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Been thinking for a while about doing this thread, and I was a bit worried about what I can and can't say. But I've seen a thread on Reddit, where someone else from Samaritans has said a fair bit, so I'll use that as a kind-of "what to say" guide. That said, I'd really super appreciate no-one trying to find out who I am, because I'm fairly sure Samaritans frowns a bit on this sort of thing; however, I think if they were slightly less secretive, they'd get more volunteers. And that would be loving rad. Anyone reading this through the paywall: I am in no way representative of the organisation, I am just a grunt, these are just my views, not company policy. So, here goes. I am a Samaritan. We are a UK-based suicide prevention (in a very loose kind of way) charity, and anyone can ring us up, at any time, or email, or text us. These are the details: Phone: 08457 90 90 90 Email: jo@samaritans.org Text: 07725 909090 If you're about to end your life, ring us. If you're just unhappy, ring us. We are literally there to help you talk through your issues, and maybe that'll help. If you're literally about to kill yourself (and god knows this happens a fair amount), then ring us; worst case, it doesn't help, and you can still go and kill yourself afterwards. Worth a go, right? What we do: Basically, we just kind of listen to you. We've all gone through a reasonable amount of training, and we're coached in how to not bring ourselves into the conversation; it really is all about you. The aim is that through being able to talk about your issues, you might be able to find a viewpoint that you'd not considered, or maybe just talking things through with someone who just listens without offering advice might help. I find it's harder to talk to people who know me, for various reasons, we help with the whole anonymous aspect. Anonymous? You don't have to give us your real name. We don't trace your phone number. If you email us, it gets re-routed to us through a central computer; we never know your real email address (it makes up a fake). We have literally no way of ever knowing who you are, where you are from, etc, unless you decide to tell us. Even if you do tell us, we don't record anything that can identify you. Things we do record: The type of call (ranging from "masturbating wildly" to "suicide in progress"), name given, estimated age. These are all just used to identify trends in people who need us, there's nothing sinister going on. Confidentiality It's all confidential. This is where I suspect many of the problems come in. I won't talk in any kind of detail about the calls I've had with anyone who's not a Samaritan. Not even people close to me. This, as you can imagine, is hard, especially when poo poo Gets Weird, as it tends to do. I wholeheartedly believe this is the core of the service; when I'm on the phone, you can tell me anything (and I mean imagine the worst poo poo you've ever done - I've heard worse). This means that we can actually help some people that are marginalised. To do this we have to try to leave our personal morality aside, which can be hard at times. We need to be non-judgemental, no matter what. It's a very humanistic view. So, we talk to a different volunteer at the end of our shift, and unload all our calls onto them. This helps us mentally, and helps people to keep it all within the branch (we're all human, and find it hard to keep secrets). Weird poo poo, Difficult poo poo Weird poo poo: Lots of people want to masturbate to you, if you're a lady. I am not. They normally hang up as soon as I answer the phone. If you're a woman, part of the job is dealing with these calls appropriately. We don't seem to get many gay men ringing up, or some reason. As soon as you know someone is strumming one off, we end the phone call. We're cheaper than a sex line. And, in fairness, a lot of the older ladies there have really nice phone voices; it's like that Beavis and Butthead episode where the horrible-looking lady is on the end of the sex line to Beavis. The callers would hang up if they knew. Lots of people ring us up to tell us "piss off" or "gently caress off"; these tend to be quite amusing - you rang me, dude. Difficult poo poo: You really want to die? We are not there to convince you otherwise. Paradoxical with a 'suicide prevention' charity, isn't it? The whole deal is that we try to prevent suicide by letting you offload a bit. We respect that you are a human being, and it's up to you if this is the end. Who the gently caress am I to tell you otherwise? I am really behind the whole 'self-determination' aspect of what we do. Fundamentally, I'd really prefer you to not kill yourself, but it isn't my choice to make. Why do you do this? I am probably a fairly stereotypical goon. I'm good with computers, fairly cynical, and way too versed in the cacophony of poo poo that's presented on the internet. What I'm saying is, I've seen Bronies, and Goatse, and Furries, and worse, and fuuuuuuuuck, the world's broken. And I've hated that for ages, but did I ever do anything about it? Nope. So now, in my own small way, I'm trying to fix things a bit. Because we all need someone to talk to sometimes, and maybe I can be that person for someone who really needs it. Go and volunteer You should go and do this. Sometimes it loving sucks and sometimes it's the best thing ever. You learn so much about yourself, about what actually emotionally affects you (and it's different to what you think), and you get to occasionally really help someone, when they need it the most, which is the best time. There are so many lonely people out there, it's crazy. I once spent an hour and a half on the phone to someone because they had various mental issues, and they were scared shitless about taking a bus ride home, due to all the noise and people. So I stayed on the phone with them, just talking with them, and made that journey just a touch easier. It's not all horror, sometimes people just need the mundane to make it through to tomorrow. That's the main poo poo covered, so if anyone wants to ask any questions, fire away. I won't (can't) talk in detail about any calls, but I can be non-specific, in a roundabout sort of way. There may well be other Samaritans who are goons too (I can't be the only one), so maybe they'll throw in? Who knows. tl;dr Help your fellow man out; you are going to need some help one day too and you're optimistic to think otherwise.
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Jun 20, 2015 00:56
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I really like the idea of this charity or whatever you call it.
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Jun 22, 2015 13:39
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Yeah, it's a charity. At all the individual branches everyone is a volunteer, even the people running the branch don't take a wage.
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Jun 22, 2015 13:56
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Do people call you to confess their sins? Anyone confide major crimes to you? If they ask for advice with personal problems can/do you give it? What's a rough demographic breakdown of male/female, old/young etc? As far as you know, has anyone killed themselves right after talking to you?
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Jun 22, 2015 14:27
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Yeah, like bitter said, if someone calls and tells you about major crimes, don't you have to report that?
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Jun 22, 2015 14:43
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Can you tell us more about the volunteering and training process? I may suddenly have some free time during the middle of the day, which i notice is when they're specifically lacking in staff, but feel woefully ill equipped for it.
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Jun 22, 2015 15:30
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I volunteered for a student-ran service which was based on the Samaritans model called Nightline (also in the UK). If any student goons are interested in doing something similar, which generally requires slightly less of a commitment than the Samaritans, find out if your university has a Nightline!
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Jun 22, 2015 15:52
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bitterandtwisted posted:Do people call you to confess their sins? Anyone confide major crimes to you? Yeah, people do ring in to 'confess' stuff to us. There's stuff that people can't (or won't) talk to someone they know about; sexuality issues, or even just life piling up on them. Lots of men don't want their friends to know they're down, for fear of being judged. Because we're totally anonymous, you can tell us anything, and it ends once you've put the phone down. We specifically don't give advice. People do ask us, but how could we ever give them the right answer? We might have lived through similar situations, but there's so much variance in a life that what's worked for me, for example, could be completely the wrong thing for someone else to do. I might have the best of intentions, and then it causes everything to get worse for them. What I normally do is to redirect the question a bit, for example if someone is really pushing the issue of "what should I do, tell me", I might say "what do you think your options are at the moment?", so as to help them come to their own conclusion without just saying "I can't give you advice". If they're really insistent, and won't let it go, I will have to, at some point, tell them that I can't give them advice, but generally people already know what they're going to do anyway, they just want to run through their options. Rough demographic? I honestly don't know. Anecdotally, I'd say that more of the calls I have had have been from women, of various ages, although there are a lot of men too. We don't get many young people calling in (although some do), they tend to email instead. We get a gently caress of a lot of emails. The suicide thing; yeah. Given that people could potentially be lying to me for whatever reason (you also get a lot of very twisted people ringing us up), you can never say for sure whether someone's actually killed themselves, but I have spoken to one person who talked me through all the plans she'd put into place in terms of logistics (closing bank accounts, selling stuff, etc), with her intention being to kill herself after her phonecall. She just wanted someone to know how badly things had gone for her, and that was me. I have also talked to someone who'd taken an overdose, didn't want an ambulance, and just wanted someone to stay on the phone with her whilst she died. So that's what I did, her breathing eventually slowed, and then there wasn't any more noise, so I stayed on the line for another twenty or so minutes, and then I hung up the phone. Maybe she's not dead, I'll never know for certain, but it seemed pretty real. Not many pranksters would bother leaving a phone on and staying quiet by it, that'd be a fairly boring prank call.
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Jun 22, 2015 16:17
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DismemberedLemon posted:Yeah, like bitter said, if someone calls and tells you about major crimes, don't you have to report that? Basically, nope. We don't report anything. Not anything, to anyone. You could tell me that you've hollowed out a prostitute and you're wearing her skin, and I'd just talk to you about how you were feeling. You've rung us, you feel the need to talk about something. Being non-judgmental is really critical to this, because people can do some loving horrible things to each other, but our role is to try to help everyone. It's all about you, when you ring us, it doesn't matter what you've done, all that matters is how you're feeling. And also, you could tell me that you've hollowed out a prostitute etc, but you could easily be talking poo poo for a laugh, and there's no way of anyone proving otherwise. Suicide itself was a crime in the UK for quite a while (hence 'committing' suicide), and if we were to report things to the police, then we would immediately lose the main thing that keeps us useful, which is that you can tell us anything, everything. All off your chest, to a random stranger on a phone.
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Jun 22, 2015 16:25
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Strom Cuzewon posted:Can you tell us more about the volunteering and training process? I may suddenly have some free time during the middle of the day, which i notice is when they're specifically lacking in staff, but feel woefully ill equipped for it. You wouldn't be ill equipped when they finished training you. You cover loads of stuff, over a period of a couple of months, before you're allowed anywhere near a phone. They really do have a very well-structured and practised training program. How do you know they're lacking in staff in the day, if you don't mind me asking?
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Jun 22, 2015 16:29
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Large Bronco posted:I volunteered for a student-ran service which was based on the Samaritans model called Nightline (also in the UK). If any student goons are interested in doing something similar, which generally requires slightly less of a commitment than the Samaritans, find out if your university has a Nightline! Awesome. It really is such a good use of a bit of spare time, you're right there when someone really badly needs it. How many shifts do Nightline want you to commit?
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Jun 22, 2015 16:40
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de la peche posted:I have also talked to someone who'd taken an overdose, didn't want an ambulance, and just wanted someone to stay on the phone with her whilst she died. So that's what I did, her breathing eventually slowed, and then there wasn't any more noise, so I stayed on the line for another twenty or so minutes, and then I hung up the phone.  How did you go back after that?
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Jun 22, 2015 16:48
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de la peche posted:You wouldn't be ill equipped when they finished training you. You cover loads of stuff, over a period of a couple of months, before you're allowed anywhere near a phone. They really do have a very well-structured and practised training program. How do you know they're lacking in staff in the day, if you don't mind me asking? The volunteering section of their website says "we really need people to man the phones in the middle of the day" or words to that effect. Can you talk is through the training process? What do they teach you, what kind of exercises etc. The more the better, A/T thrives on stories.
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Jun 22, 2015 16:53
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22 Eargesplitten posted:
I always knew that I'd get one of those calls eventually (they really don't happen that often). You have training in how to deal with them, and you also get a fuckton of support from your branch. After I finished the call (I was shaking a bit, in all fairness), I chatted to another volunteer about how I felt, and I then went and smoked a cigarette (and had a brief cry) before coming back onto the phones. The support network there for volunteers is really good, I can't stress that enough. If you've had a hard call, you can talk it through. It did make me briefly question what I was doing, for sure, but the way I see it is this: I was there, for that poor loving person, who for whatever reason had decided to die. They just wanted someone to be there with them, and I was the closest thing they could get. I imagine that's quite a lonely place. So, even though that was a emotionally difficult evening for me, I think it's too important a service to quit.
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Jun 22, 2015 17:17
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Strom Cuzewon posted:The volunteering section of their website says "we really need people to man the phones in the middle of the day" or words to that effect. It's pretty standard stuff, i think. Lots of role-play. Quite a bit of working through our own feelings surrounding suicide, and whether we fit with the ethical stance of the organisation (some people struggle with some aspects of it). You learn how to deal with abusive calls (you do get a fair few of these). Most of the stuff is done as a group. They also teach us how to remove ourselves from the conversation, to make it all about the person who phoned. No-one on the other end of the phone gives a gently caress what I think about this or that, they need someone to just listen to them; this is something that I was particularly bad at in my private life. I guess we learn (this might sound stupid) how to modulate the tone of our voice a bit, it's really beneficial to have a nice soft tone to your voice when someone's in a bad place, as opposed to my 'normal' voice.
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Jun 22, 2015 17:41
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This is really cool. I'd love if we had something like that locally but we don't. You're a good person for doing stuff like this.
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Jun 22, 2015 18:08
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DismemberedLemon posted:This is really cool. I'd love if we had something like that locally but we don't. It's weird that places don't have organisations like us, we get so many phone calls, emails and texts that we always need more volunteers. This kind of service is clearly in very high demand.
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Jun 22, 2015 18:21
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de la peche posted:It's weird that places don't have organisations like us, we get so many phone calls, emails and texts that we always need more volunteers. This kind of service is clearly in very high demand. Well, I can't speak for everywhere, but here in the Southern US, men are talked up super hard to not ever need to tell anyone their emotions and to never really admit they are sad or need help. It'd probably not be easy to find funding for it, especially in more rural areas.
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Jun 22, 2015 18:23
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de la peche posted:It's pretty standard stuff, i think. Lots of role-play. Quite a bit of working through our own feelings surrounding suicide, and whether we fit with the ethical stance of the organisation (some people struggle with some aspects of it). You learn how to deal with abusive calls (you do get a fair few of these). Most of the stuff is done as a group. They also teach us how to remove ourselves from the conversation, to make it all about the person who phoned. No-one on the other end of the phone gives a gently caress what I think about this or that, they need someone to just listen to them; this is something that I was particularly bad at in my private life. I guess we learn (this might sound stupid) how to modulate the tone of our voice a bit, it's really beneficial to have a nice soft tone to your voice when someone's in a bad place, as opposed to my 'normal' voice. What's the general process with abusive calls? Are you allowed to hang up on someone who's called up just to start swearing at and insulting you? Otherwise do you just stay silent, or try to have an actual conversation?
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Jun 22, 2015 21:34
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DismemberedLemon posted:This is really cool. I'd love if we had something like that locally but we don't. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org Local branches: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/getinvolved/locator.aspx --- I'm a volunteer with Samaritans (same name but not connected to the UK branch) in Boston. I can't answer questions as confidentiality about our callers and our practices is extremely strict. I can say what people really want when they call/text/chat is not "it's okay, it'll get better" but "I believe you" and. most importantly, "holy poo poo man that sucks, I'm so sorry, how are you doing?" (My real name's not terribly obscure but I don't use it on the line; I have an alias nobody outside the office knows. Confidentiality has to happen both on the caller and the listener side, so many people use pseudonyms to keep their real lives off the phones).
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Jun 22, 2015 22:07
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Julio Cruz posted:What's the general process with abusive calls? Are you allowed to hang up on someone who's called up just to start swearing at and insulting you? Otherwise do you just stay silent, or try to have an actual conversation? If someone's just rung up to call me a oval office, for example (this happens), then we can end the call. We do tell them "I am ending this call now", we don't just hang up. We're there to offer "emotional support to people in distress or despair", and someone who doesn't want that help is just stopping someone else who might from getting through. There is a sort-of counter argument to this; if you're ringing us up just to tell us to gently caress off, you've clearly got some issues. These people need some help too, only they won't engage with you, so it's ultimately pointless, we can't reach them. People can be aggressive when they're upset, so I wouldn't necessarily end a call just because someone was getting mad, but if people won't accept what we try to provide, then we're both wasting our time!
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Jun 22, 2015 22:10
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Hoover Dam posted:
Yeah, I probably wouldn't have done this thread if I hadn't seen some other guy's AMA on reddit. There's been a shift where people didn't use to tell anyone they were a Samaritan (I guess because suicide was still a crime so they'd be potentially implicating themselves), but now it's fairly normal to tell people, as it helps to bring in volunteers.
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Jun 22, 2015 22:16
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You're an amazing human being.
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Jun 23, 2015 07:57
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DismemberedLemon posted:Well, I can't speak for everywhere, but here in the Southern US, men are talked up super hard to not ever need to tell anyone their emotions and to never really admit they are sad or need help. It'd probably not be easy to find funding for it, especially in more rural areas. Actually we do have something similar in the US: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ It's confidential and free, and while I have no idea if the training/response is similar but I'd imagine it is. It does say on their site that there is a separate line specifically for veterans, which is probably good because whoever responds there will likely have additional training around PTSD and other disabilities resulting from combat. For the OP: The girl that wanted you to listen to her die That is absolutely brutal, I could never handle that.
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Jun 23, 2015 08:52
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Is it hard to resist giving advice? Would you get in trouble for gently suggesting that there's still time to call an ambulance to that lady ODing while on the phone? What's a basic structure for when somebody phones up and says "I'm going to kill myself." Do you respond with questions like "Why?" to get them talking? Or just some kind of vague commiseration? I think I'd be pretty good at this, but I feel like there's no way I could ever do roleplay even if I could do the real deal. I have this thing where I can't take roleplay seriously, ever. Like I could never practice doctor/patient care. Any time I've ever been asked to pretend to be serious or caring about a fake situation I just burst out laughing. I can't help it 
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Jun 23, 2015 13:30
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de la peche posted:Awesome. It really is such a good use of a bit of spare time, you're right there when someone really badly needs it. How many shifts do Nightline want you to commit? My Nightline asked for 2 shifts per semester minimum, but it varies from University to University. It was definitely an amazing experience, and I'll be looking to join the Samaritans at some point in the future.
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Jun 23, 2015 13:36
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Jeza posted:Is it hard to resist giving advice? Would you get in trouble for gently suggesting that there's still time to call an ambulance to that lady ODing while on the phone? Not giving advice can be really hard sometimes, for sure. You'll talk to people who might be in similar situations to what you've been through yourself, but that's just not what we do. Like I said earlier, I might accidentally cause someone to make their life worse, and then it really is my fault, good intentions be damned. It's difficult sometimes, especially when you think you have the 'right' answer, we all do this over and over with our friends, but it's just not worth the risk. You can, and do, ask if someone would like you to call them an ambulance. Ultimately, it's up to them. They don't always want one, which is their choice as a human being. I'm making it sound quite black and white, I suppose. I'd love them to want an ambulance, but sometimes people really want to end their lives. There are some people whose lives are so bad, they might even be better off that way. I wouldn't say 'Why?", exactly, as it sounds a bit accusative, I'd probably ask "What's got you feeling like this?", which opens the door for them for them to tell me what's going on, if they want to. Most of the time they do want to talk, after all, they've rung up. We try to empathise rather than sympathise, so I'll tell someone "You're allowed to feel this way, from what you've told me, you've got a lot on your plate". The worst thing you can do is to make definite statements; "I've just split up with me wife" - "Oh, that must be awful" - "No, it's great, I hate her", if I make assumptions based on how I'd feel, then I've hosed up. The roleplay stuff, haha. I found it bizarre, never been a strong point of mine. I laugh as well. Again, anecdotally, most callers aren't suicidal, they're just at the point where they need to talk through things with a stranger who'll just listen.
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Jun 23, 2015 13:50
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Do you get repeat callers? Can they request to be connected to you? Can you build a relationship with a caller - like "Oh Mr Watson, how are you feeling today?" Do you get calls from bored people? Like old ladies who want to tell you how they feel about the characters from some soap opera? Can you then fire up Candy Crush and mutter Mhm.. Mhm.. every now and then?
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Jun 23, 2015 14:17
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Doctor Malaver posted:Do you get repeat callers? Can they request to be connected to you? Can you build a relationship with a caller - like "Oh Mr Watson, how are you feeling today?" You do get repeat callers, but they are very unlikely to get through to you, personally, again. Although it does happen sometimes! It's not really encouraged. It's not good for someone ringing us up to come to rely on us long-term, there are loads of better suited organisations for that. And yup, you get bored people. They're similar to the abusive people in that they don't want what we are offering; I can't stay on the phone chatting about the soaps when there could be someone in real need trying to get through, so if they don't need any support, then I'm probably going to (very politely) end the call.
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Jun 23, 2015 14:25
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