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r00tn00b posted:I know the feeling, because I don't know how any of this is possible. That's what I mean. Your situation just seems hosed and it would be nice for you to know why. 
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Jun 9, 2015 17:30
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wow op your soon to be ex wife is like a scheming mastermind, she totally owned the gently caress out of you. drat whose idea was it to move to portland?
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Jun 9, 2015 17:32
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Popular Thug Drink posted:wow op your soon to be ex wife is like a scheming mastermind, she totally owned the gently caress out of you. drat It was mutual, something we had talked about for a while.
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Jun 9, 2015 17:34
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r00tn00b posted:It was mutual, something we had talked about for a while. she convinced you to dig your own grave. you better be real careful because if she played you so well this far it's gonna be hard for you to not keep getting played
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Jun 9, 2015 17:37
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What is your hypothesis for why she is all of a sudden doing all of this? From a third person perspective, it seems like you are leaving out some big event that precipitated the meltdown. Like, even if you don't agree or believe the reasoning, from her view what is the reason for wanting to leave and block contact?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:14
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r00tn00b posted:It was mutual, something we had talked about for a while. It seems like she has family there and you don't? You said things had been tough for a while even before she cheated, why were they tough?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:15
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I don't know why the gently caress people keep moving here. Unless you are an engineer/software developer we have no jobs anyway. You have my sympathies
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Jun 9, 2015 18:27
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r00tn00b posted:quoting because edit is not working? If this is your wife, wouldn't her father-in-law be your father? Kazvall posted:I feel like something is missing here.
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Jun 9, 2015 18:42
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GunChicka posted:It seems like she has family there and you don't? You said things had been tough for a while even before she cheated, why were they tough? She has been dealing with self esteem issues. And in a deep depression. I tried to help her but she wouldn't let me. She built up a story in her head that I didn't love her anymore, and that I cheated on her with a Co worker (nothing happened the woman who I had the affair with is an insufferable butch). So she sought another man to make her feel better. She has since sought out help from a professional therapist. And is working on the issues. The reason I think this breakdown happened is that she likes to plan things carefully. And we had planned the move extensively. When I got fired it moved the time table up 2 months and the stress broke her. She's in a fragile state.
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Jun 9, 2015 18:46
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Unexpected Road posted:If this is your wife, wouldn't her father-in-law be your father? I meant step father. I'm sorry.
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Jun 9, 2015 18:46
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r00tn00b posted:She has been dealing with self esteem issues. And in a deep depression. I tried to help her but she wouldn't let me. She built up a story in her head that I didn't love her anymore, and that I cheated on her with a Co worker (nothing happened the woman who I had the affair with is an insufferable butch). So she sought another man to make her feel better. She has since sought out help from a professional therapist. And is working on the issues. The reason I think this breakdown happened is that she likes to plan things carefully. And we had planned the move extensively. When I got fired it moved the time table up 2 months and the stress broke her. She's in a fragile state. back the gently caress up here son
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Jun 9, 2015 18:49
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r00tn00b posted:So I head out here to Portland and when im about 9 hours away she tells me that I, and only I, do not have a place to stay. quote:I cant afford an appt because im flat broke and I wont get paid for 2 weeks. So I am upset and we have an argument and she escalates past anything I would have thought. She had told her family that I beat here and put her in the hospital, which is not true at all, and they hate me. What was the context of this argument, what was her reasoning besides telling her family that you beat her? Did you have any interaction with her at all that she or anyone else could construe as abusive (emotional, verbal even)?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:51
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Darth123123 posted:back the gently caress up here son There was no affair that's worded poorly and you can't edit
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Jun 9, 2015 18:52
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r00tn00b posted:She has been dealing with self esteem issues. And in a deep depression. I tried to help her but she wouldn't let me. She built up a story in her head that I didn't love her anymore, and that I cheated on her with a Co worker (nothing happened the woman who I had the affair with is an insufferable butch). So she sought another man to make her feel better. She has since sought out help from a professional therapist. And is working on the issues. The reason I think this breakdown happened is that she likes to plan things carefully. And we had planned the move extensively. When I got fired it moved the time table up 2 months and the stress broke her. She's in a fragile state. Hmm.. You're really loving good at making excuses and rationalisations for her; you're not seriously thinking there is anything to salvage from this other than some percentage of your belongings, income and time with the kids?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:52
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GunChicka posted:So what happened in those 9 hours or right before? Is it your impression that she planned this from the beginning? Why not just move out there on her own and proceed with a divorce? Do you think she was luring the kids? There was no need to lure the kids. If never keep them from her. The argument was about money.
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Jun 9, 2015 18:53
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r00tn00b posted:Hey, been a while since I posted here. What were these arguments about and what were they like?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:54
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r00tn00b posted:There was no need to lure the kids. If never keep them from her. The argument was about money. Are you intentionally avoiding answering most of the question or do you simply not know? What was the context of this argument, what was her reasoning besides telling her family that you beat her? Did you have any interaction with her at all that she or anyone else could construe as abusive (emotional, verbal even)?
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Jun 9, 2015 18:55
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What are you not telling us OP?
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Jun 9, 2015 19:10
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Is it possible she found another man in Portland? It seems possible. You need to stop thinking of her as being fragile. She's proven she will be ruthless if she feels like it, cornering you with the kids and ensuring you'd hand them over by not having any place for you to take them was devious. A lot of the poo poo she's done is devious. You may well reconcile at some time in the future, assuming she's having some sort of mental episode and convince you she won't have one again (if she's found another dude I would advise you to lower the limit of permitted strikes to two instead of three). But right now? She's your mortal enemy. She's trying her best to get you to just disappear. At the very least, she doesn't give a poo poo about you, and she doesn't seem too concerned for the kids, either. Unless there's something you're leaving out. If her mental state is hosed, she might have taken innocent things as threats. She may believe everything she's saying and genuinely believe she's protecting the kids from you. It's a giant loving mess and you need help wading through it. Hence the lawyer, and all the legal advice you can find. You also need to remember your kids' needs, if she's unstable you may have to go after full custody for their sake and prove she's unstable. And before that, you've got to find a place to live. Don't utter a single word to the kids besides talking about their days and such, be paranoid and extra-aware of ways she could use your words and actions against you. Do what you can to get that protective order dismissed as soon as possible, a violation of it on your record will look bad, even if she tricked you into violating it and the order was later dismissed. I'm really sorry, this has to be insanely head-spinning. But you've got to remember she's not on your side any more. Do you have any family that can send you money? Via Paypal, Western Union, a fast check in the mail that will arrive before you run out of hotel stays? Any friends? Now is the time to be blatant and tell people the truth and ask for help. Good luck, man.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:12
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GunChicka posted:Are you intentionally avoiding answering most of the question or do you simply not know? The argument was on the phone and about money. When I went to see the kids her step father met me in the driveway and the cops were right there.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:26
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r00tn00b posted:The argument was on the phone and about money. When I went to see the kids her step father met me in the driveway and the cops were right there. So you've had one argument with your wife about money (presumably your lack thereof) and that was enough for the police to file some no contact order? gently caress, I'm screwed if that's the case. I don't buy it, sorry OP.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:28
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Darth123123 posted:So you've had one argument with your wife about money (presumably your lack thereof) and that was enough for the police to file some no contact order? gently caress, I'm screwed if that's the case. I don't buy it, sorry OP. I don't know what she told the police. I wasn't there for that.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:31
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r00tn00b posted:The argument was on the phone and about money. When I went to see the kids her step father met me in the driveway and the cops were right there. So you guys were arguing before hand, decided to move to Portland, you found a job and lost your current job, you decided to go ahead and move with a limited income, you move and your wife calls you to fight about your now limited income? And you found out she told your parents that you hit her when you met her dad? Did any of your arguments in the past become violent or loud? What were they about?
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Jun 9, 2015 19:32
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GunChicka posted:So you guys were arguing before hand, decided to move to Portland, you found a job and lost your current job, you decided to go ahead and move with a limited income, you move and your wife calls you to fight about your now limited income? And you found out she told your parents that you hit her when you met her dad? Did any of your arguments in the past become violent or loud? What were they about? Not exactly. In the last 6 weeks we have been fine. Taking normally and everything was looking great. We had a plan to move with proper resources and time. When I got fired we decided that there was no point to find another job in ohio. I thought we had come up with another plan. But I'm not sure what happened there that's where my knowledge of this situation gets fuzzy. I get things ready to move. Move and get out here and she has a break down. Yes we have had some yelling augments. Mostly about her taking to the other guy. But that stopped weeks ago. We had a really good dialog for a long time.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:39
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r00tn00b posted:. Weeks ago! Gosh. And if you'd had a good dialogue for a long time, then its been over for ages cause the poo poo that has happened DOES NOT HAPPEN TO PEOPLE WITH GOOD DIALOGUE. OP, you are the proverbial goon in the well.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:44
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To me, it sounds like she wanted out but she wanted to be in a secure situation before she did. Now she has her family as a support system and you're financially unable to really fight her on anything. There may not have been a critical 'OMG' moment for her, but she simply saw her opportunity and took it. Go talk to a lawyer when you can, OP.
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Jun 9, 2015 19:45
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r00tn00b posted:Not exactly. quote:I thought we had come up with another plan. But I'm not sure what happened there that's where my knowledge of this situation gets fuzzy. I get things ready to move. Move and get out here and she has a break down. quote:Yes we have had some yelling augments. Mostly about her taking to the other guy. But that stopped weeks ago. We had a really good dialog for a long time. Let's say I'm passing by your house during one of these arguments, is there any chance I'd be inclined to call the police over what I'm hearing?
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Jun 9, 2015 19:48
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OP your life is like a trailer trash version of The Last Seduction.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:07
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GunChicka posted:Why did you feel like it was a good plan? Did you both mutually agree to it? There just seems to be a disconnect or something missing from your wife's perspective. Explain the break down as best you can. There is a breakdown from her perspective and I honestly dont know what happened between Thursday before I left ohio and Saturday morning when I got to Oregon. Even Saturday was okay, we had lunch looked at apartments and talked. Sunday when we had the argument it was like talking to a different person. GunChicka posted:Let's say I'm passing by your house during one of these arguments, is there any chance I'd be inclined to call the police over what I'm hearing? That's not really easy to answer, everyone is different. There are no blood curdling screams, just loud arguing. we live in a small neighborhood and we often have the windows open, no one has called the cops.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:24
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r00tn00b posted:So I head out here to Portland and when im about 9 hours away she tells me that I, and only I, do not have a place to stay. r00tn00b posted:it was mutually agreed on and was a sound plan, gave us time to live here and get setup before we had to find or own place. What was lunch like after she told you that you didn't have a place to stay? And so you had lunch, then the next day she was mad at you about money and had a no contact order?
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Jun 9, 2015 20:31
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GunChicka posted:What was lunch like after she told you that you didn't have a place to stay? And so you had lunch, then the next day she was mad at you about money and had a no contact order? I'm not a fly off the wall kind of person, sure I was upset, but I like to take things as they come. Lunch was quiet but not an argument. I was upset with her about money, not really about money but her lack of wanting to deal with the situation with me. I was getting frustrated that I seemed to be the only person worrying about it.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:34
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Goons have told me no woman would lie about getting hit because women don't lie about that type of thing. OP is a liar.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:34
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Nebulon Gate posted:Goons have told me no woman would lie about getting hit because women don't lie about that type of thing. OP is a liar. How would that make sense, if I had done those things, I would be in JAIL. It's not like cops weren't involved.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:37
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r00tn00b posted:I'm not a fly off the wall kind of person, sure I was upset, but I like to take things as they come. Lunch was quiet but not an argument. So you have an amicable lunch with her after she told you to leave the kids and move out on your own? Did you question her at all about why during your quiet lunch? You then looked at apartments together? So then you were upset with her the next day and, I'm presuming because I have to, started the argument? Is it then that she told her parents that you are abusive?
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Jun 9, 2015 20:39
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GunChicka posted:So you have an amicable lunch with her after she told you to leave the kids and move out on your own? Did you question her at all about why during your quiet lunch? You then looked at apartments together? Of course I questioned it. I was and I still and confused about the whole thing. I haven't gotten a direct answer. I may never get one. that's pretty much it, and it was not my intent to start and argument, but I guess I was upset enough that it come through the phone.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:45
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r00tn00b posted:Of course I questioned it. I was and I still and confused about the whole thing. I haven't gotten a direct answer. I may never get one. I feel like we're getting closer here, circling around slowly. So when you asked why you had to move out, what was her indirect answer? Why did you originally call her on Sunday that turned into an argument? And all of this time you are in a hotel?
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Jun 9, 2015 20:50
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GunChicka posted:I feel like we're getting closer here, circling around slowly. So when you asked why you had to move out, what was her indirect answer? Yes hotel the whole time. I called her to work on a plan to get through till I could get a pay check. When she refused to really talk about it and work on it I was frustrated. After we got off the phone because she didn't want to be yelled at, I didn't think I had raised my voice but that's not really the point, she text-ed me and told me not to threaten her. I was confused because I hadn't. Apparently the box cutter I had in my pocket was me threatening her with a knife. I never touched it and I put it in my car before we went out, it was only on my person for maybe 2 min in her presence.
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Jun 9, 2015 20:56
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r00tn00b posted:Yes hotel the whole time. What was your plan you wanted to discuss? Why are you carrying a box cutter?
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Jun 9, 2015 21:02
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r00tn00b posted:Yes hotel the whole time. Ok, lemme reconfigure here, so far: While on the plan to Portland she tells you to move out, she finds a hotel for you. Was there more to this news that just "You can't stay here" Did you explicitly say "It's over"? You get to Portland, meet up and have a quiet lunch. While leaving for lunch, you remove a box cutter and place it in the car. During lunch, what was her response to "Why am I sleeping in a hotel?" You then look for apartments together. Are these apartments for you alone? What is the environment like while apartment hunting together, presumably for the place she is shipping you off to sans kids? The following day, Sunday, you call her to discuss how to handle your shared finances until your first paycheck. She refused to talk about it, what did she talk about, then? You then have an argument. Later in the day you go to her family's house where you find her stepfather and police. Was this an arranged visit? What did her stepfather say? Please answer bolded questions. Don't worry, we'll get to the bottom of this.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:04
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Darth123123 posted:What was your plan you wanted to discuss? Why are you carrying a box cutter? It was habit from packing, I had it for a couple weeks when i was breaking things down to throw out, and I just had it, there was no reason, that's why I put it in my car, I didn't need it, but I was leaving the hotel and had it on my person. I was seeing if her mother could help us out. her mother is stupid rich, but she also hates her mother so its a point of tension. She didn't want to suggest anything else. I would rather owe her mom money than someone else. She acused me of being mad at her for her mother not wanting to give me money. But that's not what was upsetting me, it was the lack of co-operation. I told her that multiple times. I have since worked out something on my own and I think ill be okay for now, I just heard back from my work they will be giving me a cash advance.
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Jun 9, 2015 21:08
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