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veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005

We've never been into punk. It was too traditional.


I looked this girl up because I thought she was hot after watching some B movie on Netflix. She hasn't really done much of anything. This isn't a particularly funny or offensive example, but reading this Wiki page of someone who probably doesn't warrant one and realizing from the way it's worded/flattery that she probably wrote it herself it made me laugh.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fabianne_Therese

quote:

Fabianne Therese

Fabianne Therese (born Fabianne Therese Gstottenmayr) is an Austrian-American actress known for starring in several successful independent films including John Dies at the End (2012)[2] opposite Paul Giamatti, Anchor Bay's The Aggression Scale (2012),[3][4] A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III (2013)[5] opposite Charlie Sheen, and the AMC series The Trivial Pursuits of Arthur Banks (2011)[6] opposite Adam Goldberg.

Fabianne Therese was born in Kansas City, Missouri and grew up all over the world, living with her family at various times in Austria, Sri Lanka, Abu Dhabi, and Palm Springs.[7] She had originally focused on becoming a track runner before getting involved in acting.

I know I've seen way better examples of this posted in the past and I want to see more. SA forums, please entertain me with more people who are faking it until they make it.

People who are already famous and are obviously loving around with their own pages for maximum flattery are also welcome.

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Celery Face
Feb 18, 2012


I heard this guy (just look at that angle shot) get prank called a lot by a couple of Howard Stern employees so I looked him up. Sure, he's only known for having a 13 inch dick but jesus, this is way more than anyone ever wanted to know.

Jonah Falcon posted:

As of 2003, Falcon lives with his mother and grandmother in the same Chelsea, Manhattan home that he has lived in since childhood.[1]

In a 2003 interview, Falcon stated that his longest romantic relationship, with a woman, lasted a year.[1]

Because of the size of his penis, Falcon can receive oral sex while lying on his stomach, penetrate his own anus, and perform autofellatio (though he says he has not done this since he was 18). His penis size also presents certain problems and limitations on the sex acts in which he can participate. Fellatio performed on him, for example, is painful for him, because the width of his penis makes it impossible for sex partners to fellate him without their teeth coming into contact with his penis. He is unable to insert more than nine inches of his penis inside a woman's vagina. It takes between fifteen and thirty minutes for Falcon to obtain a full erection, though he is capable of performing with a less than fully erect penis without a woman realizing much of a difference. Because he learned in his youth that sex was painful for his female partners, he came to rely less on his penis when making love, and learned to kiss, lick, rub and masturbate his partner, sometimes for hours, before penetrating his partners, and then massaging the interior of the vagina and using angles during penetration.[1]

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-




Pillbug

Celery Face posted:

I heard this guy (just look at that angle shot) get prank called a lot by a couple of Howard Stern employees so I looked him up. Sure, he's only known for having a 13 inch dick but jesus, this is way more than anyone ever wanted to know.

Good lord that's almost an Onion article.

NEWSFLASH: Man with world's largest penis lives otherwise pretty normal life.

Hollismason
Jun 30, 2007

"Real life is messy, inconsistent, and it's seldom when anything ever really gets resolved."

He's a total schlub too, like out of shape and everything it's weird.

Celery Face
Feb 18, 2012


And on top of all that, he's a humourless turd who can't come up with a comeback to save his life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-ib5tLRU9M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjfFoxxIvq4

littleorv
Jan 29, 2011



One of my university Proffessors has written his own Wikipedia page. I don't go to a famous university or anything and he hasn't done anything of note so I don't know why he felt he was special enough to get his own. I'm not posting it out of privacy though.

Breitbart Is Rightbart
Sep 12, 2013


I think it's probably been deleted or at least cleaned up, but there was a Wikipedia page for an absolute no name wrestler called Brimstone that I think at one point, was longer than the entry for Triple H.

It was so painfully obvious he'd written it himself, it's become a semi legendary joke in wrestling fandom.

Escobarbarian
Jun 18, 2004

an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol an idol



Grimey Drawer

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elliott_Morris

A musician from my hometown.

quote:

Elliott has also supported artists such as Andy McKee, Frank Turner, Seth Lakeman, Lau, Big Country, Martin Carthy and Dave Swarbrick. He has been joined on stage a number of times by Ed Sheeran, Alan Thomson (The John Martyn Band), Mike Vass and Innes Watson and even YouTube comedy sensation, Slomozovo – Chris ‘Bing’ Bingham.

Depressio111117
Oct 18, 2014

A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

I worked with this guy last year. He was nice.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6912569/

khwarezm
Oct 26, 2010

Deal with it.

My absolute favorite one: Chris Croker

For people not trapped in 2007 this was the guy who made that 'Leave Britney Alone' video, which remains the only possible thing that would cause anyone to look him up. But you wouldn't know that from his hilariously long Wikipedia page (complete with Discography!) that delves deep into his Gender Identity, daring stances within the LBGT community, the parallels between him and Andy Kaufman, reality TV appearances half a decade ago and, of course, his Pornographic career.

I just loving love it, its written like he's the next Johnny Depp (still living with Grandma):

quote:

Crocker's work consists mainly of short-form self-directed monologues shot in his grandparents' home.[21] As of October 2010, his videos have received a combined 50 million plays on MySpace, and his vlog channel on YouTube is the 100th most viewed of all time in all categories, with over 205 million video views.[22][23] Crocker's detractors and critics have accused him of narcissism, melodramatics, histrionics, and using Spears' personal shortcomings to bolster his own fame.[10][24][25][26][27] Others have accused Crocker of acting in the "Leave Britney Alone!" video, although he insisted it was genuine on a September 2007 appearance on Maury Povich's Maury show.[18][28][29] In 2014, Queerty stated that with Crocker's thousands of Facebook and Twitter followers, he is "one of those self-invented social media icons that we love" and that he is "a little messy, more than a little sexy, completely unguarded and fluent in a new language that is changing at lightning speed how we see ourselves and the way the world sees us."[30]

One little thing I love, not long ago Cracked.com did a 'Where are they now' article on former internet fads. Croker was prominently mocked for... everything really, but they particularly took the piss out of the fact that his wikipedia page had a subheading of 'Prolonging Fame', which has mysteriously disappeared since, I wonder why?

khwarezm has a new favorite as of 16:55 on May 2, 2015

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005

We've never been into punk. It was too traditional.


Holy poo poo that guy is the ultimate narcissist. I can't believe how long his page is.

Choco1980
Feb 22, 2013

I fell in love with a Video Nasty


I was buddies in college with this guy. He also clearly has written some of the user reviews for the films in his filmography. He's a good dude, but he has an ego the size of a blimp so I don't mind calling him out a little.

Agnostalgia
Dec 22, 2009


what the gently caress is an honorary pallbearer did he stand by the guys casket and pretend-hold the air next to it

Breitbart Is Rightbart
Sep 12, 2013


Depressio111117 posted:

I worked with this guy last year. He was nice.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6912569/


"Chris hopes to settle down in his hometown in Colorado and start a family with multiple dogs."

WeedlordGoku69
Feb 11, 2015

A DAILY DOSE
OF OLD SHOOTERS


PLAY NOW MY LORD



khwarezm posted:

My absolute favorite one: Chris Croker

For people not trapped in 2007 this was the guy who made that 'Leave Britney Alone' video, which remains the only possible thing that would cause anyone to look him up. But you wouldn't know that from his hilariously long Wikipedia page (complete with Discography!) that delves deep into his Gender Identity, daring stances within the LBGT community, the parallels between him and Andy Kaufman, reality TV appearances half a decade ago and, of course, his Pornographic career.

I just loving love it, its written like he's the next Johnny Depp (still living with Grandma):


One little thing I love, not long ago Cracked.com did a 'Where are they now' article on former internet fads. Croker was prominently mocked for... everything really, but they particularly took the piss out of the fact that his wikipedia page had a subheading of 'Prolonging Fame', which has mysteriously disappeared since, I wonder why?

This actually may not have been him. Dude isn't, like, the "everybody knows who this fucker is" status he was when the Britney video came out, but at a glance he still has 400k people subscribed to him on youtube, and "famous youtubers" tend to have really, really batshit fans.

WeedlordGoku69 has a new favorite as of 19:37 on May 7, 2015

khwarezm
Oct 26, 2010

Deal with it.

LORD OF BUTT posted:

This actually may not have been him. Dude isn't, like, the "everybody knows who this fucker is" status he was when the Britney video came out, but at a glance he still has 400k people subscribed to him on youtube, and "famous youtubers" tend to have really, really batshit fans.

Eh, I don't think so, 400K isn't that unusual for even a moderately popular youtube channel (many without Wikipedia pages at all let alone ones akin to that of a french monarch) let alone one that's been around for so long. I just checked Croker's youtube page and his videos are much less popular than his wiki page would suggest, going back two years few of his videos have more than 50,000 views despite the notoriety 'Leave Britney Alone!' might have given him. He still has tons of little-watched music videos and is trying to get his career rumbling on social media though!

khwarezm has a new favorite as of 00:11 on May 16, 2015

I. M. Gei
Jun 26, 2005

I fear the man who has hit one dinger ten thousand times.




VoxIsMyCowboy posted:

"Chris hopes to settle down in his hometown in Colorado and start a family with multiple dogs."

Morally Inept makes a convincing woman.

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


American ska band Rude Squad:

quote:

Founded in Saint Petersburg, Florida, Rude Squad was a ska punk band. The final and longest running band line up were: Eric Best (vocals & guitar), Lee McElhaney (sax), Rusch Young (trumpet), Kyle Sokol (bass), and Adrian Baptist (drums). Rude Squad was a SKA, punk-rock band with eclectic sound intertwined with efficacious rhythms that are breath-taking and original. Rude Squad attributed Fishbone, The Toasters, Goldfinger and the Police for their in-depth inspirations to become the subsequent artists that they became.

Rude Squad has formed their own legacy by playing as a subset, using the sax, guitar, drums, trumpet and lethal vocals as the mathematical combination needed to create the elements in the SKA genre. RS has performed with multiple bands such as Rancid, the Skatalites, Suicide Machines, the Used, The Pietasters, Voodoo Glow Skulls, Matisyahu, and 311 to name a few. They have also taken part and participated in events throughout the state and beyond such as Warped Tour '04, 97X's Next Big Thing, 98 Rock's Livestock, and numerous local events throughout the Bay area. Rude Squad signed a record deal with Octave Match Records in 2010.

American ska band Let's Go Bowling used to have a page that read like this:

quote:

Let's Go Bowling is an American third wave ska band hailing from Fresno, California. Since the band's inception in 1986, the band's traditional ska style, barbershop harmonies, wisely crafted instrumentals, and its frantic live performances, helped set the standard for dress and culture for West Coast Ska, which in turn, set the groundwork for the Third Wave Movement in 1995.

The entire article was like that.

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005

We've never been into punk. It was too traditional.


Wheat Loaf posted:

Rude Squad has formed their own legacy by playing as a subset, using the sax, guitar, drums, trumpet and lethal vocals as the mathematical combination needed to create the elements in the SKA genre.

That DICK!
Sep 28, 2010

by Cyrano4747


khwarezm posted:

My absolute favorite one: Chris Croker

For people not trapped in 2007 this was the guy who made that 'Leave Britney Alone' video, which remains the only possible thing that would cause anyone to look him up. But you wouldn't know that from his hilariously long Wikipedia page (complete with Discography!) that delves deep into his Gender Identity, daring stances within the LBGT community, the parallels between him and Andy Kaufman, reality TV appearances half a decade ago and, of course, his Pornographic career.

I just loving love it, its written like he's the next Johnny Depp (still living with Grandma):


One little thing I love, not long ago Cracked.com did a 'Where are they now' article on former internet fads. Croker was prominently mocked for... everything really, but they particularly took the piss out of the fact that his wikipedia page had a subheading of 'Prolonging Fame', which has mysteriously disappeared since, I wonder why?
Wow

quote:

Over the years, following his mainstream success, Crocker gradually began to change his image from feminine to masculine, eventually having adopted a predominantly masculine appearance by 2012 and thereby garnering significant attention for being physically attractive.[95] Crocker stated of the attention, "I'm offended. The most irritating thing is guys I find attractive say, 'Oh my God -- you're so hot now.'" He stated that people should accept all of him instead of only the masculine side of him, and that dating is difficult for him because "[the guys] can't always accept that [he] used to dress up or that that's a part of [him] still and that [he still dresses up]. It's just annoying."

Alan Smithee
Jan 3, 2005


Agnostalgia posted:

what the gently caress is an honorary pallbearer did he stand by the guys casket and pretend-hold the air next to it

quoting this because I could totally see myself being that guy. Just putting my finger on the undercarriage like im superman

Dr_Amazing
Apr 15, 2006

It's a long story

I was curious so I looked it up. It's someone who counts as a pallbearer but can't carry the casket either because they physically can't lift it, or because they can't actually make it to the funeral.

Astrobastard
Dec 31, 2008



Winky Face


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Ive

Wartooth
May 31, 2011


This guy Raiden Integra http://www.imdb.com/name/nm5956345/

First of all, look at that loving name. He also used to have a lot more of these blockbuster films on the page with him as (uncredited), like for every major film. I'm sure he had World War Z for example, which is deleted now. The personal quote and trivia are also pretty telling. I've been waiting for a topic like this just because of this one guy for a long time, can you tell?

RNG
Jul 9, 2009



Do companies who write their own WP articles count? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lotte_Chilsung


quote:

Since the establishment and successful launch of Chilsung Cider, a lemon-lime soft drink, in 1950, Lotte Chilsung Beverage has been continuously developing and launching the highest quality products in carbonated drinks, juices, coffee, tea, and water.

Since its launch in 1950, Chilsung Cider has been the representative drink of Korea, selling more than a million bottles.

In 1982, the company established a partnership with US-based Del Monte and now manufactures the well-loved Premium Orange and Del Monte Cold products.

The distinguished lineup in coffee include Let’s Be, Korea’s No. 1 canned coffee renowned for its mild aroma, Cantata, a premium coffee blend made with the highest quality Arabica beans from famed plantations worldwide, and black tea drinks Ceylon Tea and Lipton.

The 2% brands opened up a new era of refreshing near water products in 1999, while diverse assortments range from soy milks to traditional beverage and health drinks. Other varieties in the catalog include the world-famous sports drink Gatorade; the energizing, better-than-water premium carbonated water Trevi; Icis, the meticulously managed purified water known for its taste and crispness; and France-imported Evian and Volvic.

And then a linked directory of spokespersons for each drink.

Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013



Wartooth posted:

This guy Raiden Integra http://www.imdb.com/name/nm5956345/

First of all, look at that loving name. He also used to have a lot more of these blockbuster films on the page with him as (uncredited), like for every major film. I'm sure he had World War Z for example, which is deleted now. The personal quote and trivia are also pretty telling. I've been waiting for a topic like this just because of this one guy for a long time, can you tell?

"Nickname: RD Peoples"

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.


Chilsung cider is loving nasty.

1000 Brown M and Ms
Oct 22, 2008

F:\DL>quickfli 4-clowns.fli

Really? I drank it a lot when I was in Korea and I couldn't tell the difference between Chilsung and Sprite.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.


Well, to be fair, I also hate Sprite.

1000 Brown M and Ms
Oct 22, 2008

F:\DL>quickfli 4-clowns.fli

Fair enough. Personally, I really like Sprite so I really like Chilsung as well.

Going back to the article, it's funny to see exactly when Lotte got their hands on it. It goes straight from a brief history and a list of their drinks to a full-blown ad. It's pretty hilarious actually.

Random Stranger
Nov 27, 2009



I see this all the time when I'm researching some obscure video game because inevitably someone has added something to the seldom visited or edited Wikipedia page:



veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005

We've never been into punk. It was too traditional.


I feel like the underlined part should just be part of every Wikipedia entry.

Random Stranger
Nov 27, 2009



Someone else occurred to me. Meet Robin Morningstar. A "filmmaker", to use the word very loosely, who has created some terrible movies including cheaply made animated movies. Somehow he got in touch with Uwe Boll and acquired rights to make movies based on video games that are worse than Boll's films.

Robin Morningstar posted:

Psychologically I'm a different species.

Wheat Loaf
Feb 13, 2012

by FactsAreUseless


Just remembered that a few years ago, Cracked had an article on this very topic, which was one of the first things I remember reading on the site.

Wheat Loaf has a new favorite as of 16:35 on May 31, 2015

Mans
Sep 14, 2011

We have the dimension of an empire.


khwarezm posted:

My absolute favorite one: Chris Croker

For people not trapped in 2007 this was the guy who made that 'Leave Britney Alone' video, which remains the only possible thing that would cause anyone to look him up. But you wouldn't know that from his hilariously long Wikipedia page (complete with Discography!) that delves deep into his Gender Identity, daring stances within the LBGT community, the parallels between him and Andy Kaufman, reality TV appearances half a decade ago and, of course, his Pornographic career.

I just loving love it, its written like he's the next Johnny Depp (still living with Grandma):


One little thing I love, not long ago Cracked.com did a 'Where are they now' article on former internet fads. Croker was prominently mocked for... everything really, but they particularly took the piss out of the fact that his wikipedia page had a subheading of 'Prolonging Fame', which has mysteriously disappeared since, I wonder why?

that guy's wikipedia page reads like something Roger from American Dad woruld write as a biography

one of the guys that edits Crocker's page the most is someone who is obsessed with fictional lesbian couples and serial surprise sex

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:F...reated_articles

Mans has a new favorite as of 05:01 on Jun 1, 2015

RNG
Jul 9, 2009



Mans posted:

one of the guys that edits Crocker's page the most is someone who is obsessed with fictional lesbian couples and serial surprise sex

well, we've established who's written most of the article, so i guess it makes sense

I'm not sifting through the pages and pages of revisions to the article, but I knew Frank Dux (from Bloodsport) had to have messed around with his own at some point. http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php...4&oldid=3749735

Depressio111117
Oct 18, 2014

A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0613147/...p&ref_=m_ft_dsk

Lochlyn Munro. One of those 'that guys' from the 90's. Definitely looking forward to seeing more from him in the future!

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005

We've never been into punk. It was too traditional.


Lex from Jurassic Parks page is pretty blatant.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000611/...f_=nm_ov_bio_sm

quote:

Whether she's working on a busy, noisy soundstage, or quietly painting in her studio, one thing is certain; Ariana Richards is one of the most accomplished young artists of her generation.

The last soundstage she appears to have been on was 14 years ago for a tremors 3 featurette .

AlphaKretin
Dec 25, 2014

A vase to face encounter.

...Vase to meet you?

...

GARVASE DAY!



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Youcan

Youcan posted:

Youcan is a musician and singer song writer in Kyoto, Japan. His voice is very thin, melting into air, but it includes strong inner message. Usually he plays in solo style with his guitar. At the same time, he has some units with which he can show anothor his musical side.

Talk page posted:

This is the most amazing Wikipedia article I have ever read.

There's also some cosplayer I can't rember the name of off the top of my head, with a page declaring her to be "one of the best cosplayers in America [2] or even the world [3]." It also has her measurements because that's totally necessary, though it's possible that's less her and more creepy fans.

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Metal Ray Sunshine
Jun 16, 2009

Muta's Mating Dance Rates a 5 on the Muta Scale


AlphaKretin posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Youcan



There's also some cosplayer I can't rember the name of off the top of my head, with a page declaring her to be "one of the best cosplayers in America [2] or even the world [3]." It also has her measurements because that's totally necessary, though it's possible that's less her and more creepy fans.

I'm guessing it's either Yaya Han or Jessica Nigri, cause both of them are basically wankfests among cosplayers

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