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Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW
I may be a bit late on this, but shouldn't we Skin the demonic scrotum and turn it into a comfy leather armor set for our elf? The toughness of the hide and the lightness of the weight is perfect for our scrawny body.

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Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Jenkem Delivery posted:

Jeff is the leader of ELFSIS

I think you mean Elveqaeda

E:

Thats what the compendium referred to them by if I remember.

E2:

I say we proceed to the Constable's office and get wanted posters of Jeff drawn up immediately! As well as collect our reward for bringing in the vile thief that robbed us.

Also we should inform them to be on the lookout for possible people trying to be impostors of us using stolen garments or possessions that belonged to us to try and pass off as us.

Al Borland fucked around with this message at 10:34 on Jul 24, 2015

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Claven666 posted:

definitely steal Ted's identity. convince Hugues that you've been Ted all along, he'll believe it when you show him your signet ring and title deed


Also this.

Sounds like a solid plan. Also if we tell the guards they're all doing a splendid job and give them raises with someone else's money. Who are they gonna believe to be the real guy? The one paying them more? Or the guy who walks in and would take away their raises?

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

RC Cola posted:

So buy out the city guard, get a translator for Karl, let him in on the plan to take over the city with a fake name to declare war on Jeff.
And make him your right hand man. Also equal rights for skeletons

SKeletons were NEVER second or third class citizens. Always first class!

E:
OP I was looking into these book series and I think I figured out why your finger won't stop bleeding. They used a glue that had similar properties as rat poison to bind it. Also why the books are so scarce a lot of them were recalled because they were afraid children would lick the books or chew on them.

You may want to handle the books with gloves or more care. While it is a small trace amount of the poison. Still...

Al Borland fucked around with this message at 23:40 on Jul 24, 2015

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW
Awesome a Hen party. I say we buy a round of drinks for the dwarven women to get the attention of our friendly 10 ft Pole and maybe conquest some lovely dwarven women tonight.

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Jenkem Delivery posted:

Karol is actually an amazing wingman

You'll be drowning in dwarf poon tonight the two of you!

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Blizzy_Cow posted:

Can we have an old fashioned orgy with these half pint minxes? If so we should totally split roast one with Karol.

I think with the size difference of you karol and the dwarf... IT's more of a seasaw...
:barf:

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW
Can we get the compendium entry on dwarves?

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Blizzy_Cow posted:

Karol gets on his knees the dwarf lady is on a table and we just stand tall and proud. Atleast I think thatll work have no idea how tall we are or how short a dwarf is.

I just the feeling Karol is happily married to a lovely wife and wouldn't want any part in our carnal sick pleasures.

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Gilganixon posted:

You can't avoid it! You're getting drunk in the middle of it! Anyway if they can handle a paintbrush they can probably handle whatever the half-elf is packing.


Update

We add 30 to the page number, which is the Pole's signal:

Try it with the dwarves maybe some beers first and an apology will help

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Blizzy_Cow posted:

Wheres your sex drive sense of adventure. Lets tap some dwarven rear end.

Still wanna do the split roast with Karol.

we can do both! Take the party of dwarven women back to Ted's estate and have a massive orgy!

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

CaptainSarcastic posted:

Stare Sid in the eye and eat the cockeye.

Hey, it worked with the testicle, right?

Or I say we tell him,"Yes, we were staring. At the most beautiful man we've ever seen."
Time to romance Sid.

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Applewhite posted:

He's a gamblin man; make him a bet he can't refuse and you can't lose.

eat rancid things?

Gilganixon posted:

Update:

46 scanned:


Most people wanted to bluff their way through (maybe firing the guard afterwards). Anyway everyone in Bilgeton is a mark so it's easy enough to get through this without a fight. Lacking the scorpions or the collective will to take out the guard, we turn to (345):


Pretty late in the day to be picking stuff up, but whatever. Let's see what we got:


An expired coupon.

Well, we have both the Signet Ring and the Sword of the Bastard Elf. so turning to 136:



Welp. It's JEFF. We didn't even have to hunt him down.

We've just about come to the end of our adventure. We've done well, but there's a loose end to tie off. What's the final move?

Make him eat rotting things.

Al Borland fucked around with this message at 08:17 on Jul 29, 2015

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

CaptainSarcastic posted:

"Foul elf, I have no idea what you are talking about - I am Sir Tedbald of Bilgeton! Begone from my sight!"

Don't even give him the dignity of recognizing him. Besides, if we admit that he raised us than any witnesses will know that we are not, in fact, Sir Tedbald.

This, but make him eat rotting food and rancid things for the rest of his life in the public stocks for befouling us and calling us his son.


E:

I hope we can get our hands on one of the other books by this guy. They are clearly top notch goon collectables.

ALso... that's a lot of blood there OP. I'm gettin a bit worried.

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Dienes posted:

Get him busted for all the crimes we expertly pinned on him.

As a parting shot, tell him mom was seeing a phalloknight behind his back.

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Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Gilganixon posted:

Final update

The scanner died completely as soon as the last page of this update was scanned. It did its job. God speed, gentle consumer electronic.




Surprisingly we go for 365! I thought you'd just kill him.




This guy knows what's up. But anyway, turning to 400 (the main ending in books like these):



The end!




I'd like to thank you all for your help in getting the Elf from one end of this LP to another. It's been a long and strange playthrough and while we spent most of it fiddling with and eating corpses I'd like to think we all learned something and grew as people.

Anyway, some bad news - the doctor said the infection had spread through my hand and into my forearm and it's a bit touch and go as to whether I'll keep the thing. But the REALLY bad news is that I was using the hospital scanners to get some pages scanned in and the doc noticed the book. He's taken it to the lab to study the multitude of diseases, poisoning and sheer bad luck this book causes. After they're done he assures me they'll destroy it :( But hey, there are always other books in the series, if I can find them.

This is the one page I managed to get scanned in at the hospital before I was restrained, it's the dedication page from the start of the book:



Thanks for playing Hope to see you all around the 2FF forums one of these days.
----

PS I'm putting together a pdf of the book, bestiary and cards if anyone wants a souvenir, I'll upload the link to that tomorrow once it's complete as long as the thread's still alive.

awesome! Keep the thread open till we get the PDF of this in the OP.

ALso it seems that Herman's website has been taken over by some dubious artist!

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