Modus Pwnens posted:

Monkey Fracas posted:

We must have that bastard's bastard sword for our own bastard adventures of bastardry

Epic High Five posted:

Probably when he beat up those guards and stole a nobleman's horse

Epic High Five posted:

Look guys, we made out like thieves and have experienced a lot over the last couple days. We lost our virginity technically and then for reals, we ate rotting flesh, we escaped dangerous situations is such a shameful way that nobody would believe anybody who brought up the truth, we ate a meter long testicle and grew an instant beard. We murdered a lot of stuff and robbed and stole. We did good despite ourselves in murdering the poo poo out of a bunch of elves and pixies. We slew a creature from the hell dimensions. We need to take stock of our blessings and afford some to a deserving soul; to whit, our dear mother. We are, after all, miserable and pathetic man-children to the core and would do anything to please our dear dear mother.

Unfortunately, because she seems to enjoy the company of that fucker, we should set Jeff up in a cozy cottage on one of our estates to live out his days in comfort with our mother, under the agreement that A) our mother is never to be made unhappy and B) the 16 foot oil painting of ourselves in the living room is never to be brought down Let him never doubt at whose whim he lives.

Modus Pwnens posted:

The Unrepentant Bastard's Mega Happy Ending: Pretend to gratefully welcome him back into your life and your manor, then as soon as he's asleep, have him arrested and charged with committing every foul act you perpetrated throughout the story. Put out a reward for witnesses who saw him skulking around the crime scenes in your wake. At his execution, make sure the last words he ever hears is, "You're not my dad." Wash down the taste of victory with a cool glass of fresh milk delivered straight to your manor.

Alternatively, last chance to add 30 and see what's there?

djwetmouse posted: