|
Who'll be the new champs come Sunday morning? This poll is closed. |
|||
|---|---|---|---|
| Weidman/Cormier |
|
62 | 43.66% |
| Weidman/Johnson |
|
58 | 40.85% |
| Belfort/Cormier |
|
4 | 2.82% |
| Belfort/Johnson |
|
4 | 2.82% |
| Some stupid combination of draws or no contests that ruins everyone's special night |
|
14 | 9.86% |
| Total: | 142 votes | ||
|
Welcome to the UFC 187 GDT! This is a PPV, so no  allowed or you’ll be in big trouble.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDmGO6scwRk Good evening. I’m Bluedeanie, and welcome to a special Memorial Day Weekend edition of UFC’s Most Wanted, right here on Punchsport Pagoda. To start off our program, we’ve got great news. Our No. 1 Most Wanted Fighter, Jon “Bones” Jones, has been apprehended.  Jones was wanted for questioning on a felony hit and run, drug possession and magnum dong possession charges. He was bravely captured by Paul Blart: Mall Cop after his lawyer arranged for a meeting at an abandoned movie mall. Jones was expected to fight on this upcoming fight card UFC 187, 10 p.m. ET Saturday, May 23, 2015. But there’s still a list of 10 dangerous fighters out there on that card. So if you see any of these guys out there, you gotta make that call to 1-855-523-9386 to report.  Anthony Johnson DOB: March 6, 1984 Height: 6 ft 2 in Weight: Charges: Multiple counts of domestic assault, causing one of the worst arguments in recent PSP memory Vs.  Daniel Cormier DOB: March 20, 1979 Height: 5 ft 11 in Weight: 205 lbs Charges: Public brawling, dancing with food without a license Anthony “Rumble” Johnson was Jon Jones’ original opponent for this weekend’s bout. He is described as a large muscular black man known for changing his size and jaundicing his eye color to avoid detection. Undefeated as a light heavyweight and without a loss since January 14, 2012, “Rumble” has racked up first-round wins over former contender/dangerous Swedish gang member Alexander Gustafsson, as well as dangerous assaults on the elderly and the profoundly handicapped. Daniel “DC” Cormier has stepped into the bout to replace Jones. While many may consider him to be “less dangerous,” he should still not be taken lightly. His only loss is former No. 1 P4P Most Wanted Jon Jones, and he also shut his kidneys down to make weight, so he is willing to do almost anything in a sick effort to win. He is known to beef with baristas and Native American elders. If not in the cage this weekend, he is reported to be found near Popeye’s Chicken restaurants in the New Orleans area.  Chris Weidman (C) DOB: June 17, 1984 Height: 6 ft 2 in Weight: 185 lbs Charges: Public defecation, unlicensed animal husbandry and trafficking, threats of violence toward Canadian pop sensations Vs.  Vitor Belfort DOB: April 1, 1977 Height: 6 ft Weight: 185 lbs Charges: Possession of a controlled substance, repeated blows to the back of the head, murder Chris “The All-American” Weidman is undefeated and is so savage he has broken men’s legs over a few ounces of gold. He is conventionally attractive, tall, extremely handsome, has a tattoo on his left arm that reads “Only God Can Judge Me” and is really cute. He is known to live in the Long Island area and associate with fat men who have high blood pressure. He should also be the main event. Vitor “the Phenom” Belfort has had a chemically-assisted career resurgence, finishing his last three fights by kick-and-punch combinations, nearly defeating Jon Jones by armbar and successfully defeating Rumble Johnson by rear-naked choke. He is described as “uncannily sinewey” and is known to frequently have “a really dipshit stupid loving haircut.” When he is not in the women’s shoe section at Target, he is rumored to hang out in Brazilian jungles and construction sites looking for his sister. Considered armed and extremely dangerous (for two minutes).  Donald Cerrone DOB: March 29, 1983 Height: 6 ft 1 in Weight: 155 lbs Charges: Driving under the influence, boat rage, public consumption of alcohol, threats of violence over social media, kicking Jeremy Stephens square in the nads Vs.  John Makdessi DOB: May 3, 1985 Height: 5 ft 8 in Weight: 155 lbs Charges: Cheating fighters out of apparel sponsorship money Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone is a known associate with Jon “Bones” Jones, although recent alleged Xbox Live conversations reveal there may be a rift between the two. Cerrone is a dangerous kickboxer and when this fails him, he can be a significant jiu jitsu threat. Riding a nearly unprecedented seven-fight lightweight win streak, Cerrone holds wins over former champ Benson Henderson, former Bellator champ Eddie Alvarez and a literal asskicking over previously-professionally-undefeated Myles Jury. Cowboy is tall, lean and heavily tattooed — he constantly adds them to help elude authorities. When he is not fighting every weekend, Cerrone is alleged to train in the Albuquerque metropolitan area, partake in extreme watersports and herd cattle. John “the Bull” Makdessi is a journeyman with extreme power in his hands and the occasional ability to actually use it. Known for his “one eye on the prize, one eye on the streets” mentality, the Bull is coming off of a devastating TKO victory over Shane Campbell. He is taking this fight on short notice after Cowboy’s previous opponent, a literal Russian war criminal and baby, hurt his knee. The Bull is described as “stocky, Canadian and going to lose really badly.”  Travis Kuualiialoha Browne DOB: July 17, 1982 Height: 6 ft 6 in Weight: 243 lbs Charges: Blows to the back of the head, indecent exposure Vs.  Andrei Valeryevich Arlovski DOB: February 4, 1979 Height: 6 ft 4 in Weight: 249 lbs Charges: Sexual harassment, alleged vigilante justice I am receiving word from our production truck that the UFC’s Most Wanted intern’s cat did not walk across her keyboard and that is, in fact, Travis “Hapa” Browne’s middle name. Hapa is a tall, durable man from Hawaii who was also a known associate of Bones Jones for a time. Hapa holds wins over former MMA champions Josh Barnett and Alistair Overeem. He is imposing with a large intricate arm tattoo, and has been described as “squirrely and bizarrely flailing” when he feels threatened. It is advised you engage him in the middle of the ring, and authorities say that whatever you do, do NOT shoot for a double up against the cage. Andrei “the Pitbull” Arlovski is a former UFC champion and once again, is a known Bones Jones associate. Since losing a decision to Rumble, the Pitbull has gone on a four-fight winning streak, finishing “Bigfoot” Silva and beating up “Big Brown” Schaub from the bottom. The production team is also telling me this is not a reference to a gay pornography career. The Pitbull has been known to frequent Chicago comic and artist conventions, and is known as a patron of fine arts — likely to cover for his more savage, vicious in-cage persona.  Joseph Benavidez DOB: July 31, 1984 Height: 5 ft 4 in Weight: 125 lbs Charges: Drug use Vs.  John Moraga DOB: March 20, 1984 Height: 5 ft 6 in Weight: 125 lbs Charges: Robbery Joe Benavidez is known by a number of aliases, including Joe B-Wan Kenobi, The Beefcake, The Joe Jitsu Practitioner and The Body. Known for his dangerous “guillotine choke” and hanging out with a death frat of short-statured men, Joe B-Wan is known as a game opponent, nearly snatching the inaugural flyweight title. When not fighting he is thought to frequent Sacramento-area Forever 21s to re-pierce his nipple (as he is often thought to be an emaciated child so most tattoo parlors will not permit him entry.) John Moraga does not have a known alias, and in fact very little is known about him. He is allegedly on a two-fight submission win streak but most bystanders say they have no recollection of those bouts ever actually happening, and can only recall him getting his “fish-out-of-water rear end whooped pillar to post by John Dodson and Demetrious ‘Mighty Mouse’ Johnson.” With an ability to disappear from a crowd and never stand out in memory, Moraga is the perfect thief, stealing victory from most of his winning opponents by late-fight submission or benevolent judging. OTHER CRIMINALS TO WATCH OUT FOR Fox Sports 1 prelims, 8 p.m. ET May 23 John Dodson vs. Zach Makovsky Dong Hyun Kim vs. Josh Burkman Uriah Hall vs. Rafael Natal Rose Namajunas vs. Nina Ansaroff UFC Fight Pass Early Prelims, 6:30 p.m. ET May 23 Mike Pyle vs. Colby Covington Islam Makhachev vs. Leo Kuntz Justin Scoggins vs. Josh Sampo Official Weigh-Ins, 7 p.m. ET May 22 on Fight Pass, Youtube, etc. Official MMA Snack Rating: Prison toilet wine  Step 1: First, take as many oranges as you can get from the mess hall... about 6-10 will do. If you still need to stuff them in a pillowcase to beat on your cellmate, don't worry -- they can be bruised. Peel 'em and toss 'em in a giant Ziploc bag. Step 2: Next, take a gigantic can of fruit cocktail (two, if you can smuggle them) and dump it, juice and all, into the bag. Save a couple grapes to eat though. They're delicious. Step 3: Next, you're gonna need some sugar to help the fermentation process. Squirrel away about 60 cubes, then about 4tbsp of ketchup, just for a little acidity in the mix. That's about four packets. Step 4: Yeast is what makes this crap turn into alcohol, so toss whatever bread you can in there so the yeast'll get the juices boozin'. Don't overdo it: a piece or two should suffice. Step 5: Since your pillowcase is now devoid of oranges, you're gonna need to use your fists to pound the mixture into a pulp. Be sure to seal your bag first, though, or else your cell's gonna look like you took a shotgun to a garbage can you found outside a Jamba Juice. Step 6: Put the bag somewhere warm and safe -- maybe the toilet, maybe a sink, maybe a bucket you smuggled in -- and pour warm water over it to help the fermentation. Then either cover it or wrap it in a towel. Each day, repeat the process of pouring warm water over the bag. Do this for 5-7 days. Step 6.5: Oh sh*t! Yeah, so there's gonna be some gas as this turns into booze. Make sure to leave the bag open a tiny crack or else your Ziploc bag's gonna turn into a tropical time-bomb, which is what got you here in the first place. Step 7: After about a week, strain the nasty fruit goop. If you can't find a strainer, just shank the bag a bunch of times and... voila! DIY strainer. Bluedeanie fucked around with this message at 20:19 on May 22, 2015 |
#
?
May 22, 2015 19:20
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 12:01 |
|
|
And don't forget to submit your picks to goonweight!
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2015 19:23
|
|
|
I...know everyone on this card. I like it.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2015 19:32
|
|
He expended too much energy and got tired
|
This is wonderful.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2015 19:32
|
|
|
A+ OP, amazing fairy tale card, pumped for some serious goodfights
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2015 19:35
|
|
|
I really think after last year the strategy for this year was to have monster cards and I'm very happy with it. Like they're doing 2 double main cards (with belts people actially care about) this summer with the heavyweight title sandwiched in between.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2015 19:37
|
|
|
Love the OP. Coulda used some flags though.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2015 19:51
|
|
|
Throwback to one of my personal top 5 sports moments ever. http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3557933&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=41
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2015 21:30
|
|
|
Weigh-ins on deck: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0nIfzeu-hY
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2015 23:57
|
|
|
Do you guys think Lorenzo knew how many dicks he'd have to see when Dana convinced him to buy in?
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:07
|
|
|
do fly weights have smaller penises?
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:08
|
|
|
Another known Bones associate. He actually had lot of this to people on this card weirdly.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:12
|
|
|
Huh, I didn't know that Rose is getting herself some of that sweet Budweiser money too.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:14
|
|
|
One of the straw weights just missed weight by 4 pounds.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:15
|
|
|
They inflated Roses record to have an extra win. Figured they are past that.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:15
|
|
|
Le Saboteur posted:One of the straw weights just missed weight by 4 pounds. Which one? Didnt even catch their weights.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:17
|
|
|
Oh goddamn I am so ready for another crazy Uriah hall post fight interview.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:17
|
|
|
Bluedeanie posted:Which one? Didnt even catch their weights. Antaroff came in at 120.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:17
|
|
|
josh burkman is one of the guys you fight in EA UFC before you're good enough to fight actual fighters.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:17
|
|
|
Wtf josh burkman is a thing
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:18
|
|
|
This has been the only time I've ever read a GDT OP in its entirety. Friggen amazing
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:20
|
|
|
Ty1990 posted:josh burkman is one of the guys you fight in EA UFC before you're good enough to fight actual fighters. He even has his create a player gear on.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:20
|
|
|
Ty1990 posted:josh burkman is one of the guys you fight in EA UFC before you're good enough to fight actual fighters. Burkman put up a real good effort against a fully juiced and incredibly intimidating ww Hector Lombard. He's a tough motherfucker
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:21
|
|
|
Whenever fighters shake hands/hug/act like they're having a good time at work, I get such warm fuzzies 
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:23
|
|
|
Joes doing that annoying thing again where he calls everyone mister
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:23
|
|
|
DoombatINC posted:Whenever fighters shake hands/hug/act like they're having a good time at work, I get such warm fuzzies I liked when arlovski and Browne grabbed each other in a huge bear hug on media day.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:24
|
|
|
Burkman killing Fitch is one of the best, most hilarious moments in MMA
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:25
|
|
|
Marching Powder posted:Burkman put up a real good effort against a fully juiced and incredibly intimidating ww Hector Lombard. He's a tough motherfucker Have you ever played the fake guys once you get to the UFC in that video game? They're pretty loving themselves.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:25
|
|
|
Nierbo posted:Joes doing that annoying thing again where he calls everyone mister lmao it is silly. most of these dudes are half Joe's age.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:26
|
|
|
Ty1990 posted:Have you ever played the fake guys once you get to the UFC in that video game? They're pretty loving themselves. This doesn't fully make sense to me. LobsterMobster posted:Burkman killing Fitch is one of the best, most hilarious moments in MMA Yes.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:27
|
|
|
Vitor does have the nipples I would assume to find on a prehistoric creature. I'll give him that.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:33
|
|
|
Never seen Weidman jaw at a dude like he just did at Vitor. Even his "that disrespectful piece of poo poo!" before killing Anderson seemed less pissed. E: pissed about Vitor's test levels lol Bet Dana's not super happy about "This guy's still cheating" though
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:34
|
|
|
Chris droppin 
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:35
|
|
|
Wise Learned Man posted:Never seen Weidman jaw at a dude like he just did at Vitor. Even his "that disrespectful piece of poo poo!" before killing Anderson seemed less pissed. lol he just flat out said he's still roiding. Joe's  face was something else.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:35
|
|
|
Yeah Weidman does not like Belfort at all
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:35
|
|
|
Wise Learned Man posted:Never seen Weidman jaw at a dude like he just did at Vitor. Even his "that disrespectful piece of poo poo!" before killing Anderson seemed less pissed. That look Joe gave the camera when walking back to the scales; a classic Joe e:f,b
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:35
|
|
|
tuned in just in time to see weidman angrily making GBS threads on vitor for still being a cheater. chris is cool
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:35
|
|
|
Never seen Chris that way before. I'm somehow more excited for tomorrow night after watching it.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:36
|
|
|
Wait vitors levels are within limits right?
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:36
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 25, 2024 12:01 |
|
|
https://www.dipyourcar.com/ seems to have more money than I would expect to be able to get both Cormier and Cerrone to rep them.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2015 00:37
|
|