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  • Locked thread
almost1337
Jun 14, 2013

The male likpatons turn around the nucleus formed of female boobons and neutral bolsterons


I definitely remember the PhalloKnight being one of the more interesting options - much moreso than the Shade, at least. Unfortunately, I also recall The Prince of Shards as the only one who you could actually beat in chess. One of my favorite almost-wins was challenging The Prince of Shards to a high stakes chess game played with pieces made from pixie bits.

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Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

almost1337 posted:

I definitely remember the PhalloKnight being one of the more interesting options - much moreso than the Shade, at least. Unfortunately, I also recall The Prince of Shards as the only one who you could actually beat in chess. One of my favorite almost-wins was challenging The Prince of Shards to a high stakes chess game played with pieces made from pixie bits.

That's right. If you guys want to challenge the demon to chess then it'll have to be the Prince of Shards. Each demon has its own smart-assed way to defeat it.

Anyway, because I wasn't lying about following the thread on the secret tunnel in the bat cave earlier (starting at 63):





Decision here is just go left or go back.

You might have noticed that the second post in this thread is being kept updated with the story so far. I'll add a section for the bat cave choices. From now on all of the main questline stuff will be scanned from my new book - the alternate line will be from the old book, because I've already scanned most of the pages involved. This'll make the updates easy to tell apart, but to avoid confusion please let me know which questline you're talking about if you make suggestions.

MONKEY TRASH!
Jan 8, 2006



(Temple) go left.

hoping that Karol will go first, to block darts, boulders, fiendish rats, lava and/or cave-ins with his ungainly polish frame

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

I believe we can narrow our demon down to Prince of Shards, Shade and Phalloknight.

Bestiary entry on those three, might help give you some idea of what we're dealing with:



Pick whichever one looks the most like what the elf deserves.

Han Solomon
Mar 7, 2015

BOUND
AND
GAGGED


That cock armour is badass

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011


ah, finally, oblivion


i know the phalloknight is going to win but i need to vote with my heart for the Prince of Shards

Poland Spring
Sep 11, 2005


well everyone knows elves are thirsty for dick so PHALLOKNIGHT

Dr Cheeto
Mar 2, 2013


Wretched Harp

Arrhythmia posted:

i know the phalloknight is going to win but i need to vote with my heart for the Prince of Shards

same

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

It's obviously Phalloknight, who are we kidding.

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously


Dual wielding that sword and axe would make our next genocide go smoother. Voting Shade. Let's wager the Pole's children.

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012
I POSTED ON SOMETHINGAWFUL AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID REDTEXT.


For some reason I can't stop thinking that this fantasy world is the legacy of Space Tits and rear end after they settled a new world 5000 years later.

Stop posting so much Applewhite, its confusing me.

Chard
Aug 24, 2010




Hair Elf

Shade, hes gotta juggle all those blades and that will weaken his chess game

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

I kind of want to see the Prince of Shards make a weird nightmare face if we beat it.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

pentyne posted:

For some reason I can't stop thinking that this fantasy world is the legacy of Space Tits and rear end after they settled a new world 5000 years later.

Stop posting so much Applewhite, its confusing me.

SotBE is so much better than ST&A in terms of effort, execution and humor that I'm insulted on Gilganixon's behalf that you would confuse the two.

Obscil
Feb 27, 2012

PLEASE LIKE ME!

Phalloknight

BadgerSeat
Feb 28, 2006

Would you like to see where I keep my severed heads?

My brain says prince of shards and my penis says phalloknight. I don't know which one to listen to

FRINGE
May 23, 2003


Applewhite posted:

I kind of want to see the Prince of Shards make a weird nightmare face if we beat it.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011





want that dick knight as an avatar

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

IT'S INCISIVE COMMENTARY!



Fun Shoe

Dickbutt Phalloknight

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003



out-dick the dicknight

HJE-Cobra
Jul 15, 2007

Bear Witness

Hell Gem

Gilganixon posted:

That's right. If you guys want to challenge the demon to chess then it'll have to be the Prince of Shards. Each demon has its own smart-assed way to defeat it.

Anyway, because I wasn't lying about following the thread on the secret tunnel in the bat cave earlier (starting at 63):





Decision here is just go left or go back.

You might have noticed that the second post in this thread is being kept updated with the story so far. I'll add a section for the bat cave choices. From now on all of the main questline stuff will be scanned from my new book - the alternate line will be from the old book, because I've already scanned most of the pages involved. This'll make the updates easy to tell apart, but to avoid confusion please let me know which questline you're talking about if you make suggestions.

Wait, we can use Karol here, I'm sure! With the whole add-30-to-page-number thing to use him. This seems right up his alley, he must know what to do! What's on 129?

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

IT'S INCISIVE COMMENTARY!



Fun Shoe

HJE-Cobra posted:

Wait, we can use Karol here, I'm sure! With the whole add-30-to-page-number thing to use him. This seems right up his alley, he must know what to do! What's on 129?

Yeah, I vote this, Karol is in his element. Keep following him.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Bat-cave update:

HJE-Cobra posted:

Wait, we can use Karol here, I'm sure! With the whole add-30-to-page-number thing to use him. This seems right up his alley, he must know what to do! What's on 129?


loquacius posted:

Yeah, I vote this, Karol is in his element. Keep following him.

Good call, you guys are getting the hang of this:




fancy sauces posted:

(Temple) go left.

hoping that Karol will go first, to block darts, boulders, fiendish rats, lava and/or cave-ins with his ungainly polish frame



----

Main quest update:

Phalloknight seems to be the winning pick. Will check again shortly. For now I'm having a fight with my scanner, it's being an arse. Hopefully it doesn't cause any further delays.

loquacius
Oct 21, 2008

IT'S INCISIVE COMMENTARY!



Fun Shoe

If using Karol again doesn't do anything else,

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003



hope we get to see the big Karol redemption arc in this playthrough. pretty sure you have to get lucky with your dice once you get to the big city, though.

Radical and BADical!
Jun 27, 2010

by Lowtax


Fun Shoe

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

hope we get to see the big Karol redemption arc in this playthrough. pretty sure you have to get lucky with your dice once you get to the big city, though.

I was going to suggest sending Karol down the bat cave before remembering about the Cave of Oberon back behind the Pixie Village, where I thought he'd be of better use. Then I checked google and realized that I was remembering it wrong -- it's actually in Sword of the Bastard Elf III: The Gimp of Riding Crop Manor.

MONKEY TRASH!
Jan 8, 2006



(Temple) turn left and continue.

Ideally,Mr. bastard elf will hop onto Karol's back like a baby chimpanzee holding its mother for a nice, Effort-restoring nap, until Karol finds something worthy of attention.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

This is the first update with the new book. Finally we can LP this game the way it's meant to be LPed, with pages not yellowed with age, torn to shreds and covered in a medley of fluids.


Warning: This update involves a huge pile of cocks. If you are reading the adventures of the Bastard Elf at work then make sure your boss isn't hanging around.

.

..

...

....

.....


Main Quest Update

You asked for Phalloknight, you cannot un-ask for it.





and goddamnit the scanner is on the fritz

Our choice here is to fight or do something else. Refer to your copy of the book for now for the options, I'll get the bastard scanner fixed in the meantime.

How do we get ourselves out of this one?

No changes to the adventure sheet since last time.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

IN THE GRIM BARKNESS
OF THE FUTURE
THERE ARE ONLY DOGS


Nap Ghost

Get behind him and attack his weak point for massive damage!

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.


Gilganixon posted:

This is the first update with the new book. Finally we can LP this game the way it's meant to be LPed, with pages not yellowed with age, torn to shreds and covered in a medley of fluids.


Warning: This update involves a huge pile of cocks. If you are reading the adventures of the Bastard Elf at work then make sure your boss isn't hanging around.

.

..

...

....

.....


Main Quest Update

You asked for Phalloknight, you cannot un-ask for it.





and goddamnit the scanner is on the fritz

Our choice here is to fight or do something else. Refer to your copy of the book for now for the options, I'll get the bastard scanner fixed in the meantime.

How do we get ourselves out of this one?

No changes to the adventure sheet since last time.

A) I want that illustration as my avatar
B) Stick sword in the mounts pee/eye hole to win a re-SOUNDING victory.

Poland Spring
Sep 11, 2005


Ask him what pumping rig he uses, and during his hours long comparison of different equipment and methods stealthily slip away.

Or you could just surrender, I'm pretty sure the demonic signal for that is bending over

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless


bend over and take it

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Volume posted:

bend over and take it

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

Upload the shitposts directly into my brain!

Offer the Phalloknight the use of our pixie-skin cloak to use as a makeshift condom/dick cozy dashing cape as a bribe. When he goes to accept it stab him in his eye.

Pyroi
Aug 16, 2013


Initiate Delta Formation.

Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is


Grimey Drawer

I want my username to be Master Cocksmith.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011




Below where our cock would be (if we weren't facing the other way) is a visible, literal eye of the penis! Stab it for massive damage!

Eumenides
Sep 24, 2007

This is the face of Lawful Good!

Fun Shoe

Put on cloak of pixie skin, throw powder in BOTH of your faces, and have a true battle of wills

Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is


Grimey Drawer

Dreggon posted:

Below where our cock would be (if we weren't facing the other way) is a visible, literal eye of the penis! Stab it for massive damage!

Jam sword into cockhole.
Stroke cock until climax.
Get into cover as jammed monstercock backfire-explodes in a cumball.

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BadgerSeat
Feb 28, 2006

Would you like to see where I keep my severed heads?

If the elf runs his arse will be more vulnerable... Don't run

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