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Colorred
Dec 26, 2012




Hello and welcome to Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers! It was an action-adventure game (open world?) released in 2009 for the Wii, and has a quite different combat system from most of the Final Fantasy games. The plot and mechanics all come from the main character Layle's crystal bearer powers - that is, basically psychic abilities that derive from a bit of tinfoil on his face.

The game features some of the best graphics in Wii history (so basically slightly better than PS2 era), and has a plot and characters that are really easy to make fun of because it's pretty stupid. And the voice acting is generally terrible.

Fans of the Final Fantasy games were not entirely surprised by the fact that this game is crushingly mediocre in gameplay, but maybe they were a bit disappointed by the sudden tarnishing of the Crystal Chronicles spin-off.

Updates?

There will be an update every week. Maybe one more if I'm feeling generous.

Stupid Commentators?

Yeah, we're pretty stupid. I'm joined by my non-goon friend Logan, who knows nothing about Final Fantasy at all. I have played a few FFs myself, by which I mean 9 and 10. But aside from that, I have not played any others that I can remember!

Additional Gameplay Info?

What do you want me to do? Post the drat wikipedia page? Fine.

Wikipedia posted:

Like its GameCube predecessor, Crystal Bearers features fully real-time combat, but unlike its predecessor, this game focuses on single-player, free-roaming, action-adventure gameplay. Enemies and regular civilians apparently are able to show emotion or status effects via symbols hanging over their heads, such as hearts for attraction or musical notes for satisfaction. The producers have suggested that enemies do not necessarily grow stronger as the game progresses, but that they gain a wider variety of tactics and abilities instead. It has also been shown that some enemies have the ability to hurt fellow creatures also opposing the player. This is part of a reaction AI system, in which different creatures react in unique ways to other creatures nearby and to the player's attacks. Telekinetic abilities feature heavily in the game. The player is able to perform different combat actions via telekinesis, including moving certain enemies against their will, making them use their abilities against other enemies, and utilizing various objects as telekinetic projectiles. The player is also able to perform some type of reaction element with creatures that will affect them in different manners. To further the telekinetic gameplay, the player is able to utilize his abilities to interact with the environment, such as to activate switches or grab onto ledges and other objects from a distance via an energy-based grappling hook; furthermore, he is able to perform such actions as moving civilians against their will. Civilians also share a trait with enemies in that they are able to attack the player when irritated by his actions.

Plot?

The Crystal Bearers takes place 1000 years after the events in the other Crystal Chronicles games, not that anyone cares at all about that. The Yukes (metal people) have disappeared due to genocide caused by a war between them and the Lilties (plant people). The poor, trampled hobos are human-looking people called Selkies and Clavats, of which I'm sure there's an interesting distinction (snore). Layle is a Clavat.

Hey, what happened to the Dark Eye LP?

I uh, have no idea what you're talking about. That... doesn't exist.

Rules/Spoiler Policy

Just put stuff in spoiler tags. Also, if it's a serious spoiler, add *spoiler* around the phrase so people who don't know much about the games don't click on it! Thanks!
No being an unnecessary dick, and no being creepy. That's pretty easy to follow right?

Videos


















Colorred fucked around with this message at Oct 18, 2016 around 06:18

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Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


By the way, we'll be having a contest to see what name we can create that is more insulting, sounds like slang, and isn't an awful word to replace "Crystal Bearer" each time characters say it. You can submit names and vote, and whichever one gets the most votes, I'll edit into the videos!

corn in the bible
Jun 5, 2004

Oh no oh god it's all true!

i like this game a lot because it is good

CrookedB
Jun 27, 2011

Stupid newbee

This looks like (more of) a kids game (than the main games in the series).

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


CrookedB posted:

This looks like (more of) a kids game (than the main games in the series).
I agree with you there. Tonally, it's a lot more like the trashy FFX-2 game with its absurd plot and 'witty' banter.

corn in the bible posted:

i like this game a lot because it is good
I like it more than most Wii games. It's entertaining enough to play through all of, for sure.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


Next part: We go to hang out with Cid and find out he's actually a plant person. The sorrow.

Inflammatory
Apr 22, 2014


i wanted to like this game, but it really isn't very good.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


Inflammatory posted:

i wanted to like this game, but it really isn't very good.

That's what makes it so great. How could Square Enix make such a middle of the road game?

I was looking through my old Nintendo Power magazines and I happened to find this gem of a poster from one of their issues. It's weird, because Layle's face doesn't really look at all like it does in this poster.

MarquiseMindfang
Jan 6, 2013


I was so optimistic for this game and it kind of crushed me. I was still riding the hype from having finished Crystal Chronicles with my best mate with both of us using the GBA-Link Cable thing, which was a fantastic experience, then this happened. It's not outright awful but it lost a lot for having a huge act to follow and then not even trying.

Internet Kraken
Apr 24, 2010

slightly amused


Crystal Chronicles was really cool and I was pretty upset when I realized this game was absolutely nothing like it.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


Internet Kraken posted:

Crystal Chronicles was really cool and I was pretty upset when I realized this game was absolutely nothing like it.


MarquiseMindfang posted:

I was so optimistic for this game and it kind of crushed me. I was still riding the hype from having finished Crystal Chronicles with my best mate with both of us using the GBA-Link Cable thing, which was a fantastic experience, then this happened. It's not outright awful but it lost a lot for having a huge act to follow and then not even trying.

Yeah, I remember how cool this game seemed in the Nintendo Power magazines I used to order. Nintendo Power hyped up a lot of disappointments like this game. There was Phantasy Star 0, Conduit, COP: The Recruit, and basically any game that wasn't made by Nintendo that they hyped ended up sucking real bad.
I've been playing Xenoblade Chronicles a lot, and I've realized that its the game this should have been.

Rigged Death Trap
Feb 13, 2012

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP


Glassholes.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012



You got that right.

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.


Grimey Drawer

Cryscum for a twofer.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


Zanzibar Ham posted:

Cryscum for a twofer.

Wow, I have absolutely no idea what that is supposed to mean.

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.


Grimey Drawer

Colorred posted:

Wow, I have absolutely no idea what that is supposed to mean.

I'd explain it but as they say that ruins the joke, so I'll keep it a mystery for the ages.

Obligatum VII
May 5, 2014

Haunting you until no 8 arrives.

I won't pretend Crystal Bearers was a GOOD game, but I do think it catches a lot of unnecessary flak, particularly from people angry that it wasn't actual a Crystal Chronicles game despite having it in the name.

Some of the interactions you can pull off with enemies were pretty interesting, and a lot of them were funny. I dunno, I liked it even if it was fairly half-baked.

Also, I think 'Goldenrod''s powers were kind of neat and I can't really think of anywhere else I've seen portals used quite so combatively.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


Obligatum VII posted:

I won't pretend Crystal Bearers was a GOOD game, but I do think it catches a lot of unnecessary flak, particularly from people angry that it wasn't actual a Crystal Chronicles game despite having it in the name.

Some of the interactions you can pull off with enemies were pretty interesting, and a lot of them were funny. I dunno, I liked it even if it was fairly half-baked.

Also, I think 'Goldenrod''s powers were kind of neat and I can't really think of anywhere else I've seen portals used quite so combatively.

Yeah, I do like a few things about the game. Square obviously put a lot of effort into making a unique Final Fantasy game. But, what are Logan and I here for but to make fun of the ridiculous story and strange quirks?

But seriously, this is one of the few Wii games I've ever actually finished to completion, and imo certainly one of the best open world ones available for the platform. (Yeah, there's a lot of competition there)

Colorred fucked around with this message at Sep 6, 2015 around 04:48

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


I know you guys aren't really into this LP, but hey, here's another episode!

In terms of stuff happening and commentary, it's probably the best one so far, and I even changed the crystal to make it more enticing

And by the way, the contest to come up with a better slang term for 'crystal bearer' is still on. I don't know if anyone saw my post about it earlier.

To those who are still watching, thanks for sticking with!

AltaBrown
Sep 8, 2011


It was around here that I stopped playing. The booty bash sequence frustrated me no end.


As for something else to call Crystal Bearers. how about Goat Fucker?

(scene: Layle in a bar, surrounded by glasses; obviously drunk)

"Ye know that cruise ship that was attacked and lost power? I flew that thing home with my own Crystal Powers! So you think they'd call me 'Layle' the Ship Saviour!', but noooooo! Then there was that Crystal Idol I recovered from the Yuke! So, you'd think they'd call me 'Layle, The Treasure Tracker!' But noooooo! An- then, an- then there was the fire at the beach that I put out! So, you'd think they called me 'Layle, the Fireman!' But noooooo - you gently caress ONE goat...."

(and scene)

Hrvstmn31
Aug 2, 2014

You did what in your cup?


I'm surprised this game has been shat on us much as it has I actually really like this game. From the music to the graphics and environments down to the corny rear end dialog I thoroughly enjoyed this game. Though I will admit that beach minigame thing is bullshit and I suck at it.

Hrvstmn31 fucked around with this message at Sep 14, 2015 around 04:25

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


AltaBrown posted:

It was around here that I stopped playing. The booty bash sequence frustrated me no end.


As for something else to call Crystal Bearers. how about Goat Fucker?

(scene: Layle in a bar, surrounded by glasses; obviously drunk)

"Ye know that cruise ship that was attacked and lost power? I flew that thing home with my own Crystal Powers! So you think they'd call me 'Layle' the Ship Saviour!', but noooooo! Then there was that Crystal Idol I recovered from the Yuke! So, you'd think they'd call me 'Layle, The Treasure Tracker!' But noooooo! An- then, an- then there was the fire at the beach that I put out! So, you'd think they called me 'Layle, the Fireman!' But noooooo - you gently caress ONE goat...."

(and scene)

That scene is so confusing the first time you see it. But it is so ridiculous and schlocky that I find it unintentionally hilarious, so even though the minigame is utter crap, I have so much fun playing that part.

Thanks for the submission! If no one else votes by next Tuesday, September 22, (which is looking pretty likely at this point lol), then Goat Fucker will, by default, win! (and every instance of 'crystal bearer' from then on will be replaced by 'goat fucker'). Layle really oughta stop watching goats when they're trying to change on the beach.


Hrvstmn31 posted:

I'm surprised this game has been shat on us much as it has I actually really like this game. From the music to the graphics and environments down to the corny rear end dialog I thoroughly enjoyed this game. Though I will admit that beach minigame thing is bullshit and I suck at it.

It's hard not to like this game's plot and characters from a 'bad movie' kind of standpoint. Later on, I actually begin enjoying the rest of the game (horror). The cutscenes leading up to the minigame totally make it worth the pain, though.

PaletteSwappedNinja
Jun 3, 2008

One Nation, Under God.

Colorred posted:

Phantasy Star 0... real bad

Wrong as gently caress.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


PaletteSwappedNinja posted:

Wrong as gently caress.

Don't make me cry, man. I wanted really badly to like that game.

Mraagvpeine
Nov 4, 2014

I won this avatar on a technicality this thick.

I've heard of the Crystal Chronicles sub-series of Final Fantasy, but never took the time to look up videos of the games. I'll take a look at your videos, but I'm not sure what to expect.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


And by unanimous vote, 'crystal bearer' is now 'goat fucker'! Thanks to 'AltaBrown' for the submission.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


New episode! (We start editing in 'goat fucker' next episode for those who are wondering)

Mraagvpeine
Nov 4, 2014

I won this avatar on a technicality this thick.

I've heard of the Crystal Chronicles series, but have not checked out any of the games, so this should be an interesting experience. Also, even though the contest is over I thought of an entry for it: Crystal Dick.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012




Dear lord, I just realized that I've completely misnumbered this somehow. Apparently there is no sixth episode (five and six are the same)?

Mraagvpeine posted:

I've heard of the Crystal Chronicles series, but have not checked out any of the games, so this should be an interesting experience. Also, even though the contest is over I thought of an entry for it: Crystal Dick.
Neither of us have played any either, so you should be fine.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012




And we're back again! Sorry for the constant hiatuses. I'm thinking of sprucing the OP up because not many people seem to want to stick around. Any suggestions for the LP or OP are welcomed!

AltaBrown
Sep 8, 2011


Yessssss...the Crystal Bearer Goat Fucker Revolution has begun!

Glazius
Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.


How exactly are you going to "mobilize the army against the Yuke", General Gruffington? There's apparently, like, one of them, with no obvious base of operations.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012




Next episode, I'll start using an emulator, and we'll finally start seeing in GLORIOUS HD instead of the awful 480p that the Wii normally plays at.

AltaBrown posted:

Yessssss...the Crystal Bearer Goat Fucker Revolution has begun!

Glazius posted:

How exactly are you going to "mobilize the army against the Yuke", General Gruffington? There's apparently, like, one of them, with no obvious base of operations.
They're definitely an army of convenience. They just pop up wherever they're needed with very little logic about it whatsoever.

AccidentalHipster
Jul 5, 2013

Whadda ya MEAN ya never heard of Dan Brereton?


Colorred posted:



Next episode, I'll start using an emulator, and we'll finally start seeing in GLORIOUS HD instead of the awful 480p that the Wii normally plays at.

Aww yiss. I've been lurking since "goat fucker" became a thing (please ignore the gap between this post and the quoted post) and I can't wait to see Layle dancing in 720p.





this LP is still going, right?

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


AccidentalHipster posted:

Aww yiss. I've been lurking since "goat fucker" became a thing (please ignore the gap between this post and the quoted post) and I can't wait to see Layle dancing in 720p.


this LP is still going, right?

Yes, working on new videos now! But so I don't disappoint with the schedule, I'm going to go ahead and record everything so that there's basically no conceivable way I don't post. Because I have not been very thorough up to this point.

Also Dolphin 5.0 is out now, so crystal bearers is actually playable on pc! Hooray!

Glad you're enjoying it!

(Also sorry for the late response, I didn't check this thread at all bc I assumed no one would have posted)

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


Hello, everyone, we are back!

And in 720p.


I made a convenient catch up video, in case you guys don't remember wtf happened:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRySHBjwDsw

And here's the latest episode, in which we... you never will be able to guess - chase after the Yuke again! Wow!

I'll be doing a schedule of two per week, unless I only post one video per week, in which case I'm doing that. But there shall be no interruptions, god dammit!

zeesik
Nov 30, 2010


I'm happy to see you back! Good luck with the lp.

Colorred
Dec 26, 2012


zeesik posted:

I'm happy to see you back! Good luck with the lp.
Glad to be back! Thank you! There are a few episodes left - maybe 6 or 7 - and after that, Logan and I will move onto some more decent but obscure games.


[Edit] All right! And we're already battling a copyright claim that would have the video blocked worldwide! Thanks, Square!

Colorred fucked around with this message at Sep 20, 2016 around 02:39

Hrvstmn31
Aug 2, 2014

You did what in your cup?


Colorred posted:

[Edit] All right! And we're already battling a copyright claim that would have the video blocked worldwide! Thanks, Square!

Really? That's quite odd as much as I love this game it's not the most well know Final Fantasy.

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Colorred
Dec 26, 2012



In the newest episode, we visit the Yuke sky city. And I am forced to recreate practically an entire scene with shots from The Room (2003), after the game's screen suddenly turns black but the audio continues! That took far more work than I anticipated, by the way...

Hrvstmn31 posted:

Really? That's quite odd as much as I love this game it's not the most well know Final Fantasy.
Yeah, I don't know why Square Enix would bother keeping their tracking bots doing it. It's not exactly like The Crystal Bearers is a very valuable IP, and the game has been out for several years now. I would have figured Square would have moved on.

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