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TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.





So, what's all this then?

This is Udoiana Raunes: Auf der Suche nach der Schulordnung, a point-and-click adventure released in 1998 by Stefan Zwanzger and Thomas Wagner.

But what's all this gobbledygook on my screen here?

Oh, right. Much like my last project, Unterwegs in Düsterburg, this game is in German. Now, unlike UiD, an English translation does exist, but personally, I'm not a fan of it. Actually, let me show what I mean with a little example: Check here for a demonstration using the intro. It's not strictly necessary, since I'll do the intro in the LP proper too, but if somebody wants to read me babbling about translation for a bit, there's that.

OK, and what is the game actually about?

The intro will explain the basic premise of the plot, but to give a very short rundown: We play as Udoiana Raunes, fedora-wearing, whip-swinging archaeologist-type/geography teacher, and the school we work at, the Wilhelm-Hausenstein-Gymnasium (WHG for short) in Munich, Bavaria, Germany, has been devastated by a violent student revolution brought upon by the pressure of bureaucracy. poo poo's hosed, and we have to fix it. Just one problem - we don't actually know what we're supposed to do to fix it yet. All we know is that there will be pointing, clicking, and inventory puzzles.

As an aside, I'm going to call this short page on the German school system required reading. Well, not necessarily "required", but given that this is a game strongly rooted in the German school system, some basic knowledge will probably come in handy. It's not that complicated.

I feel like there's a background to this story I'm not getting.

You'd be right. To explain: Back in 1997, Zwanzger and Wagner were students at the WHG, and their geography teacher, Udo Rau, looked like Indiana Jones.



Here he is. I'm not entirely sure I'm seeing it, but whatever. Anyway, based on that, the two created the character of Udoiana Raunes and made a point-and-click adventure, which they sold at the school. It proved very popular, and in 1998, they took that game and drastically revamped it, adding more rooms, people, puzzles, the whole shebang, and called it the "Special Edition", which is what we have here. I couldn't actually find a copy of the "original original" game, so to speak, but since it seems like it's basically just the beta version of what we have here, it's probably not a big loss.

Fun fact: This game doesn't run on DOSBox. Well, it runs, but you can't actually select any of the different verbs, you can just walk around. So apart from bopping around the first room, you can't make any process. This did not help in not making this game even more obscure than it already is. So I'm employing a Windows 98 virtual machine to get around that.

I don't think there's much else to be said about this game - it's a strange little point-and-click adventure that I want to share because god knows nobody else is going to do it. Let's get to it!

Update I - The Wonders Of Diazepam
Update II - Don't Lose Your Head
Update III - Become A Geography Teacher, They Said...
Update IV - Picking Up The Pieces
Update V - Ramble In The Jungle



And what's this now?

This is Udoiana Raunes: In Search for Indiana Jones 4, another point-and-click adventure by Stefan Zwanzger and Thomas Wagner, released in 2005. This is a sequel to the previous game.

So what's this one about?

Once again, we'll get a bit more explanation in the intro and first update proper, but here's a basic rundown: After restoring school regulations in the first game, our intrepid hero has spent eight years in peace and is now looking to enjoy his retirement, but little does he know that he is about to be thrust head-first into a new adventure. Again, we're not actually told what the adventure is about from what we're told going into the game, though the title does give us a pretty good guess.

What's different to the previous game?

Not much, really. Despite it being released in 2005, they used the exact same engine as last time, complete with its quirks about not wanting to run on DOSBox. Pretty much nothing has changed gameplay-wise. There are, however, some differences in other areas:

1) Every area now has different music! Believe me, that one track got old pretty fast.
2) The game is now only available in English, or at least I couldn't find a German version. And given one particular line we'll come across throughout the game, I'm certain there isn't actually a German version available.
3) The story takes a fairly large shift due to going from being about a school to being about a movie series, but it also takes a big step more towards the direction of self-awareness. Fourth wall breaking abounds in this one.

With that in mind, let's just hop right in!

Update I - A Game Worth Dying For
Update II - Game Mountain
Update III - It's Like Poetry. Sort Of. They Rhyme.
Update IV - The Mix-And-Match School Of Scriptwriting
Update V - Drugging People Since 1997
Update VI - The Fall Is A Metaphor, You See
Update VII - Witty Title Pending
Update VIII - Open Heart Surgery Made Easy

TheMcD fucked around with this message at 00:50 on Jan 14, 2016

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TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Update I - The Wonders of Diazepam



Alright, let's get this show on the road.



We start off with a little bit of a preface to the game.

"Udoiana Raunes" is an adventure game for the PC. It will only run under the following system requirements: Pentium 60 processor, 8 MB RAM, 6 MB available hard drive memory, mouse, Soundblaster compatible sound card.

Ah, the good old days...

The player takes the role of "Udoiana Raunes" (a fusion of "Udo Rau = the teacher of the Gymnasium" and "Indiana Jones") and should try to fulfill the tasks and orders given to him as well as he can in both word and deed.

I like the non-committal tone here. "I guess if you gave your best, that's really the most we could ask for, alright, you get to win the game too".

To clearly state our position: We are anti-revolutionary and anti-fascist. This game ends with a glorious victory over the fascist tendencies.

I suppose that if you don't include such a disclaimer, the police shows up and interrogates you as a potential Nazi agitator.

If the contents should however be problematic for somebody, he may contact me: Stefan Zwanzger, telephone: *number*

I guess that number is probably no longer valid, but eh, might as well err on the side of caution and not write it in text.



To make this game worth playing for everybody that doesn't know our Gymnasium, here is a list of the appearing employees:
  • Robert Baumgartner, oil painter and art teacher
  • Alois Frank, mathematician
  • Dr. Buhmann, former principal
  • Heinz Schaffer, vice-principal
  • Grimm, secretary
  • Wile E. Bauer, second vice-principal
  • Bernhard Jablonski, biology lecturer
  • Dr. Plodeck, new principal
  • Wolf Bauroth, physicist and thinker
  • ...and of course Udo Rau alias Udoiana Raunes!

This is by no means a full list of characters, but it is a full list of the characters that are based on teachers and the like from the WHG.



Now, here's the intro text crawl to set up our story.

April 1st, 1999

Students have taken over the Wilhelm-Hausenstein-Gymnasium. The cause was the prevalence of bureaucracy, the apex being when five ace students were required to produce medical certificates for their absence on the 30th of March.

On the 1st of April, at 8:45 AM, a special group of students stormed the secretariat. All the secretaries were immediately executed. The principal and her vice-principal - Karin Plodeck and Heinz Schaffer - were able to escape.

After the students seized power, the teachers were sorted into the following groups:

1. Popular and intelligent
2. Popular and stupid
3. Unpopular and intelligent
4. Unpopular and stupid

Group number four was immediately executed, while groups two and three were put through disciplinary actions.

Finally, the parents' association, the teachers' circles of friends and liaison teachers were disempowered through forced resignation or measures of elimination.

However, after dismantling the school system, the students found themselves in front of a postrevolutionary void.

The unity that had kept the students together was gone. Parties had arisen:

The VSP (Violence Searching Proletarians)
and the BVAJ (Better Visions hAving Intellectuals)

The BVAJ is currently working towards a reorganization of the situation.

The system, however, has been destroyed, and anarchy reigns.

The situation is hopeless... or is it?


Or in short, the students have revolted, poo poo's hosed, we need to fix it, although we don't know how. And yes, there's a reason the BVAJ is the BVAJ and not the BVAI. That comes later.



And here we are with the game! As you can probably see, we've got a pretty standard point-and-click adventure setup going, with nine verbs to fiddle with on the left, an inventory to the right and a big "menu" button in the middle that allows us to save, load, start over, resume and quit. Standard stuff. The verbs we get to play around with are as follows:

code:
Use  Talk To    Walk To
Take Give To    Look At
Pull Take Apart Open
Again, fairly standard stuff. We also have an item in our inventory to start with, the Udoiana Raunes whip.

>Look at Udoiana Raunes whip
I love looking at it!

The descriptions aren't exactly going to set the world on fire, but they're usually descriptive, so at least they're doing their job. Also, note the guts that have been spilled over to the left and the skulls in the foreground. Neither seem to be notable enough to warrant looking at. Let's try talking to somebody - how about Wile E. Bauer, the guy scribbling into something over to the right?

>Talk to Wile E. Bauer


  • Good morning, my name is Dr. Udoiana Raunes.
  • Somebody really needs to clean this place up!
  • Mr. Bauer, what are you doing?

Here's what dialogue choices look like - you get up to four different choices to pick from, but usually you can go through everything.

Good morning, my name is Dr. Udoiana Raunes.
Yes.


Alrighty then?

Somebody really needs to clean this place up!
Yes.


I'm noticing a pattern.

Mr. Bauer, what are you doing?
I'm writing expulsions. Thousand of them. Say, could you please copy these forms for me? There's a copy machine back there!
I...
Please copy the expulsions first!


And it looks like we have our first quest! Saving the world through steady bureaucracy, that's the way we do things in Germany! If we talk to Bauer again, all we get is a repeat of the last two lines, so we need to do that first before we can get anywhere with him, it seems. Let's try exploring the room first. There's a door to the left (it's hard to tell, but trust me, it's there)...

>Look at door to principal's office
It's locked.

drat. I guess that means it's time to do the whole "look at everything" thing. First, our new inventory item:

>Look at expulsion
Any student's nightmare.

>Look at cabinet
The medicine cabinet.

This is the white block thing to the left next to the orange-brownish block. Things are kind of hard to identify at times. We can't open it, because it's locked.

>Look at money
Cash!

The green thing laying on the desk to the left. We can't take it, because it's stuck.

>Look at copy machine
A functioning copy machine.

This is the kind of turquoise shape with yellow markings to the right of the money. We can't use it, because it requires a coin to use.

>Look at window
A wonderful view of Hoffmann's half-destroyed school yard.

Not sure who Hoffmann is, he hasn't been mentioned yet. Also, we're not going to be seeing the aforementioned view.

>Look at pen
The secretary's pen. It has already signed thousands of fake sick notes!

This is the black line to the left of Grimm, the secretary. We can't take this because Raunes doesn't want it. Suit yourself, I guess.

>Look at Grimm/Wile E. Bauer
It's what's inside that counts.

That's an oddly philosophical sentiment coming out all of a sudden. I guess it saves from having to write descriptions for people.

>Look at black box
Sick notes! I hate sick notes! And I hate secretaries that savor their power when signing them to the very last bit.

This is the box to the right of Grimm. Again, we can't actually do anything with it. Finally, there's a door to the right as well.

>Look at door
It's what inside that counts.

What? Looks like something got mixed up here. Let's try something different...

>Open door
This isn't a thing I can open.

OK, Raunes, you're loving with me here. This is a door, very much a thing that can be opened. We can't pull the door either, and we can't use it because "use" is "use X on Y", not just "use X". Guess we'll come back to this later.

>Talk to Grimm


  • I want to be excused.
  • I thought all the secretaries were executed.
  • Mrs. Grimm! Good morning!
  • Mrs. Grimm, I need some money for the copy machine.

I want to be excused.
Please get in touch with the newly appointed school administration.


I guess with the revolution and all, she doesn't exactly have a lot of power left.

I thought all secretaries were executed.
All the others! The execution squad missed me.
  • That's so romantic!
  • Oh god, look! The VSP is coming to get you!

"Romantic"?

That's so romantic!
You have a rather open imagination when it comes to romance!


Well, that went nowhere. The other option has some actual utility, but we'll get to it when we need it.

Mrs. Grimm! Good morning!
Morning.


Mrs. Grimm, I need some money for the copy machine.
Sorry, but the remaining money is needed in other places.


So we have somebody that has money, but we can't get to it. drat. There's also money laying on the desk, but we can't take it because it's stuck. Hm, but maybe...

>Pull money
Leave that there!

I guess it was obvious she was going to protest that. If only we had a way to get her out of the way for a bit. And it just so happens to be that we do have that option!

I thought all secretaries were executed.
All the others! The execution squad missed me.
Oh god, look! The VSP is coming to get you!




This causes her to duck for cover behind the desk and look right at the door to the right, which means...



Yoink! Only problem is that those are bank notes, and we need a coin. Grimm pops back up after nothing happens for a while, so let's ask her.

>Give money to Grimm
Could give me some change for this?
Strange, this money seems familiar. Alright, here you go!




And now we have a coin!

>Use coin with copy machine
>Use expulsion with copy machine

Hey, the copy machine ate up the expulsions!



Erm, why is an angel suddenly floating down?

A ghost!
Do not fear, my son! I am the ghost of Wilhelm von Humboldt, the creator and pioneer of the newhumanist education system. I have been watching you for 200 years and had to watch as you sold out my ideals to bureaucracy and the proletariat. The revolution was inevitable. But there is a way to once again revive the system in its whole original freshness: Find the holy stones, my son, that have been passed down from generation to generation between those in charge at schools, and bring them together, so that the purpose of my bygone existence be hallowed. May the force be with you!


And with that, he just flies off-screen again. I think we need to have a talk with the secretary again - Bauer has nothing to say, he just repeats the same thing even though the stuff we were supposed to copy is now destroyed in the copy machine. He's being kind of an uncooperative dickbag here.


  • What is it with these three holy stones?
  • Mrs. Grimm, I've stolen money from you!
  • Do you believe in ghosts, Mrs. Grimm?
  • A higher power demands reform, Mrs. Grimm!

Now that we've progressed in our quest (progressed in the way of actually having the quest now), we get new things to talk about.

Mrs. Grimm, I've stolen money from you!
Well, then give it back!

  • But I can't!
  • But I want to keep it!

Regardless of what you say here, you get the same answer, that being...

Please spare me your drivel!

Do you believe in ghosts, Mrs. Grimm?
No. I'm a secretary. I have both feet on the ground.


A higher power demands reform, Mrs. Grimm!
What do you want to reform?

  • No more penetrating stares when being excused from school!
  • No more chronically choleric secretaries!
  • No more PE teacher privileges for being excused from school!
  • Cleaning ladies with doctorates!
No more penetrating stares when being excused from school!
That's in our blood. We can't change that.

No more chronically choleric secretaries!
That's in our genetics! Learn to live with it!

No more PE teacher privileges for being excused from school!
We really should change that!

Cleaning ladies with doctorates!
I know. We've been discussing that a lot here. However, there is a lack of Slovenian cleaning ladies with PhDs!


However, all of that is just side stuff, the real meat lies in the first option.

What is it with these three holy stones?
The three School Regulation Stones - short: SRS - have been distributed to the three most influential executive organs of the school for the longest time: The principal, their second-in-command and a third confidant. Mrs. Plodeck and Mr. Schaffer have one each, and the third is in the hands of Mr. Buhmann. They are used to restore order within the school. By god, you're right! We could make it with their help!




This prompts her to slam her fist on the desk, which makes a very important change happen. You might have noticed it. We'll get to that later.
  • And where can I find them?
  • Thanks!
  • Could you please get these stones for me?

Saying "thanks" just ends the conversation, so that's no good.

Could you please get these stones for me?
Do you really want this adventure to end so soon?

  • No, never.
  • This game by Stefan Zwanzger and Thomas Wagner is brilliant! No!
  • How could I? I've got nothing better to do anyway.
  • If I wanted to do that, I could just quit the game.

And any option just ends the conversation. I guess that's no good either, we still need to know where to look.

And where can I find them?
Mr. Buhmann is working as an archaeologist in Crete, Mrs. Plodeck is currently in the Himalaya-Hilton in Nepal. Mr. Schaffer's current whereabouts are unknown.


Well, two out of three ain't bad. However, there still is the small problem of "we're stuck in this room with no way out". But first, we have something new to grab - after Grimm slammed her fist on the desk, that caused two things to happen. One, the pipe over to the right fell over, which means nothing. Two, the medicine cabinet on the left opened, and from there...

>Take bottle of Valium



We grab the blue container, and we now have a whole bunch of Valium. We can't take it ourselves, we can't give it to Grimm, and we can't give it to Bauer either, so for now, we're not using it. Next up, we need to take another look at the door to the right - if we walk towards it instead of looking at it or trying to open it...



The door is locked.

I want to get out of here!
Talk to Mrs. Grimm!

Do you have a key for the door to outside?
I don't. Mr. Bauer has one. I have to warn you, however: The VSP has posted guards out in the hallway!

Do you have a key for the door?
No.

Mr. Bauer says "no".
He's lying!


Now, from that, we're supposed to gather that Bauer has a key, but he doesn't want to hand it over. Apparently, this annoys Udoiana greatly, because we can now do something we couldn't before...

>Use bottle of Valium with Wile E. Bauer



So Udoiana just proceeds to take the entire bottle and shove it straight down Bauer's throat. Because I guess that's going to solve our problem. Well, it turns out that yes, that will indeed solve our problem.



Now that Bauer is high, he'll periodically swing his arms around. When he does so, it reveals that there's a key in his pocket - yes, that grey-ish thing there is supposed to be a key. It could have been a loving fork for all I could tell, but whatever. So we wait for him to start swinging his arms...

>Grab key
>Use key with door

Open!



And there we are, we just made it through the first room! This seems as good a place as any to take a break - next time, we'll be talking to these inviting looking fellows and explore the Gymnasium further.

Recap: We started out getting bossed around by another teacher to do some more paperwork. In order to do that paperwork, we had to fool the secretary into thinking somebody was coming to murder her, then steal her money and have her exchange that same money for change because we need a coin, not a bill. The paperwork was then eaten by the copier, but that's not a problem, because the ghost of Wilhelm von Humboldt gave us our quest to find the Sankara Ston- I mean the School Regulation Stones. We brought this up to the secretary, which made her bang her fist against the desk, which opened the medicine cabinet. We took some Valium out of the cabinet and proceeded to stuff the entire loving bottle straight down the other teacher's throat. That made him drugged-up enough that we could steal the key for the door from him and actually leave the room.

TheMcD fucked around with this message at 23:26 on Sep 13, 2015

Ghostwoods
May 9, 2013

Say "Cheese!"


... Wow.

Yapping Eevee
Nov 12, 2011

STAND TOGETHER.
FIGHT WITH HONOR.
RESTORE BALANCE.

Eevees play for free.


Soiled Meat

...I'm beginning to suspect that this may not be a surprisingly good game like Unterwegs in Düsterburg was. And that the students who made it might have been high at the time.

Still, I'm interested to see where this madness goes.

MartianAgitator
Apr 30, 2003

Damn Earth! Damn her!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Stop everything: is this dude named after Wile E. Coyote or is Wile E. a legit first name and middle initial combo in German?

Alexeythegreat
Apr 18, 2015

I shall devour your soul.


Grimey Drawer

Dafuq
Also, is it just me, or are Udoiana's and Bauer's pants deliberately made skin-colored so that it looks like there are none?

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



MartianAgitator posted:

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Stop everything: is this dude named after Wile E. Coyote or is Wile E. a legit first name and middle initial combo in German?

I have never noticed anybody's name being "Wile". Like, ever. The coyote and Bauer here are the only two times I've ever seen that used as a name. I can only presume it's a nickname in relation to the coyote.

Alexeythegreat posted:

Dafuq
Also, is it just me, or are Udoiana's and Bauer's pants deliberately made skin-colored so that it looks like there are none?

It's probably not deliberate, I guess they were going for some kind of khaki/brown type but bungled it somehow. All I know is that it's now distracting the poo poo out of me.

MegaZeroX
Dec 11, 2013

"I'm Jack Frost, ho! Nice to meet ya, hee ho!"


This is great! This is shaping up to be the best story of the century!

I love how this is all happening on April Fools Day as well. I really hope this game has a nonsensical plot twist involving this.

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Update II - Don't Lose Your Head

Fun fact: As I am writing this update, I'm drinking from a bottle of Diet Sunkist that is advertising the Dr. Pepper/Snapple group's initiative "to provide kids and families with the tools, places and inspiration to make active play a daily priority.". They called this initiative "Let's Play". I find this to be amusing, especially since I'm currently doing the exact opposite (i.E. sitting on my fat lazy rear end and writing about video games), yet I'm also involved with "Let's Play". Anyway, on with the game.



Alright, we made it out of the first room! You'll note that we get to see our representatives for both the VSP as well as the BVAJ, and they both look about as caricature-y as one would expect from the tone this game has been setting. Let's have a celebratory look-around fiesta!

>Look at bulletin board (to the left)
A sad collection of bureaucratic lists.

>Look at trash can (in the middle)
Some pieces of Kinder chocolate, one minute cups and a whole bunch of school exercises.

>Look at advertisement (the little white/red things on the pillars)
An advertisement for "Udoiana Raunes". Good grief, these guys are pushy!
OR
An advertisement for "Udoiana Raunes". It's strange that Ray didn't tear this one off.

No, I don't know who Ray is, and I'm not sure he'll ever be brought up. Probably an in-joke. And that's it for the stuff to look at, so let's move on to the talking.

>Talk to prole


  • VSP for a hundred years!
  • Is your power based on free elections?
  • What's the party program for the VSP like?
  • Are you completely deranged, or something?

VSP for a hundred years!
Thousand year! Haw, haw!

Is your power based on free elections?
No elections! Dictator!

What's the party program for the VSP like?
Kill teachers! Many girls! No thinking!

Are you completely deranged, or something?
Don't get it!
<Phew!>


So that's what we're working with for the VSP - these people really put the "prole" in "proletarian". Let's see what the other one has to say.

>Talk to prole
HALT!


  • Excuse me, you're blocking the way through.
  • Hey, rad!
  • VSP for a thousand years!
  • Young man, please show a bit more respect for your elders.

Now, there's only two ways this goes. Either we say the right thing, or we say the wrong thing. If we say the right thing, that being "VSP for a thousand years!", then...



He steps aside and lets us through. If we say the wrong thing, that being anything else, however...



Oooh, nasty. So yeah, there will be sudden death involved in this game, and saving diligently is probably a good idea. Now, to check out the door he was blocking.

>Open door to Schaffer's office



So here we are in the room that all the teachers seem to have barricaded themselves inside. However, no sign of Schaffer, the one we're actually looking for. What a shame. Lots of stuff to look at, though!

>Look at strange object (the big ball in the foreground)
I don't know what that's supposed to be, either. The artist must have been too lazy to finish drawing the thing.

Udoiana Raunes gives no fucks about the fourth wall, if you didn't already notice from the earlier comment about the advertisement. Though just you wait, the fourth wall gets completely loving bulldozed later in this room.

>Look at open guts (the red poo poo on the floor close to Raunes)
Disgusting! Must have been a teacher.

>Look at propaganda poster (the "VSP" thing over the door)
Vote VSP! Very convincing.

>Look at flow injection analysis device (that thing on the floor close to Jablonski)
That's the "Jugend Forscht"-winner, built by Andreas Stadler.

"Jugend Forscht" is a youth science competition that happens anually. I never much got into it during my time of eligibility - then again, I was never big on contests during school time. Got other poo poo to do! I looked around for a bit, and couldn't find any material directly referencing an "Andreas Stadler" in connection with the contest, so this could be an actual thing, or it could just be made up. I presume the former, though - it being a reference makes more sense.

>Look at globe (behind Frank)
World-shaking!

>Look at television (behind Bauroth, it's kind of hard to see)
Panasonic! (We're getting money for plugs like these!)

Somehow I doubt it.

>Look at ready-made (the thing hanging above Baumgartner)
Two round bicycle wheels.

Somebody's a fan of Duchamp, it seems.

>Look at well made oil paintings (the ones on the floor)
Signed by Robert Baumgartner.

>Look at terrible artwork (the one on top, right edge of the screen)
Signed by Franz Kühn.

This would probably be funnier if I knew the person this is taking a shot at, but I guess the sense behind it is still self-explanatory. That's it for the stuff to look at, so let's talk to people.

>Talk to Robert Baumgartner


  • Good day to you, Mr. Baumgartner.
  • How's your progress with the computer going?
  • Why are you standing in the middle of all this artwork?
  • Where is Heinz Schaffer at?

Good day to you, Mr. Baumgartner.
Good day to you, dear Mr. Raunes!


How's your progress with the computer going?
I hate computers!


I guess when characters only have like four lines, you need to crowbar some character traits in.

Why are you standing in the middle of all this artwork?
These are my oil paintings. This revolutionary regime has accused my works of being "degenerate". They're forcing me to destroy them within five days!


Can't forget those Nazi parallels.

Where is Heinz Schaffer at?
I'm with the art department. How am I supposed to know that?


Well, I would think that if an emergency or something like that occurred, that any member of any faculty would be qualified to know just where the gently caress the vice-principal would be located, but I guess that would make this a bit too easy.

>Talk to Wolf Bauroth


  • Mr. Bauroth.
  • Why do I not feel like talking with you at all?
  • Mr. Bauroth! Thomas Wagner gets 15 points on his research paper!

There's two things that need to be explained here - one, the "15 points", and then the concept of the "Facharbeit". The Facharbeit is pretty simple - in the "Oberstufe", that being grades 10-12, there comes a time when a student gets his first steps into writing scientific research papers with the Facharbeit. The exact way this process works changes from state to state, but in my case, the students get to choose from different seminars based on different school subjects. These seminars have a certain topic (I want to say it was just a general thing about "money" in my case, but I honestly can't remember), and then students get a sub-topic each to write a paper about - in my case it was about speculative investment strategies. After writing the paper, you present it to the group, and get graded on both the paper and the presentation, which brings us seamlessly to the "15 points" thing.

Now, in school over here, we get grades. Obviously. These grades work on a general level from 1 to 6, with 1 being the best, and there being tendencies towards the next lower or higher level (so like 2+ tending towards 1- or 2- tending towards 3+), though there is no tendency for 6. When you're that low, you done goofed. But in the Oberstufe, the system switches to one where you can go from 15 to 0 points, with 15 being the highest. The great thing is that that exactly maps to the previous system (1+ being 15, 1 being 14, 1- being 13, 2+ being 12, etc. all the way down to 6 being 0), so it's basically just a name change. Apparently, this is supposed to make it more fair when calculating average grades and that kind of guff, while the other system is supposed to be more pedagogic in nature. I think it's just a bunch of crap. Anyway, now on to the actual dialogue.

Mr. Bauroth.
Mr. Raunes.


Why do I not feel like talking with you at all?
I don't know, either... but I think you're right.


WARNING: Fourth wall about to take it in the rear end!

Mr. Bauroth! Thomas Wagner gets 15 points on his research paper!
Oh, yes! Apart from the wonderful new graphics by Stefan Zwanzger, the Udoiana Raunes Special Edition now also has incredible programming. Not only has the control system been revolutionized, no, load times now converge towards zero, and aside from the EMS support, finally, optional XMS usage is possible. Crashes have become a foreign concept, the multiple savegames can now be given customized names, and the music is now available for most people! And I haven't even gotten to the dozens of other advantages. You are right: Thomas Wagner deserves 15 points!


God drat, that was a lot of text. Given how little the game can display at once, this took some time to get through. Now, first of all, EMS and XMS are DOS memory management systems, referring to expanded memory (EM) and extended memory (XM). This was a big deal back in the day, I guess. Also, this is a good point to bring up the music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mQ5fHzDgvA

As far as I know, this is the only track in the game, and there don't seem to be any sound effects. It's a catchy tune, but it loops fairly quickly, and given that you'll be spending a lot of time trying to figure things out, it can get annoying.

...so yeah, we just had a pretty massive text dump of the developers verbally fellating themselves through the mouth of one of their teachers. Interesting choice. Moving on...

>Talk to Bernhard Jablonski


  • Mr. Jablonski, you're a biology teacher.
  • Your hair got white very quick.
  • D'ya know where Heinz is?

Mr. Jablonski, you're a biology teacher.
I am.


Your hair got white very quick.
With some it falls out, with some it albinizes.


"To albinize", meaning "to turn white". "Albinieren" isn't a word in German either.

D'ya know where Heinz is?
Naw!


I'm fairly certain that was supposed to be accented in a Bavarian way, given that this takes place in Munich and all.

>Talk to Alois Frank


  • Mr. Frank, I've heard many things about you!
  • In which qualification category have you been assigned to, Mr. Frank?
  • Let's talk about integrals!

Mr. Frank, I've heard many things about you!
Only good things, I hope! Hahaha!


In which qualification category have you been assigned to, Mr. Frank?
I don't have any access i... a... ee <Excuse me> to the files!


...what? The original line is "Ich habe keine Einsicht i..ä..ee <Tschuldrigung> in die Akten erhalten!". I don't know what to make of that - I guess he's supposed to be mumbling or something? Again, this would probably work better if I knew the teacher in question.

Let's talk about integrals!
An integral is an integral!


Now, after you say any one line to Frank, you get a new set of dialogue:
  • How's your family been?
  • How's your wife been?
  • How's your son been?
  • How've you been?
If you pick any, that option is replaced by "It's been a joy talking to you!", which ends the dialogue. To the first three, he will reply "Thanks, great!". To the last, he will reply "Thanks, crappy!". If you exit the conversation after asking how one or two parts have been, he'll say "The pleasure's all mine.". If you exit the conversation after asking how four parts have been, he'll say "Aren't you the bootlicker!". If you exit the conversation after asking how three parts have been, he'll say "You're an interesting person. If you manage to get out of here, I'd like to help you somehow. Take my VIP card. It will help you in 90% of all life situations!".



And with that, we have a new item!

>Look at VIP card
Alois Frank's VIP card.

Now, we don't have the slightest clue just what this card does, and just in what way Frank is a VIP, but it's a point-and-click adventure, and as such, more inventory items are always good. Unless this game pulls the inventory item that kills. Hrm.



That finishes off Schaffer's office - I think - and leaves us with one more thing to do: Work out how to leave. I can tell from hovering over the left side that there's an exit to the airport there, but this nerd here is blocking the way. Only one way out of this:

>Talk to intellectual



Dialogue puzzles! Now, there's going to be a lot of talking here, so strap in.
  • Shouldn't your party be named the BVAI?
  • Hey, pal, forget the VSP idiots back there.
  • Hey you, step aside!
  • I can really sympathize with your party.

Shouldn't your party be named the BVAI?
The term "intellectual" goes back to the Latin term "intellegere" (meaning "to understand"). Now, we all know that the Romans did not have a "J" in their alphabet, but old Latin sources say that the Romans would have preferred spelling this word with a "J". Because of that, my party and I consider it to be appropriate to fulfill the Romans' dearest wish post-mortem by way of the manifestation of the name of our party.


Hey, pal, forget the VSP idiots back there.
That's a cheap rhetorical trick just to gain my favor! Forget it!


Hey you, step aside!
Good sir, that is not an adequate tone to take!


I can really sympathize with your party.
Really? I don't believe you!


This last option brings us to the next set of dialogue options, while the others just end the conversation.


  • Pal, do some fitness workouts, then we'll continue talking.
  • Your party is totally rad, like really phat!
  • Could passage be granted to me by any chance?
  • The revolution was the only way out.

Pal, do some fitness workouts, then we'll continue talking.
Body fetishists were never great thinkers.


Your party is totally rad, like really phat!
Gutter talk.


Could you be so gracious as to allow me to proceed with passage by any chance?
Eloquence without essence is eminently ineloquent!


The revolution was the only way out.
You're right! This revolution was by no means insignificant. It will be a part of world history, just like the French Revolution of 1789 or...


Again, this last option brings us further, and the others end the conversation.


  • ...or the October Revolution, so hauntingly described by Pasternak.
  • Out of the way, kid!
  • This revolution marks the liberation of intellect...
  • Boy, believe me, I'm intelligent. Let me pass!

Now, this is where things get a bit tricky.

Out of the way, kid!
I think you're about to get to know our execution institutions!


Boy, believe me, I'm intelligent. Let me pass!
That you are not. You seem to be one of those teachers that can't even oversee the bigger picture in life by the time they've reached their mid-life years. You stress yourself, you're nervous, and you believe you have no time. That is the wrong way, sir! Farewell.


We get our standard "this conversation is over" options...

...or the October Revolution, so hauntingly described by Pasternak.
You're right. I read Doctor Zhivago at the age of three.


...but then we have this option, which brings new dialogue.


  • ...and I read the theory of relativity at the age of two.
  • Reading is not a synonym for understanding.
  • Apropos "Zhivago": Did you see David Lean's movie version?
  • Pal, you're monkeying about!

...and I read the theory of relativity at the age of two.
You're playing games with me!


Reading is not a synonym for understanding.
And arrogance is not a synonym for intelligence.


Pal, you're monkeying about!
That's it! Fare well!


Again, we have conversation enders...

Apropos "Zhivago": Did you see David Lean's movie version?
Oh, yes! What a movie! Do you know "Schindler's List"?


...and the one option that brings us further.


  • That movie took too long for my tastes.
  • That movie inspired James Cameron with "Titanic", starring the erotic Kate Winslet! [This comes up when it's actually said, but is dropped in the picture because it would make the line too long for the dialogue options]
  • That movie is now 33 years old.

However, regardless of what we say here...

That may be, but you're distracting from the actual topic!

Turns out that that part is a complete dead end. Instead, we need to backtrack...

This revolution marks the liberation of intellect...
Yes! Good! Keep going!



  • It breaks new ground towards the equality between young and old.
  • It completely eliminates the class of teachers.
  • It symbolizes the privilege of intellect over experience.
  • It marks the return to true pedagogic values.

...and here's the actual right way!

It breaks new ground towards the equality between young and old.
That's a bit vague and inconsiderate.


It completely eliminates the class of teachers.
That's not what it's about! The elimination of teachers is a necessary evil for the uprooting of a nonsensical status quo... at least for the BVAJ!


It symbolizes the privilege of intellect over experience.
What melodic phrases...


It marks the return to true pedagogic values.
What melodic phrases...


Here, the first two end the conversation, and the last two bring us to the final block of dialogue.


  • This revolution is not destructive, it is greatly constructive.
  • This revolution is the revolution of the proletariat.
  • This revolution understands that its goal is the journey.
  • This revolution hinders me in getting past you.
This revolution is not destructive, it is greatly constructive.
Yes, that's it! You are an earnest human being! Oh... I've blocked your way for long enough. You may pass! Godspeed!


This revolution is the revolution of the proletariat.
That's not how we see it!


This revolution understands that its goal is the journey.
That's not how we see it!


This revolution hinders me in getting past you.
Oh... I've blocked your way for long enough. You may pass! Godspeed!


And here, as you can probably tell, the middle two throw us out of the conversation, and the other two finally let us get past this fucker and to the airport. And when we do...



We're greeted by this marvelous map screen! We have three locations available to us (with the fourth one being the Gymnasium) - Nepal, Crete and the Amazon! Where do our travels bring us next? Nobody knows! Well, I certainly don't, because I've never really played this game beyond this point! I do have a walkthrough in case poo poo hits the fan, but first I'm going to try bopping around a whole bunch and rubbing things on other things, like a real point-and-click adventure player!

Recap: We talked to one jock and got nothing much out of it, then talked to another and gained access to the teachers' hideout by alluding to the Thousand-Year Reich. Inside the teachers' hideout, we talked to a bunch of them and got a VIP card from one by being interested in him and his family a fair bit, but not overly so. With that done, we talked even more with some nerd, which was blocking our way to the airport despite being the scrawniest fucker around by a long shot, and got sidetracked into talking about movies, which went nowhere. We then restarted the conversation and buttered him up hard enough that he lets us pass, and now we're free to travel the world, with the world being Nepal, Crete and the Amazon.

TheMcD fucked around with this message at 22:59 on Nov 20, 2015

MegaZeroX
Dec 11, 2013

"I'm Jack Frost, ho! Nice to meet ya, hee ho!"


And the LP continues!

TheMcD posted:

The term "intellectual" goes back to the Latin term "intellegere" (meaning "to understand"). Now, we all know that the Romans did not have a "J" in their alphabet, but old Latin sources say that the Romans would have preferred spelling this word with a "J". Because of that, my party and I consider it to be appropriate to fulfill the Romans' dearest wish post-mortem by way of the manifestation of the name of our party.

From what my 2 years of high school Latin has taught me, and the knowledge gained from my current fascination with etymology, this doesn't make any sense at all.

The "I"s in words/names in Latin that were followed by a vowel got replaced with "J"s in most later derived languages (and sometimes "G"s), but intellegere didn't have that. Additionally, the words that did change (like iulius becoming julius) changed (from what we can tell) because of the collapse of the centralized Roman schooling system and the adoption of Latin by foreign people (Vulgar Latin). Not by some sort of will of the Roman people.

So, in conclusion, there is no reason the Romans would want us to use "J" for derivatives of intellegere. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be part of the game's whole political message or not, but I doubt it, as few people would actually recognize the statement's problems, other than the obvious overall craziness of the opinion.

Edit: Also, I'm pretty sure "intellectual" more accurately came from the Latin term "intellectualis," but that is just nitpicking.

MegaZeroX fucked around with this message at 01:18 on Aug 23, 2015

Torrannor
Apr 27, 2013

---FAGNER---
TEAM-MATE


Nepal, Crete and Amazon. These are truly Indiana Jones locations.

SelenicMartian
Sep 14, 2013

Sometimes it's not the bomb that's retarded.



I hope in this game we also solve a puzzle by literally letting a guy freeze to death.

Glazius
Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.



Clapping Larry

This is a pretty appropriate crappy period adventure game. Well done for a team of 2.

cant cook creole bream
Aug 15, 2011
I think Fahrenheit is better for weather

So the school is actually in Warsaw?

I like this story so far. It really reminds me of my own time in the Oberstufe.

Torrannor
Apr 27, 2013

---FAGNER---
TEAM-MATE


SelenicMartian posted:

I hope in this game we also solve a puzzle by literally letting a guy freeze to death.

It's not like Indy forced him to dig up that Orichalcum eel!

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Update III - Become A Geography Teacher, They Said...



Alright, we emerged bleary-eyed to the wide world available to us - as long as your perception of the world is Crete, Nepal and a quite vague location only known as "the Amazon". I don't have a loving clue what I'm doing at this point, so let's just get going with the closest one, Crete. We were told one of the people we're looking for is there, so that's as good a place to start as any.



And here we are - Crete! In particular, we seem to have arrived at the archaeological dig site that Buhmann is working at. Time to look around!

>Look at palace entrance (the doors at the top)
I'm not allowed in.

>Look at Minoan vase
A replica by Sir Arthur Evans.

Why is there a replica vase that would have had to be made several decades ago here? I get the connection between Evans and archeology on Crete, but that's still a strange thing to throw in there.

>Look at child-size shovel (over to the right, in green)
A handy little sandbox shovel.

>Look at shovel piece
A scruffy fragment of a shovel.

Not a lot around here, so I guess we'll cut to the chase.

>Talk to Dr. Buhmann


  • Good afternoon, Mr. Buhmann, I just came here from the WHG.
  • Mr. Buhmann, in the name of the WHG, I would like to...
  • Say, do you still have your School Regulation Stone?
  • Dr. Buhmann, how's the dig going?

Good afternoon, Mr. Buhmann, I just came here from the WHG.
I want nothing to do with that now.


Mr. Buhmann, in the name of the WHG, I would like to...
I want nothing to do with that now.


Say, do you still have your School Regulation Stone?
I want nothing to do with that now.


Somebody does not want to deal with this poo poo at all.

Dr. Buhmann, how's the dig going?
Alright, thanks for asking.


Regardless of what you say, you also get the following:

Oh, by the way, could you put back this Minoan screwdriver in the display case on the first floor? Thanks.



And that gets us a new item! And as we all know, tools are very vital in point-and-click adventures, they can do all sorts of great stuff!

>Look at Minoan screwdriver
A 5000 year old screwdriver.

Also, if you pick any of the three first options after you've gotten the screwdriver, you get this:

I want nothing to do with that now. ...unless...
  • Unless WHAT?
  • Alright, forget it.

Unless WHAT?
Don't be so pushy!


Alright, forget it.
Unless you were to get me a Theban pearl from Egypt.


Alternatively, if you were to pick the last option after getting the screwdriver:

Alright, thanks for asking. If I had a Theban pearl from Egypt, I'd be doing better.

So to sum up, all this was to give us the next part of our quest - find a pearl in Egypt and bring it to Buhmann in exchange for his School Regulation Stone. We can only presume the other two will require similar fetch quests to acquire. That's all we have to do in Crete for now, but before we go, we have something to grab:

>Take child-sized shovel
I'd never do something like that!

...what? What's the holdup here? Is it because it's a toy, and you might be stealing from a kid? Is it because it's a toy, and you don't want to use it? What's the problem here? Hrm, guess there's only one thing to do now:

>Take shovel fragment



And yoink. I guess we still need a second part to make this a proper shovel, but somehow I have the suspicion we're going to run into one fairly quick.



With our business in Crete done, we return to the map to find a new location has opened up - Egypt! Not sure how exactly we instantly know where we have to go to find what we need. I guess it's those geography teacher / archaeologist instincts. Guess we might as well just head right there.



And here we are in the pyramid that apparently has what we need or something.

>Look at idol
An idol of an Egyptian god!

While that weird Anubis-looking thing doesn't exactly look like the Theban pearl we want, I guess it's going to end up in it or something. But first, we have something else to pick up.

>Look at wooden staff
A wooden staff: Quality. Wood. Cylindrical.

Sure, let's just make a play off the Ritter Sport slogan. Now...

>Take wooden staff
>Use wooden staff with shovel fragment




And now we have a shovel! Shovels are good, up there with other tools like crowbars and hammers when it comes to adventure game usefulness.

>Look at shovel
This should work!

Good. Now, can we get to this idol without dying?



Nope. Clearly, it wasn't going to be this easy. I guess this is a sign to turn back and gather clues, and we still have two locations to get through.



Next stop - Nepal!



Lots of things going on here. We have a waiter standing to the left, Mrs. Plodeck in the center, and some weird... woman? to the right that spits out a coin when we get closer. We also have plenty of things to look at.

>Look at door (the door with the blue sign above it)
This door leads to the pool.

>Look at Access: Special Interest (the one to the right of the other door)
Special Interest! ...hmmm...

I have no idea if we can get through these doors. For what it's worth, they were locked by the time I left this place. Guess we'll see later.

>Look at shelves (to the left of the pool door)
A precious assortment!

>Look at mirror (all the way to the left)
Wow!

>Look at bucket
A cleaning lady's bucket.

We can't take the bucket, since the waiter objects to it.

>Talk to waiter
Pardon, but you're not getting in without an ID card.


  • Where can I get an ID card?
  • No, thanks, I don't want to buy anything.
Where can I get an ID card?
That's your problem.

No, thanks, I don't want to buy anything.
Get lost!


Of course, the answer here is the card we got earlier.

>Give VIP card to waiter
Thank you, Mr. Hussein. Please come in.

...was that a joke? I guess it's because he's got a big mustache, making him look like Saddam? Anyway, now that we're allowed in...

>Take bucket
>Talk to fat lady



  • Why do you keep spitting out coins?
  • I think you have too much money.
  • I think you're a metaphor for something.
  • I think you're an allegory for something.

Why do you keep spitting out coins?
I am the cash cow.


I think you have too much money.
I am the cash cow.


I think you're a metaphor for something.
I am a metaphor.


I think you're an allegory for something.
I am an allegory.


O...K? This is getting really weird.

>Pick up slimy coin



>Look at slimy coin
Revolting!

Now, she keeps spitting coins out if you take them, so with my game design hat on, I presume that this will be part of a puzzle you can gently caress up - so that you can go and get another coin and try again. No idea what this actually is used for, guess we'll eventually find out.

>Talk to Dr. Karin Plodeck


  • Good evening, Mrs. Plodeck.
  • Mrs. Plodeck, you look like you're 30!
  • There's a three-headed yeti sitting behind you!
  • Please give me your School Regulation Stone!

Good evening, Mrs. Plodeck.
It's noon! It's always noon in Nepal! And one more thing: Call me Dr. Plodeck! Always Dr. Plodeck!


Mrs. Plodeck, you look like you're 30!
If you're going to compliment me like that, you might as well just start picking food rests out of my teeth!
Oh, I just remembered I have an important meeting to get to! See you later.


There's a three-headed yeti sitting behind you!
Oh, I know that one!


Please give me your School Regulation Stone!
Did I hear that correctly? YOU want to HAVE MY ORIGINAL School Regulation Stone?



  • Pardon me, just a little joke.
  • Yes! I want to HAVE YOUR ORIGINAL School Regulation Stone!

Pardon me, just a little joke.
You better hope that's all it was!


Yes! I want to HAVE YOUR ORIGINAL School Regulation Stone!
Well, in that case, you'd probably have to give me a treasure chest filled with high-carat pirate gold in exchange! Haw, haw, haw, haw!


So I guess that means we're literally just going to bring a full chest of pirate gold, slam it down on the table, and hold out our hand expectingly. So far, we're 2 for 2 when it comes to the goal being "get treasure, receive School Regulation Stone".



Finally, let's go check out the Amazon.



And here, we find a hut, an old man, and a bird. Time to look around!

>Look at cave entrance (the one behind Raunes)
It leads deep into the jungle.

>Look at waterfall
The moonlight gives off a romantic reflection in the quietly flowing water.

>Look at toucan
Caw!

>Look at Henry Raunes Sr. (the old man)
My poor good father.

Of course there was going to be a Jones Sr. in this game.

>Look at sign (in front of the hut)
A name sign made of German plastic.

>Look at television (inside the hut)
German-built.

>Look at window
German glass.

>Look at door
The door comes from Germany.

>Look at satellite antenna
A television antenna for receiving satellite TV.

>Look at moon
This is the same moon I've already seen in Munich.

>Look at river (all the way to the right)
There it gently flows.

Now, with all this stuff around, clearly, the next step is to talk to the toucan. Obviously.

>Talk to toucan
Toucans can't talk... right?

He walks over to the toucan, and...

Caw, gold, caw!



Oh, we're really doing this.
  • Where, caw, gold, caw?
  • Oof, oink, squeal, gold?
  • Tzngrmmmm. Gold? Ooompah-pah! (What the gently caress. Seriously, what the gently caress.)
  • Oh, yes, caw, caw!

Where, caw, gold, caw?
Where, caw, gold, caw?


Oof, oink, squeal, gold?
Fuznba, fuznba, Gold!


Tzngrmmmm. Gold? Ooompah-pah!
Fuznba, gold, cock-a-doodle-do!


Oh, yes, caw, caw!
Caribbean, monk, unk, unk!


Only the last one gets us further, the others only end the conversation.



Why did I sign up for this again?
  • Ongabonga, oof, where, where?
  • Excuse me...
  • Caw, where exactly, caw, bunk?

Half this poo poo isn't even onomatopoeia, it's just some random crap.

Ongabonga, oof, where, where?
Caw, oh dear, oh, oh!


Excuse me...
Cockroachcock-a-doodledingdong!
(Original: Kakerlakedikrikediwal! Seriously, what the gently caress.)

Caw, where exactly, caw, bunk?
Caw, northern hemisphere, caw, 80 degrees longitude, caw!


And there we go. We just got given directions to a Caribbean island by a toucan, and apparently, there's gold there. Because that's how that works. But before that, let's get some quality family time going.

>Talk to Henry Raunes Sr.


  • Father, it's good to see you!
  • Let's talk, father!
  • Father, do you know anything about a certain "Heinz Schaffer"?

Father, it's good to see you!
Yes.


Father, do you know anything about a certain "Heinz Schaffer"?
No.


Let's talk, father!
What do you want to tell me?



  • The tree behind your house seems to be glowing from the inside!
  • How has life here been?
  • You haven't changed a bit, father!
  • Should I get you something from Germany?

The tree behind your house seems to be glowing from the inside!
I've noticed that too. Two months ago, something zoomed past here in the middle of the night. There were the sounds of elephant cries, an Upper Bavarian yodeler and above all a race car going at about 280 km/h, I think. Since then, the tree seems to be glowing. I've already given a UFO alert at the nearest place of authority, but with this uncivilized jungle race...
That'll be enough, father!


Can you tell what they're going for with Henry Raunes here?

How has life here been?
I'm surrounded by idiots! That toucan thing behind you has been sitting there for about four weeks and just stares at me. I'll break its beak some day! And then these degenerate South Americans, that subhuman race. They should be wiped out...
Father, please remember the Geneva Conventions on human rights.
Yeah, yeah, those Swiss.


I'm sure you can tell what they were going for now.

You haven't changed a bit, father!
It's good to hear that. Oh, by the way, Junior, could you please help me with repairing my satellite television set? I've recently installed this satellite dish on my roof so I can finally get German TV channels again, and not this Aborigine-TV! But of course, nothing works around here, since it's not German workmanship...
Alright, alright, father! I'll deal with it.


Should I get you something from Germany?
Please, an autograph from Riefenstahl and a fascist t-shirt.


Henry is referring to Leni Riefenstahl, obviously primarily mentioned here because she was the director of Triumph of the Will and Olympia, two incredibly successful Nazi propaganda movies. I'm only about 75% sure that this is actually a thing we are required to do in order to complete the game. Fixing the TV, however, I'm more sure about being required to beat the game, so let's get on that.

>Use Minoan screwdriver on television
It's open.



Now that this thing is open, we can move our mouse pointer around, and it shows us a bunch of parts. One is "inconspicuous", one is "long", one is "cold", one is "vibrating", one is "complex", and so on. If we try to do anything with them, Raunes says that he can't do anything because he needs more light, so there obviously is still a puzzle to be solved here, and I don't think we have the necessary parts right now. So I guess we might as well check out that island.

>Go to cave entrance



Raunes proceeds to disappear in the cave, and now follows an uninterrupted segment of different lines coming from him and the active command down at the bottom constantly changing. I have no impact on this, this is just a thing that happens.

Oh! This must be the wrong way!
>Look at green thing
It's a serrated-grating-type green thing.
>Take tapir
>Use tapir with boa constrictor
It ate up the tapir.
>Talk with boa constrictor
It's still digesting the tapir.
>Talk with howler monkey
Ooh-ah! No reaction.
>Open ant hill
>Take crocodile out of ant hill
>Give crocodile to three toed sloth
The crocodile bit off its three toes... and it's still sleeping!
>Take apart jaguar
Aaaaaaaaah! Oh, there's the exit to the airport!

...what the gently caress just happened? Either that was originally supposed to be a segment that got cut for time or the like, or that was just one big joke, what with all this exciting poo poo happening and the player not being able to see a single bit of it. Oh well, guess we'll just move on.

EDIT: Thread to the rescue!

Cheez posted:

The series of actions obscured behind the wall is a Monkey Island thing.

klafbang posted:

I'm guessing a copy of tribute to this classic scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1Jtf38I318



Next stop, the Caribbean island we heard about from the toucan.



God drat, that is one tiny island. And it even comes with a conveniently placed X marking the spot! Let's not waste any time.

>Use shovel on mark



SOME TIME LATER



And now we have a hole, but haven't actually dug anything up, so it seems there's one more step between "dig hole" and "get stuff".

>Look at hole
A deep hole. I dug it myself!

Now, the next step lies in getting something that can get stuff out of the hole. To that end...

>Use Udoiana Raunes whip with bucket



And now we have a device for drawing water and presumably other stuff too!

>Look at drawing device
A bucket with a whip affixed to it.

>Use drawing device with hole

OK, now, before we go on, I'd like to point something out. Just bear with me here... this is where it gets weird. Yes, all the poo poo before that? Not that weird. This is where it really gets weird. So be prepared for some poo poo.



Whenever we use the device with the hole, we get this little animation, and if there's something left to be brought out, we get the next item in the list. We get, in order...



...a fish...

A specimen of the common, carnivorous deep-see hypochondriac fish.

>Look at deep sea fish
A dead deep sea fish.



...a book...

A soppy book.

>Look at Micronesian diary
There's nothing in here.



...a flag...

The Indonesian national flag!

>Look at Indonesian flag
The Indonesian national flag.



...a car tire...

A car tire.

>Look at car tire
A German car tire!



...a piece from the Titanic...

Junk from the Titanic.

>Look at Titanic fragment
A part of the helm of the Titanic.



...a buoy...

A buoy!

>Look at Russian sonar buoy
The sonar buoy off of a Russian submarine.



...a transistor...

Would you look at that, a transistor.

>Look at transistor
A wet combination of semiconductors.



...a loving rock...

A completely normal, insignificant stone!

>Look at stone
A simple stone.



...a satellite...

Interesting, a satellite.

>Look at satellite
The pathetic remainder of an Albanian weather satellite.



...and finally, to cap things off, the severed head of an albatross.

A severed albatross head!

>Look at albatross head
Bloody!

Now, how the gently caress do we use these things? I have absolutely no idea! Next time, it'll be the happy happy fun times of rubbing items all over other items until a thing happens!

Recap: We traveled all over the world. First we talked to a former teacher in Crete, who sent us to Egypt to find a pearl, where we went, but not before stealing a shovel fragment because of reasons. Then, in Egypt, we got the second half of the shovel and nothing else. After that, we traveled to Nepal, where we got a slimy coin from some woman who keeps spitting them up and talked to the principal of the school, who told us to go and find pirate treasure. So we went to the Amazon, where we reunited with our Nazi father, got some tasks to fetch some poo poo for him and fix his TV, and got told the location of some pirate treasure by a toucan. We then traveled to that location, that being a remote island in the Caribbean, and while we didn't find a pirate treasure, we did find every loving other thing under the god drat sun. And through all of this, I'm not entirely sure if we have even made any actual progress towards our goal of collecting the three School Regulation Stones.

TheMcD fucked around with this message at 01:25 on Oct 8, 2015

Cheez
Apr 29, 2013

Someone doesn't like a shitty gimmick I like?


TIME FOR ME TO WHINE ABOUT IT!


The series of actions obscured behind the wall is a Monkey Island thing.

Mraagvpeine
Nov 4, 2014

I won this avatar on a technicality this thick.

That sure was a random assortment of things.

SelenicMartian
Sep 14, 2013

Sometimes it's not the bomb that's retarded.



Now we need to use it all to get a Babel fish.

klafbang
Nov 18, 2009


Clapping Larry

TheMcD posted:

Now, she keeps spitting coins out if you take them, so with my game design hat on, I presume that this will be part of a puzzle you can gently caress up - so that you can go and get another coin and try again. No idea what this actually is used for, guess we'll eventually find out.

Oh, I hope it's a game-length extending puzzle requiring 437 coins which you have to fetch one after the other.

TheMcD posted:

...what the gently caress just happened? Either that was originally supposed to be a segment that got cut for time or the like, or that was just one big joke, what with all this exciting poo poo happening and the player not being able to see a single bit of it. Oh well, guess we'll just move on.

I'm guessing a copy of tribute to this classic scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1Jtf38I318

The game has a definite feel of Lucasarts from the golden adventure game period. It's an interesting watch and I appreciate you taking the time to translate it.

Glazius
Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.



Clapping Larry

Nothing like a trapped floor that wipes you out if you hit the wrong tile.

...but I wonder if what we're dealing with in Crete is nothing like a trapped floor that wipes you out etc. That'd be murder from this perspective.

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Cheez posted:

The series of actions obscured behind the wall is a Monkey Island thing.

klafbang posted:

I'm guessing a copy of tribute to this classic scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1Jtf38I318

Thanks for clearing that up. I figured as much - I never was big into these games, and when I did play them, they were obscure poo poo like this or Soviet Unterzögersdorf (which was also a game I considered LPing, but apparently somebody else already did that, so I went with this one instead..

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Update IV - Picking Up the Pieces



You might not know it, but we're actually entering the home stretch of the game! Turns out this game made by two students, largely as a joke and then expanded into something you could call an actual game, isn't very long! And as you might have guessed, it turns out I missed several things. This is the point where I officially gave up and just consulted a walkthrough, because I couldn't get in the spirit of "rub every thing on every thing" and pixelhunting. Now, to be exact, I missed four things crucial for advancing the plot. Number one is actually the pirate treasure we need to get the first piece of the School Regulation Stone. How do we get it? Oh, that's simple.

>Pull palm tree



Oh, there was some treasure in the treetop!

>Take treasure chest
>Look at treasure chest
A chest filled with pirate gold.

Shazam, we now have a chest filled with gold. I'm fairly sure this would have taken me a good amount of time to work out - I would not have figured that pulling the palm tree would be the correct thing to do. It just sounds wrong, you know? When you tell me to imagine what "pull palm tree" would do in an adventure game, I would figure it would be a goofy death where you pull the tree down by the leaves, then get catapulted through the air and splat against something. Oh well, let's not look a gift fetchquest item in the mouth. However, even though we now have this item, our next stop is not Nepal. It is, in fact...



...the WHG! Now, there are three, count 'em, three items that we missed here, two on this very screen. Can you find them? Go ahead and try.




...did you find them? Here they are:



That grey thing that does kind of stick out a bit, but still, that's pretty rough, especially since it's embedded in a different object, making it harder to spot by sweeping around. That object is in fact...

>Take nail

...a nail!

>Look at nail
An all-purpose nail.

And the red thing in the garbage bin is a book.

>Take book

Not that you could really tell, and again, it's stuck in a different object. Under closer inspection, the book turns out to be an Egyptian astronomy book, but that's not what's important about it.

>Look at Egyptian astronomy book
Wait a minute, there's a piece of paper in here.



Now this is interesting! If you'll recall, we saw some similar symbols in the pyramid in Egypt. And if my Latin doesn't fail me, that text means "pathway to the light" or something similar (I did have to look up "semita" though), and if you'll recall, the idol we saw there had light shining on it. So this is the order in which we need to step on the tiles. But we're not done here yet. Moving on to Schaffer's office:



Again, one item we missed is in this room. Can you find it?




...alright, let's see if you got it right:



>Get lighter
>Look at lighter
A gasoline lighter... but with no gasoline!

Yup, that tiny blue thing was a lighter. And once again, it's crucial to finishing the game. Now that we have the crucial items, it's off to Nepal!



>Give treasure chest to Dr. Karin Plodeck
Ahahaha! That whole thing with the pirate treasure was just a joke! Oh well, here's your piece of the stone.



Hmmm. Hmmmmm. Call me suspicious, but I don't think this stone piece is all that kosher.

>Look at strange School Regulation Stone
Wait a minute, this isn't a piece of the School Regulation Stone!



Welp.

>Look at piece of pizza dough
This pizza dough comes from a Wagner pizza.

Wagner, if you don't know, is a subsidiary of Nestlé (of course it is, every food thing is a subsidiary of the same five companies these days). They make pizzas and sell them throughout Europe. They're alright.

>Look at salami
Original boar salami from Prague.

Is Prague notable for its salami?

>Look at mushroom
An amanita mushroom.

The original line here refers to a "Knollenblätterpilz", which generally means "amanita", but more directly refers to the Death Cap, which is most definitely not something you want on a pizza. I may not remember the classes in which we covered mushrooms too well (gently caress, must have been third grade or so), but for some reason I connect "Knollenblätterpilz" with "bad", which isn't surprising, given that a great amount of the amanita genus is poisonous, much of it lethally so. Seems like kind of a weird thing to throw in when you just could have called it a champignon (agaricus bisporus, a very common mushroom used in cooking). Maybe it being lethal is the joke? It's not like I can use items on Raunes, so eh. Anyway, moving on, we have a complaint to make.

>Talk to Dr. Karin Plodeck


  • That thing you gave me was a piece of pizza!
  • It's been an honor, Mrs. Plodeck!
That thing you gave me was a piece of pizza!
Oh, er, really? What was it you wanted from me again?
I wanted your personal piece of the School Regulation Stone.
Oh, right, now I remember!


That gets us the School Regulation stone, but we're not done with Plodeck just yet. We need to talk to her again to get a crucial item.

>Talk to Dr. Karin Plodeck


  • Could you tell me where I can find Heinz Schaffer?
  • It's been an honor, Mrs. Plodeck!
  • Mrs. Plodeck, what are your plans for the WHG?
Could you tell me where I can find Heinz Schaffer?
I don't know! When the mass of revolting students stormed the secretary's office, we were currently immersed in a conversation. We escaped through different windows and haven't seen each other since.


It's been an honor, Mrs. Plodeck!
The pleasure's all mine!


Mrs. Plodeck, what are your plans for the WHG?
I have concrete ideas, but I don't have a plan. But let's not debate over school matters right now.


Regardless of what you say here, this follows:

Please, take a seat and have some of the local national beverage with me!


  • I can't accept that.
  • But Mrs. Plodeck, that's a bit too much!
  • I'm not insane!
  • I don't have enough time!

Regardless of what you say, this follows:

Then at least take a glass with you. Maybe you'll get thirsty on your travels!



And with that, we now have a third of the full School Regulation Stone, and also a mug of the local brew.

>Look at School Regulation Stone (SRS)
One third of the solution to our problem.

>Look at Nepalese national beverage
Whoa there, this is gasoline!

Gasoline, you say?

>Use Nepalese national beverage with lighter
It's full now.

>Look at lighter
It should work now.

Excellent. Now, with one third of the stone and our lighter refilled, let's head to the pyramid.



Here, we get to now walk from tile to tile and fiddle with the movement engine, which is... a bit quirky. Here's a video of me fiddling about with the stuff in the pyramid while nice music plays. Spoilers: I die a lot.



Anyway, here's the way we need to go. Suffice it to say that things went wrong and I had to look into the book a lot.



Now, let's see if we can't work out how to get the pearl, which I suppose is in this idol.

>Open idol



It won't stay open. I need something to hold it up.

God damnit. Right, so we need to prop this sumbitch up somehow. Maybe that stick we had earlier?

>Take apart shovel
>Use wooden staff with idol
The staff is too long. I need to halve it somehow.

Alright. We have a wooden stick, and we need to halve it. We can't just break it in half. What do we use? Simple! Now, just bear with me here.

>Use albatross head with deep sea fish
Whoa, it's still alive!



This gives us two new items, an albatross head, and an albatross beak. Now, we can't just use the beak to saw through the staff, we need to fix it somehow.

>Use albatross head with nail



>Look at albatross beak scissors
This should work!

Presto! Now we have a pair of albatross beak scissors. This makes total sense.

>Use albatross beak scissors with wooden staff



And now we finally have our shortened piece of wood.

>Look at halved wooden staff
Halved, but still cylindrical and good!

And finally...

>Use halved wooden staff with idol



Yayifications! We can finally get to the pearl (the little yellow thing)!

>Take pearl



Alright, we finally got what we came for and can get our second piece of the stone!

>Look at Theban pearl
A golden pearl!

But wait, what happened to the Nepalese national beverage we were lugging around?

>Look at Nepalese national beverage
The book seems to be dissolving in the gasoline. I can't read it like this.

Welp. Sure hope you remember the way out! Thankfully, I did... by and large. Still had to make some safety saves. Now, back to Crete!



>Give Theban pearl to Dr. Buhmann
Thank you. What can I do for you now?


  • I need your School Regulation Stone.
  • Do you know where Heinz Schaffer is currently located?

But no matter what you say...

But first, wouldn't you like to know why I made you get this pearl in the first place?


  • Yes, I'm very interested in your explanations.
  • Start babbling!
  • God drat, is this ever going to end?

Now, the way this works is that he's going to start talking, and we can basically either tell him to shut up or continue. I'll just skip the different options and just let him talk.

Yes, I'm very interested in your explanations.
This pearl is indispensable in deciphering the Minoan alphabet.
What does an Egyptian pearl have to do with the Minoan alphabet?
As you know, the Minoan lettering - Linear A - is currently untranslatable. Is the Rosetta Stone familiar to you?
No, what's that now?
The Rosetta Stone allowed us to decipher the Egyptian hieroglyphs! On it, there was the same text in two languages: Greek and Egyptian!
And what's the relation to the Minoans and the pearl?
North of Crete, there is an island named Santorin, which held a Minoan trading harbor. We assume there to be something similar to the Rosetta Stone.
Ah, mhmm, yes, oh, er, yes?
Recently, a machine for the exchange of goods from the BC times was found there. Sadly, it wasn't possible to break into it! And that's why we need the pearl! From it, we hope to get some sort of receipt in Linear-A!




And now, Raunes has had enough.

Where the hell is the stone??!??
I have no idea what you're talking about! The important part is that you understand... Santorin... wax receipt... hydrologically operated... functioning... archaeology lives...




And now he's REALLY had enough.

Wait a moment! I still have this ancient, rock-hard piece of pizza. Maybe this will help you.



And he gives us the second piece of the School Regulation Stone. Finally...

>Use School Regulation Stone with School Regulation Stone
They fit together perfectly!



>Look at two School Regulation Stones
1+1=2; 2+?=3; 3-2=1; only one third left!

Marvelous mastery of math there, Raunes. Anyway, that'll be it for this time. Next time, we'll finish this journey off as we find Heinz Schaffer in an unexpected place, and find the last School Regulation Stone!

Recap: Turns out that when people say they'll give you something if you give them something ridiculous, they're usually joking, but no matter to us. We shake a pirate treasure from a loving palm tree and give it to Plodeck in exchange for her piece of the SRS, and get some gasoline to drink from her to boot. That's only one step below battery acid on the list of things I don't want to loving drink, but it's still useful. We also grab some random poo poo from the WHG because I need better point-and-click-adventure-vision. Udoiana Raunes then gets flattened several times on his way through the pyramid because symbols are hard to read, and fashions some scissors out of the beak of an albatross, which he separates from the head by using a deep sea fish he thought was dead, but somehow survived being carted around through several long plane flights, all just to cut a loving piece of wood in half. We get the pearl, bring it back to Buhmann, get waffled at for a while, and get the second piece of the SRS.

Glazius
Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.



Clapping Larry

Shame there's no giant comedy list of ingredients for the Nepalese national beverage.

Mraagvpeine
Nov 4, 2014

I won this avatar on a technicality this thick.

Man, that pyramid puzzle is... I don't even...

Torrannor
Apr 27, 2013

---FAGNER---
TEAM-MATE


The letters puzzle to get the Holy Grail is easier, that's some ridiculous poo poo.

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Update V - Ramble In The Jungle



Right, so now we have two of the three parts of the School Regulation Stone, and we only have one left to get. Only one problem: We don't have a loving clue where to find it. We know it's with Schaffer, but we have no idea where he is. What we do however know is that we still have to fix Dad's TV, clearly a very pressing issue with the school system of Germany being on the verge of destruction by the insurrection of students with fascist ideologies. However, when we attempted to fix it, we were thwarted by a lack of light. Well, no longer! We now have a lighter, and it's got fuel, too! So off to the Amazon we go!



And here we are, with that bird still there and the TV decidedly un-fixed. But first...

>Use lighter



I have just been enlightened!

Marvelous. Anyway, so we just use the lighter to light up whatever area we're at right now, so let's head inside the cabin and try that again.



Now I can see!

Now that the place has been properly illuminated, we can take a closer look at all of the parts. This essentially means that you're pixelhunting across the TV with nothing really to go by to guide you visually. We find a transistor, a light bulb, a battery... and a charred bit of cable! This must be the problem.

>Take charred cable
I can't get to it... there's too much junk in the way! I'll get rid of it!



It works!

Hooray!



Mr. Schaffer!

Er... what? So, it seems that just rummaging around an electrical device might actually screw some things up and give you quite a bit of a shock. However, what one could not assume would happen is that the jolt would send you jolting through the air, crashing into a tree house that just so happens to have Schaffer in it.



Ah, a diversion.


  • The school has been taken over by a brutal student regime!
  • Please give me your School Regulation Stone!
  • How did you get up here, Mr. Schaffer?

The school has been taken over by a brutal student regime!
I know! That's why I'm here!


How did you get up here, Mr. Schaffer?
Psychologists confirmed: A human is occasionally able to develop superhuman powers in a state of extreme agitation. I jumped.


If we ask that question, we get another set:


  • Where did all these books come from?
  • So how do you get back down from here?

Where did all these books come from?
I jumped with my suitcases!


So how do you get back down from here?
I've been asking myself that for two months now!


And finally, what we originally came here for:

Please give me your School Regulation Stone!
Here, take it. Go with my blessing.


Alright, we're done!



Whoops. Well, we could still pick it up, we just need to get down. And that we achieve by the most logical way possible:



Stand on a branch until it breaks. Now that we're back down here, let's pick up that piece of the School Regulation Sto-



...god damnit. Now, you'll notice that the satellite dish has gone a bit floppy on us. We'll have to fix that, but we also still need to gather the items Raunes Senior sent us to get.



Well, it turns out that now, there is a package just laying around in Schaffer's office back at the WHG.

>Take package



And now we have a package! We also have some resistors from when we hosed around with the TV back in the Amazon.

>Look at resistor
An electric resistor.

>Look at package
The label says: "Contains: Autograph by Leni Riefenstahl, fascist t-shirt." What a coincidence!

What a coincidence, indeed. While we're here, we also need to talk to Jablonski one more time.



This time around, we have a new dialogue option to pick.

Your physiognomy is an original!
Indeed. We two see things the same way!


Physiognomy, if you're wondering, is "the assessment of a person's character or personality from his or her outer appearance".



We're back in a dialogue puzzle, so I'll just keep things short and go along the correct path, since the usual result of getting things wrong is just getting dropped back to the beginning.
  • While we're on the subject of physiognomy...
  • Being called an original isn't necessarily a compliment.
  • Mr. Jablonski, you eat too much!

While we're on the subject of physiognomy...
Physiognomy lies within the domain of morphology.


That being "a branch of biology dealing with the study of the form and structure of organisms and their specific structural features".


  • Morphology is the research of the form of creatures.
  • Morphology is the research of the nutrients of creatures.
  • Morphology is the research of the behavior of creatures.
  • Morphology is fun!

Morphology is the research of the form of creatures.
Right. And physiology...


...is "is the scientific study of the normal function in living systems".


  • Physiology is philosophy.
  • Physiology is physiognomy.
  • Physiology is psychology.
  • Physiology is fun!

Physiology is fun!
Right. On to microbiology...


...which is "is the study of microscopic organisms, those being unicellular (single cell), multicellular (cell colony), or acellular (lacking cells)".


  • Microbiology is not botany!
  • Microbiology is not zoology!
  • Microbiology is not anthropology!
  • Microbiology is fun!

Microbiology is not botany!
Say, do you really believe that this idiotic guessing game on the reproduction level will help you gain my trust?
Yes, I do believe that.
You have a very optimistic way of looking at life!
I'm an optimist in every situation of my life.
Well, then you might be able to use this.




And now we have... a "Lettimznetop-Adapter"? What the gently caress does that mean? That is not a German word at all! That doesn't even remotely sound like anything I've heard before! And when I enter it into Google, the only two things that pop up are the FAQ I was using to complete this game (for there is only one FAQ) and some weird Russian site mentioning potency pills - in German, they're called "Potenzmittel"... hold the gently caress up. "Lettimznetop" is "Potenzmittel" backwards! Spoilers - we're going to be using this thing to fix the satellite dish and get it fully... erect again. Jesus Christ, I only now got that.

>Look at Ekojkcid adapter
You simply have to have tried it yourself.

Are the results that wonderful, Raunes? Anyway, we have the package, we have the part needed to fix the satellite dish, let's head back to the Amazon!



Now, we need to use the Ekojkcid adapter somewhere on this screen to fix the dish. We can't get back up to it. Where do we use it?




...right here:



Just some random spot indoors.

>Use Ekojkcid adapter with satellite connector
It seems to work.



Hallelujah, the dish is back in all its rigid glory. And finally:

>Give package to Henry Raunes Sr.
Thanks.

Erm, OK, that was not the result I was expecting. Guess I need to talk to him first.

>Talk to Henry Raunes Sr.


  • Father, all your orders were fulfilled as ordered.
  • Do you know where the rock that fell into the river earlier went?
  • So, dad! And where's my thanks?

Father, all your orders were fulfilled as ordered.
Good job, Junior. You're dismissed!


So, dad! And where's my thanks?
Don't call me "dad"! You've been spending too much time under the epidemical influence of the Americans.


Do you know where the rock that fell into the river earlier went?
That pizza-looking stone with the old inscription? Erm... no, never seen it!



  • Father, you have it. I know it!
  • I need this stone, father.

Pretty sure there's no difference here.

Father, you have it. I know it!
First, you have to tell me what it's for. It's my duty to find out whether its purpose conforms to my world views.



  • It will defeat fascism. Death to the old Nazis!
  • It will restore the humanist education system.
  • It contains the original recipe for Pizza Funghi!

And at this point I'll just pick the right answer. Strap yourselves in, folks, this one's going to get long. There's some more "choices" along the way I'll just cut out since they're more of the "either continue or end the dialogue" variety and aren't really interesting.

It will restore the humanist education system.
Humanism is sick! Humanity is pathological! Equal rights are a virus...
FAAAAAAAAATHEEEER! You old fascist, you should have gotten tried in Nürnberg. I've been covering for you this entire time! If the Allies knew that one of these ancient reptiles is living here in the jungle, they'd have cleared the entire rainforest! Father, just what has made you become this narrow-minded, mindless follower?
Junior, I will not tolerate you...
Listen, father! I... I personally don't want to rule, nor own or conquer somebody, I want to help every human being wherever I can: The Jew, the heathen, the colored, the white. Every human - you too, father - should help the others, only that way can we improve the world. We should take part in the forture of others and not abhor each other. Hate and spite will never bring us closer together. There is enough room in this world for all of us and Mother Earth is plentiful enough to provide for every one of us. Life can be so pleasant and wonderful. You just have to learn how to live it again, father. Your greed has buried the good in you and your resentment has poisoned your soul and had you goose stepping your way to vice and bloodguilt. Father, why have you entrusted yourself to those barbarians, fiends that despised you and to whom your life was worthless. For them, you were nothing but a slave, you were drilled, fed, treated like livestock and were nothing more than cannon fodder. You were too good for those herd subjects, those machine men with their machine heads and machine hearts. You are not a robot, you are not an animal, you are a human. Keep your humanity in your heart and do not hate. Only those that aren't loved hate. The 17th chapter of St. Luke says: "God lives in every human." Never forget: "God lives in you as well, Father!" It is now in your hand to make this life of yours uniquely precious, to immerse it in the wonderful spirit of freedom. Therefore, father, in the name of democracy: Fight with us for a new world, a decent world, a world that gives everybody the same chance, a world that gives its youth a future and its old security. That is a goal worth fighting for. Down with oppression, hate and intolerance. Fight with us for a better world, a world in which progress and science work for the prosperity of us all. Father! Do you hear me? Wherever you may have found yourself trapped, do not despair! Father, the clouds are breaking, the sun is shining through, father! From darkness and gloom we can reach the light! To a new world, a world in which humans have freed themselves from greed, hate and brutality! Look, father, the souls of humanity have grown wings, they will rise to the skies, high up towards the light and the hope in the future, a future that belongs to me, you, us, every human there is! Look up, father, look up!
But I... oh God, what have I done!




Ladies and gentlemen, we have tears. And we also have a really loving massive wall of text Jesus Christ what the gently caress happened back there? Looks like a mixture of the speech at the end of The Great Dictator and some original stuff that just will not end, like somebody's being paid by the word or something. See, this is what happens when you make a comedy game in Germany and involve fascism, especially within the confines of school. You need to make double drat sure that the end makes it wholly clear that it's BAD BAD BAD. Not drilling it into the head of your players could end badly. That's also why we have the disclaimer at the beginning of the game. Reminder - text only goes about six or so words at a time. This block up there took several minutes. Alright, let's get to the end of this.

And we can only accomplish this with that holy stone.
Oh yes, yes! Please take it.




And there we go. Only one thing left to do.

>Use School Regulation Stone with two School Regulation Stones



It is done! The school regulation is complete!



This brings us back to the WHG, and now that we have the power of regulation...



OH GOD. What was that about there being room for everyone again?



And of course, we need to get a debrief from old Humboldt here.

A ghost!
Do not fear, my son! I have come to thank you. Your mission is complete: The students' mutiny has been defeated, the teachers have been made more conscious of their mistakes. The state of the most happiness possible has been restored. But for how long?




DUN DUN DUNNNNN. And that's the first Udoiana Raunes game! As the credits tell us, Zwanzger did every single graphic, did the story, led the project and had the idea. Wagner did the programming and also worked on the story. Winkler did the music, and Matthias Bermuth, a new name to us, did the sound programming.



The game was largely borrowing gameplay elements from the Monkey Island and Indiana Jones games by Lucasarts, to the surprise of exactly nobody.



Finally, here's a whole bunch of greetings. And that's it! However, that is not the end of Udoiana Raunes's adventures!



Next time, we'll be taking a look at the second Udoiana Raunes game, released in May of 2005, eight whole years after the first one, running on the same engine of the first game, where he tries to get Lucas and Spielberg to make another Indiana Jones movie, and you know it's going to be great just from that description!

Also, for added fun, go back and see just how many items we never used! Hint: It's a whole loving lot!

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Right, so we're done with the first game, and before we move on to the second game, here are a few things that I think I should point out, as they have an impact on how the LP continues:

1) The second game has no German version, only an English one. So the plus is that I don't have to translate myself. The minus is that I can't translate myself and am instead stuck with what they produced, and from the few minutes I played, I could already see some lines that made me cringe somewhat, where I could tell there was a mistake and knew exactly why they made that mistake. It's annoying, but I'll stick with what they brought out. If there's something I feel got lost in translation, I'll point it out separately.

2) The second game has no walkthroughs available. This, as you can imagine, could very well turn out to be a problem. I'll take some time out to really dig into the game at some point down the line, and will try my best to make sure I don't miss things like I did in the first one. Nothing much else I can do beyond contacting the developers... which I might try to do if things get really rough.

3) The second game, as I mentioned, came out in 2005, and the first one in 1997/1998. That means the developers have had some time to grow, and it seems - from my cursory study - that the game has started meddling with injecting a lot more humor into the game, and particularly has been falling in love with Mrs. "Breaks the Fourth Wall". The fourth wall essentially gets torn to shreds the moment you start the game. This could make for some fun things. Could being the operative word here.

So yeah, I don't really know what I'm in for, but that should just make it just as much of an adventure for me as it is for you!

Mraagvpeine
Nov 4, 2014

I won this avatar on a technicality this thick.

That was... an ending. And I'm always up for a new adventure.

Glazius
Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.



Clapping Larry

Well, good luck with the sequel. I hope it's worth showing off!

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Update I - A Game Worth Dying For



Alright, let's get crackin'.



Like the first game, we begin with an opening text crawl that sets up the story.

It's spring 2005, Eight years after Dr. Udoiana Raunes was the leading actor in an Indiana Jones fan game. He restored the school order in his small high school in Munich. Eight years full of peace and harmony. Now Dr. Raunes is looking for his retirement. (poor guy, he invested in the german state-run pension insurance)

Feeling happy that he never would have to appear in a lousy fan game again he enjoys nature and walks through beautiful german forests ...until today...


To note: I'm transferring the text 1:1. So errors that appear in the text will just show up here too. There will be a lot of rough stuff coming up, as you can imagine.

Also, to start the game and for the first area, we get a funky remix of the original Udoiana Raunes theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PW4Vwwmm3I

To compare, the original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mQ5fHzDgvA

I like this new version.



And our hero appears!

Come on, what's that? I feel so rough-pixeled and flat. Hey guys, it's the 21st century! We live in a world of 3-dimensional high-end photorealistic computer graphics... and you let me appear in the way of the early 90s?!? Can you imagine how it hurts to be made of just 100 pixels? Will this stupid fan game ever end?



And here we are, the game has begun! So right off the bat, Raunes directly addresses the developers and chews them out for re-using the engine. We're off to a good start. You'll notice the interface too has made a shift to English. Nothing much different from what I translated in the first game - "Take" became "Pick Up", and "Take Apart" became "Detach". Let's have a look around.

>Look at whip
An original Udy-Whip (TM)!

>Look at trump (the stump over to the left)
This trump might be very important.

Is it? I don't know. That is a pretty yooge and luxurious stump. Also, "trump" is not what you call that. I've never heard of a stump being referred to as a trump. Spelling mistake?

And of course, we all know you can't stump the Trump.

>Look at lake
A lake within the nature.

>Look at nut (to the top right of the frog)
Nothing but a nut.

Well, it stands out, and that means only one thing:

>Pick up nut



And we now have our first new inventory item!

>Look at nut
I'd like to eat it on my own, but the shell is too strong.

So there will probably be a puzzle to crack that nut, gotcha. Also, while we're looking around, the frog is constantly croaking:

Quooaaak!

That's the German onomatopoeia for frogs croaking, as opposed to the English "ribbit". Guess that was to be expected. We'll actually deal with the frog later. For now, more looking.

>Look at rock
This rock would be nothing without a Frog King on it.

>Look at Frog King
A mythical creature from a fairy tale.

>Look at Schwarzwald (over to the right)
A sad german forest. If the german red-green socialist government continues destroying the economy like in the past years Germany will look like the steppe of Kyrgyzstan in the future.

Oh, we're getting political all of a sudden. That's interesting. Well, at least Red/Green would not be in power for much longer. Now, let's walk over to the other sid-



Jesus, that got dark.



Is this a joke? Where is the camera?
There is no hidden camera! This is true, sad, rough-pixeled reality!


Man, they sure love hitting that "rough-pixeled" point.

Why are young people always hanging around?
Ha-Ha-Wrks! Why do old people always critizise this?
Should we really discuss THAT right now?!?
No, let's change the topic.


Puns! You gotta love 'em.

Don't you like this place?
Why do you think I am hanging here?
Why?
Because I want to spend my last hours in nature.


Young man, are you in trouble?
I <wrks> can't wait any longer... they let me wait <wrks> ...always wait. I'm getting older and older <wrks>. They told the world... <wrks> that they will make a fourth Indiana Jones movie... more than ten years ago... more than TEN years!!! <wrks> I always wait <wrks> ...and wait and wait! And the movie <wrks> ...delayed and delayed and delayed. I don't wanna live anymore... without Indy! I'm a poor <wrks> poor <wrks> poor <wrks> fan!




You don't need Indy! You have me! Raunes! OR I'm Raunes. I'm more than a fan! I'm a fan game!
You're nothing! I've played Udoiana Raunes 2! It was bad, ugly-pixeled, uninspired, and it finally stuck at the copier! I couldn't finish it!


To note: This game is Udoiana Raunes 3. The previous game was Udoiana Raunes 2. The game that came before that that would later become Udoiana Raunes 2 was Udoiana Raunes 1. So that's how the numbering works. Also, I get the feeling they got a lot of feedback with people complaining about the copier puzzle.

Should I bring you something to eat?
Yes, please. I take a Quarter Pounder WITHOUT cheese, a small coke and salty french fries, please. Please bring it fast, I don't know how long I withstand here.


Is this going to be a thing we actually have to do or just a joke? You might as well just flip a coin with this game!

Should I take you down?
No! Please bring together the three men behind the movie: Harrison Ford, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas.
Where will I find them?
You should find Harrison at his ranch in Wyoming. Steven may prepare his new movie in Wroclaw, Poland. George is definitely at his home, the Skywalker ranch. Only if you can bring them together, and convince them to start production of Indy4 I'll come down!
This is extortion!
I know.


We have our quest! And just like in the first game, we start without a loving clue on what to do, and it just so turns out that we stumble head-first into something to do. Now, let's talk to the frog king thing.

>Talk to Frog King



Creature, who are you?
I'm a king, enchanted by the witch of Luxembourg. Now I'm just a frog with a crown waiting for the kiss of my princess. Only if this happens will I turn back into my proper shape. Quooaak!




Stop waiting. We have 2005.
Fairy tales are timeless. Quooaak!


Where will I find your princess?
You'll find her in the deserts north of Aquaba. She's a muslim woman. And she doesn't know she's my princess. You have to convert her and bring her to this place.
Really?
No, but without jokes like that I would die here. Quaaahaaahaaak!


OK, I have to admit, I chuckled at that one.

What would happen, if I'd kiss you?
You can't imagine what would happen! I can't tell you. Don't do it, please. Quooaak!


And cleaning up the previous part:

Are you responsible for this game?
Which game?
This game! Udoiana Raunes 3.
I don't understand you. Quooaak! If you want to play games, play them. I am living here.


And finally:

Quoooaak!
Ok, as you wish, let's talk frogish! Quooaak!


Now, when we talk to the frog king again - let's pick the first option:

Quooaaaak who are Quak
I'm a Quoak Quooaaaak by the Quoak of Quooaaaaak Now I'm Quak a Quak Quak a Quoak Quooaak for the Quak of my Quooaaaak Quak if Quak Quooaak I Quak Quak Quak Quak my Quooak Quooak Quooaaak
Quak Quooaaak We Quak Quoak
Quoak Quoak are Quooaaaak Quooaaak


My head hurts. Apparently, frogish does not employ punctuation. If we want to undo that, we just pick that dialogue option again:

Quooaaaak
Ok, let's stop talking frogish. Quooaak!


Will we have to bring the frog king his princess? Will we have to do something really dumb, like tear his eyes out or something equally stupid? Who knows! Anything goes with this game! Now, here's something interesting I noticed. Since the guy that's currently in the process of hanging himself very slowly swings around, I accidentally missed him when I wanted to talk to him.

>Talk to Schwarzwald
HOLIDODLIJOOOO!

And suddenly Raunes starts yodeling! So that means we can also talk to things that you can't actually talk to sometimes. I try it out a whole bunch, but only one gets a different response than the default "can't talk to that":

>Talk to trump
Hi Donald!

...wait. So that was intentional in a way? Or was it a translation mistake? How do you get from stump to trump and consider that to be correct? That's strange. Anyway, we're just about done here, but let's fiddle around with our items a bit.

>Open nut
It's too strong to break it.

I try using it against the "trump" and the rock, but to no avail. Maybe the whip?

>Use whip
I can't use it. It's just decoration. I'm Udy, not Indy, didn't you know?

This happens regardless of what you want to use the whip with, it just cancels whatever you want to do. Now, that's just about all we can do here, so let's head out. There's a way to the airport over on the right side now that we've gotten our quest.

>Go to airport



Map screen music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4Po3trovoI

We've got some options here, we could go to Poland, Wyoming, or California. Join me next time, as we'll take a look at one or two of those locations.

Extra fun time activities!

Here's something fun for you to try. I missed two items in that previous area. Where are they?

Here's another fun thing: Try to guess just how many entirely useless inventory items we'll have in this game. The last game went pretty wild with them at a point, will this one be more temperate?

And one more fun thing: Try to work out how many things we could potentially be tasked to do from the things said to us in this update are actually things we have to do. The answer may surprise you!

Kangra
May 7, 2012



Was this one actually made in 2005, or are we going to have to go talk to Karen Allen & Shia Lebeouf too?

I wonder if 'trump' is an attempt at a portmanteau of 'tree stump'.

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Kangra posted:

Was this one actually made in 2005, or are we going to have to go talk to Karen Allen & Shia Lebeouf too?

This was indeed made in May of 2005, when the ideas of crystal skulls, aliens, nuked refrigerators, and Shia Lebeouf were just a fever dream in a deranged, deprived Indiana Jones fan's mind. Looking at the production timeline, the script that would become Kingdom was actually taking form a few months later (October/November), and it kind of lines up nicely with this bit from the official Raunes website (raunes.com):

raunes.com posted:

Did you ask George Lucas for permission?

No, but we asked him another thing. The inventor and illustrator of the game, Stefan, shook hands with George Lucas at the Hollywood Film Festival in October 2005. Stefan was there because his short movie "Dangerous Animal" was nominated. He told Lucas "please please please do a 4th Indiana Jones movie, please!"His wife began to laugh and Lucas just said: "okay, I will". Mission completed!

So in a way, Stefan and Thomas may take some minor credit for making Indy 4 happen. Maybe.

Kangra posted:

I wonder if 'trump' is an attempt at a portmanteau of 'tree stump'.

I have no idea. That actually kind of sounds like an explanation that I could see coming from the developers.

Torrannor
Apr 27, 2013

---FAGNER---
TEAM-MATE


Oh wow, that sure was an ending to the first game.

I see we are already off to a good start in the second adventure. It loses a bit of it's appeal for not being in German. I love comparing your translations with how I would have translated the same sentences.

Glazius
Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.



Clapping Larry

Indy 4, huh? Be careful what you wish for.

EagerSleeper
Feb 3, 2010

by R. Guyovich


Udy has returned.

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Update II - Game Mountain



The world has opened up to us, and we accept its offer of letting us travel it. First stop: Wroclaw, Poland, for no particular reason.



Music - Poland: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDid4eou_AU

And here we are! Not a lot of things to be seeing here. We've got some big burly dude and Stephen Spielberg standing around, anything else?

>Look at latern (behind Spielberg, to the left)
It's just a stupid latern.

A street light is called a "Straßenlaterne" in German, and "Laterne" is a lantern. So there's where that came from.

>Look at tree (behind Spielberg, to the right)
It's a young tree.

>Look at tree (to the right of the other tree)
It's a younger tree.

Marvelous.

>Look at strange window (this thing near Raunes: )
This window seems to be a shop.

This means we can talk to it and maybe buy something from it! But not now, we have looking to do.

>Look at Pole (the burly dude)
This guy reminds me of a story: When I was young, I used to go to a disco to find a girlfriend for me. But in front of the door there was a guy that looked exactly like that one. And this guy kicked me out! Every day, every month, every year. That's why I stayed a virgin. But you always have to face new people openminded.

And today on "The Normally Untold Stories of Adventure Game Protagonists"...

>Look at Steven Spielberg
That's Steven Spielberg, creator of... "War of the Worlds"!

Which at the time was his latest movie. I thought that this was going to be some sort of randomly changing thing, but it always stays the same.

>Talk to Pole



How does it feel to be a citizen of the European Union?
I appreciate it. But my personal dream is the American Dream! I wish I could live and work there.


What's your job?
I'm a lonesome trader. I'm the man for very special things!




What makes you so lonesome?
Don't ask me. It's boring.
Come on, open your heart.
Once upon a communist time there was a girl in my life. We loved each other so much and we were close to marriage. Then the borders fell and the system changed. And the girl felt the spirit of the west, the dream of a great career on broadway or somewhere else. Then she went away and I've never heard about her again. Since then, I'm a dealer with a broken heart!


His girlfriend: Chekhov's gun or just some random backstory for some random guy? Find out next episode, on "Plot Point or Plot Pointless"!

What do you mean with special things?
You know, those things, you don't get elsewhere. Things which let you improve certain situations.


In other words, he sells things that adventure game heroes need. How convenient!

Do you sell german cars?
Yes, a few, but generally I sell everything! You know: Almost everything. If you need something special, ask me. But keep your money, I like to barter goods.


Is that a reference to the widely-spread German stereotype of Poles stealing a lot of cars? Might as well be. Here's a joke, while we're at it: Question: Why should you never laugh when you see a Polish guy smashing a car into a tree? Answer: It might be yours.

Did you realize that the famous Steven Spielberg is here?
Yes, I know, I know. I worked with him on Schindler's list in 1994 in Krakow. It was a great movie.


That it was. Now, speaking of buying things, let's go check out that shop.

>Talk to strange window

Hello Sir, do you want to buy something?



Oh, this is a shop?
Ok, we know it's hard to recognize a rough-pixeled shop in the background. Sometimes I can't find the way to work.
Poor adventure citizens.


Man, the writers really love that "rough-pixeled" term. Did "low resolution" not spring to mind? I guess the problem is that one of the terms we use to refer to low resolution things is "pixelig", so they just took that and stuck "rough" on it for some reason. I don't really know. See, this is where having a German version would be nice, but that doesn't exist for one particular reason we'll see later on in the game.

What do you have?
Magazines, cigarettes, car keys, batteries and so on.




Which magazines do you have?
Ok, show me your id card and I'll tell you.
Sorry, I don't have it with me. Don't I look at least 18?
No, you don't.


Harsh. Dude's getting up on retirement age and is still getting carded. I guess that means he's held up well against the march of age, but still.

Please give me some cigarettes.
A few minutes ago, we had some german clients who bought 657 packages because it's cheaper here.
Really? How to get 657 packages in a car?
They don't have a car... anymore.
I'm lucky, I took the plane.


And there's another one on the "Poles steal cars" thing. Also, the "Germans coming over the border for cheap things" is true, be it cigarettes or gasoline. Also also, I'm getting kind of annoyed about how the writers knew that the capitalization of nouns doesn't happen in English, but didn't know that nationalities and the like still get capitalized.

I wanna buy a battery.
Four dollars.


Well, we don't have any money, but if the first game is anything to go by, we'll just steal some later.

Key cars? Kewl! I take them.
Sorry, they are sold out at the moment.


Wait, are we talking about car keys, i.E. the things you stick into your car to make it go vroom, or key cars, the little toy cars that you stick a thing into and then it goes vroom? I am confused. Seems we'll never know.

Do you know that Steven Spielberg is in the city?
No, who's that?
A famous movie director.
Ah, does he sell DVDs?
No, forget it.


That's that for this shop so far. Now, let's get to the main event.

>Talk to Steven Spielberg



Hi Mr. Spielberg. What are you doing in Wroclaw?
I'm preparing my next movie called "Vengeance". There's always a lot to do.


This is referring to "Munich", the 2005 movie based upon the book "Vengeance: The True Story of an Israeli Counter-Terrorist Team". A cursory glance at IMDB tells me that this movie was never released under the "Vengeance" name, so presumably the movie's title was not yet known at the time this game was being made, only that it would be based on that book.

When will you direct the fourth Indiana Jones movie?
Ahh, Indiana Jones 4. That's a long planned project which is... in way... a little bit complicated.




What is so complicated with Indy4?
At the moment, I'm preparing "Vengeance". After that I'd like to do a movie about Abraham Lincoln. But between that I have to control the pre-production-process of Jurassic Park V... or was it IV?... Perhaps I'll do another project with Jim Carrey after... uhm... let's see... I should direct another Tom Hanks movie.
(OK, that one was a bit of a stretch) Oh, and there's still my studio Dreamworks which I completely forgot. And the contracts! And... What did you ask?



I-N-D-Y-4! OR Jones, the fourth!
Ah, Jones, yes. What's the time right now? Is it 2005? 2006? I don't remember. Perhaps we could find a time slot in the time line to make the movie... Which movie?




Do you have a job for me as your personal assistant?
Nono, I'm still able to manage the schedules by myself. But I can't always remember everything.


Steven, I think you have too much to do.
Yes, very much. Absolutely much. Much too much.


Right, so I don't think it's spoiling anything to say that everybody we're supposed to get for this movie has some sort of problem that needs solving, and we're going to be the ones to do the solving. Spielberg's problem is that he really needs something to help him organize his schedules, and we're going to get him something for that. But for now, let's finish off bits of dialogue we haven't seen yet.

But you did three movies in the 80s? What's up?
In the 80s, George and I and Harrison, we all were young and all schedules weren't that overloaded.


May I have an autograph, please?
Sure, I would. But I can't find my pen.


Bummer. Now, that's everything we can do in Poland right now, so it's off to the airport.



Next time, we'll be going to Wyoming! Or maybe California! I can't remember and can't be arsed to look it up! Either way, one of those is next and the other one comes afterwards.

Mraagvpeine
Nov 4, 2014

I won this avatar on a technicality this thick.

Did we accomplish anything in that trip to Poland?

TheMcD
May 4, 2013

Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.



Mraagvpeine posted:

Did we accomplish anything in that trip to Poland?

Well, we got some knowledge. Beyond that, no. Spoilers: We won't really accomplish anything in Wyoming or California, either. There's some item intermixing going on here that pretty much requires that we look through all three places before we can really get going. The way we're going through the game is going to be the way I went through it my first time through, when I didn't know what I was doing, just with the pointless wandering around removed. I'll try to get through the next two updates a bit quicker.

EDIT: Essentially, we got the following from Poland:

1) Learned that Spielberg needs something to help him organize his stuff
2) Learned that there's a shop that sells things
3) Learned that there's some guy that will trade with us for things we will probably need later

TheMcD fucked around with this message at 02:36 on Nov 30, 2015

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Torrannor
Apr 27, 2013

---FAGNER---
TEAM-MATE


You should immediately stop playing that game and never start again, Indiana Jones 4 was terrible. We shouldn't be helping in making it, even if it's just a game.

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