UK Cunt Thread: bread and coffee wankers

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > UK Cunt Thread: bread and coffee wankers

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Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Continental 4 Seasons bicycle tyres are the best bike tyres.

# ¿ Feb 1, 2021 12:24

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 20:34

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

I might have to rent near or in Northampton for a possible new job (I'd still be keeping my place up north in Scotland).

What are nice places to stay thereabouts near or in Northampton?

I am ok with up to a 30 mile one way commute.

I hear Olney is nice.

Any other villages/towns to recommend in that sort of area?

Requirements:
Garage
Quiet
House or Bungalow, detached or semi at the most
Far from a train station
Far from busy A roads and Motorways

# ¿ Feb 2, 2021 20:38

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

NotJustANumber99 posted:

Do you like roundabouts?

They're fine. So Milton Keynes, then?

Anyone else have any suggestions other than 99?

# ¿ Feb 2, 2021 23:01

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Lol it's the pupper's space now.

# ¿ Feb 11, 2021 14:19

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

alright let's see if there's any takeup for the second uk goon bakeoff .

rules are relatively straightforward.

bake something and send me a photo of it by 2359hrs monday 15th March with your forums name in it.

if you don't have PMs then sliiiiide into my DMs in the discord.

or you can post it in the thread but the impact will be greatly lessened by people seeing it ahead of time and you will probably lose.

you have three categories to compete in: Most Visually Impressive, Most Delicious-Seeming, and Most Likely To Get The D&D Thread Arguing About It

i will post a poll for people to vote in at 8pm 16th March so that you can pick your favoured cake.

it will probably be a doodle poll. honour system please to not vote twice.

voting will close at 10pm 21st March. winners will be announced when i can be bothered after that point but probably before easter.

the winner of each category will get a prize. this may involve a patio or it may involve forums upgrades or a steam game or purchasing an avatar of genitalia for your forums enemy or forums friend. or an amazon voucher because i got some as a credit card reward recently

open to thread lurkers, thread posters, Bad Thread posters, Bad Thread lurkers, and anyone else who feels like it.

an example of what the voting post will look like is here, from last year. we're doing it earlier this year because it's cold and people should bake

I am so up for this.

# ¿ Feb 15, 2021 21:48

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Also, could you post the discord info?

# ¿ Feb 15, 2021 21:51

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

It's a pro rewatch. Good work Ratty.

# ¿ Feb 16, 2021 20:34

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Ratjaculation posted:

truth

Extremely accurate.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2021 18:48

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Is as stupid as printing a menu in a large book and having to look in its Contents page to find the 2 pages that have the menu details in it, the rest of it being full of useless information.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2021 18:53

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Sunswipe posted:

Yes, heaven forbid someone use the contents page to find the relevant information in a book. Apparently.

The point is that it's 99% garbage and 1% menu, you fool.

# ¿ Feb 17, 2021 19:14

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

NotJustANumber99 posted:

Sounds like someone's getting defensive over their recipe website with a bunch of shite on it.

This.

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

e:

me: *googles how to mash potatoes*

some food blogger: My childhood home was full of wind and light. On a brisk Autumn evening, it often felt as if the outside was in. My younger sister, my mother, our favourite cousin, our dog, our other dog, our dog�s sister, and I would sit on the floor in the living room for hours, lit only by the moon and candlelight

me: *scrolls for several minutes*

some food blogger: It was at that moment, with my tiny hands clasped tightly around a mason jar filled with fireflies, that I realised the true value of family. My dog and my dog�s sister came and sat quietly at my feet. We stared up at the sky together, and I felt truly connected to both the Earth at my feet and the ancestors who shared the blood that ran through them, for the first time realising that

me: *scrolls for several minutes*

some food blogger: and when we finally made it home, our cheeks flushed with laughter and cold, there were warm mashed potatoes waiting for us. I will always remember their fluffiness, perfectly mirroring the light feeling I carried with me for the entire next week. This is my favourite cousin�s recipe from that very day, modified slightly to not be loving awful. Boil an potato and smush it up with fork and botter. NOT A RAW, Salt, pepepr. In it

Steakandchips fucked around with this message at 19:55 on Feb 17, 2021

# ¿ Feb 17, 2021 19:49

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

crispix posted:

my car's petrol flap was a bit open this morning, i hope it was just the wind last night that blew it open and not some bastard trying to mess with my car

Does it still have petrol in it?

# ¿ Feb 18, 2021 12:53

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

NotJustANumber99 posted:

I may have overplayed my tough boss card. All my doodz have downed tools and walked off site.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Owned!

# ¿ Feb 18, 2021 13:46

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

crispix posted:

yeah there's a lockable cap under the flap

Nice.

My bike's fuel cap is not lockable. So far, no one has nicked any petrol.

And yeah, I always brim my bike too on fillup (�13-ish, for about 120 total miles to dry, but I refill when I'm at 20 to 25% petrol remaining).

# ¿ Feb 18, 2021 14:05

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Having your own is the best.

That being said Reebok (now rebranded as Third Space) in Canary Wharf is loving amazing. It was worth the �120 a month I used to pay for it.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2021 13:43

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Fashion is an obsolete concept in covid-world, please wear whatever shorts you like.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2021 16:23

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Salisbury Snape posted:

I'm slowly realising I'm becoming a stereotype. Im a builder, with a Hairstylist blonde haired, blue eyed fake tiddied wife.

Salisbury Snape posted:

Why would I pay for haircuts when the wife, who does it for a living, can do it for free.
The only downside is I don't get choice on how my hair looks.

Important question:

Do one, or both, of her boobs rest on your shoulder when she's cutting your hair?

On a related note, one of our two cats loves sleeping on my wife's boobs, when she (my wife) is on the sofa. Apparently this is extremely relaxing, and it results in my wife falling asleep extremely quickly.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2021 16:11

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Jose posted:

the cat is stealing your wifes breath and she's actually passing out from lack of oxygen

That is literally what my wife has remarked on numerous times. Some sort of myth!

The cat just likes the warmth of the boobs + the fuzzyness of the furry blanket.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2021 16:17

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

goatface posted:

Just cut the baby out with a penknife. The doctors will be right there to sew her back up.

wtf

# ¿ Feb 25, 2021 19:07

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

# ¿ Feb 25, 2021 19:30

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Nice one SSnape.

Builderey question: Suppose I had a garden. How much would it be to do all the foundation/paving etc to put a shed like this on top?

https://www.asgardsss.co.uk/gladiator-motorbike-plus-1

Basically, I'd buy the shed and it'd be the builder's job to have the shed ready for me to use, and I'd pay the builder.

I know nothing about building/construction.

Assume I live in Not-London.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2021 11:45

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Thanks Galewolf. So basically, 3K for the builders, 2K for the shed. 5K. gently caress that. Will buy a house with a garage instead.

Re the Life in the UK test: just study the book and get the practice book and do all the tests in it. It's easy. Most practice tests I got 23/24.

I sat the actual test in the middle of last year and I passed. Probably getting 22 or 23 out of 24 (they just say pass or fail).

I did some practice tests with my wife doing them at the same time as well. She's English/Scottish, so she was just doing them for for fun. I beat her 9 times out of the 10 tests we did together.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2021 12:33

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

99, it's almost like you need to learn things from reading the book, without which you'd be bad at the test.

Have you tried studying?

# ¿ Feb 26, 2021 13:13

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Salisbury Snape posted:

That would take just over a cube of concrete.
Only needs to be 100mm thick to take that weight. You could run 200mm and still only need a couple cube.
Something like that I would do privately on a Saturday morning for £500 and mix the concrete on site rather than messing with premix.
£100 for waste removal, £50 for hardcore, £100 dust and cement, £250 labour

Would you be interested in the job should I need it done (once I buy a house)?

# ¿ Feb 26, 2021 14:55

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Salisbury Snape posted:

Depends how far I had to travel hah. Would have to chuck fuel cost on top of the 500

Happy to pay for fuel and accommodation if it requires more than 1 day of work. I'm in Stirlingshire, Scotland currently and it's likely I will buy a house up here soon, but not 100% certain.

I'm glad the "finding a builder for the shed base" question is settled though, it's hard to find a builder who knows what they are doing.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2021 15:39

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

How much is it, on average, to get 3 phase power installed at home?

I'd want it for:

1. Larger woodworking tools.
2. 22KW electric vehicle fast charger.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2021 13:54

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

NotJustANumber99 posted:

Its going to depend on where the nearest 3 phase connection is available and what work is required. I've just had one installed - �8k. That was digging up about 10m of pavement and tapping into an existing underground cable, no road closures or anything. I'm next to a big pub which already had 3 phase. This was a new connection, I'd have to look back at the quote to see how much of that was attributable to being a new connection.

The frustration is there really wasn't much competition, the contestable works was only a portion of the work and there basically wasn't anyone interested in doing it.

Thanks.

There'll be competition for the work up here, and labour is cheaper up here too, so I expect it'll be cheaper.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2021 15:14

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Nothing like a good stuffing.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2021 19:55

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

NotJustANumber99 posted:

They've changed the tesco self service voice and interface. Maybe I just don't like change but it's worse. And the girl made me take my mask of to see how old I was. Ridiculous.

Use the Scan while you shop app or scanner device.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2021 20:20

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

NotJustANumber99 posted:

There was a thousand years old or something shipwreck with tin cans on it and when they pulled it up and ate the food it was fine.

No there wasn't.

# ¿ Mar 4, 2021 21:08

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

You have literally never seen tuna mayo in a cafe?

You must be posh.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 00:23

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

I bought pesto mayo once. It tasted neither like pesto nor like mayo.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 00:48

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

I go through a lot of ketchup. A medium sized bottle every couple of weeks.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 10:18

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Ratjaculation posted:

Brand?

Gasmask posted:

buy a big bottle then

The Waitrose Essential Tomato Ketchup only comes in one size: 470g.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 11:07

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Ratjaculation posted:

The bougiest post so far

Ratjaculation posted:

Aldi do a frozen chunky chips that are the exact perfect size

Though, it goes without saying because it's aldi don't add waitrose ketchup - the wealth rift it'll create in space and time will be devastating

The Waitrose Essential Tomato Ketchup is 65p a bottle. 65p.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 12:41

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Well no, cheese I get from my local fromagerie and charcuterie from my local �picerie.

Fun fact, they are right next to each other on my local high street.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 12:57

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Jose posted:

You can hugely improve all food by adding more fat.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 14:03

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

I just made Vada Pav, and put them in some rolls to make Bombay Burgers. Combined with sliced onions, green chutney and red chutney.

An entirely vegan dinner.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 20:35

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

kecske posted:

what's in a ~~Bombay~~ Mumbai burger?

Here's the recipe, lifted straight from The Guardian:
https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2021/mar/01/bombay-burger-vada-pav-india-mumbai-street-food-recipe:

Mumbai�s vada pav sandwich with chutneys
Makes six

For the green chutney
Fresh mint, small bunch
Coriander, small bunch (including stalks)
1-2 green chillies, roughly chopped
1 tbsp ground almonds
Juice of half a lemon
Salt

For the red chutney
3 tbsp desiccated coconut
1 garlic clove, finely sliced
1-2 tsp chilli powder
Salt

For the vada potato balls
3 potatoes, boiled and mashed
2 inch piece of fresh ginger, grated
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp sunflower oil
1 tsp mustard seeds
1 tsp turmeric
3 green chillies, finely chopped
1/2 tsp asafoetida
Handful of fresh coriander, finely chopped (including stalks)
Salt

For the batter and frying
150g gram (chickpea) flour
1/4 tsp turmeric
80ml warm water
Salt
Sunflower oil

To serve
Six small soft white rolls
Butter (optional)
Six green finger chillies, deep-fried

First make the chutneys. For the green, combine the mint, coriander, chillies and ground almonds, add some of the lemon juice, and blitz. Keep adding lemon juice until you have a spreadable consistency � it shouldn�t be too wet. You may not need all the lemon juice. Add salt to taste.

For the red chutney, toast the coconut in a dry pan until it turns a nice colour, combine with the garlic, chilli powder and a pinch of salt, then pound using a pestle and mortar. Add a splash of water if needed to loosen the mixture slightly � it should be dry and crumbly. Set both chutneys aside.

To make the potato balls, heat the oil in a frying pan on a medium to high heat. When it�s hot enough for one mustard seed to sizzle, add the rest of the mustard seeds and the asafoetida. When the mustard seeds start popping vigorously, reduce the heat to low to medium and add the ginger, garlic and chillies. Cook for one minute, then add the turmeric and cook for another minute.

Now add the mashed potato and fresh coriander, fully combine and cook for another minute. Add salt to taste. Remove the mashed potato from the pan and set aside to cool.

Weigh the total amount of potato and divide this number by six so you know how much each portion should weigh � mine were about 75g each. Measure out six portions and roll into balls with your hands. Set aside.

To make the batter, combine the gram flour with the turmeric and a pinch of salt. Add the water a little at a time, mixing with a whisk until you have a smooth and fairly thick batter. Set aside.

Fill a heavy-bottomed saucepan with enough sunflower oil to reach halfway up the vada balls. Heat on medium to high. To test if the oil is hot enough, add a little batter. If it sizzles and cooks to a golden colour, it�s ready. First drop in the six finger chillies. When they�ve cooked and blistered, remove and drain on kitchen paper.

Coat each ball in the batter, and gently drop into the hot oil. Turn the ball around in the oil until the whole thing is cooked and golden. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on kitchen paper. Repeat for all the balls.

To serve, slice each roll in half and butter, if desired. Smear on some green chutney, add a vada ball, some of the dry red chutney and a deep-fried chilli, and devour.

---

I highly recommend some slices of tomato or some cherry tomatoes, and some sliced red onion, to go in your Bombay Burger when you are assembling the final burger.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 20:56

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 20:34

Steakandchips: Apr 30, 2009

Skarsnik posted:

...

Having grown up in the 80s I know that using a chip pan will instantly burn your house down and kill your whole famil

I cook fresh chips in a cast iron pan full of oil every couple of weeks. It's fine as long as you watch it and keep the cats away.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2021 20:57

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