[CYOA] Let's Play - Sword of the Bastard Elf

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > [CYOA] Let's Play - Sword of the Bastard Elf

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Gilganixon posted:

This is the first update with the new book. Finally we can LP this game the way it's meant to be LPed, with pages not yellowed with age, torn to shreds and covered in a medley of fluids.

Warning: This update involves a huge pile of cocks. If you are reading the adventures of the Bastard Elf at work then make sure your boss isn't hanging around.

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Main Quest Update

You asked for Phalloknight, you cannot un-ask for it.

and goddamnit the scanner is on the fritz

Our choice here is to fight or do something else. Refer to your copy of the book for now for the options, I'll get the bastard scanner fixed in the meantime.

How do we get ourselves out of this one?

No changes to the adventure sheet since last time.

A) I want that illustration as my avatar
B) Stick sword in the mounts pee/eye hole to win a re-SOUNDING victory.

# ¿ Jul 2, 2015 02:53

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# ¿ Apr 23, 2024 22:57

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

HBar posted:

Lacks polish, eh? Karol, take us to page 68!

# ¿ Jul 7, 2015 05:52

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Save the hallucinogenic pixie parts for another day, and shove any religious relics, cod pieces, and musical instruments into our bag. Carve "Jeff was here poo poo-birds!" Onto something valuable if there's time (never hurts to cause some problems for Jeff) and if not, hop on a horse and let's get the hell out of here!

# ¿ Jul 8, 2015 02:20

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

can confirm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_FQU4KzN7A

What the gently caress....how does this have almost a million views?

# ¿ Jul 8, 2015 20:56

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Once we get to town we can try to trade our cock eye for an instrument.

# ¿ Jul 8, 2015 23:05

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

With out Karol I don't like our chances of getting out of a wizard tower in one piece.... leave all our armor on and let's head to that loving tower!

Also, how much pixie parts/dust do we have left? Enough for one more use or can we squeeze two or three out of them?

# ¿ Jul 9, 2015 02:37

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Atma posted:

don't want to lose any EFFORT here

insert ROCK GOBLIN MOUNTAIN OYSTER into MAGNIFICENT CODPIECE as if it were a bowl, use CONDIMENTS on OYSTER and have a healthy meal

Changing my vote to this.

# ¿ Jul 9, 2015 05:02

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Mojo Threepwood posted:

I like this, but we should be economical about our kin slaying. We shouldn't just take the scalps and leave the blood for the next adventurer. This is our chance to move on from being a half elf to becoming a 60%, even 75% elf! I say we:

-Eat the testicle in front of the elves to cow them into submission and take prisoner

-March them up to the Wizards tower

-Offer the wizard jewelry and money to transfuse as much elf blood into us as possible

Yeah, that's brilliant.

# ¿ Jul 9, 2015 22:12

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Save the balls and beat those bitches with everything we got!

Karol path:
Sally forth!

# ¿ Jul 10, 2015 05:02

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Drink the potion then try to join the skeletons. If they aren't digging us then run the hell away! Bilgeton is calling and we should answer it.

# ¿ Jul 12, 2015 00:03

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

the_steve posted:

1. Nah, I don't see us getting anywhere with that line of inquiry.
2. loving Yes we want in on caravan duty. Why? Because Aggie seems like the sort of person who will back the folks on her side, and more importantly, it's a chance to beat the everfucking hell out of some elves.
I think Elf Hunter should be our calling in life. We travel the countryside knocking the granola out of these fucks, and get paid to do it.

# ¿ Jul 13, 2015 13:36

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

1. Equip James Boned
2. Loot us some elf kicking boots
3. stick with the dick helm and shield/sword

# ¿ Jul 15, 2015 16:25

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Araenna posted:

Can the boots be used to stomp other creatures?

We could potentially double stomp the double-elf. Like a drop kick I suppose. If we ever run into him.

# ¿ Jul 15, 2015 18:51

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

1. Skeletons should do this
2. We should let out a ferocious battle cry and throw the pixie body parts at the elves to show we mean business

# ¿ Jul 16, 2015 02:05

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Pixie Bits all the way!

# ¿ Jul 17, 2015 04:20

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

1. Get thee to thy caravan.
2. Codpiece up thyne fancy pants!

# ¿ Jul 18, 2015 08:59

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

It takes balls to win a fight. I say we do both.

# ¿ Jul 20, 2015 17:59

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Mojo Threepwood posted:

Let's chain the prisoner to the front of the lead wagon, and use our medical skills to set up an ongoing blood transfusion between him and the skeleton driver. Harvest elf ribcages and make them into a xylophone for a skeleton to play at the front of a wagon, and stretch elf pelts over spare barrels to make a drum set for another skeleton wagon to jam on.

Then onward to Bilgeton!

You can't beat perfection!

Gilganixon posted:

People keep saying this kind of thing but this book predates the Elder Scrolls by something like 15 years...either it's a coincidence or Bethesda referenced this book.

E: Aggie can probably see the battle from her house (you are literally in her driveway), if you just leave the corpses she'll send someone to get them.

It's almost certainly a nod to the series by Bethesda. It also explains why they never fixed the Cliff Racers because nothing was broken with them. One of my friends who was more into CYOA books than I was brought this up at the time, but I didn't know what he was talking about. Kinda neat to finally see it though.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2015 13:19

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

1. Combine the swords
2. Equip our fancy clothes/armor
3. Walk on into Bilgeton like the cock of the walk.

# ¿ Jul 22, 2015 15:28

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

1. Explain that it obviously was your evil hairless twin that had caused all the mischief and that you're there to bring him to justice.
2. CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!!

# ¿ Jul 23, 2015 02:32

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# ¿ Apr 23, 2024 22:57

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Anything framing Jeff more is fantastic. No matter what we do we have to do that.

# ¿ Jul 23, 2015 19:45

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > [CYOA] Let's Play - Sword of the Bastard Elf