Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«22 »
  • Locked thread
Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Solice Kirsk posted:

Also, how much pixie parts/dust do we have left? Enough for one more use or can we squeeze two or three out of them?

There are enough Pixie Bits for one "use", whatever that means. According to the rambling discussion on the online forums Pixie Bits come from a different part of the pixie than the Grindings so they don't have the same effect.


So far we're keeping the armour on, and for whatever bizarre reason we're going to eat that huge testicle right in front of the elves with the condiments (4 votes) or head on over to the tower to join forces with that wizard (3 votes)

Will check back in a couple hours to see what everyone wants to do.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

BadgerSeat
Feb 28, 2006

Would you like to see where I keep my severed heads?

Get payment upfront, defeat the skeletons hidden inside the elves, go meet the wizard

Budgie Jumping
Aug 27, 2007

Bonus.


Eat the testicle, slay and scalp the elves and go meet wizard adorned in elf-scalps.

Wait, no: Reverse that. Save the testicle and eat it in front of the wizard, adorned in elf-scalps.

Budgie Jumping fucked around with this message at Jul 9, 2015 around 18:27

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously


Beyond sane knolls posted:

Eat the testicle, slay and scalp the elves and go meet wizard adorned in elf-scalps.

Wait, no: Reverse that. Save the testicle and eat it in front of the wizard, adorned in elf-scalps.

I like this, but we should be economical about our kin slaying. We shouldn't just take the scalps and leave the blood for the next adventurer. This is our chance to move on from being a half elf to becoming a 60%, even 75% elf! I say we:

-Eat the testicle in front of the elves to cow them into submission and take prisoner

-March them up to the Wizards tower

-Offer the wizard jewelry and money to transfuse as much elf blood into us as possible

RC Cola
Aug 1, 2011

Dovie'andi se tovya sagain


Mojo Threepwood posted:

I like this, but we should be economical about our kin slaying. We shouldn't just take the scalps and leave the blood for the next adventurer. This is our chance to move on from being a half elf to becoming a 60%, even 75% elf! I say we:

-Eat the testicle in front of the elves to cow them into submission and take prisoner

-March them up to the Wizards tower

-Offer the wizard jewelry and money to transfuse as much elf blood into us as possible

I change my vote to this.

Darth Llama
Aug 13, 2004



RC Cola posted:

I change my vote to this.

Yeah, this route sounds fun and dangerous. Let's do it.

Jenkem Delivery
Feb 8, 2005

Death created time to grow the things that it would kill

Mojo Threepwood posted:

I like this, but we should be economical about our kin slaying. We shouldn't just take the scalps and leave the blood for the next adventurer. This is our chance to move on from being a half elf to becoming a 60%, even 75% elf! I say we:

-Eat the testicle in front of the elves to cow them into submission and take prisoner

-March them up to the Wizards tower

-Offer the wizard jewelry and money to transfuse as much elf blood into us as possible

Also changing my vote to this

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.


Mojo Threepwood posted:

I like this, but we should be economical about our kin slaying. We shouldn't just take the scalps and leave the blood for the next adventurer. This is our chance to move on from being a half elf to becoming a 60%, even 75% elf! I say we:

-Eat the testicle in front of the elves to cow them into submission and take prisoner

-March them up to the Wizards tower

-Offer the wizard jewelry and money to transfuse as much elf blood into us as possible

Yeah, that's brilliant.

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004





On the one hand, I'm adamantly opposed to being MORE elf because gently caress that

On the other hand, there's basically a 0% chance of this working out to make us the only 3/4 elf in all of the lands and probably something horrible will happen resulting in the deaths of all full blood elves in the area.

so, I'm down

almost1337
Jun 14, 2013

The male likpatons turn around the nucleus formed of female boobons and neutral bolsterons


Mojo Threepwood posted:

I like this, but we should be economical about our kin slaying. We shouldn't just take the scalps and leave the blood for the next adventurer. This is our chance to move on from being a half elf to becoming a 60%, even 75% elf! I say we:

-Eat the testicle in front of the elves to cow them into submission and take prisoner

-March them up to the Wizards tower

-Offer the wizard jewelry and money to transfuse as much elf blood into us as possible

This, but save the testicle and jewels. After all, making demands of a powerful Wizard will take a lot of balls.

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

almost1337 posted:

This, but save the testicle and jewels. After all, making demands of a powerful Wizard will take a lot of balls.

A_Bug_That_Thinks
Mar 16, 2011


ASK ME ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE BIG SAGGY POKEMON TITS

Poison the whole campsite!. It'll be days before they get to town.

Eat the teste. Cow the elves

Become double-elf...?

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Assuming whatever 'surprise' these elves have got isn't just a stick enchanted to look like a stick or the magical treasure that was within you all along (it is)

I see you've read your Bestiary (or any of the other books in this series, elves are always pretty crap in these gamebooks):



So any plan involving screwing them over is probably a good one.

Mojo Threepwood posted:

I like this, but we should be economical about our kin slaying. We shouldn't just take the scalps and leave the blood for the next adventurer. This is our chance to move on from being a half elf to becoming a 60%, even 75% elf! I say we:

-Eat the testicle in front of the elves to cow them into submission and take prisoner

-March them up to the Wizards tower

-Offer the wizard jewelry and money to transfuse as much elf blood into us as possible

This looks to be the popular plan, but these books being what they are we're going to have to go one step at a time to get there, and you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and elves, etc.

MAIN QUEST UPDATE

The scanner is working again today after some persuasion. Here's yesterday's page:



Obviously going with the second option here as it's more likely to lead to the plan y'all have picked out. Turning to 192:



A pretty tough fight, but oddly it's limited to three rounds. We don't have the option to throw this one completely, but we could expend minimum Effort (1 per round - or 2 with the shield) to see what's coming up after 3 rounds.
We could also just kick the hell out of these elves as hard as possible because it's what Elvis would do and because it means they'll be weaker when we go to finish them off later on.

No change to the adventure sheet this time round.

-------------------------------------------------

UNDERGROUND WITH KAROL UPDATE

317



Once again, only one way forward (or back). But we're getting to the end of this maze I think. Karol's card doesn't do anything here because 347 is the page where we poisoned the dick knight with the pixie grindings a while back.

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

Gilganixon posted:

MAIN QUEST UPDATE


PHRASE: "GOT A LOT OF BALLS" DETECTED
EXECUTE PHALLOKNIGHT PROTOCOL
GO DIRECTLY TO PAGE 215

Porgie Tirebiter
Aug 17, 2004

Hulk is perplexed by futures market! SMAAAASH!


curses. already got ahead.

almost1337
Jun 14, 2013

The male likpatons turn around the nucleus formed of female boobons and neutral bolsterons


Dr Cheeto posted:

PHRASE: "GOT A LOT OF BALLS" DETECTED
EXECUTE PHALLOKNIGHT PROTOCOL
GO DIRECTLY TO PAGE 215

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004





Dr Cheeto posted:

PHRASE: "GOT A LOT OF BALLS" DETECTED
EXECUTE PHALLOKNIGHT PROTOCOL
GO DIRECTLY TO PAGE 215

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Yes, yes, very clever. The entry on 215 makes sense but sometimes using your items like this is a bad idea - we lost the Pole this way after all. So the choice is:

1) Terminate the elves with [maximum/minimum] prejudice or
2) Activate testicle

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004





Gilganixon posted:

2) Activate testicle

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

I don't actually have the cojones to risk the testicle beating up some stupid elves so

Gilganixon posted:

1) Terminate the elves with [maximum/minimum] prejudice or

Dr Cheeto fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2015 around 00:44

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously


Gilganixon posted:

1) Terminate the elves with [minimum] prejudice or

We need that blood. We could become a 110% elf, more than Jeff ever could

Porgie Tirebiter
Aug 17, 2004

Hulk is perplexed by futures market! SMAAAASH!


Gilganixon posted:

2) Activate testicle

almost1337
Jun 14, 2013

The male likpatons turn around the nucleus formed of female boobons and neutral bolsterons


Gilganixon posted:

Yes, yes, very clever. The entry on 215 makes sense but sometimes using your items like this is a bad idea - we lost the Pole this way after all. So the choice is:

1) Terminate the elves with [maximum/minimum] prejudice or
2) Activate testicle

When you put it like that, I vote that we save the testicle and terminate the elves with maximum predjudice and haul their remains up to the Wizard as an offering - elf skeletons in (slightly damaged) fleshy gift wrap.

Arkanomen
May 6, 2007

All he wants is a hug


Activate deez nuts

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.


Save the balls and beat those bitches with everything we got!

Karol path:
Sally forth!

SaltyJesus
Jun 2, 2011

Arf!


terminate the elves with maximum prejudice

King of Bleh
Mar 2, 2007

A kingdom of rats.


use no items, throw the fight with minimum effort.

Atma
Sep 16, 2002



College Slice

i mean really. what is it gonna take to eat some balls here

edit:

make a show out of eating the testicle. stop all other actions, ignore every person.

find a place to set a table and make a very deliberate effort at eating the testicle and savoring every bite. respond to no greetings.

look as many people in the eye as you can while you chew each bite.

say no words until every bit of the testicle is consumed.

when you are finished, stand up in complete silence and never acknowledge that it ever happened.

Atma fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2015 around 05:34

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

Gilganixon posted:

1) Terminate the elves with [maximum] prejudice
gently caress you, Jeff! You're all Jeff and you're all dead!

vrath
Jul 6, 2015

Buy 1 get 1 bottle of Lysol FREE!


mvo posted:

Gilganixon posted:


2) Activate testicle


Pros Don't Fake

BadgerSeat
Feb 28, 2006

Would you like to see where I keep my severed heads?

Save the testicle, fight the elves

Ponderous Saxon
Jan 5, 2010


Fallen Rib

Go maximum overkill, make sure you leave one elven bloodbag alive.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

IT'S INCISIVE COMMENTARY!



Fun Shoe

Pfff haven't you all learned by now that saving your big items just in case you need them later means you never use them at all Activate testicle.

Monkey Fracas
Sep 11, 2010

...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!


Grimey Drawer

Straight up fight those worthless elves.

Half of them will probably give up out of sheer laziness halfway through the second round

Monkey Fracas fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2015 around 13:34

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


loquacius posted:

Pfff haven't you all learned by now that saving your big items just in case you need them later means you never use them at all Activate testicle.

Engage :Picard:

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Throw the elf off balance by mocking the inferior quality of the toys they make and also their servitude to the human sorcerer known as Santa Claus.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Main quest update:

Nine people wanted to fight the elves vs seven for activating the testicle. Of those that wanted to fight the elves the majority wanted to beat the hell out of them, so we're going to do that.

First we have to fight three combat rounds against what appears to be kind of a weak opponent but is actually really vicious because they collectively have one Fist.

Gaggle of Elves - Effort 9 - Toughness 5 - Fists 1

To stand a real chance of hurting them we need to use the maximum Effort possible, which is 9 (our Elan score). With the loss of the Sweet Belt we now have only 2 fists and our enemy has 1. This means that with equal effort we should win most of the time against them, and this is actually what happens but at a large cost.

Round 1 : I use 9 Effort and roll 6 and 2 on our Fist dice. I roll 5 on their dice. The elves lose 1 toughness. We lose one extra effort because of the effect of our shield.
Round 2 : Again using 9 effort. I roll a 5 and a 2 for us and 1 for them. The elves lose another toughness and are down to 3. We again lose that extra point of effort.
Round 3: 9 effort again, I roll a 5 and 1 for us and 6 for them. They win that round, we spent 10 effort for no effect.


In the end we knock off two of their toughness at a cost of 30 effort. Even sort of winning fights in this game can really suck.

Turning to 181:



It was probably worth going all-out against these elves, since they had the potential to kick us nearly to death if we didn't.

They have 3 Toughness left and I roll 3 dice, all of them under 5. We get lucky and escape unharmed. Until the skeletons show up.

What do we do now? We don't have to fight the skeleton if we don't want to, but either way we'd better have a plan in case things go sideways.

Adventure sheet, note that we're pretty close to dying of a lack of effort.

PS : I intended to scan in the secondary questline update and a skeleton bestiary entry, but as you can see the scanner is borked. I'll try again tomorrow.

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at Jul 12, 2015 around 01:46

Atma
Sep 16, 2002



College Slice

eat the testicle as a minor action

then

roll for digestion

Monkey Fracas
Sep 11, 2010

...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!


Grimey Drawer

Join the skeletons in beating the everloving crap out of the remaining elves.

But like let the skeletons do the heavy lifting, man

Monkey Fracas fucked around with this message at Jul 11, 2015 around 02:27

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004





Monkey Fracas posted:

Join the skeletons in beating the everloving crap out of the remaining elves.

But like let the skeletons do the heavy lifting, man

This exactly, 1 effort tops, 0 if we can swing it. At 21 effort we'll likely die before we can even win a fight that's going in our favor at this point. We should also do what we can to curry the favor of the Necrolockzard in yonder tower window

  • Locked thread
«22 »