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Wertjoe

Wizard MD talking to his receptionist: Going to need you to go on a supply run today, here's the office credit card. We need toilet paper, oatmeal cookies for the kids, and I need you to get some low level wizards to recharge these wands.

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bird.

nurse: "why are you covered in myrrh, doctor wizard MD?
doctor wizard MD: "antioxidants. good for the skin. Cheryl, can you get me some pink Himalayan rock salt?"
nurse: "ooooh what sort of fancy magic is that for?"
doctor wizard MD: "ughh... tacos, Cheryl. fish tacos. Jesus why does EVERYTHING have to be MaGiCaL with you?!? I'm tired of this poo poo." *flicks his wand and poofs away angrily*

bog pixie

google THIS posted:

"i'll be frank. you have six weeks to live, tops. I'd like to talk to you about your options for after that."

Wertjoe

Wizard MD: This happens all the time. My name is Carl Wizard. I'm just a doctor.

google THIS

it's really hard to fit a ritual knife into the sharps bin

Full-Bodied Flavor

*sticking pins into voodoo doll*

Does this hurt? What about here?

Qwerinty

by zen death robot

google THIS posted:

"i'll be frank. you have six weeks to live, tops. I'd like to talk to you about your options for after that."

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Macnult

Patient: So a lot of your work is like Dr. Oz?

Wizard MD: The Dr. of Oz is not a real wizard. I'm open to alternative magic but his work is less impressive than the standard satanic ritual.

Patient: Satanic ritual!? You're a satanist?

Wizard MD: What? No you're missing the point. I'm a wizard doctor, do you really think I'd waste my time listening to some angel who sucked at their job?

joke_explainer


Damnit Jim I'm a doctor not at... oh... well... never mind

Scaly Haylie

lotta classism in this thread

dogcrash truther

google THIS posted:

it's really hard to fit a ritual knife into the sharps bin

dogcrash truther
Scrubs is so unrealistic...no sigils anywhere

dogcrash truther
Doogie Potter, MD

fuck. marry. t-rex

*A 70 year old wizard and general practitioner m.d.- he has prepared Polymorph: Healthy Person in every spell slot but one, every day of his adult life.*

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a Melf's Acid Bullet, is a good guy with Melf's Acid Bullet.

fuck. marry. t-rex

Modern Wizard towers are subsidized by the municipality, for beneficial long term effect on the area, and constructed by 3rd party contractors.

Scaly Haylie

gently caress. marry. t-rex posted:

*A 70 year old wizard and general practitioner m.d.- he has prepared Polymorph: Healthy Person in every spell slot but one, every day of his adult life.*

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a Melf's Acid Bullet, is a good guy with Melf's Acid Bullet.

false; the only spell wizard, m.d. needs is wish, which can heal any affliction and even revive the dead, or replicate any wizard spell. it costs 5,000 XP, however, so he needs to play a lot of golf.

dogcrash truther
J.D. [voiceover]: ...and that's when I realized; Dr. Cox wasn't joking when he said he was a demon from Hell. He really was a demon from Hell, and all that stuff about the sacrifices we make as doctors was literal. [shrugs] I still had a lot to learn...
(In the background, Janitor watches impassively as an increasing number of animated mops dump water all over the floor, erasing J.D.'s ley lines)

Miss Psychosis

dogcrash truther posted:

J.D. [voiceover]: ...and that's when I realized; Dr. Cox wasn't joking when he said he was a demon from Hell. He really was a demon from Hell, and all that stuff about the sacrifices we make as doctors was literal. [shrugs] I still had a lot to learn...
(In the background, Janitor watches impassively as an increasing number of animated mops dump water all over the floor, erasing J.D.'s ley lines)

I'm rewatching Scrubs too.

bacalou


yeah i'm a wizard you can call me doc
i'll fix you up with my massive spells
med malpractice no place for it here
check your prostate whole fist in your wallet
i cost a lot but it's worth the bucks
too bad this rap is bad my rhyming needs work

Qwerinty

by zen death robot

dogcrash truther posted:

J.D. [voiceover]: ...and that's when I realized; Dr. Cox wasn't joking when he said he was a demon from Hell. He really was a demon from Hell, and all that stuff about the sacrifices we make as doctors was literal. [shrugs] I still had a lot to learn...
(In the background, Janitor watches impassively as an increasing number of animated mops dump water all over the floor, erasing J.D.'s ley lines)

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Bwee

google THIS posted:

"i'll be frank. you have six weeks to live, tops. I'd like to talk to you about your options for after that."

Bwee

dogcrash truther posted:

J.D. [voiceover]: ...and that's when I realized; Dr. Cox wasn't joking when he said he was a demon from Hell. He really was a demon from Hell, and all that stuff about the sacrifices we make as doctors was literal. [shrugs] I still had a lot to learn...
(In the background, Janitor watches impassively as an increasing number of animated mops dump water all over the floor, erasing J.D.'s ley lines)

Luvcow

One day nearer spring

dogcrash truther posted:

J.D. [voiceover]: ...and that's when I realized; Dr. Cox wasn't joking when he said he was a demon from Hell. He really was a demon from Hell, and all that stuff about the sacrifices we make as doctors was literal. [shrugs] I still had a lot to learn...
(In the background, Janitor watches impassively as an increasing number of animated mops dump water all over the floor, erasing J.D.'s ley lines)

Scaly Haylie

bacalou posted:

yeah i'm a wizard you can call me doc
i'll fix you up with my massive spells
med malpractice no place for it here
check your prostate whole fist in your wallet
i cost a lot but it's worth the bucks
too bad this rap is bad my rhyming needs work

google THIS

as with all surgeries there is a risk of infection, and there is also a 10% chance of critical failure resulting in your disintegration. sign here please.

bacalou


i hate going to wizard doctor, he always makes his prescriptions impossible to find. i have to resort to the weird apothecary

tao of lmao

Dr. Cameron: I think it's lupus
Dr. House: It's not lupus.
Dr. Cameron: But you didn't even look at the charts.
Dr. House: I've seen this episode already.
Dr. Cameron: :aaa:
Dr. House: Bitch, I'm a wizard.

Lil Cunty


dogcrash truther posted:

Doogie Potter, MD


ty crap

ty landy

Bwee
[to charred skeleton lying on operating table] Oh, whoops, you wanted an X-ray, not a Death Ray... Well I can still see your broken bone

joke_explainer


Bwee posted:

[to charred skeleton lying on operating table] Oh, whoops, you wanted an X-ray, not a Death Ray... Well I can still see your broken bone

Golden Gate Bride
knife to meet you
[surgeon, preparing for an appendectomy] time to do some magic *pulls out a multicolored hanky out of the abdomen*

Lil Cunty


wizard m.d: I'm sorry but we can't save your hand. we have to amputate.

me: um, are you sure? my thumb is just kind of sore, I think from knitting maybe?

wizard m.d: I know this is hard, but we've done everything we can at this point

me: you're going to stick my hand in a jar of formaldehyde and use it in a spooky display aren't you

wizardm.d.: look we'll throw in a couple hydrocodone and a lumbar cushion, we just moved offices and this new place feels so sterile, it would really be doing us a huge favor


ty crap

ty landy

Theglavwen

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.
My doctor always transforms himself into another virus to go in and combat illnesses personally. It always works, but it always leaves me riddled with wizard. Then he charges me again to deal with that, in the same way :(

Qwerinty

by zen death robot

Lil Cunty posted:

wizard m.d: I'm sorry but we can't save your hand. we have to amputate.

me: um, are you sure? my thumb is just kind of sore, I think from knitting maybe?

wizard m.d: I know this is hard, but we've done everything we can at this point

me: you're going to stick my hand in a jar of formaldehyde and use it in a spooky display aren't you

wizardm.d.: look we'll throw in a couple hydrocodone and a lumbar cushion, we just moved offices and this new place feels so sterile, it would really be doing us a huge favor

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Ace of Baes
Wizard D.O. becomes a Warlock after getting laughed at during the Internists and Illusionists conference.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

free Trapt CD

*~:coffeepal:~*
I've got plenty of java
and Chesterfield Kings

*~:h:~*

Luvcow posted:

little billy: thanks for curing me mr. copperfield! Now I can live a healthy fulfilling life!

david copperfield: oh.... actually billy... I'm just an illusionist...

~sig~

tao of lmao

Lil Cunty posted:

wizard m.d: I'm sorry but we can't save your hand. we have to amputate.

me: um, are you sure? my thumb is just kind of sore, I think from knitting maybe?

wizard m.d: I know this is hard, but we've done everything we can at this point

me: you're going to stick my hand in a jar of formaldehyde and use it in a spooky display aren't you

wizardm.d.: look we'll throw in a couple hydrocodone and a lumbar cushion, we just moved offices and this new place feels so sterile, it would really be doing us a huge favor

Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
Wizard M.D.- I've read over your file, and I believe I can help you with your condition. Impotence is easily treatable!

Patient- What's the treatment?

Wizard M.D.- You see, the spell "Snakes to Sticks" is reversible so my plan is to cast it on your uh, afflicted area and

Patient- Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA- can you do an anaconda?

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

Piso Mojado

google THIS posted:

"i'll be frank. you have six weeks to live, tops. I'd like to talk to you about your options for after that."

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Commandante

Surgeon Wizard M.D.: "Alright, simple operation folks. The patient has an infected appendix, commonly known as appendicitis. Starting with a small incision near the abdomen" (Rolls D20 on surgical implements table, lands on a 2).

Nurse: *Eyebrows shoot up as her eyes widen*

Surgeon Wizard M.D.: "God! loving BULLSH-"

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