Nice job being in the army or whatever... now try having sex

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Nice job being in the army or whatever... now try having sex

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yeah actually they will: Aug 18, 2012

While you losers were joining the army I was getting laid. Maybe you should try having sex instead of being in the armed forces for a change you loving nerd

# ? Aug 4, 2015 18:41

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:59

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

This is a pretty weak FYAD tryout, dude. Maybe next time you can name drop Tane or Corsair's pool. Like

no they will not posted:

While you losers were joining the army I was getting laid. Maybe you should try having sex instead of being in the armed forces for a change you loving nerd

Could easily be

While you losers were joining the army I was getting laid with Tane. Maybe you should try having sex in Corsair's pool instead of being in the armed forces for a change you loving nerd

# ? Aug 4, 2015 18:43

Fucitol: May 8, 2005; Ceterum autem censeo mundum esse delendam

Memento, homo, quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris

what was his name, op?

# ? Aug 4, 2015 18:46

little munchkin: Aug 15, 2010

Booblord Zagats posted:

This is a pretty weak FYAD tryout, dude. Maybe next time you can name drop Tane or Corsair's pool. Like

Could easily be

While you losers were joining the army I was getting laid with Tane. Maybe you should try having sex in Corsair's pool instead of being in the armed forces for a change you loving nerd

# ? Aug 4, 2015 18:53

Kung Fu Fist Fuck: Aug 9, 2009

no they will not posted:

While you losers were joining the army I was getting laid. Maybe you should try having sex instead of being in the armed forces for a change you loving nerd

jody!?

# ? Aug 4, 2015 18:53

Whip Slagcheek: Sep 21, 2008; Finally
The Gasoline And Dynamite
Will Light The Sky
For The Night

I agree with OP and also was a sex haver while you were getting IED'd.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 18:58

Mike-o: Dec 25, 2004; Now I'm in your room
And I'm in your bed; Grimey Drawer

This is the best troll post you could do? God drat.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:14

Whipped Buttcheeks: Jul 25, 2007; Chairborne Ranger

Haha jokes on you OP, we get hosed in the rear end all day long.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:20

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

quantity of shitposting doesn't make quality shitheel

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3734703
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3734719
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3734710
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3734706

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:21

Branis: Apr 14, 2006; by VG

Whip Slagcheek posted:

I agree with OP and also was a sex haver while you were getting IED'd.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 19:48

CatelynIsAZombie: Nov 16, 2006; I can't wait to bomb DO-DON-GOES!

no they will not posted:

While you losers were joining the army I was getting laid. Maybe you should try having sex instead of being in the armed forces for a change you loving nerd

# ? Aug 4, 2015 20:20

Fister Ardennes: Apr 25, 2008; War is not the answer but it sure is fun

no they will not posted:

While you losers were joining the army I was getting laid. Maybe you should try having sex instead of being in the armed forces for a change you loving nerd

I believe you have been misinformed about the armed forces. There is a whole lot of loving going on, both literally and figuratively.

quote:

schneider posted:

Block leave is the poo poo. Merry Christmas Marines, etc etc. Anyway.

Duty sucks, gently caress duty.

This thread is now about funny or hosed up duty stories.

Once upon a Saturday night, I was touring my post as any squared away DNCO should do when I heard a noise, a very particular noise, coming from one of my grandboot's rooms. His door was ajar and the noise coming from within sounded suspiciously like a female getting smashed out. A FEMALE, WHO WAS NOT PROPERLY CHECKED IN WITH THE DUTY NCO, IN MY BARRACKS? gently caress. NO. Why do I even care about this, you ask? I guess I'm just a prick. I guess it pisses me off that some dumbass 18 year old PFC is bringing his little teenage tramps back to the barracks to smash them out while I'm walking around the barracks with a loving logbook under my arm yelling at idiots to pick up their cigarette butts. Additionally, I didn't like this particular Marine.. he was kind of a turd and sucked at life and whined a lot.

My mind raced, scrambling to find the most absurd and offensive insults I could muster as I prepared to kick the door open and deliver rear end-chewing to end all rear end chewings. My corfram came up and I spartan-kicked the door open, face twisted in fury, spittle flying as my mouth formed the first syllable of what was to be the magnum opus of my asschewings.

What I beheld was not PFC Fuckknuckles simply loving some skank, oh no.

On one of the racks were four of my Marines going family style on some chubby unattractive blonde girl with a tramp stamp. I'm pretty sure the balls touched.

I stopped in the doorway as my tiny TBI-ridden rifleman brain attempted to process the scene before me. They all stopped their frantic humping for a moment and stared at me. I didn't know what to loving say at this point.. I mean, what can you say to that, really. I just asked if she was of age and upon receiving a valid photo ID from the girl, muttered "very well, carry on" and continued my tour.

# ? Aug 4, 2015 22:49

Woof Blitzer: Dec 29, 2012; [-]

no they will not posted:

While you losers were joining the army I was getting laid. Maybe you should try having sex instead of being in the armed forces for a change you loving nerd

# ? Aug 5, 2015 00:06

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Equine Don posted:

Dans was pretty much the only mentally/emotionally stable transexual on the internet. I hope s/he's doing well

# ? Aug 5, 2015 00:13

vains: May 26, 2004; A Big Ten institution offering distance education catering to adult learners

no they will not is pretty funny.

this thread will also be funny but for really different reasons. namely all the nerds rushing to the defense of gip from the 'yad invasion.

# ? Aug 5, 2015 01:26

Larry Parrish: Jul 9, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Booblord Zagats posted:

This is a pretty weak FYAD tryout, dude. Maybe next time you can name drop Tane or Corsair's pool. Like

Could easily be

While you losers were joining the army I was getting laid with Tane. Maybe you should try having sex in Corsair's pool instead of being in the armed forces for a change you loving nerd

Oh for sure dude. Every time I read a joke I get all wierdly indignant, like maybe I didn't realize it was a joke or something. Mind if we PM some tips and tricks on sounding like a dumbass?

# ? Aug 5, 2015 02:13

krispykremessuck: Jul 22, 2005; unlike most veterans and SA members $10 is not a meaningful expenditure for me

I'm gonna have me a swag Bar-B-Q

lol

# ? Aug 5, 2015 02:24

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

What, are you kidding, OP? I get laid all the time in my white Chevrolet van.

# ? Aug 5, 2015 02:35

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

RIP Schneider

# ? Aug 5, 2015 03:16

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Somebody hasn't seen the sexual assault stats.

# ? Aug 5, 2015 03:42

Mike-o: Dec 25, 2004; Now I'm in your room
And I'm in your bed; Grimey Drawer

MassivelyBuckNegro posted:

no they will not is pretty funny.

this thread will also be funny but for really different reasons. namely all the nerds rushing to the defense of gip from the 'yad invasion.

you're one of us, even though you always act like you don't want to be :getin:

and yes no they will not is usually pretty funny

I don't think anyone here is dumb enough to think this was seri.....wait yeah nvm we're military retards

# ? Aug 5, 2015 04:15

Kung Fu Fist Fuck: Aug 9, 2009

EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:

RIP Schneider

# ? Aug 5, 2015 04:18

bird food bathtub: Aug 9, 2003; College Slice

Thread sucks :gas:

op.

(CS works nicely)

# ? Aug 5, 2015 11:59

Whip Slagcheek: Sep 21, 2008; Finally
The Gasoline And Dynamite
Will Light The Sky
For The Night

GiP should have died with Schneider, or honeyboy.

# ? Aug 5, 2015 12:00

elite_garbage_man: Apr 3, 2010; I THINK THAT "PRIMA DONNA" IS "PRE-MADONNA". I MAY BE ILLITERATE.

it's true

the military made me an even more awkward virgin

*hover hands op*

# ? Aug 5, 2015 15:54

Larry Parrish: Jul 9, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Hahaha. Hover hands. Well memed sir.

# ? Aug 5, 2015 17:29

ded: Oct 27, 2005; Kooler than Jesus

the coolest thing about being in the military was loving the girlfriends of other guys

# ? Aug 5, 2015 20:15

Scratch Monkey: Oct 25, 2010; 👰Proč bychom se netě�ili🥰kdy� n�m P�n Bůh🙌🏻zdrav� d�💪?

MassivelyBuckNegro posted:

namely all the nerds rushing to the defense of gip from the 'yad invasion.

FYAD will invade and quickly conquer GiP only to find itself stuck in a quagmire of guerrilla insurgency from which it will never be able to fully extricate itself

# ? Aug 9, 2015 15:08

Nice and hot piss: Feb 1, 2004

Being in the military I experienced so much sex that I was actually given the bronze star with V device because of how much pussy I smashed. There's a building on Ft. Knox named after me now.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 15:26

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

The MurderBot Maneuver Center for Infectious Diseases of Excellence

# ? Aug 9, 2015 15:31

bird food bathtub: Aug 9, 2003; College Slice

Scratch Monkey posted:

FYAD will invade and quickly conquer GiP only to find itself stuck in a quagmire of guerrilla insurgency from which it will never be able to fully extricate itself

I dunno, in a forum war FYAD feels more like the Ukrainian separatists to me. Politically convenient cluster gently caress of retards tripping over their own dicks and getting used as a cover for the real fighters invading ADTRW. GBS would be closer to the American "lets stick our dicks in the hornets nest of insurgency" while being fat, lazy fucks spouting memes.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 15:36

Proud Christian Mom: Dec 20, 2006; READING COMPREHENSION IS HARD

25000 more posters could win this in 2 years

# ? Aug 9, 2015 16:08

AllDogsGoodDogs: Dec 30, 2008

Spicy Guacamole posted:

The MurderBot Maneuver Center for Infectious Diseases of Excellence Special Operations Center and School

# ? Aug 9, 2015 17:03

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; c-spam cannot afford

hi g0m

# ? Aug 9, 2015 17:07

Larry Parrish: Jul 9, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

SumYungGui posted:

I dunno, in a forum war FYAD feels more like the Ukrainian separatists to me. Politically convenient cluster gently caress of retards tripping over their own dicks and getting used as a cover for the real fighters invading ADTRW. GBS would be closer to the American "lets stick our dicks in the hornets nest of insurgency" while being fat, lazy fucks spouting memes.

This post gave me AIDS.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 17:08

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Larry Parrish posted:

This post gave me AIDS.

Hopefully the Freddie Mercury kind and not the Magic Johnson kind

# ? Aug 9, 2015 17:35

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

Larry Parrish posted:

This post gave me AIDS.

Don't you have a rape prevention brief to give and then a rape to commit?

# ? Aug 9, 2015 17:39

Nice and hot piss: Feb 1, 2004

Spicy Guacamole posted:

The MurderBot Maneuver Center for Infectious Diseases of Excellence

I'd be happy cutting the ribbon to open this building.

# ? Aug 9, 2015 17:56

Rahns: Feb 15, 2008; My ass belongs to peo

So I was pulling weapon sentry during breakfast on my BMQ and I couldn't get food until my relief came out. The first person in my section that came out I asked if he could take over until the actual relief came out, he grabbed his rifle and took off to the shacks saying "gently caress you, I need to get my bed ready for inspection".
Then breakfast was over and I found out my relief was in the smoking pit all along.

So what's this about us not getting hosed?

# ? Aug 11, 2015 18:14

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:59

tyler: Jun 2, 2014

Rahns posted:

So I was pulling weapon sentry during breakfast on my BMQ and I couldn't get food until my relief came out. The first person in my section that came out I asked if he could take over until the actual relief came out, he grabbed his rifle and took off to the shacks saying "gently caress you, I need to get my bed ready for inspection".
Then breakfast was over and I found out my relief was in the smoking pit all along.

So what's this about us not getting hosed?

Really cool story.

# ? Aug 13, 2015 20:57

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Nice job being in the army or whatever... now try having sex

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