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did anyone do the word jumble on the back of the box? what did yours say? because mine listed the date, time, place, and means of my death. at least all that fiber is healthy for me; apparently i'm going to die during the third coming of christ in 2089, and not from heart disease!
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 17:12 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 22:36 |
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its never heart disease or bowel cancer with cheerios and ancient grains
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 17:14 |
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Questions? Comments? Eldritch horrors? Please have your unused portion ready when you call 1-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800-800
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 17:49 |
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something about the color of this box is exciting the deepest recesses of my brain
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 17:51 |
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also i woke up with a huge branding of some strange rune glyphs that i dont recognize across my entire back
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 18:00 |
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a large, black tentacle appeared in my kitchen sink this morning. please advise
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 18:06 |
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as promised on the outside of the box, there is a small children's book inside. it is about animals. as I flip through, the illustrations of farmyard animals gain additional appendages and begin to speak. the words they say are in no language that I recognize. I close the book. a dog is sitting in front of me, uttering strange syllables as pus pours from its seven eyes staining the carpet a greenish-yellow. so much for my security deposit, I think to myself
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 18:08 |
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the other natural philosophers at winsimore could never know the spectacle Hartnett had seen upon applying the micro-scope to the outer layer of the ancient grain....
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 18:10 |
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25 April 2015 Now the cheerios growl if I eat anything besides ancient grains. The cereal has proceeded to cannibalize the multigrain, apple cinnamon and honey nut varieties. I heard the screams last night. I think if I use soymilk, these things will die. I will test this out shortly. God grant me strength.
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 18:17 |
The hoops of ancient grains began to twist and morph in their milky cereal sea, becoming unbound and forming new shapes, some of which I struggled to comprehend. One hoop was causing a sort of disorienting terror with the shapes it was making, but the rest of the hoops seemed to swim and move as they morphed into more comprehensible shapes. A sentence began to form as I set my spoon and disturbed the milky ocean of terror. "stop eating us". I could barely parse the words as my mouth enveloped the spoon and my teeth came crashing down on them. I lifted the bowl up and began to pour their bovine lagoon down my throat. The tiny screams of the sentient grains were nearly lost to the painful sharp tones bursting in my ears and the blood running down my neck.
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 18:21 |
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The grains are gathered The stage is set I will utter the forgotten names A̵m͚͡a͖͎͞r̩̗͙͍̹a̹̭͍̦n͉͚͙̪̬̹̲t̳̼̬̯͔͚͉ḩ̗̰͙̹̹̟.̭͎̙͝.̶̼̦͎̼̠. ̷̣͙̫̩̦ͅB͙̱̯̟̩̪͠u̹͇̭ḷg̰̯͎̻ͅͅu͉̱̲͓̭r̛̞.̤͎͍̟̘͔͇.͕̬̬̲̖̙ͅ.̛̘̙ Ś̺͙̜̲p̻̖̯͚ȩ̺͓̬̞l͚̠̱̪̮͔t҉͖͎̭̫̮ͅ.̯̥̦̖̜̜͜.̮̥͡.̖̙̫̤̳̱ͅ ̣Qu̧i͈͖͙̰̣̹̪n̺̫͇̙o̮̥̫̳̙̞a͎͚͙͕̼̘͞.̲̫̹͔̮.̮͈̥̙̰͕̀. ̬K̡͙͚̫͙̻̗am̫̫͓̕ut̻͕̳̙͢.̞̹̤̲ͅ.̦̰̺̩͉̦.̛̳̯̳͉ ̻̬̻̼Ṱ̷e̼̼̱̯̣ͅf͈̗̖f̺̙.̶̳̯̹.̣̙̣ͅ.̛̞̟̺ ̹̻̘͇B̳͍͓͓͓͕̠á͕̪̟̘͔̦r͍͘l̦͓̖é͈̤͓ý͇̰͕.̶̘.̼̰̙̥̰.̵͕͔͓̱̼̪̤ The 7 Ą̮r̀ę̠̻͕͙ͅ Ḥ̵̥̹̖e͙̦̙̤̗̹r̵̴̶̻͉̳̝̖̥̩̺ę͎̘̬͡
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 18:24 |
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oh god the soy milk made it angry. please send help
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 19:31 |
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Missing Name posted:oh god the soy milk made it angry. please send help You caused the earthquake, didn't you?
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 20:06 |
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Angela Christine posted:You caused the earthquake, didn't you? you think the ANCIENT GRAINS can't do better than a puny 7.9? when cali falls into the sea to be reclaimed by fishpeople then we'll talk
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 20:12 |
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I like my cheerios with banana slices
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 20:14 |
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Shinjobi posted:I like my cheerios with banana slices
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 21:24 |
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Please disregard my last post. I was wrong. The ancient grains are in fact very good for pigeons, much better than for humans, and I think you all should feed them to birds right away. Thank you for your attention, and I hope you find this post informative.
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 23:44 |
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Well this is weird. I poured out a bowl full of the things, and just for a split second it looked like a pile of razor blades came out of the box. Almost as soon as I noticed it I realized they were actually just regular cheerios, though. I'm eating them now, and they seem pretty much normal but for some reason they're cutting up my mouth real bad. It hurts, but I'm sure it's just my imagination.
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# ? Apr 25, 2015 23:58 |
Heh, one more reason why Honey Nut is superior.
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 00:01 |
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The terrible secret behind these ancient grains will drive you INSANE! 1 weird cereal that will bring you to question everything you once held true. 7 ancient grains that will unmake the world (and why they're part of a complete breakfast).
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 04:53 |
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the grains. the grains will tear us apart, again
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 04:56 |
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Wanamingo posted:Well this is weird. I poured out a bowl full of the things, and just for a split second it looked like a pile of razor blades came out of the box. Almost as soon as I noticed it I realized they were actually just regular cheerios, though. Are you sure its not Captain Crunch (the Ancient Mariner)?
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 04:59 |
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Since purchasing Cheerios w/ ancient grains, have noticed significant increase in number of stinging black flies in my kitchen. And by "significant increase" I mean "can no longer see the walls or ceiling because they are completely obscured by a writhing mass of tiny insects."
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 05:04 |
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when i close my eyes, the box sings a beautiful sumerian lullaby in dulcet tones. i dream endlessly now, of flowing rivers and dead harvests.
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 05:15 |
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vaguely posted:Please disregard my last post. I was wrong. The ancient grains are in fact very good for pigeons, much better than for humans, and I think you all should feed them to birds right away. Thank you for your attention, and I hope you find this post informative.
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 05:25 |
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CrashCat posted:ban this pigeon before it is everlastingly too late Please post your address and General Mills will take care of your disgusting aversion to Cereal Pigeons.
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 05:28 |
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Someone please tell me who the Neva'liim are and why did they choose my family? My wife no longer takes human shape and daughter keeps telling me in a gravelly baritone that I am next. The good news is I'm staying full straight through morning until lunch. And so much energy!
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 05:40 |
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I tired these things and they hurt to eat, also they taste a lot like blood. I don't get why you people eat this poo poo. Anyway, I threw the leftovers down the well in the backyard. Now the grass is all dead, the trees are dying, our water quality is disgusting, and the local fauna have started to mutate. I think the local ravers have taking a liking to the area because there is a goddamn light show every night in our back yard. I keep calling the cops, but they don't do anything when they show up. Oddly there are like 12 police cars in front of my house. I guess they got hooked on the ravers drugs and went to live on a commune.
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 05:57 |
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The nutritional information on this box just says "Contains that which is necessary." How am I supposed to know if this has gluten in it?
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 06:02 |
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All joking aside guys, the spirits of ancient Peruvians are mad about the quinoa They're mad about the quinoa Guys they're mmad abbot teh
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 07:07 |
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Has anyone else noticed that the more cherrios you eat, the more fluent you are at dead languages? Ever since I started eating these cherrios, I've awoken to prophecies smeared in blood on the walls and my palms slashed. Even though it's ruined my sheets, the prophecies are still kind of interesting. Lately, however, the language the prophecies are written in have changed from English to a language I do not entirely understand. From what glances I can get, it's some sort of cunieform, but small insects start attacking my eyes if I spend too much time looking at it. Sorry for the delay on the question, by the way. I had to get a voice to text headset considering at this point my hands are mostly mangled, bloody nubs. Will General mills be covering the cleaning charges to get these blood prophecies off of my wall?
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 18:39 |
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Business Gorillas posted:Will General mills be covering the cleaning charges to get these blood prophecies off of my wall? It has to be by one of their approved cleaning services, but yes. Had my walls done last week because they were just getting too cluttered and the blood was starting to attract insects, not to mention the headaches I was getting. The cleaning service hired by General Mills showed up at my house at 1am (I'm assuming that's what it was. My alarm clock read "25:00") without calling first. They photographed all the writing in all the rooms, then painted over my eyes. I'm blinded now but at least I don't have to look at the unearthly scratchings on my walls anymore (can still see them in my dreams, though. Have arranged w/ General Mills to take care of that, too. Appointment is tonight at "the hour of scrying.")
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# ? Apr 26, 2015 19:37 |
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I read the ingredients list and it said they contain soluble fibre which is good but they also contain sodium benzoate. Also I seem to be growing hairs on my tongue now. Lavender menace fucked around with this message at 21:06 on Apr 26, 2015 |
# ? Apr 26, 2015 21:04 |
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Lavender menace posted:Also I seem to be growing hairs on my tongue now. Don't worry, that's a good sign. It means you are a suitable host candidate. (I'm so jealous)
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 00:41 |
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Contains 1000% of your RDA of chitin, so you know it's gotta be good.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 02:19 |
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Has anyone started digging holes in their flesh and planting the cherrios in their weeping flesh like tiny seeds? The roots go deep but I eagerly await for the fruits they'll bear.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 02:50 |
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EngineerSean posted:Contains 1000% of your RDA of chitin, so you know it's gotta be good. Yeah but what they don't advertise is you have to take ichor supplements if you really want a "complete breakfast."
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 02:50 |
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The large glass pot that the plant outside drinks from with a straw seemingly split it self in two for no reason. Very mysterious.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 02:53 |
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scooter's are better
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 03:05 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 22:36 |
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Applewhite posted:Yeah but what they don't advertise is you have to take ichor supplements if you really want a "complete breakfast." There's always a catch, but I guess it's good that I purchase my milk from Borden Dairy, they fortify their milk with twelve unnatural and unholy ingredients.
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# ? Apr 27, 2015 03:09 |