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  • Locked thread
RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

There's usually archery contests nearby these camps right?

Dare them to shoot an apple off your head

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Two Free Toppings
Jul 1, 2007

SUCK
THE
SHIT
OUT
OF
MY
OWN
ASSHOLE


Sounds good but aren't we out of ground pixie? The knight snorted our whole stash I think.

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously


Peebla posted:

Sounds good but aren't we out of ground pixie? The knight snorted our whole stash I think.

We used the pixie grindings we had, but we still have pixie bits to make more. Let's grind it up with the cockeye to see what happens.

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

Sure
+1 to stealth feeding them pixie giblets

Two Free Toppings
Jul 1, 2007

SUCK
THE
SHIT
OUT
OF
MY
OWN
ASSHOLE


Mojo Threepwood posted:

We used the pixie grindings we had, but we still have pixie bits to make more. Let's grind it up with the cockeye to see what happens.

See, that is good thinking. I'm with you on this plan.

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW


I may be a bit late on this, but shouldn't we Skin the demonic scrotum and turn it into a comfy leather armor set for our elf? The toughness of the hide and the lightness of the weight is perfect for our scrawny body.

RC Cola
Aug 1, 2011

Dovie'andi se tovya sagain


Mojo Threepwood posted:

Walk into their camp and ask if you can share their stewpot. Add pixie bits, and when it is time to eat excuse yourself to pee behind a tree. Wait ten minutes for the pixie bits to take effect, then emerge wearing only the helmet and pixie cloak.

This

Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007




Walk up and greet them. You remember a little Humanese from Mom's old phrasebook. Approach the eldest matriarch and say "Hey, baby nice tits." This apparently translates to "greetings, elder superior. I have peaceful intent."

damn horror queefs
Oct 14, 2005

say hello
say hello to the man in the elevator


Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Mojo Threepwood posted:

Walk into their camp and ask if you can share their stewpot. Add pixie bits, and when it is time to eat excuse yourself to pee behind a tree. Wait ten minutes for the pixie bits to take effect, then emerge wearing only the helmet and pixie cloak.

Mojo Threepwood posted:

We used the pixie grindings we had, but we still have pixie bits to make more. Let's grind it up with the cockeye to see what happens.


A few votes for this. Wander into the camp, say hello, poison them with the rotting animal bits you're lugging around while their backs are turned.


RandomPauI posted:

There's usually archery contests nearby these camps right?

Dare them to shoot an apple off your head

Grand Prize Winner posted:

Walk up and greet them. You remember a little Humanese from Mom's old phrasebook. Approach the eldest matriarch and say "Hey, baby nice tits." This apparently translates to "greetings, elder superior. I have peaceful intent."

A couple votes for something roughly along the lines of "go in and say hello, don't poison anyone but still be a huge dick about it."

Al Borland posted:

I may be a bit late on this, but shouldn't we Skin the demonic scrotum and turn it into a comfy leather armor set for our elf? The toughness of the hide and the lightness of the weight is perfect for our scrawny body.

That thing is rotting several hours behind us, and the Elf knows as much about making leather armour as he does about anything else.

WIll check back in a couple hours then scan the pages in. I don't want to scan more than I have to because it damages the book and because the book somehow rips me to pieces every time I touch it. Doc says I might lose that fingat

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at Jul 6, 2015 around 17:06

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011


ah, finally, oblivion


poison 'em

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Update

We're a little over half way through this playthrough, I think!



Naturally we're going to poison them (221):



Since we're walking right up to these guys and saying "hello" the book is checking on how horrible we look. We scored 15/10 by my count, which is unbearably horrible.



We use our Cockeye and Pixie Bits as per the thread's instructions. This will be important later on. And we get into a fight with a sort of tough opponent.

So a three-part question here:

1.Do we fight the guard? If so, how much effort should we sink into it? If we lose we'll wind up in the Bilgeton dungeon probably with all of our loot gone.

2. What two items are we stealing from the tent? The loot cards associated with this room are things you'd find in a noble's tent, crap like musical instruments, weapons, fancy clothes, money, etc.

3. If we aren't getting nabbed by the guards, how do we escape?

As usual, the adventure sheet:

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at Jul 7, 2015 around 23:56

Schwza
Apr 28, 2008



Take the nobles codpiece. It will likely be lavishly adorned and command respect from others.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006



Grimey Drawer

Nobility like to travel with a holy relic or two. See if there are any clumps of a saint's hair tied with a ribbon made of gold, a shriveled hand holding a rosary which is said to grant wishes, or vials of blood with holy symbols on the stopper that could save someone from death, maybe even diamond amulets said to be so good and holy they can order around the forces of evil.

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004





Oh my god, best update yet. Someone please avatarize our noble hero in the PhalloHelm. Forgot about that one, the artist must have had so much fun drawing that with all the little details to wrap up in a bow how goddamned insane our first day from home was.

And the ants! I knew I remembered right

As for the adventure, I vote we book it, choosing not to fight the guard because best case scenario is we're gonna get jumped by his buddies before we can loot anything and he probably won't give chase too far.

As for loot, we need something to go with our Sweet Belt and incredible PhalloHelm so I vote we snag a Fancy Doublet and Bejeweled Codpiece to complete our ensemble.

As our goal was to poison them and steal all their stuff, and we are now stealing their stuff, I vote we save our potent hallucinogens for a later date and instead steal some of their grub on the way out, if it is already in a bowl or something we can steal on the run

We should definitely steal a horse, but as we are heading to the city where the noble lives we should take care to ditch it a mile or two before the city is visible so as not to draw attention

edit -

RandomPauI posted:

Nobility like to travel with a holy relic or two. See if there are any clumps of a saint's hair tied with a ribbon made of gold, a shriveled hand holding a rosary which is said to grant wishes, or vials of blood with holy symbols on the stopper that could save someone from death, maybe even diamond amulets said to be so good and holy they can order around the forces of evil.

This, except whatever relic we get we should wear as a codpiece

Jenkem Delivery
Feb 8, 2005

Death created time to grow the things that it would kill

Let's take his family heirloom sword and his jeweled holy relic codpiece

Also throw some hot stew at the guard to scald/distract him then hightail it on a horse outta there

Edit- And save the hallucinogens!

Jenkem Delivery fucked around with this message at Jul 7, 2015 around 02:52

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

Epic High Five posted:

As our goal was to poison them and steal all their stuff, and we are now stealing their stuff, I vote we save our potent hallucinogens for a later date and instead steal some of their grub on the way out, if it is already in a bowl or something we can steal on the run

This

HBar
Sep 13, 2007

I LOVE THEM APPLES





Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004





HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Poland Spring
Sep 11, 2005


HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011


ah, finally, oblivion


HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.


HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously


HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011




HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Chewbaccanator
Apr 7, 2010


HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

RC Cola
Aug 1, 2011

Dovie'andi se tovya sagain


HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

almost1337
Jun 14, 2013

The male likpatons turn around the nucleus formed of female boobons and neutral bolsterons


HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves


HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

I hate this book and I hate Railrunner and I hate Thunderbark and I hate Black Magic and I hate everything they stand for.

HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Two Free Toppings
Jul 1, 2007

SUCK
THE
SHIT
OUT
OF
MY
OWN
ASSHOLE


Goddamn.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

everyone else posted:



Honestly didn't think you'd spot that, you clever bastards. Karol-heavy update tonight.

I never noticed this before but if you don't take the Dungeoneering Pole at the start you miss out on a lot of content.

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004





Gilganixon posted:

Honestly didn't think you'd spot that, you clever bastards. Karol-heavy update tonight.

I never noticed this before but if you don't take the Dungeoneering Pole at the start you miss out on a lot of content.

Yeah I'm pretty sure he was originally meant to be a companion when the whole thing was written, but the publishers thought the pun was too high brow and would confuse people and that nobody wanted to worry about another character in addition to their own, so poor Karol got relegated to an optional helper role

It's no coincidence that if you chase off Karol (tough to do, considering the wombat thing only disgusts him) pretty much all of your stories end with you falling into a pit and being skewered on spikes or breaking a leg and crying for days until you die. It's also why, unlike almost every other companion in every other RPG ever, you can't just give him a sword and shield and tell him to do your fighting for you. It's never explicitly stated but I'm PRETTY sure he thinks you're an idiot and it's his job to keep you from getting killed.

Radical and BADical!
Jun 27, 2010

by Lowtax


Fun Shoe

Epic High Five posted:

Yeah I'm pretty sure he was originally meant to be a companion when the whole thing was written, but the publishers thought the pun was too high brow and would confuse people and that nobody wanted to worry about another character in addition to their own, so poor Karol got relegated to an optional helper role

It's no coincidence that if you chase off Karol (tough to do, considering the wombat thing only disgusts him) pretty much all of your stories end with you falling into a pit and being skewered on spikes or breaking a leg and crying for days until you die. It's also why, unlike almost every other companion in every other RPG ever, you can't just give him a sword and shield and tell him to do your fighting for you. It's never explicitly stated but I'm PRETTY sure he thinks you're an idiot and it's his job to keep you from getting killed.

He definitely thinks we're idiots considering how well he knew our father and ha ha ha I just ruined the big reveal in Sword of the Bastard Elf IV: The Third Sequel: The Prequel

Epic High Five
Jun 5, 2004






This image is still cracking me up a day later, fantastic

Radical and BADical!
Jun 27, 2010

by Lowtax


Fun Shoe

HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Zulily Zoetrope
Jun 1, 2011





Muldoon

HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Main quest update



Skipping ahead to 68 we get:



So no more Karol (for a while at least). In return we get a much easier fight, a "potion" (really a food ration), 200 gold pieces and an extra item from the tent.

Here's the Marching Potion:



Main quest decisions:

1. Do we still want to contaminate the camp with mixed pixie bits and the cockeye?
2. Fight the guard or get captured? (not fighting the guard is the same as losing as far as the book is concerned, we will be captured)
3. Assuming we are not captured, what 3 items do we take before making a break for it? And by what means should we escape?

Adventure sheet :


-----------------------------------------------------

Alternate timeline update



Options are to carry on or go back, as usual. Not much of a maze really.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.


Save the hallucinogenic pixie parts for another day, and shove any religious relics, cod pieces, and musical instruments into our bag. Carve "Jeff was here poo poo-birds!" Onto something valuable if there's time (never hurts to cause some problems for Jeff) and if not, hop on a horse and let's get the hell out of here!

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Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

With our luck, Jeff will be hailed as a hero or something.
I also think we should carve his name somewhere.

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