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goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Prime Video is only good for bad old horror films and Mandroid.

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goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

How alert has everyone stayed in this non-lockdown thread?

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

They had pick n mix available in wilko this morning.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

My dad noticed that the guy cutting the doner at the kebab shop he goes to is left handed and brings it up every time he gets a kebab from there.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Saw my parent's neighbour running up the street screaming so I went to investigate. Turns out she got swarmed by a load of angry bees. Stay alert.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

kecske posted:

football is back - and it's real bad!

On the football I saw they were advertising that you could watch it with or without the fake sound of a normal crowd piped in. I usually only watch football when it's playing at work but I can't imagine anything weirder than watching the football in near total silence except for the commentary.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Ratjaculation posted:

i've got to tell my mate i'm not sure i can be his best man anymore

cheer me up


Gentle funny video compilation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRpOqZnD04Q

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Journalist neighbour got a tip off that a local car dealer was making employees work while furloughed or risk being fired.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

I'm trying to convince my friend who is getting married to just have bowls of roast potatoes and gravy around the wedding for people to eat.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Need to be out of my flat between 12 and 1 today so I have to find another TV to watch Boris tell me to what extent the pub can open.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Party Boat posted:

gravy is inherently blessed imo

My family had to host a Peruvian English teacher when I was a teenager when she came over with a group for a cultural exchange/further teacher training and as part of their stay they had to make poster presentations of some element of British culture that they'd learned about in the 4 months or so they were staying here. Then at the end of their stay we had to go to the language school and look at the posters and listen to the teachers talk through them.

One of the posters was about British cuisine and was mostly reviews of restaurants they'd been to and takeout menus they'd picked up but right in the middle was a large collage of a man with a suitcase and a plane ticket back to Peru but he had a thought bubble with a picture of a gravy boat. This symbolised the difficult decision the teachers had to make because if they went back to Peru they were leaving a land of delicious and plentiful gravy, available with any meal. There was also a gravy boat in the suitcase and another one on his shirt.

I mumbled "wow this guy really loves gravy, huh?" and one of the teachers grabbed my arm and forcefully jerked me away from the poster to whisper in my ear "he had gravy in his pockets".

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

I dont like that the pub is getting opened on a Saturday. Why not like a Tuesday or something? I know we're going to be immediately mobbed whatever happens but jeez.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer



Found a picture of the gravy man.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

As if I have to go back to work at the pub and I can't even go bowling by myself after work.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

This is just the same announcements as the ones at midday. Gimme the pub rules bojo.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

I wasn't sure about the discord but I am sold now. It's a good stopgap solution.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Eat the mask too.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Natalie Fartman posted:

Before the lockdown I had one man land spit on my face, by the corner of my eye. somehow managed to miss my glasses and got me directly. I don't know why I didn't loving scream but I wanted to


please wear masks. Always. Forever.

Like spit on your face deliberately, or while talking?

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

When I had to work at the front counter at my friend's Chinese takeaway every customer that came in would mention that I am not Chinese.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Went to barburrito a couple of times when I lived by Manchester and it was thoroughly miserable both times but I don't remember exactly why.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Tome fraīche is the best cheese and if I could get it outside of holidays I wouldn't eat a meal without it.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Aw poo poo now I want some port salut.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

It's not even 10am and I want fondue, thanks cheese thread.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Foreign language students who lodged with my parents often admitted part way through their stay that they'd been extremely worried that they'd have to eat really poo poo food in England. Part of that was hearing stories from other students though, who'd been put in houses where taking in the students was a real money making exercise and they just gave them the cheapest food they could find.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Just saw that map of places at risk of local lockdowns in the near future and it appears to be most places so

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

I like the random hot sauces they sell in TK Maxx.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer



I miss big dog.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

When I tell friends and pub regulars about the changes we've had to make to make it even halfway okay to open again they get real antsy about it like oo hm don't like the sound of that.

Like pal I just said that if you're sat outside and it rains, you can't come in, that's not exactly a great hassle for you, your beer's in a takeaway cup and you live two streets over.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Is the government's new slogan "enjoy summer safely"? Do we not even have to stay alert any more?

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

We had a group of regulars come in and have some drinks and watch the football and then went to see if there was another pub that wasn't so strict about distancing and which doors you could enter/exit through. They came back a few hours later to say they'd been to one that had no distancing and it made them feel uncomfortable and another where it was so strict and regimented that they might as well have just gone home and drank there and that maybe we had a happy medium at ours instead.

So thanks guys, for telling me you've come from a pub that had such poor social distancing that you felt afraid to stay there and then in the same day came back to hang out near me. Cheers for that.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

We had a group of like 30 18/19 year olds take one half of the bar yesterday and for a few hours were fine and kept to tables of six and sanitised their hands when they came back from having a cigarette etc. and then after a while they'd had a few pints and just decided that social distancing wasn't really for them and every time I went to check on the smoking area they were all clumped together in a big group and I yelled at them to split apart and find other places to congregate away from one another and they wouldn't listen so eventually we just had to bar them all because they just weren't getting it. They moved into the park to wrestle each other.

Some of them came back later and as soon as they came in the door we told them no they'd been trouble earlier so they weren't getting served and they weren't coming in and they kicked off a bit about how it wasn't them specifically in the group that had been trouble and that if we didn't serve them it was "like guilt by association". That's right, I have neither the time or energy to figure out which specific members of your dozens of friends were trying to see how many people you could cram into a toilet cubicle and who was sick in the sink. Pick less obnoxious friends to go to the pub with.

Yes the power to decide who gets to drink and who does not based on whether they follow my instructions has immediately gone to my head.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

When they kept saying number gotta go up, they weren't clear enough about what number was meant to go up so maybe to be safe let's increase rate of infections and economic growth.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

My local Iceland doesn't have anyone on the door to count people in any more.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

stinky ox posted:

mayonnaise is the Devil's semen. And olives are his testicles.

Bread sauce is satan's semen.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Pizza but it's spaghetti bolognese on some garlic bread

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Friend went back to the charity shop she works at and found out someone left a flagon of milk in the break room before they shut for lockdown.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

I keep approaching tables and ask if they need more booze and because of the face mask they don't hear me ask and just look at me like I'm looming over their table for some mysterious purpose like there's more than one reason for a waitress to be wandering around the bar.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

I had to write subtitles for all the old BBC video tapes we used to learn geography from, in high school, and now all the information contained in them is indelibly etched into my brain for all time. Such insights as "in cold places people adapt by having warmer houses and wearing snow shoes" and "in some countries there are wide gaps in income between rich and poor and these are demonstrated in the housing different groups can afford to live in". Where else could I possibly have learned such rare facts.

goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

Also our geography teacher had a slipper stapled to his belt as an extra pocket for pens and TV remote.

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goldenninjawarrior
Jul 21, 2017

Ninja is supreme and you have double-crossed it!
Why did you do that?


Grimey Drawer

crispix posted:

I'm writing to Take a Break with that and if they don't give me the £20 prize for tip of the week i'll poo poo them

I wrote to Take a Break with my tip of fixing an address stamp by attaching the stamping part to the underside of a a hearing aid case and securing it in place with elastic bands. My friends all say it looks very stylish. They did not print it.

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