the bmx ninja clan

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > the bmx ninja clan

bacalou

they have tainted our fields and roads with their treads of destruction. their leader, 山本クロス (yamamoto cross), has claimed our village for his own and promises to run the townsfolk out of their homes before harvest. when last we saw them, one of the ruffians knocked my father's paddy hat off of his head and onto the ground with his rear wheel, shaming our entire family. legend has it their wheel pegs are made of the bones of bmx legend tony hawk, and are enchanted to be indestructible even during the most intense grinds imaginable.

# ? May 17, 2015 10:45

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 10:11

bacalou

my neighbor, ケンシロウ県 (kenshiro ken) tried to puncture their wheels with spiked caltrops, but the fiends effortlessly bunny hopped over our defenses, carving "KENSHIRO EATS DOOKIE" into the ground in tire tread calligraphy. i am aghast at the quality and brashness of their handiwork. we do not stand a chance.

# ? May 17, 2015 10:47

bacalou

on full moons, some say you can see them bunny hopping across the lake at midnight, skipping impossibly like graceful waterbugs bent on the destruction of our peaceful way of life with machinery we cannot hope to comprehend. how does the central colomn swivel so freely? how????

# ? May 17, 2015 10:49

Al Borland: by XyloJW

*Rides into town*

Your hero has arrived.

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# ? May 17, 2015 11:04

cuntman.net

a man falls down in the middle of the street for no reason. later they find a single treadmark on his back

# ? May 17, 2015 11:50

cuntman.net

a ninja is riding his bike along when he is suddenly ambushed and cut in half but wait it turns out that the ninja was never there at all and what they actually cut was a log riding a bike

# ? May 17, 2015 11:52

cuntman.net

a stagehand rides a bike across a stage and no one notices him

# ? May 17, 2015 11:56

bacalou

a policeman gets dirt cast into his face by a bmx tire. he pulls his gun to fire on an unsuspecting minority, but no one is there. his shoelaces are also tied together.

# ? May 17, 2015 21:00

bacalou

they have the ninja cornered, but then there are like 30 more that appear from poofs of smoke and they're just mowing down bmx juteu clones. "where is the real one" they scream but then they get their nose broken by a peg and pass out

# ? May 17, 2015 21:11

bacalou

i survived a bmx ninja encounter by trading my tire patch kit for safe passage through their territory

# ? May 17, 2015 21:11

Qwerinty: by zen death robot

A body is left on the street with sharpened gears sticking out of it. There's no blood.

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# ? May 17, 2015 22:11

cuntman.net

a single biker always wins the race but a whole team of bikers never wins

# ? May 17, 2015 22:16

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

sometimes at night you can see them peddling straight up walls, effortlessly defying physics and gravity

# ? May 17, 2015 22:28

bacalou

a shogun warlord has two ninja body guards, each of them carrying a bmx shaped sheath on their back. the warlord is mat hoffman

# ? May 17, 2015 22:32

danthechainsawman

The Ninja Warlord, otherwise known to us as Matt Hoffman, is given tickets to a Taylor Swift concert. He opts to ride his bmx bike across the stage and runs her over only to fall into her vagina and is lost for all eternity.

# ? May 18, 2015 03:26

Al Borland: by XyloJW

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# ? May 18, 2015 03:28

ham_sanitizer: professional swine bather

get together seven freelance bmx misfits to protect your village

# ? May 18, 2015 06:59

Tiberius Thyben: Gone Phishing

# ? May 18, 2015 07:18

cuntman.net

Tiberius Thyben posted:

# ? May 18, 2015 07:30

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Tiberius Thyben posted:

Holy Christballs

# ? May 18, 2015 07:34

ron color

lol

# ? May 18, 2015 14:24

google THIS

as if there was anything in the 80's and 90's that didn't have a ninja version

# ? May 18, 2015 15:47

tao of lmao

TWIST FIST posted:

a ninja is riding his bike along when he is suddenly ambushed and cut in half but wait it turns out that the ninja was never there at all and what they actually cut was a log riding a bike

# ? Aug 11, 2015 02:13

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

a ninja pulls a sweet 720 degree kick flip in complete silence

no one cheers

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

(USER WAS PERMABANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 11, 2015 02:28

fuck. marry. t-rex

Blackclad bikers hopping across slate rooftops at night. Their spokes and pegs are wrapped for silence and to hide the sheen.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 02:48

Qwerinty: by zen death robot

dry leaves are attached between the spokes to make them sound like an autumn evening

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# ? Aug 11, 2015 03:14

social vegan

some say they ride so fast that even the water flicked up from the back tire when it's raining cannot catch them

# ? Aug 11, 2015 15:11

bacalou

karate kid montage except instead of balancing on one foot they're balancing on one wheel

# ? Aug 11, 2015 17:37

social vegan

i knew we were already dead when he took the second hand off the handlebars

# ? Aug 11, 2015 17:43

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 10:11

tao of lmao

Qwerinty posted:

dry leaves are attached between the spokes to make them sound like an autumn evening

# ? Aug 11, 2015 17:47

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > the bmx ninja clan