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Apr 25, 2024 22:13
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- frankenfreak
- Feb 16, 2007
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I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT
#bastionboogerbrigade
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He's been tried and served his sentence. We should assume he has learned his le... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, sorry, couldn't finish the thought with a straight face.
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Aug 8, 2016 14:43
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- poty
- Jun 21, 2008
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虹はどこで終わるのですか？ あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?
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He probably learned his lesson, in that he'll hide the new money somewhere way more secretive than Switzerland, like the Bahamas or the private bank on the dark side of the Moon.
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Aug 8, 2016 15:09
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- elbkaida
- Jan 13, 2008
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Look!
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Bit late but lmao Lautern, good going destroying hopes of a better year straight away.
Didn't see the match vs Nürnberg but happy with a point to start of the season. Just a bit worried that only one new signing made it into the starting eleven, that doesn't really say good transfer business to me. Or our promotion squad was that good already...or we are just still as poor as ever 
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Aug 8, 2016 21:56
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- Myron
- Jul 13, 2009
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He's been tried and served his sentence. We should assume he has learned his le... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, sorry, couldn't finish the thought with a straight face.
Does it even count as prison when you're not wearing shackles? Oh wait that's slavery, sorry.
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Aug 9, 2016 10:53
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- hopterque
- Mar 9, 2007
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sup
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1 more vote for netter Schmelzrunter
Its gotta be.
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Aug 10, 2016 22:42
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- frankenfreak
- Feb 16, 2007
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I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT
#bastionboogerbrigade
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Here's the rest of the future OP. I also added a note about losing key players to the Darmstadt write up (thanks, Ghost Farts). If nobody has any more corrections, suggestions, or additions, I'll post the new thread on Sunday, in time for Supercup shitposting.
quote:2. Bundesliga
Seeing as we have quite a number of (more or less) regular posters that support teams in Germany's second flight and we had two fairly big name relegations, I decided to add a short rundown on the league's clubs for the uninitiated.
VfB Stuttgart: Finally got the receipt for years of terrible football and squandering considerable talent, Stuttgart are nevertheless the odds-on favorite to go back up immediately. Manager Jos Luhukay is right at home in these spheres and should make the best of a squad that naturally lost their best players, but made a bunch of solid signings befitting their new station.
Hannover 96: Despite a dismal finish as a distant last, Hannover are looking to get back up to the Bundesliga. They've signed a lot of offensive talent, but their midfield looks thin and their defense merely acceptable.
1. FC Nürnberg: After losing the relegation playoff, Nürnberg are feeling the financial crunch and had to downsize a bit going into this season. Surprisingly, this didn't include the fantastically talented Guido Burgstaller (yet). New manager Alois Schwartz still has a solid foundation to build on, although promotion seems like too tall an order this year, no matter what the club officially says.
FC St. Pauli: The club with the cool kind of brown shirts, the pirate/left-wing/alternative image made a valiant push last season, but fell short of promotion. If legendary manager Ewald Lienen can continue on that form and at least one of the top 3 falters, they might have a chance.
VfL Bochum: Managed by Gertjan Verbeek - who might not just look like a mad genius - Bochum have a bit of a problem in the form of the loss of their dominant striker Simon Terodde to Stuttgart. Replacing a player who scored 25 goals in the league is no small task, but if they somehow manage, Bochum can be contenders again.
1. FC Union Berlin: Eisern Union have been a midtable fixture in their seven seasons in the 2. Bundesliga. There have been some flirts with a higher calling, but few would realistically expect this unexciting team to make a push for promotion this year. Jens Keller being their new manager doesn't help inspiring confidence either, despite signing Kroos (Felix).
Karlsruher SC: Probably punching above their weight under Markus Kauczinski, KSC managed to finish 5th, 3rd, 7th, and 7th again under him since he had lead them back up from the 3. Liga. Now that he's gone, it remains to be seen if they remain an upper mid-table team or fall behind under their new manager, Thomas Oral (Hehe, hehe.  ).
Eintracht Braunschweig: Wow, Thorsten Lieberknecht has been their manager since May 2008(!). The team has fallen back into the 2. Liga midtable since their promotion in 12/13 and the subsequent unceremonious relegation in 13/14. They spent a lot of 15/16 in the 4th-7th range, dreaming of promotion, but collapsed towards the end of the season. Can they repeat that or will they just be a midtable presence this year?
SpVgg Greuther Fürth: For a long time, Fürth would constantly flirt with promotion only to fall short by a hair. Then they finally went up in 11/12, promptly went back down and went to poo poo. Well, that might be putting it a bit harshly, but they've not really been the constant contenders ever since. Unless something goes terribly wrong, they should remain solidly midtable, though.
1. FC Kaiserslautern: The last season was not a good one for Lautern. After flirting with promotion ever since being relegated in 11/12, they fell down to a 10th place finish. Looking at their squad doesn't inspire much confidence in a better 16/17.
1. FC Heidenheim: Another midtable team that had a mixed 15/16 with some ticks upward. From a small town in Baden-Württemberg, they lack the financial punch to force their way to do much better and are probably happy to just be here.
Arminia Bielefeld: Once a team ping ponging between 2. Liga and the top flight, Bielefeld went on to ping ponging between the second and third flights. In their second year back in the 2. Bundesliga, it remains to be seen where their journey goes next.
SV Sandhausen: Another team from a small town in Baden-Württemberg (smaller than Heidenheim, even), Sandhausen are somehow going into their fifth year in the 2. Bundesliga, never finishing better than 12th. Having lost their long time manager Alois Schwarz to Nürnberg and replacing him with a guy who hasn't actually coached at a truly professional level before doesn't bode well.
Fortuna Düsseldorf: Since their relegation in 12/13, Fortuna have slipped down slowly, but surely, finishing 6th, 10th, and 14th in the past three seasons, going through managers like they're going out of style. Friedhelm Funkel is the current man on the hotseat and used to working under this sort of pressure. It remains to be seen if he can stop the club's decline, though.
1860 München: Despite being backed by Jordanian money, Sechzig have fallen way behind their own expectations. Not to mention that their money man Hasan Ismaik doesn't really help to stop the constant turmoil in and around the club. Battling relegation for the past two years, they'll at least try to be better this year. They'll get help from journeymen like Sascha Mölders, Stefan Aigner and *double-checks* Ivica Olic.
Dynamo Dresden: Returning after a two year absence, it's Dynamo and their rabid, riotous fans. Those are more likely to produce headlines than the team. Still, last year's 3. Liga champions look like a good bet to stay up.
Erzgebirge Aue: Somewhat surprisingly, Aue return after only one year in the third flight. In the past, their time in 2. Bundesliga has been spent mostly battling relegation and there's little indication this time would be different. Fun fact: The son of former German national team keeper and World Cup winner Andreas Köpke plays for them - as a striker.
Würzburger Kickers: After scratching their way to the third place in 3. Liga after a bad start into the season, Würzburg saw off Duisburg in the relegation playoff in surprisingly dominant fashion. That, however, is no indication that they have what it takes to stay up. Their manager is Bernd Hollerbach, best remembered as a no-nonsense tackler back in his day.
When are they playing?
The German Bundesliga usually plays all games of a matchday in "one" piece. No "x games in hand" crap to keep in mind unless winter or rain strike really hard.
The standard Bundesliga weekend looks like this:
- Friday, 20:30: 1 game
- Saturday, 15:30: 5 games
- Saturday, 18:30: 1 game
- Sunday, 15:30: 1 game
- Sunday, 17:30: 1 game
In some weeks with European competitions mid-week, the Friday game gets preemted. Last year, there's also been games on Monday evenings and there'll probably be more this season. There's also going to be some mid-week fixtures. On the last two weekends, all 9 games are played simultaneously, saturdays, 15:30 which makes for good drama (just ask Schalke).
If you're unsure if there are games, ask Wazza's Magical Fixture Link.
Resources
Bundesliga.de (German/English) - The league's official site and decent news source
Kicker (German) - Germany's biggest sports magazine (which means football + a couple of pages of other stuff), website can be a bit of a pain to navigate
The Guardian (English) - The Guardian's Bundesliga section (Trigger warning: Rafa Honigstein)
ESPN FC (English) - ESPN's Bundesliga coverage (Trigger warning: usage of the s-word)
Kicktipp (German/English) - A "guess the score" game. Don't forget to tipp your kicks!
Serious Business
The last two seasons have seen several posters foolishly  ing themselves for their terrible teams or lovely players. Will this year be different? Watch this space.
This OP is an evolution that has gone on for several years now. Thanks to everyone who helped with their contributions and corrections at any point!
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Aug 12, 2016 17:33
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 25, 2024 22:13
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Aug 8, 2016 14:43
And the new thread is live! 