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Jose
Jul 24, 2007





DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

i'm basically gonna shill brewuk.co.uk because i've used them and they're good, and cheaper than amazon

ipa kits exist but the one i'm seeing seems to literally be "add boiling water to hopped syrup, top up with cold water" - like i don't see that failing but it's not really brewing, it's steeping a teabag. the good thing about this kit is that you get the beer ingredients, a storage barrel, a big fuckoff fermenting bin + airlock (possibly too big?), some steriliser, a hydrometer + thermometer, and some misc handy bits of plastic. it would be a decent start to see if you get workable booze out of it, and if you want to progress then, as per YTC's post above, you can use it as a basis for upgrading your kit

assuming you want to be a retard like me and buy all the kit all at once, you want:

  • two of these buckets with lids and airlocks; one to ferment in, and one to move your beer into for bottling once fermentation is over
  • a rubber hose for getting beer out of your bucket and for beating the poo poo out of dogs
  • a big pot; larger the better, really, but 15l is very workable.
  • big spoon, for stirring pot
  • starsan; this poo poo is magic. 5ml goes in 5 litres of water and will sterilise whatever it touches; the diluted form is good for ages, and is also food-safe and tasteless. if used correctly it will last for ages; i, being a retard, get through this like water.
  • a big sieve
  • a floaty thermometer
  • two slap-on therms for your fermenters
  • two hydrometers; one as a spare. this is essential, as you measure fermentation progress by taking samples and checking density. if you bottle stuff that's still fermenting you have possibly created bombs
  • turkey baster for taking samples to put the hydrometer in
  • bottles and caps; buy caps, re-use bottles
  • a bottle filling stick; this attaches to the other end of your hose
  • bottle capper
  • muslin bags for holding grains for steeping

imo, dedicated cleaner is not needed; just use soap and water and rinse.

start with extract brews, get the plan down; you need hops, malt extract, grains for steeping, and yeast. i have not had any issues buying live yeast but it's very possible that you might; maybe stick to dry yeast to start. you will need normal table sugar for carbing the beer when you bottle.

i would advise starting with a simple pale ale that's about 5%, as per the above post. they're hoppy, meaning they're a bit more forgiving of any accidental bacterial contamination, and they use non-insane amounts of pale malt, which means the yeast won't choke and die and fail to ferment everything. yeast doesn't really like complex sugars and you get more of those in dark malts

i will not do a full recipe but the broad strokes are:

  • start heating ~5l water in pan. boil kettle
  • sterilise your fermenting bucket and work surfaces while you wait.
  • once you have 2/3rds of a pan at 75C, add your steeping grains. steep for half an hour; your water is now wort
  • remove grains. heat to 100C either by adding boiling water or by waiting
  • add malt extract. add your 60mins hops; start timing
  • add extra hops when you're meant to
  • turn off the heat after 1hr. everything that touches the beer after this point must be sterile. everything.
  • you are supposed to cool your wort by running a wort chiller through it. i simply seal everything up and leave it overnight
  • once beer is at right temperature, take initial hydrometer sample and record the density. put yeast in it, attach airlock
  • wait 8hrs; realise yeast is going mental.
  • wait 3 days for bubbling to die down; take hydrometer sample
  • take hydrometer samples every couple days until the density levels off, probably at about 1.013 for the above recipe but if it's not that level who cares
  • when beer has stopped fermenting, prepare to rack it off the yeast into another bucket. work out how much sugar you need to carb it, boil up that much sugar, add to the bucket you're racking into, then put the beer on top of the sugar solution
  • place in bottles

after your first try you'll realise what else you need to make life easier for yourself. then do brew-in-a-bag all-grain recipes once you've got the hang of things

Jose fucked around with this message at 20:21 on Aug 6, 2017

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Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Vitamins posted:

in it voted 5


hmmm yes maybe but triggering bobby deluxe seems p fun

it was some other poster that has a near identical av i was thinking of nevermind

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





i can understand people having a difference of opinion on whether pickled onion or flaming hot are the best monster munch but roast beef smh

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





feedmegin posted:

You left me out

nobody remembers a poster without an av

i think i need a new one

Jose
Jul 24, 2007






why am i less mysterious

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





DrWrestling69 posted:

I do not vaseline my nipples. Should i be doing this?

only if they chafe and get proglide or whatever that is designed for it

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





DrWrestling69 posted:

My nipples do not chafe.

then don't bother. compression shorts are good but i wear some other shorts over the top

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





goatface posted:

Whatever happened to Nige?

him and the mental romanian vanished pretty quickly

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





stoneofshame also lives in birmingham i think and also has some shameful tcc posts too

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





living in la must be hell

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Miggles posted:

Hell compared to a coal mining village in Nottinghamshire...

Let me compare the two.

Shagging fat slags outside of the chippy while they moan about me spilling their pea-mix with that awful nasal northern laugh. Even the pretty girls have 'that accent'.

Or, live in a city where for a hundred years the most gorgeous people on the planet moved to procreated and have had plastic surgery to look 'better'.

Oh, legal weed.

Palm trees

80c weather year round

... I do miss my mum tho.

i've been to LA and living there must be awful unless y ou're rich enough to live in santa monica and not need to work.

san diego is so much better

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





StoneOfShame posted:

This is an accurate assessment.

at least you appear to be doing better. rip no one

The Saurus posted:

'ok' by american standards is like living the greatest life ever by british standards. If you don't care about free healthcare then the standard of living here is just so much higher for so much cheaper.

depends where you live like everything and LA is not a cheap place unless you're living in one of the poo poo bits of it as far as i can tell

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





what kind of kebab comes with beetroot? its pickled red cabbage

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





birmingham new street is the worst train station in the country based on having my train get cancelled there one christmas coming back from uni

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





my twitter account repeatedly gets hacked and follows a bunch of people tweeting moonspeak

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Jose
Jul 24, 2007





if buying stuff on this site wasn't dodgy as gently caress i'd replace that av

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





the continuing poo poo weather is stopping my chilli plants producing any chillies ffs

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Bobby Deluxe posted:

the thing is right

your all gay for going to the jim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGLzm-Gy0dQ

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





its a pre-season friendly so i don't really give a poo poo

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





it would be nice if the team could manage a clean sheet

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





spud posted:

Takes me 30mins to travel what is 5mins in the US

I love the UK and its overcrowding.

depends where you are really. traffic going into/out of major cities in the US at rush hour is awful

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





there are plenty of affordable houses in the north east

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Solefald posted:

I'm not in the OP. Then again I'm incredibly boring

you're from liverpool and your ex hosed a homeless japanese crackhead i think

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





how many note books are there?

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





is that you in your av

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





someone recommend a film tia

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Bozza posted:

Ex Machina.

i'll go with this i'm in the mood for some sci fi and it appears to feature a sexy robot and they're always good

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





the robot is not sexy and he shouldn't gently caress it

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Bobby Deluxe posted:

what an age we live in

the robot put on a wig and now he wants to gently caress it

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Bozza posted:

Still not sure Domhall Gleeson is actually related to Brendan.

he's ginger too

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





oscar isaacs head is a weird shape

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





the non-underground bits of the house in this film are fully sick and i want to live there. shame its a set

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





you'd think someone building a robot for sex would give it big tits

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





well i only have 1 real complaint about that film but it was real good otherwise

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Ratjaculation posted:

i didn't think much of it. disappointed with it considering my enjoyment of alex garlands stuff

i thought it was good just the ending either its read that he never created AI and just what he thought what it was or that the film just ignored that as inherently lovely as humans are they forgot compassion/empathy just to get that ending but the film was set up to make you think it was real AI.

also i'm sure i recognised the song in the climactic scene and i can't find it named anywhere

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





i just bought 3.8kg of meat to make into stew and curry this weekend

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





the water in the north is good because its not all recycled

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Watching raiders of the most ark on BBC 1 is making me realise I must have been about 12 the last time I saw it from the start

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Jose
Jul 24, 2007





put some post rock gigs on. i mean they'll probably fail but its good music imo if the band aren't poo poo. its noise otherwise

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