Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.


:horse: IT'S DERBY TIME :horse:


Oh what the gently caress is this.

The Kentucky Derby is the first leg of horse racing's triple crown. Once the prestigious "sport of kings," horse racing has had ... a bit of a rough stretch recently. All tracks are in trouble, save for CDI (Churchill's owners), who are literally the epitome of evil. Horse breeding has gotten out of control, as well, as more and more focus is given to speed in breeding and not endurance. This is a problem, as you're basically asking horse toddlers to run a mile and a quarter. Bad things often happen.


Why should I watch this then?

Well, horse racing has gotten somewhat safer recently due to a lot of the tracks being redone. Track breakdowns are trending down as a result, and the race itself is pretty exciting! It's probably homerism, but there's nothing like hearing My Old Kentucky Home after the call to post. You can feel the wind of the infield and hear the people sing one of the few sets of lyrics they know. We even got the racist lyrics out of the song! It's truly a progressive environment here in Louisville.


What do I need to know?

You'll need this and a place to bet. You gotta bet the Derby, you're doing it wrong if you don't. For the whole twelve people who give a poo poo about horse racing on the forums, the undercard is also fascinating, as you see a lot of Grades 1-3 races with horses that are a pretty big deal. (Graded races are huge. They're like prize fights amongst horse racing.) In addition, Churchill Downs' track has been redone slightly over the last few years and has evened out "bias" a bit. Literally any horse can win. I've been doing this for years, and you might as well pick by jockey silks and/or name, because it's about as effective. This is the time of year that horse players get to watch helplessly as a guy smashed out of his mind on mint juleps randomly picks a horse based on name and wins hundreds of dollars. That is the only bet that person will play the entire year. He will win more than we will clear in our entire lives.


How do I derby?

If you're in Louisville, you need to be watching local NBC. Everyone involved is drunk. Everyone. It's amazing.

If you have TVG or HRTV, you're also set. Todd Schrup and Simon Bray will get you through this well enough.

Regardless, you'll want bourbon. Lots and lots and lots of bourbon.



Who should I bet?

gently caress if I know. American Pharoh is a fine choice. Upstart is the "wiseguy" bet. I like Nubtaahaj, personally, but the jockey is a French guy who's never raced on Churchill. That's pretty much a death sentence for your chances.


Anyway, we'll see how this goes. If anyone interested keeps the the thread alive, we'll all get plastered and bet on herd animals! If not, I'll... lock the thread and get plastered on my own. Win win!

Let's do this thing :getin:



Late Edit:
McGee Household Pick 4:

8: 4/5
9: 2/5
10: 9/10
11 (derby!): 5/6/18/19


Do not bet this you won't win oh god



Edit x2:

It's Lou-uh-vul. Slur the last syllable like you're having a stroke. Any other pronunciation is coming from a poser. :colbert:

Chokes McGee fucked around with this message at 18:41 on May 2, 2015

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Moktaro
Aug 3, 2007
I value call my nuts.



I'm watching. Gotta disagree about Todd Schrupp, he's a big dork.

Go Dortmund I guess!

Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.


Moktaro posted:

I'm watching. Gotta disagree about Todd Schrupp, he's a big dork.

Go Dortmund I guess!

I like Todd Schrup because he put on a singlet once to interview a pro wrestling guy.

Also I may or may not have had three mint juleps already.

Let's go horses! :shobon:

Moktaro
Aug 3, 2007
I value call my nuts.



I liked seeing that bit about Silver Charm (and Gary Stevens :v:), he was one of my favs. Also I've been to Old Friends, it's great seeing past stakes winners and also-rans alike getting to spend the twilight of their lives just chillin.

Oh god Carpe Diem is 7-1, that's tempting.

Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.


Moktaro posted:

I liked seeing that bit about Silver Charm (and Gary Stevens :v:), he was one of my favs. Also I've been to Old Friends, it's great seeing past stakes winners and also-rans alike getting to spend the twilight of their lives just chillin.

Oh god Carpe Diem is 7-1, that's tempting.

I got to see John Henry at the Horse Park a few days before his death. He basically refused to die the week everyone thought he would, waited two weeks, and then passed peacefully.

When we went to see him, he refused to acknowledge anyone.

He died as he lived. :unsmith:

Moktaro
Aug 3, 2007
I value call my nuts.



I also went to the Horse Park, caught Funny Cide making hilarious grumpy old man noises while dozing.

Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.


We're the only people posting, aren't we.

We should get a horribly drunken LP going for the day or something.

Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.


And my pick 4 detonates in the first leg :laffo:

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Mandatory reading for those looking to HORSEBET :horse: http://www.sbnation.com/2012/5/3/2989224/kentucky-derby-how-to-bet-factual-information

Stupid Post Maker
Jan 8, 2008


Well the coverage is terrible

MourningView
Sep 2, 2006


Is this Heaven?


The derby owns but I dunno what to post about it so I'm just gonna drink bourbon and watch people in dumb hats

Luigi Thirty
Apr 30, 2006

Emergency confection port.



go horses

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN

As long as the horsies don't beat their fillies this is probably the one sporting event I can enjoy without reservation today

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:



We've already two manned a bottle of buffalo trace and are wearing silly hats. I made bourbon honey roasted peanuts

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:



Benne posted:

As long as the horsies don't beat their fillies this is probably the one sporting event I can enjoy without reservation today
lmao

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN

Anyway, I'm rooting for Dortmund to live up to his namesake and thoroughly disappoint everyone who ever had hopes for him

Moktaro
Aug 3, 2007
I value call my nuts.



I don't have any bourbon so I guess it's rum for me. :shrug:

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:



Moktaro posted:

I don't have any bourbon so I guess it's rum for me. :shrug:
false start dq you piece of poo poo

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:



go buy bourbon

zakharov
Nov 30, 2002

:kimchi: Tater Love :kimchi:


I hope everyone live posts during the 2 minutes of actual racing.

Vertical Lime
Dec 11, 2004



MourningView posted:

The derby owns but I dunno what to post about it so I'm just gonna drink bourbon and watch people in dumb hats

Hoping this happens again

BossTweed
Apr 9, 2001




Doctor Rope

I moved to Louisville 6 months ago but because I have a wife and 2 year old and know no one else in the city, I have not done any derby events at all. It's crazy how much the city shuts down for derby weekend and the few weekends before. I do have some Woodford Reserve Kentucky Derby 141, which is pretty tasty, and I've been watching the last hour or so of coverage. I'd like to go to the Oaks some time, I hear that's the race for the locals.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


I expected more out of Johnny Weir's outfit.

Bishop
Aug 15, 2000


Great day to be at the track. Sucks that I had things to do... Louisville shuts down for this, there will be well over 150 thousand people there today

BossTweed
Apr 9, 2001




Doctor Rope

I will have a house by next year's Derby, and I will invite any Louisville local folks to come watch with me.

Acquilae
May 15, 2013



All this fluff is annoying, just go back to more Johnny and Tara :allears:

Bishop
Aug 15, 2000


If you are on the backside and act like you belong you can just join a random entourage and make it to the paddock.

BossTweed
Apr 9, 2001




Doctor Rope

C. Everett Koop posted:

I expected more out of Johnny Weir's outfit.

I thought he was wearing his pajamas.

Boomer The Cannon
Oct 27, 2011

Gotta see it live!




gently caress that, this broadcast needs Doc Emerick and Pierre McGuire.

Acquilae
May 15, 2013



I love this Cosmopolitan commercial.

Anyways, go Frosted!

Seizure Meat
Jul 23, 2008

by Smythe


I'm going with Firing Line to trip and get shot

CBJSprague24
Dec 5, 2010

another game at nationwide arena. everybody keeps asking me if they can fuck the cannon. buddy, they don't even let me fuck it



Hey, we stayed over after the NASCAR race in #nascar to chat this like we always do. Since this is racing, come in if you want to livechat this:

http://client00.chat.mibbit.com/#nascar@irc.synirc.net

Also:

quote:

Jay Busbee ‏@jaybusbee 11m11 minutes ago Covered the Derby a few years ago. They let the press make bets in the press box. Also, people throw glasses at each other. GLASS glasses.

Jesus.

Acquilae posted:

I love this Cosmopolitan commercial.

Anyways, go Frosted!

Is that the "This place is too sexy for you to come stay" ad for the Vegas hotel set to Mos Def?

Boomer The Cannon
Oct 27, 2011

Gotta see it live!




Turn left Firing Line nooooo

BossTweed
Apr 9, 2001




Doctor Rope

If anyone is interested in Hunter S Thompson's thoughts on the Derby:
http://english138.web.unc.edu/files/2011/08/The-Kentucky-Derby-is-Decadent-and-Depraved.pdf

bean mom
Jan 30, 2009

Beach Empress



DERBY TIME I HOPE EVERYONE DIES

bean mom
Jan 30, 2009

Beach Empress



im not that familiar with jockies but are they as well bred as the horses they ride?

Sucrose
Dec 9, 2009


Let us now sing this song about a dying slave we've inexplicably made the state anthem.

Sucrose
Dec 9, 2009


Zyla posted:

DERBY TIME I HOPE EVERYONE DIES

But not the horses nooo.

bean mom
Jan 30, 2009

Beach Empress



Sucrose posted:

But not the horses nooo.

horses are cool, i just want everyone in the stands taken out

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

zakharov
Nov 30, 2002

:kimchi: Tater Love :kimchi:


Sucrose posted:

Let us now sing this song about a dying slave we've inexplicably made the state anthem.

They updated the lyrics so it's not quite as racist!

  • Locked thread