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Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


Jumpingmanjim posted:

Which superpower would you rather have: flight or invisibility? "Invisibility"

Yeah, I bet you would Josh...

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Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


BrigadierSensible posted:

That's one of the things for me. Given his sheltered/isolated/fundie background, how did he manage to get the balls to go into a strip club and start chatting up the strippers?

The first time I went to the strippers, (I was 18), I was terrified. Now I know if I had been a repressed married arsehole instead of being a nervous timid teenager, one of them might have hosed me.

Well, you can seem pretty confident when you walk into the club and, in your mind, are above everyone there. The strippers flaunting their bodies all over the place for money, they're going straight to hell and should be kissing your feet for bringing them the word of our saviour, Jesus Christ.

The men, well they obviously have no self control, otherwise they would be at home forcing their wives to have sex with them, like good Christian men SHOULD do.

So when you walk in with that thought process, it might come off as confidence.

I don't know how the gently caress they looked past his JIM BOB face though.

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


Pvt.Scott posted:

I'm not so sure. A couple of them showed some sort of mild romantic attraction towards me while I lived down there, which is not a good sign at all.

So, how exactly ARE you related to the Duggars?

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


Mad Doctor Cthulhu posted:

I'm just imagining Duggars wondering into the road and getting flattened by a semi, only to be surrounded by other Duggars walking in tiny circles, waving their hands, and squeaking 'JESUS JESUS' before a car hits another.

This would be the best show ever.

I would watch the poo poo out of this TLC special.

Edit: As a way to get this ball rolling, they could throw some fattening midwest food in the middle of a busy highway and some sweet sweet TLC dollars and watch Jahm Berb send his crotch spawn one by one to try and retrieve said fatty food/dollars.

And throw a few underaged girls/strippers/married women looking for the cuck in the street too. That should lure Josh in.

Max Hammer fucked around with this message at 16:50 on Oct 2, 2015

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


cumshitter posted:

lol what was that slop the mom bragged about making? it was like an industrial kitchen sized can of chile + a family bag of fritos

Sorry, I have literally never watched a single second of the show, so I don't know. I do remember someone earlier in the thread talking about some cheesy tater tot casserole or something though.

P.S. - I live in the midwest (Chicago) and people definitely make that kind of disgusting poo poo here.

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


BuckarooBanzai posted:

You people obviously aren't from the midwest because that was like once a week fare when I was growing up.

Born and raised, and I can honestly say I've never had any kind of poo poo like that.

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


BuckarooBanzai posted:

Well I'm so sorry you missed out mister I don't have lazy parents.

Wait, so the parent who tosses ground beef, canned soup and FROZEN tater tots in a pan and shoves it in the oven is the LESS lazy parent? I see now. Please tell me more.

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


Ryoshi posted:

look at me im maxwell hammer getting mad over nothin cuz im bad at context clues

smdh

Ummm, it's Maximillion Hammer, thank you very much. And are you insinuating that my home schooled reading education is somehow not up-to-par? How dare you.

(PS - I read it as '...I'm sorry you missed out mister, I don't have lazy parents'. My bad.)

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


artsy fartsy posted:

Apparently J.B. and Michelle are at some kind of marriage retreat.

quote:
The conservative Christian couple announced yesterday on the clan’s official Facebook page that they checked into a “marriage retreat” to seek “bobiful jims” in a remote part of their home state.

quote:
The activities were lead by pastor and evangelist Dr. S.M. Davis, who claims on his website to provide “Boblical solujims” to “jimical family boblems.”

This is so, so great. Nicely done.

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


dog buttz posted:

ah. so they used a picture of her pre-pregnancy to bullshit you into thinking she did give birth. makes sense.

And she already has the thoudand-yard-stare going on, so no need to fake that. And the look only gets more pathetic as more kids drop out of her.

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


The Bible posted:

Indeed. He dishonored his parents. Biblically speaking, they should have stoned him to death.

First, awesome Username/Post combo.

Second, I'm sure there are many MANY people who would gladly throw the first stone.

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!



Rim Job Bob

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!



This made me laugh much harder than it should have. Well done.

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


Pope Corky the IX posted:

A proud tradition of children sucking on two-liter bottles of Pepsi as soon as their strength and motor skills allow.

I don't think strength or motor skills mater, considering being breastfed from Mama June is probably akin to deepthroating concentrated High Fructose Corn Syrup. And if one of these inbred motherfuckers don't want to breastfeed, I'm sure they can just load up Junior's sippy cup with Jolt Cola.

Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


quote:

a girl is “ready” is between the ages of 13 and 20 ...

The ‘youth’ ready for marriage has breasts. A woman who is to be married is one who has breasts; breasts which signal her readiness for marriage, and breasts who promise enjoyment for her husband. (We believe that ‘breasts’ here stand as a symbol for all forms of full secondary sexual characteristics.)
...
The ‘youth’ ready for marriage is one who is ready for sexual intercourse sexually and emotionally. Her desire is for her husband, and she is ready to rejoice in him physically.

So, if I'm reading this right, my underaged wife is required to let me tittyfuck her whenever I want, and just the fact that she has breasts is proof that God is giving consent in place of her for aforementioned titty loving.

I think I need to seriously revisit this whole atheism thing...

edit:

Buttcoin purse posted:

The government is discriminating against me based on my religion by not letting me bang teenage girls! I only banged ones with tits so my religion says it's okay!

...also this. The world just keeps getting better all around me. I'm hopping on this 'God' train and reaping the sweet sweet pedophilialic benefits.

Max Hammer fucked around with this message at 04:55 on May 8, 2016

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Max Hammer
Jan 3, 2008

ANTIFREEZE!!!


SEX BURRITO posted:

They need to bring back Honey Boo Boo so we can watch classic moments like this: https://youtu.be/KNFMZydIfJE (possibly NMS)

Holy poo poo, that 30 seconds of video made me throw up in my mouth a little but. Goddammit TLC, I hate you.

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