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Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003



three fists, thanks to our manbat adventure!!

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tote up a bags
Jun 8, 2006

die stoats die


Drink you huge nerd

taco season
Oct 10, 2014



College Slice

eate the pixiee!

pixaal
Jan 8, 2004

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

Toilet Rascal

Quaff potion, eat pixie .

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Drink

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Thanks for your patience, lots of scanning tonight and a crappy scanner. Anyway I counted 10 for attacking (including eating and enslaving as attacking, because those are pretty aggressive moves), 9 for drinking the suspicious potion off that weird tree trunk, and 1 for begging for mercy. Attacking it is...





That Pixie has a Fist score, which means you have to roll a dice and add it to his Effort score. You must beat that score to win.

I decided to spend 5 Effort to pummel him, since we have 3 Fists and he has only 1. He'd have to get a 6 to win a round, and he got a 4. His Effort score is 9, so we need a total of 10 to win.

I rolled 6, 3 and 3. Taking the highest of those scores and adding it to that 5 Effort gives us 11, which beats him.


That actually cost us 6 Effort because of the shield. Moving on to 95...



Well, you asked for it (64):



Two things going on here. Before we continue with the fun and awesome consequences of eating the corpses of sentient beings:

almost1337 posted:

>skip to 63

This was when we were back in the Bat Cave on page 33 and I promised to eventually show you this path too. This leads to one of the game's endings so I will follow along with this path while we progress through the main story. We'll continue into the passage as the other option just goes back to the choice about the Goblins or the Pixies.

Leaving that to future updates, we're cannibals now (sort of), and tripping balls at that. We lose 1 Elan until we sober up and it's time to roll for potion effects.




Rolling 2D6 on the potion table, I get

pixaal posted:

Drink the potion and pray to whatever god you believe resides over luck for a 4 or 5. Grandma was always an rear end in a top hat and we need to put her down.

Harald posted:

>find the #1 GILF

1 and 3. Grandma! Here's her entry from the Bestiary:



Grandma's bad news, she's Effort 12 and we're down a point of Elan. We can still swing it using the maximum effort of 7... and I did it, taking three rounds and costing 24 Effort after the shield is taken into consideration. We're down to 53 Effort.

Having survived that bad trip we move on to our next decision:



What's the next move?

up to date Adventure sheet:

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at Jun 29, 2015 around 07:49

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Sleep on a pile of pixie corpses.

Also make a note of the inscription from section 63 for later.

J.D.Salinate
May 18, 2014


Even the baddest of asses knows not to fall asleep at the scene of a multiple homicide that is located in a dank swamp right next door to the friends and family of your victims. Push through and GTFO.

Take a Pixie limb for pointing and future balls-tripping.

[edit]: Actually, now I think about it, loot those little shits before we go. Could have some passable swag.

J.D.Salinate fucked around with this message at Jun 29, 2015 around 02:38

almost1337
Jun 14, 2013

The male likpatons turn around the nucleus formed of female boobons and neutral bolsterons


Take the trap potion for future poisoning, then hide in a tree.

Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012
Probation
Can't post for 21 days!


Pillbug

elf eat the pxie

BadgerSeat
Feb 28, 2006

Would you like to see where I keep my severed heads?

Loot any nearby pixie corpses and perhaps hack off a pixie head, it may come in handy for poisoning someone on the future. head In the direction of the road to bilgeton.

BadgerSeat fucked around with this message at Jun 29, 2015 around 07:13

Arkanomen
May 6, 2007

All he wants is a hug


have a quick post slaying wank at the ol' murder boner and take a nap

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Build a decoy of yourself and have it "sleep" somewhere obvious while you snooze safely in a nearby hiding place.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Slightly more in favour taking of a nap, and the Elf will definitely pick over the corpses for loot and such. Will check back in a couple of hours then go with the most popular/funniest option.

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

Upload the shitposts directly into my brain!

Before sleeping make sure to position the corpses to make it look like the pixies committed a murder-canibalism-suicide-pact type scenario which, as anyone who is anyone obviously already knows, pixies are well known for doing quite often.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Who What Now posted:

Before sleeping make sure to position the corpses to make it look like the pixies committed a murder-canibalism-suicide-pact type scenario which, as anyone who is anyone obviously already knows, pixies are well known for doing quite often.

Radical and BADical!
Jun 27, 2010

by Lowtax


Fun Shoe

sleep under a pile of dead pixes

Arkanomen
May 6, 2007

All he wants is a hug


Skin them and make a blanket out of their hides. Pixie leather is known for its magical properties.

pixaal
Jan 8, 2004

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

Toilet Rascal

Grind then up and bottle them into potions so you can sell them in town. Use 6 effort no more.

A_Bug_That_Thinks
Mar 16, 2011


ASK ME ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE BIG SAGGY POKEMON TITS

pixaal posted:

Grind then up and bottle them into potions so you can sell them in town. Use 6 effort no more.

Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012
Probation
Can't post for 21 days!


Pillbug

Claven666 posted:

sleep under a pile of dead pixes

no

> sleep over a pile of dead pixies


pixaal posted:

Grind then up and bottle them into potions so you can sell them in town. Use 6 effort no more.

> make lines of one ground pixie and snort it

Garth_Marenghi
Nov 7, 2011



Hogge Wild posted:

> make lines of one ground pixie and snort it
PIXIE STIX?

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Some good news : I've finally found a new copy of this book on Ebay! Should be with us for tomorrow's update. No more torn, old pages gumming up the scanner!



UPDATE



We chose to mess around with the corpses, get some looting in, and take a nap.So, page 50.



Why, yes, we are tripping balls, thank you for asking. Seeing how the solution to covering up our murder spree is pretty straight forward, I can't see how...





oh.

Loot first:


plus 400 teeth for the cost of 11 Effort (10 Effort plus the shield). Not a bad trade-off.

Anyway we've summoned something. Turning to the relevant table...
...
It's been torn out. Great.

If any of you have a working memory of this book or, better still, are reading along with your own copy, could you please roll on the table and let me know what abomination we've let loose on the world with our horrible, horrible choices?

Adventure sheet :

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

I don't have this book, but the Two-Fisted Fantasy Forums have a whole thread dedicated to hating on The Prince of Shards. Apparently he's "really creepy" and has a "weird face." Gave a lot of kids nightmares back in the day. He might be the monster summoned here.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Gilganixon posted:

Some good news : I've finally found a new copy of this book on Ebay! Should be with us for tomorrow's update. No more torn, old pages gumming up the scanner!



225 pounds is pretty steep. That's what I call dedication!

Arkanomen
May 6, 2007

All he wants is a hug


Demon summoning table if I recall was, of course 3d6 for stats with an additional 1d10 for a type.

1: Minor Imp
2: Shade
3: Animated Skeleton
4: Sex Demon
5: Sexy Demon
6: Cacodemon
7: Creepy Uncle
8: Hell Knight
9: Satan
0: Angel

I think I remember also that type and stats were disconnected because of the nature of chaos and all that. It was more for fluff for jerk players that tried to go all evil and that. We are an elf, not a demon wrangler.


Looks like it's a Shade with

6x2: 12 Effort
4x1: 4 Toughness
2x1: 2 fists

Then again, I don't have the book or cards and we always just house ruled the game.

Either way I think I remember one of the options was to Throw Pixie dust at the demon and run!

Arkanomen fucked around with this message at Jun 30, 2015 around 02:21

BadgerSeat
Feb 28, 2006

Would you like to see where I keep my severed heads?

Whatever it is, play a game of chess with it for ridiculously high stakes

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot


BadgerSeat posted:

Whatever it is, play a game of chess with it for ridiculously high stakes

almost1337
Jun 14, 2013

The male likpatons turn around the nucleus formed of female boobons and neutral bolsterons


BadgerSeat posted:

Whatever it is, play a game of chess with it for ridiculously high stakes

Han Solomon
Mar 7, 2015

BOUND
AND
GAGGED


BadgerSeat posted:

Whatever it is, play a game of chess with it for ridiculously high stakes

Odysseus S. Grant
Oct 12, 2011

Cats is the oldest and strongest emotion
of mankind



Wait a second...



Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is


Grimey Drawer

Now who was first?

And who are those guys anyways...

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

What the fuck am I even saying?


I kinda remember them having this book at the library and while I don't remember all the options on the table the one that kinda stuck out was the souls of all the newly damned pixies, bound to serve the one who raised them. I don't remember what a batallion of mutilated hell pixies were good for tho

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

I kinda remember them having this book at the library and while I don't remember all the options on the table the one that kinda stuck out was the souls of all the newly damned pixies, bound to serve the one who raised them. I don't remember what a batallion of mutilated hell pixies were good for tho

The Pixie Revenant? It's about as much use as an equivalent number of live pixies.

A_Bug_That_Thinks
Mar 16, 2011


ASK ME ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE BIG SAGGY POKEMON TITS

Negative-us. A tripped out and giant pixie, cloaked in elf skin, who fell through a hell portal he made with elf limbs while tripping out on potions. Complete with negative-inventory

Speleothing
May 6, 2008

Spare batteries are pretty key.

Fun Shoe

I called my cousin and had him roll one for us on his copy of the book:
Large PhalloKnight (pg 98)

But he was giggling a lot, so I think he may have just chosen the one with the grossest picture.

Speleothing fucked around with this message at Jun 30, 2015 around 14:00

Poland Spring
Sep 11, 2005


Hmm, seems like people have copies from different editions. I hear that some of the demons pissed off some Christian mom groups or something, so they had to reprint with something tamer.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Poland Spring posted:

Hmm, seems like people have copies from different editions. I hear that some of the demons pissed off some Christian mom groups or something, so they had to reprint with something tamer.

Yeah, a bunch of Christian groups went around and ripped out a bunch of pages from any copy they could find. A lot of what's in the few copies still floating around are fan inserts to make the books playable again. Anyway, if the thread could pick one of these, I'd be most obliged. They're all respectable choices.

The Prince of Shards
A Shade
Undead Pixie Behemoth
Negative-us
Large PhalloKnight
One-Eyed Willy
Some other godforsaken thing



Arkanomen posted:

I think I remember also that type and stats were disconnected because of the nature of chaos and all that. It was more for fluff for jerk players that tried to go all evil and that. We are an elf, not a demon wrangler.

Looks like it's a Shade with

6x2: 12 Effort
4x1: 4 Toughness
2x1: 2 fists


The stats for all the demons on that chart are ridiculous. That Shade would pull the elf apart like a delicious rotisserie chicken.

E: vvv added

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at Jun 30, 2015 around 16:26

pixaal
Jan 8, 2004

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

Toilet Rascal

I think there was a one eyed Willy. It was a floating eyeball with oddly shaped tentacles.

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Arkanomen
May 6, 2007

All he wants is a hug


Gilganixon posted:


The stats for all the demons on that chart are ridiculous. That Shade would pull the elf apart like a delicious rotisserie chicken.

E: vvv added


Yeah, it was to basically punish idiots who thought an elf can solo a demon. I think in my edition the act of killing a demon just summons another. Taking you in a loop through pages until you picked the run option, but yeah, Phalloknight sounds right.

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