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sometimes you need to write a strongly worded letter to someone but you just dont know where to start. maybe youre too mad to type. maybe youre too mad to make sense. maybe the soul-crushing ennui of existence makes strongly wording things difficult, or maybe writing in general. post what you have here and ask for advice on turning your humdrum letter of mild disapproval into a scathing literary assault BUT ALSO say youre really dang mad. oh boy you just want to shout at somebody but you dont know who, or maybe you do know who but theyre your boss or your grandma or your own poor life choices so you cant. this is a good thread for you to post in. take that aimless rage and channel it into some fledgling strongly worded letter and help your fellow posters shine remember the cardinal rule of strongly worded letters: include a picture, to drive your point home and the other cardinal rule of strongly worded letters: dont say swears, they are rude and not professional (there is a third cardinal rule involving time capsules and writing strongly worded letters to future selves, but it is beyond the scope of this thread) example to get you started: quote:dear fuckturds, now if i were going to help myself i would post the following corrections quote:Dear _________ Care and Rehabilitation Center, |
# ? Sep 1, 2015 19:57 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 18:40 |
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dear npr, do you guys even employ editors anymore? the last 3 articles i read had typos in them, one of which was IN THE TITLE OF THE ARTICLE. if thats what i wanted news to look like i'd just read my own facebook posts. you guys really suck now! wd
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 20:02 |
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dear starbucks, the biodegradable straws you just started using melted in my coffee this morning and now my coffee tastes like corn and i am really pissed aaaarrrrgggghhhhhhh TUESDAY IS RUINED
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 20:04 |
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Lil Cunty posted:dear starbucks, is this real? |
# ? Sep 1, 2015 20:26 |
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I don't really have much to bitch about but... Dear Website Who's Function Is Critical To Me, Please work instead of Not Working in various ways. Do not tell me "if this problem persists, report the issue to support". You don't have a report button, you don't have support, and even if you did have either, I'm drat sure reporting the problem wouldn't fix anything for me. |
# ? Sep 1, 2015 20:43 |
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Dear Car Windshield, You got a 2 foot crack along where the rearview is when I pressed on you from the inside. I am not that strong... |
# ? Sep 1, 2015 20:47 |
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dear pug dogs I'm really sorry that humans bred you to be the genetic disasters that you are. the only consolation I can give you as you waddle through your brief days, gasping for breath through your malformed airways, saliva cascading down your jowls and rotting away your fur, is that we all think you're really cute. I hope that counts for something.
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 21:02 |
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Luvcow posted:dear pug dogs this is a mildly worded letter of apology. when I'm done at this appt I'm going to help you craft this into a strongly worded letter of complaint
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 21:21 |
if you're really angry, you don't even use Dear, but as you get into the letter you start relaxing and becoming more reasonable. example: Attn: Landlord Upon moving into your property, I discovered that the door lock was smashed off, there's a blackened abyss that eventually leads to a heavily bolted door in this weird closet, a strange closet that is higher up the wall than I am tall that sings softly whenever the light's off, and the clawfoot tub decided a good time to do squats was while I was taking a shower. None of these things were on the lease, that we agreed upon, and in no way did you inform me I was moving into Stephen King's winter inspiration apartment. Please come over here and fix the lock and add a circle of salt mixed with silver in the closet. In return I'll put a sound dampener in the closet and put some creatine down the tub's drain. Awaiting your reply, Qwerinty ---------------- |
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 21:25 |
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dear company that makes m&ms while i normally have no complaints with your products i have noticed that this particular pack has a disproportionately large number of yellow m&ms. there is only one way to interpret this message. this accusation of cowardice will not stand. i intend to defend my honor in the only way acceptable for an insult of this magnitude. please select a representative from your company to face me in a duel to the death at a time and place to be determined at a later date. if you decline, it will become apparent who the true coward is. sincerely yours, mr t. fist
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 21:36 |
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TWIST FIST posted:dear company that makes m&ms there is nothing to be done with this letter it's perfect. go ahead and send as is in fact, send with vigor
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 21:47 |
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Luvcow posted:dear pug dogs an angrier Luvcow in the future, hopefully posted:Dear Pug Dogs,
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 21:55 |
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british students tackled this important issue in the 80s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uf_JtNFyB18 thank u bacalou |
# ? Sep 1, 2015 21:59 |
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saboten posted:british students tackled this important issue in the 80s Dear British People, Please stop reminding Americans how you already made every joke 30 years ago. We know already, but we think they sound better with flatter vowels and less humor. Warm wishes, WD-40, Esq.
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 22:07 |
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Lil Cunty posted:Dear British People, hahaha sorry... i just literally can't write a letter without replaying this sketch in my head.. it's all i could contribute thank u bacalou |
# ? Sep 1, 2015 22:09 |
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MR WATERS PLEASE STOP SENDING ANGRY LETTERS TO OUR OFFICES. WE UNDERSTAND YOUR SUPPORT FOR HANCOCK. BUT WE WILL NOT RETRACT OUR ENDORSEMENT OF GARFIELD. STOP. IF YOU DO NOT CEASE YOUR CORRESPONDENCE WE WILL TAKE LEGAL ACTION. THREATENING STAFF IS UNCALLED FOR. STOP. SINCERELY. THE TIMES COURIER |
# ? Sep 1, 2015 22:14 |
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to whom it may concern, kind regards, wtg. Somebody fucked around with this message at 22:46 on Sep 1, 2015 |
# ? Sep 1, 2015 22:32 |
wtg just stapling that poo poo up on every wall and utility pole he comes across
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 22:33 |
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weird toppings guy posted:to whom it may concern, i can never be mad about the goat
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 23:23 |
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tao of lmao posted:is this real? yes and i would appreciate your help in writing a strongly worded letter abou tit
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 23:24 |
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thank you, yo are doing god's work
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# ? Sep 1, 2015 23:34 |
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Dear self: Just do it already. It'll be painless. |
# ? Sep 1, 2015 23:46 |
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Microsoft- I don't want windows 10. just stop. It's not going to happen. Yours, Madam Chairman |
# ? Sep 2, 2015 00:11 |
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Miss Psychosis posted:Dear self: Dear Miss Flavia Psychosis, Thank you for expressing your concerns. However, many technical advances have been made in the last decade and lasik surgery is now a painless and affordable option for many. Please call your optometrist at your earliest convenience for more information. With love, Miss Flavia Psychosis
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 00:19 |
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Dear pot smoker, I know you think you can keep it together enough to smoke and then go shop at a retail store but you can't. You just cannot do it. Please, stay at home and leave me alone. Love, Me. |
# ? Sep 2, 2015 00:21 |
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ChairmanMeow posted:Microsoft- Dear Microsoft, Eat a bag of assholes, you immense pillars of poo poo. I hope you all die in housefires and are reincarnated as housecats. I hope you develop chocolate allergies and pass them to your children. Windows 10 is a miscarried monstrosity of an operating system and just thinking about it makes me want to pull my fingernails out one by one. gently caress off you immeasurable fuckers, Madam Chairman
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 00:21 |
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well done, copied and sent |
# ? Sep 2, 2015 00:24 |
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Dear Diablo III, the game, I just beat you and I would really like to get into some postgame content, and I would rather that you not crash my computer so much. Let me play you. Signed, Lizard Wizard, Barbarian |
# ? Sep 2, 2015 00:47 |
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Lizard Wizard posted:Dear Diablo III, git gud scrub - d3 |
# ? Sep 2, 2015 00:48 |
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Lil Cunty posted:yes and i would appreciate your help in writing a strongly worded letter abou tit You could have a lawyer do it, probably could pretend it made you sick or something... if your feeling ethically dubious |
# ? Sep 2, 2015 00:57 |
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weird toppings guy posted:git gud scrub Dear Diablo III, I have cleared the campaign on Master difficulty and can generate enough Fury to use Whirlwind almost constantly and reliably take full advantage of my Boulder rune. In light of this, I do not know what "gud" it will do you to imply that I am terrible, especially when it is YOU, not me, who has had not one but two heart attacks due to the sight of an ordinary throng of monsters. ...that's all I got, help |
# ? Sep 2, 2015 00:58 |
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Dear Apple, It's been awhile since I used my Mac, but I finally had a good reason to pull it out of the box it's been languishing in for the last year and a half. Being a responsible computer user, I knew I needed to update my OS, so I dutifully logged in and got started. That is where my troubles began. Why in the world would you fail to stop me from downloading an incompatible OS without so much as a weak suggestion that it might be a bad idea? This download has turned my Mac into a stylish doorstopper, since it's now stuck in a loop of trying and failing to install Yosemite. I can't open in any mode, and to add insult to injury, its boot time is so slow, it's taken hours of my life to try all the tricks that helped the other poor fools in similar situations as I. All I needed was a warning, a suggestion, a hint, that this was the wrong OS for me. At the least, you should have left me some way to cancel this install. I know you'd prefer me to buy a Mac from this decade, but I'm not made of money like the brogrammers across the hall. Even their office furniture looks like it was designed by Apple, it's disgusting. Disgruntledly yours, Siluvayne
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 01:41 |
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Lil Cunty posted:dear starbucks, To Whom it May Concern in Regards to Environmental Impact Decisions within the Starbucks Corporation: While I appreciate that you must make a pathetic attempt to appear environmentally conscious despite being a bloated and wasteful corporation blighting the landscape with brown boxes on every block, I would like to point out that using corn cellulose in your straws is supporting an industry that is decimating arable farmland that would be put to far better use raising sustainable and nutritious food for our growing population, not to mention its poisoning of our rivers and streams from the huge amounts of fertilizer necessary to support the growth of this kernelly weed. I would recommend that instead you begin producing your straws of cellulose from the switch you are going to go out back and cut for me son, as punishment for the inferior and cheaply made corn cellulose straw that melted in my coffee this morning. If I had wanted to put creamed corn in my coffee I would have opened a can. Please show employees how the thermometer works, too. Disgusted, WD-40
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 02:50 |
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Qwerinty posted:if you're really angry, you don't even use Dear, but as you get into the letter you start relaxing and becoming more reasonable. example:
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 03:09 |
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I just got a strongly worded pm from alfred and I don't know what it's about. It read like a siren. Anyone know what that was about? Did I say something nasty in byob again? Do I need to cheese it, it's the cops? |
# ? Sep 2, 2015 03:11 |
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lol I don't know but "It read like a siren" made me laugh and I'm imagining the pm and laughing a lot
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 03:20 |
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DeepQantas posted:I just got a strongly worded pm from alfred and I don't know what it's about. It read like a siren. Anyone know what that was about? Did I say something nasty in byob again? Do I need to cheese it, it's the cops? alfred is the ghost IK for September
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 03:21 |
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Lil Cunty posted:lol I don't know but "It read like a siren" made me laugh and I'm imagining the pm
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 03:25 |
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alfred... posted:Title: (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST) |
# ? Sep 2, 2015 03:35 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 18:40 |
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lol
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 03:41 |