+2 damage), Crystal Knife (never misses, kills anything in one blow, shatters after one strike), Crossbow (automatically gets first strike, hits on a three or better, 15 damage, 6 bolts remaining), :siren: Godly armour (completely blocks the first two blows, -4 damage after that) :siren:
STATUS EFFECTS: none
TREASURE: 1209 gold pieces, gems worth 1,500 gold pieces, 20 gold nuggets worth 450 gold pieces each (9,000 gold pieces total)
EMPLOYEES: Gopi Kirshna (automatically kills "Any sort of snake or serpent", costs 10 Gold Pieces per section visited)

Roll of the Dead posted:

Death the First: Snacked on by Babysaurus Rex
Death the second: transfixed by a magic song and starved to death
Death the third: chopped into tiny little pieces by a whole drat lot of guards
Death the fourth: starved to death due to digging into a banquet at the wrong time
Death the fifth: Yes! Boldly stride up through the illusionary door of the illusionary castle on top of the very real and very high cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..........*splat*
Death the sixth: came prepared to fight a madman, but instead found a god.
* # ? Jan 31, 2016 23:29
  • Quote
Omobono
Feb 19, 2013

That's it! No more hiding in tomato crates! It's time to show that idiota Germany how a real nation fights!

For pasta~! CHARGE!

 187

* # ? Jan 31, 2016 23:45
  • Quote
inflatablefish
Oct 24, 2010

Omobono posted:

187

I concur. (I always find that these puzzles are much simpler if the number you start with is zero).

I am also amazed that we didn't just slide directly to 14, though I guess we could have just said PRODUCTO... uh, that word, before impact.

* # ? Feb 1, 2016 00:50
  • Quote
idonotlikepeas
May 29, 2010

This reasoning is possible for forums user idonotlikepeas!

Mikl posted:

'No,' whispers the Voice, 'it isn't either of those. I tell you what, I'll make it easier for you. I will add five to the number I'm thinking of Now I'll subtract two. Now I'll add fifteen. And now I'll take away the number I first thought of Now I'll multiply by two. Finally, I shall add one hundred and fifty-one. Can you tell me the number I'm thinking of now?'

For the record:

2(X + 5 - 2 + 15 - X) + 151
2(5 - 2 + 15 + X - X) + 151
2(5 - 2 + 15) + 151
2(18) + 151
36 + 151
187

* # ? Feb 1, 2016 02:59
  • Quote
Carbon dioxide
Oct 9, 2012

 If you accidentally calculate the wrong number, you can end up in any place in the book at all. Interesting.

* # ? Feb 1, 2016 19:31
  • Quote
Omobono
Feb 19, 2013

That's it! No more hiding in tomato crates! It's time to show that idiota Germany how a real nation fights!

For pasta~! CHARGE!

inflatablefish posted:

I concur. (I always find that these puzzles are much simpler if the number you start with is zero).

That's because in these puzzles the chosen number doesn't matter, so might as well use 0.

* # ? Feb 1, 2016 19:38
  • Quote
Glazius
Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.

Clapping Larry
Huh. I would have expected to be at good old 14 quite a while ago.

* # ? Feb 2, 2016 03:06
  • Quote
Russ L
Feb 26, 2011
 California Penal Code 187?

* # ? Feb 13, 2016 16:56
  • Quote
Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!
 Blarg, unexpected business trips are super fun :shepicide:

Update around the middle of the week. (Quite lengthy, and final update for this book, incidentally.)

* # ? Feb 15, 2016 16:22
  • Quote
Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!
 Off to Section 187! Whatever shall we find there?

Section 187 posted:

Ping!

A luminous green arrow has appeared on the floor beneath your feet.

'Well done,' whispers the Voice. 'Now all you have to do is follow the arrows.'

You step forward cautiously and another arrow appears, then another.

'A word in your ear,' whispers the Voice. 'A word of advice, since you've been clever enough to read my thoughts. If you ever finish this adventure, be sure to call on me again. I'm the only one who can tell you where to find Excalibur.'

You stop in high excitement. ExcaUbur is King Arthur's sword! 'What do you mean?' you ask, quite forgetting to whisper in your excitement. But there is no reply.

How irritating, but no use worrying about that now. Follow the arrows out of the magical darkness to 196.

This is probably important. Or maybe not. Best to remember it anyway.

196 is the other side of the fork in the road cave, where we would have ended up had we followed the arrows in the first place. And is where the endgame for this book will start to take place!

Section 196 posted:

You follow the luminous green arrows as the tunnel turns upwards and eventually emerge into blinding sunlight.

When your eyes adjust, you can see you are standing on a broad, flat, grassy plain, slap bang centre of which stands a towering pyramid. And hurrying towards you from the direction of the pyramid is a very familiar white-robed figure wearing his pointed wizard's hat over a thick bandage round his head.



'Merlin!' you call excitedly. 'Merlin, it's you!'

'Of course it's me!' Merlin exclaims grumpily. 'Who else would it be? And what kept you? Messing around with monsters, I'll be bound, like all young adventurers now. No sense of proportion. No, no indeed.'

'Excuse me, sir, but what happened to your head?'

'It collided with a bucket, 'Merlin tells you irritably.

Serves ya right, ya big jerk.

Section 196 posted:

'But never mind that now. While you've been amusing yourself and lolling about in the sun, the Saxons have been invading Avalon. Hordes of them. Great hairy men in ships. Worse still, the King has lost his sword. Excahbur itself. Mislaid it, or had it stolen or some such, so he can't even fight. We have to get back. At least you do. You're the only one who can stop the Saxons. And find Excalibur, come to that, although that will have to be later when you've dispatched the Saxons. Quickly now.'

'I'm afraid I don't have my sword with me either,' you tell him apologetically. 'I mean I haven't had old EJ on this whole adventure.'

'Sword?' asks Merlin. 'Sword? Why are you blathering about a sword? You can't see off a whole army with just a sword, however good it is. You need magic. Great magic. Superlative magic. Magic of almost unimaginable potency.'

'I'm afraid I don't have any of that either: nothing that would put paid to an entire Saxon army.'

'Neither do I,' says Merlin, 'but there's something suitable in the pyramid. All you have to do is get it and we'll be off back to Avalon.' He hesitates, almost imperceptibly, then adds, 'Watch out for the Mummy.'

And since Merlin never gives you a choice about anything, you'd better enter the pyramid at 203

And once again, Merlin is a jerk and a coward. Movie at eight.

Section 203 posted:

You notice with growing alarm that Merlin is ranging well back as you step into the gloomy tunnel which plunges into the heart of the towering pyramid. But there is nothing else for it except to press on.

The tunnel runs level for about a hundred yards, then ends in a flight of stone steps downwards. You descend into what seems to be a cubical, stone-lined crypt, in the centre of which is a granite sarcophagus. There is nothing else at all within the chamber; not even a hint of the superlative magic Merlin mentioned.

You move forward to examine the sarcophagus. The lid has been beautifully carved and decorated to resemble the reclining body of some ancient Pharaoh. Egyptian hieroglyphics have been cut into the sides. The workmanship is so perfect that it takes you nearly five minutes to discover the hidden clasp. But discover it you do and when you release it, the lid of the great granite coffin swings soundlessly open.

'Hello, Sucker!' says the Mummy within, reaching for you with huge bandaged hands.



Although largely rotted away, this animated corpse still retains 33 LIFE POINTS. Which may not seem all that much until you realise it is magically protected so that every dice roll you make to hit is at -5. (Even magical weapons which would normally hit automatically require a roll of 5 or better to work against this horror.) The Mummy, on the other hand, scores full dice damage (no plusses) and hits successfully on four or better. What's even worse, the Mummy's touch is poison, so that after his first successful hit you will lose 5 additional LIFE POINTS during each subsequent combat round (including your own strikes) due to the poison eating away your insides.

The only good news is that you manage to kill the Mummy, the action of the poison stops. Should you fail, it's off to 14, although you may return directly to the island at 122 ( with golden keys intact) when you have rerolled your LIFE POINTS. Should you manage to slaughter the Mummy, you will find a black ebony staff in the bottom of the sarcophagus. Take it quickly and read on...

Is this a final boss? It sure looks like a final boss to me.

Pip's initiative roll: 2 + 5 = 7
Mummy's initiative roll: 2 + 2 = 4

Pip casts ILLUSION SPELL! 6 + 6 = 12, the spell works and the Mummy (roll: 2) does NOT disbelieve the illusion and is incinerated.

That was... anticlimactic, wasn't it? No matter, let's hurry. We have an invasion to attend to.

Epilogue posted:

THE SAXON INVASION

The sun glints on the armour of the massed armies facing each other across the sweeping plain. The only sound to be heard is the soft clink of the harness for the great warhorses and the occasional creak of armour binding as the knights move restlessly, waiting for the signal.

On a rise above the battlefield, King Arthur leans disconsolately on a large (but definitely unmagical) broadsword. By his side is faithful Sir Lancelot and the old warrior King Pellinore. The faces of all three are deeply troubled.

'Many good men will be killed this day,' Arthur remarks sadly. 'Whichever side emerges victorious.'

'Mais oui,' agrees Sir Lancelot, who sometimes reverts to his native tongue when he is particularly nervous.

'Pity we couldn't find that old fool Merlin,' says King Pellinore. 'A little magic would have gone a long way in this situation.'

'He's never around when you need him,' sighs the King. 'I suppose I'd better give the battle signal. However much I regret wars, we really can't have the Saxons overrunning the whole country.'

He turns away from his companions and raises his sword high above his head. At once there is an answering cheer from the men below (and a roar of outrage from the warriors across the plain). Like opposing tides, the two great armies begin to sweep towards each other, weapons flashing, bent on slaughter.

And a lightning flash of brilliant orange explodes across the plain between them!

The leading cavalry on both sides rein in with much plunging of the horses. On the instant, a stunned silence falls across the plain. In the wake of the gigantic lightning flash, a small figure carrying an ebony staff (and very curiously dressed in a Grecian-style tunic) has appeared between the two opposing armies.

That's quite the entrance right there.

Epilogue posted:

'Who is it?' asks Pellinore. 'I can't see from here.'

'The build looks famihar,' frowns Sir Lancelot.

'By George!' exclaims the King. 'I think it's Pip!'

The men of King Arthur's army seem to have come to much the same conclusion, for a massive cheer goes up, rolling to the heavens like a sudden thunderclap.

The small figure takes three steps towards the startled Saxons, then strikes once with the heel of the ebony staff upon the ground.

For a moment, nothing more happens, then, softly as distant thunder, a low rumble swells from somewhere deep beneath the feet of the two opposing armies. The noise grows louder, a roling vibration which shakes the very ground until the land itself moves!

A fountain of brilliant violet light surges upwards from the ebony staff, then curls down and spreads swiftly to embrace the entire Saxon army. The mighty warriors are limmed with a sparkling violet aura, then it fades abruptly. For an instant all is still.

Softly at first, but increasing, the low grumbling begins again, like the approach of some gigantic juggernaut. And this time the land surges up for all the world as though it were a tidal wave at sea.



'Earthquake!' screams someone in the ranks below the King. But the ground by Arthur's army remains rock steady.

The wave begins to move, rushing forward at a gesture from the small figure with the ebony staff The Saxon army erupts in noisy panic.

Howling with delight. King Arthur's men surge forward - and the Saxons break and run . . . pursued by the great wave which, though it has swelled to mountainous proportions yet passed over Avalon without the slightest hint of damage.

'It's a rout!' exclaims King Pellinore. 'The invasion has been halted with not a drop of blood shed!'

'Pip has done it again!' roars the King and leaps upon his horse to ride down and greet the greatest hero his realm has ever seen.

And that is how you solve the invasion problem. Saxons? :frogout:



And now, for the final part of this book's LP: a run through everything we haven't seen!

...

...Wait, nothing? Yes, nothing! This time you guys were so thorough we've actually seen all there is to see in this book, so I've nothing to add. Nothing, that is, except for an invitation: join me again next week for our most exciting adventure yet, as we venture through The Kingdom of Horror!

See you then!

Pip's Final Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 33 / 32+1
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 5
INVENTORY: Sword (hits on a 6, +3 damage), Good Armour (-3 damage), Rusty dagger (hits on a 6, +2 damage), rope, grappling hook, lamp, flint and steel, poison stiletto (+1 damage, 8 doses of 2-damage-per-round poison), healing potion x2 (restores two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), magical quinine (heals malaria), tiny little golden key x10, Pigform Scroll x1 (works on a 4 or better on two dice, turns a single enemy into a 15 LIFE POINT pig that hits on a 6 for normal damage), Bottle of Grog x1, Long John Silver's Bribe (100 Gold Pieces), Cricri bird egg x6 (heals poison when eaten with purple spinach), inflatablefish's not-quite-seaworthy paper boat, vancho1's purple boat, Magic Talisman (-1 to an opponent's first dice roll in combat), Anti-poison potion x1, Caul (can ignore all "you drown, go to 14" indications), Golden Fleece Sweater (technically Jason's), ILLUSION SPELL scroll (can be cast anytime at no cost, works on 11 or 12 on two dice, kills all enemies who roll 3 or less on one die), piece of driftwood (+2 damage), Crystal Knife (never misses, kills anything in one blow, shatters after one strike), Crossbow (automatically gets first strike, hits on a three or better, 15 damage, 6 bolts remaining), :siren: Godly armour (completely blocks the first two blows, -4 damage after that) :siren:
STATUS EFFECTS: none
TREASURE: 1209 gold pieces, gems worth 1,500 gold pieces, 20 gold nuggets worth 450 gold pieces each (9,000 gold pieces total)
EMPLOYEES: Gopi Kirshna (automatically kills "Any sort of snake or serpent", costs 10 Gold Pieces per section visited)

Roll of the Dead posted:

Death the First: Snacked on by Babysaurus Rex
Death the second: transfixed by a magic song and starved to death
Death the third: chopped into tiny little pieces by a whole drat lot of guards
Death the fourth: starved to death due to digging into a banquet at the wrong time
Death the fifth: Yes! Boldly stride up through the illusionary door of the illusionary castle on top of the very real and very high cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..........*splat*
Death the sixth: came prepared to fight a madman, but instead found a god.
* # ? Feb 18, 2016 21:51
  • Quote
Glazius
Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.

Clapping Larry
Huh. 196. So this detour was probably unnecessary, except next book's probably going to make use of it somehow. I wonder how. Maybe we'll go to 187 again? That seems to be the only thing we have to remember the voice by.

* # ? Feb 19, 2016 03:13
  • Quote
inflatablefish
Oct 24, 2010

Mikl posted:

Pip casts ILLUSION SPELL! 6 + 6 = 12, the spell works and the Mummy (roll: 2) does NOT disbelieve the illusion and is incinerated.

I love it. Best boss fight ever.

* # ? Feb 19, 2016 20:01
  • Quote
Russ L
Feb 26, 2011
 Whoooo! Burning - that's classic mummy killing (second only to the ol' unravel).

* # ? Feb 19, 2016 22:50
  • Quote
Mikl
Nov 8, 2009

Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!
 Welcome back, goons and goon-ettes! If you'll remember, last time we murdered our way through half of Ancient Greece, and beat back a Saxon invasion. But Arthur's sword is still missing! Where it could have ended up? Let's find out!

The horror! The horror! Let's play Kingdom of Horror!



Prologue posted:

WARNING

This is the most difficult GrailQuest yet!

To complete it, you will require exceptional patience, skill, courage and not a little luck.

Examine every possibility with care (and caution). Ignore nothing. And above all be certain to map your progress as you go along.

This latter point is especially important should you manage to enter the Kingdom of Horrors, where the nature of reality is such that retracing your steps will not necessarily return you to the place you have just come from.

Sounds promising! Let's dive right in!

Prologue posted:

HERE BE MERLIN

Ah, there you are.

Don't panic - there's no crisis. No wicked wizards on the loose. No rampaging dragons. No invading Saxons. No crisis at all - just a small problem. Or smallish. Well, quite a big problem, really. A rebellion in Avalon.

You remember Avalon, don't you? King Arthur's realm. Knights. Heroes. Damsels in distress - all that sort of thing. And me. The Wizard Merlin.

The King has instructed me to send you this message:

COME HERE AT ONCE !

Got that?

COME HERE AT ONCE!

signed, Arturus Rex.

You'll need your usual equipment, of course. A pencil, paper and eraser and two six-sided dice. One will do if you haven't got two, but two is better. Get your equipment together then come back. Now pay close attention because this is important.

If you have never adventured in the GrailQuest before, turn to 1.

If you have 'adventured in the GrailQuest, but can't remember the rules, still turn to 1. You can of course refresh your memory with the cut-out rule card bookmark at the back.

If you have adventured in the Grailquest and remember all about rolling up your LIFE POINTS, fighting and so on, turn direct to 2.


Basic rules haven't changed since last time, so I'll be turning to 2 right away. A quick reminder:

- LIFE POINTS are the highest out of three two-dice rolls times four plus any permanent LIFE POINTS we have (one, currently);
- To fight we roll two dice. A six is a hit (unless otherwise stated), damage formula is (roll - roll to hit) + (weapon bonus - enemy defense).

That's all we need for now, I'll remind you of Healing, Sleeping, Friendly Reactions, Bribery and so on if (when) they'll come into play. So, LIFE POINTS rolls:

4 + 1 = 5
1 + 3 = 4
4 + 3 = 7

So 7 times 4 plus one is 29 LIFE POINTS. On to 2!

Section 2 posted:

Knock-knock!

Just ignore that - somebody's knocking at my door. They'll go away eventually - they always do.

Now, pay attention. In a moment I'm going to call you back to my time. I'm going to cast a Net Spell which captures your mind and pops it into the body of a young person here in Avalon. A young person called Pip, who is quite a hero. Pip has slaughtered wizards and dragons and monsters galore. Yes, indeed, a sturdy young person.

I have Pip's body here, all ready for you. It's in a wicker hamper underneath the table. In quite good order too. A few scars from old wounds, but sound of wind and limb. If you've used Pip's body before, you'll hardly notice any difference from the last time.

Except for the bolt through the neck. I'm sorry about that but there's nothing I can do about it now. It was a little experiment I was trying after I read an old diary by a Dr Von Frankenstein. He used lightning to animate bodies. Most ingenious approach. I tried it out on young Pip's body, actually. Iron bolt through the neck, propped Pip up against an oak tree and waited for a thunderstorm. There were seven lightning strikes directly into the bolt. It didn't animate the body, but it fused the iron into place and now I can't get the bolt out without removing the head.

Merlin, we still need that body! :cripes:

Section 2 posted:

Never mind: you'll look quite distinguished with a bolt through your neck. There are also certain benefits from the lightning which...

Knock-knock-knock!

Go away! No, not you. Now where was I? Oh, yes, the Net Spell. When you get here, I'll have your spell books ready and your magic sword and some very special. . .

Knock! Crash! Crash!

Will you go away! Honestly, some people just don't understand the meaning of privacy. Of course, the whole of Avalon has gone to pieces since the rebellion started. But we'll soon sort out that little problem. It's only a question of getting back Excalibur for the King.

What was I saying? Yes - very special armour which will let you win all your fights without any chance of injury. And some excellent magical gear.

But first the Net Sp...

Crash! Crash! Splinter! Thud!

Those peasants don't know their own strength, do they? The door is half off its hinges. I shall have something to say to them all right when I've finished this spell.

Now you just relax and turn to 3.

That doesn't sound promising. At all.

Section 3 posted:

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS

The Net Spell snakes through Time from Merlin's outstretched fingers, reaching with invisible tendrils to capture your mind and bring it to the green fields and rolling countryside of Arthur's Avalon. You feel faintly disorientated. Your surroundings fade. No longer are you in the Twentieth Century. Instead...

This isn't right. No green fields, no rolling countryside. You may be in Avalon, but if you are, you're in a funny part of Avalon. Your trusty talking sword, EJ, is with you. Merlin must have left the body you'll be using for your adventure in a box somewhere. And now you've arrived, you're trapped!



If you want to call for help, turn to 23.

Or you could try poking EJ through the gaps in the wickerwork to knock up the hasp, in which case go to 55.

Aaaaand we're in trouble right away. Figures.

What should we do now?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LOCATION: ????
LIFE POINTS: 29 / 28+1
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 0
INVENTORY: EJ (hits on a 4, +5 damage)
STATUS EFFECTS: none
TREASURE: none
* # ? Feb 22, 2016 22:55
  • Quote
inflatablefish
Oct 24, 2010
 Poke with EJ!

* # ? Feb 22, 2016 23:03
  • Quote
paradoxGentleman
Dec 10, 2013

wheres the jester, I could do with some pointless nonsense right about now

 Oh boy, I finally get to participate!
Poke with EJ, it's very much possible that people who wish us ill are in the room. If this book is harder than the ones before, most of which featured save-or-die situations, it will pay to be prudent.

* # ? Feb 22, 2016 23:10
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# ? Apr 25, 2024 08:05
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FredMSloniker
Jan 2, 2008

Why, yes, I do like Kirby games.
"What was I saying? Yes - very special armour which will let you win all your fights without any chance of injury. And some excellent magical gear." Yeah, hands up, anyone who thought something wouldn't happen to Merlin before he could give us that. No hands? I thought so.

Use EJ. The only help peasants are likely to give us is a rendition of the sword in basket trick.

* # ? Feb 23, 2016 00:41
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