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Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011

I am now all animes


Howie hated supermarkets. He hated going to them, and the crowds, and the buzzing flourescent lights, the open-case freezers that were, well, freezing, those snooty cashier ladies that wouldn't go on a date with you even if you were freakin' Tom Hanks, the millions of aisles you never knew where anything was in, and he especially hated working for the Yum-Ee Food Palace.

Oh, he abhorred it.

He was wheeling a dolly of cereal boxes down aisle seven when he heard the noises. He didn't notice them at first; he was lost in a fantasy that each box he was stamping $1.39 was really the bald head of his boss Fred Lunt, the manager of the market. So he didn't hear the crunching noises until they were close. Howie noticed his shadow flickering in front of him so he turned to see the blue light, and his bloodcurdling scream filled the market as cereal scattered onto the floor!

It sounds like Philadelphia once again needs the...



Something Awful and West End Games present



Directed and Ghostmastered by Waffleman_
Written by Scott Haring

Starring


Vicissitude as Kevin Tanner
Green Intern as Wizard
Epicurius as Sam Howard

Music

It's a quiet Tuesday morning at Philadelphia Ghostbusters HQ on Chestnut. The rest is quite welcome coming off of your most recent job taking care of a tour guide's ghost at Independence Hall, and the three of you are doing your own thing as the Anna Young, your secretary, files her nails at the front desk. The silence is broken by the ringing of the telephone. So much for a nice day off. Anna picks up the phone as she is paid by Ghostbusters International to do.

"Hello, Philadelphia Ghostbusters, where we're ready to believe you. Hello? Excuse me, sir, you're going to have to calm down! Alright, let me transfer you to one of our Busters. Hey guys! Someone take this!"

So, what have you been doing all morning? Also, what one interesting thing happened at the Independence Hall job? And more importantly, which one of you is going to take this call from a very frantic man?!

Waffleman_ fucked around with this message at Sep 4, 2015 around 19:51

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Green Intern
Dec 29, 2008

Secret Art: Toxic Crotch Whirlwind!

Wizard

Brains - 4 (Astronomy - 7)
Muscle - 3 (Climb - 6)
Moves - 3 (See - 6)
Cool - 2 (Convince - 5)
Brownie Points - 20

Wizard spritzes a little more Windex onto a lens, and dabs at it with a chamois cloth. "Just a little more...drat! That spot just won't come off!" He's been at it for hours. Since last night, to be perfectly accurate. He thought he found a new constellation, but it turned out that it was just some dust in his telescope. And then that dust refused to come off and well, you understand where this is going.

At least the Independence Hall job went well, more or less. Nobody was hurt, and there was only minimal property damage. And that was probably all allowable under the waiver. Probably. Wizard smiles as the image of the possessed cheesesteak stall comes to mind. Cheez Whiz everywhere. Was it possible that the speck was burnt-on cheese and not dust? Might explain its resilience. The tourism board tried to put a spin on the whole thing of course. "Food so good it comes to you!" That was the headline in the morning paper, at least. Good for them! Maybe it'd spark a new wave of avant-garde food service. It was a shame that some of the cheese flowed out down the street, though.

The phone rings. Wizard looks around. Seems pretty quiet down on the HQ ground floor. Nobody else to take it, then. "Oh, hey, I'll get it," he motions to Anna to forward the call to his desk. "Ghostbusters Philly HQ. Spooks Spooked, Ghosts Grabbed, Poltergeists Packed Up. No haunting too big or too small. Wizard speaking."

pre:
Wizard
Personal Goal: Soulless Science
Brownie Points: 20

Brains - 4
  --Astronomy - 7
Muscle - 3
  --Climb - 6
Moves - 3
  --See - 6
Cool - 2
  --Convince - 5

Equipment:
 - Proton Pack
 - Ghost Trap
 - Ecto-Visor
 - PKE Meter
 - Telescope w/Tripod

Green Intern fucked around with this message at Sep 5, 2015 around 17:45

Vicissitude
Jan 26, 2004

You ever do the chicken dance at a wake? That really bothers people.

Tanner

There's something soothing about working on a car. Oh, nothing as strenuous as pulling out perfectly good parts and tossing in some souped-up power booster. Just good old fashioned grease-on-your-hands tune ups. Since he had the experience in the Army motor pool, Kevin had become the go-to guy to keep the company car up to scratch. Lots of burn outs and tight corners at top speed tended to take their toll. A good bit of the maintenance for the van went into replacement hubcaps and tires. Some of the liability insurance, too, ever since that one guy got a settlement after being "grievously injured" by one of said rolling hubcaps.

As the boombox plays out some Queen he reminisces on some of the recent jobs. Independence Hall was always considered to be haunted, but Thursday's job proved it so. But at least the team didn't have to suffer through the media circus that could have been if it'd been a founding father they'd hauled off to the containment unit. That's a hell of a bullet dodged right there. Instead, it was just a Class 3 something or other. Anything less than a 5 was pretty much a cakewalk as far as Kevin was concerned. But this had been a fun outing anyway. The spook had been stuck inside some office and hadn't done the usual thing of levitating the room and putting everything upside-down on the ceiling. Instead, it'd been on the wall. That was a neat trick. Plus, it'd been hell to secure everything so it didn't all crash down when someone hit it with a containment stream. Wouldn't want to damage historical treasures, right?

Kevin puts the filter back on and slides out on the rollerboard to refill the oil when the call comes in. He's wiping off his hands when the team's resident smart guy answers it. Well, he'll find out what's going on soon enough. Might as well finish up so they can roll out.

pre:
PFC Kevin Tanner, US Army
Personal Goal: Money
Brownie Points: 20

Brains - 2
 - Mechanical Repair - 5
Muscle - 3
 - Running - 6
Moves - 4
 - Fire Weapon - 7
Cool - 3
 - Calm under fire - 6

Equipment:
 - Proton Pack
 - Ghost Trap
 - Ecto-Visor

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010


College Slice

Sam

Sam lies on the couch, reading the paper. "Page 5? It's on page 5? What's so big about..." he looks at the first page, "riots in Los Angeles that we get page 5? We were attacked by a statue of Ben Franklin, for God's sake! Isn't that headline news?" Their biggest writeup was in the food section, and that was mostly an article about the cheese. "Comes to you, my foot...." It was part of the poor quality of the media these days. They didn't know what was important. And the statue of Ben Franklin hurt, too. He still had bruises from when it hit him. Between that and the cheese in his hair, Sam knows he could sleep for a week.

The ringing of the phone means that he won't get his chance, though. Sam hears Wizard answer. It's a misleading name, because as far as Sam knows, the other man's not an actual wizard. There are only...he stops to think, 15 actual wizards in the Philadelphia metro area. But still, that's what the man goes by. The phone ringing probably means a case. Ugh. So much for sleeping for a week. Still, maybe they'll get an actual front page headline this time out of it.


pre:
Sam Howard
Personal Goal: Fame
Brownie Points: 20

Brains - 4
  --The Occult -- 7
Muscle - 2
  --Run-  5
Moves - 2
  --Attract Attention- 5
Cool -  4
  --Charm- 7

Equipment:

Proton Pack
Ghost Trap
PKE Meter
Secret Tomes of Occult Lore

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011

I am now all animes


Wizard is greeted, like most calls to GB HQ, by a man who is yelling very loud.

"This is Fred Lunt, the manager of Yum-Ee Food Palace on Tenth! Listen, there's something here and it's eating my supermarket! Get over here, quick!" In the background, you can hear crunching. "It's a big blue light, plowed right inside, started EATING things! It's in aisle 7 right now, eating all my cereal! Your ad says free introductory inspection, no obligation! Please, get over here before it gets into the detergent!"

And the line abruptly clicks. Well, that doesn't sound good.

"Should I tell the mayor to reschedule our meeting, boys?"

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010


College Slice

Sam

"You know, if we don't do anything, the chemicals from that cereal will probably destroy the ghost itself. Have you ever seen some of the stuff they're putting out now? It's not just cornflakes anymore." He gets up from the couch. "But, yeah, Anna. You probably should reschedule the meeting. We've got to get some shopping done." He stretches and then goes to get suited up. It looks like it's going to be that kind of day.

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011

I am now all animes


Epicurius gets 2 Brownie Points because this is the kinda posting I had in mind for this game, good start on the comedy.

Green Intern
Dec 29, 2008

Secret Art: Toxic Crotch Whirlwind!

Wizard
Brains - 4 (Astronomy - 7)
Muscle - 3 (Climb - 6)
Moves - 3 (See - 6)
Cool - 2 (Convince - 5)
Brownie Points - 20

"Oh, hello, Sam. You know as well as any of us that an incorporeal being such as whatever this Blue Light is can't normally derive any sustenance from physical matter." Wizard continues as he gets his gear. "There's no chance that the reverse would be true; if that were the case, we could dispense with the proton packs and just get some cans of Raid." He adjusts the straps on his ecto-visor. "If this ends up going overnight, I'll have to check the star charts. There might be a minor cosmic event going on that spurred this spirit into action."

Edited my full sheet into my first post.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010


College Slice

Sam Brownie Points 22

Sam nods. "Thank you for reminding me of that, Wizard. I guess we'll just have to bust it."

Vicissitude
Jan 26, 2004

You ever do the chicken dance at a wake? That really bothers people.

Tanner

"Is nobody going to make the blue light special joke? At a supermarket, no less? Is it all down to me on this one?"

Kevin sighs and zips up his jumpsuit to cover the oily t-shirt underneath. Time to move out. He heads over to grab his kit from the locker and hauls it over to the van before settling in behind the driver's seat once more.

"Might as well make this quick. Could just be another crank. Maybe this guy lost some inventory and needs an excuse."

Green Intern
Dec 29, 2008

Secret Art: Toxic Crotch Whirlwind!

Wizard
Brains - 4 (Astronomy - 7)
Muscle - 3 (Climb - 6)
Moves - 3 (See - 6)
Cool - 2 (Convince - 5)
Brownie Points - 20

"Considering that we just yesterday faced down a possessed statue of Ben Franklin, I don't really know what constitutes 'Special' anymore."

Vicissitude
Jan 26, 2004

You ever do the chicken dance at a wake? That really bothers people.

Tanner

"I thought the sideways room was neat, but if you want to focus on ghost-powered bronze robots you're free to do so."

Kevin leans out the window and slaps a hand against the driver's door.

"Let's go, Sam! On the bounce, soldier. We need to pick up some Cracklin' Ghost Bran."

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011

I am now all animes


It's no problem to get the ECTO to the Yum-Ee Food Palace, it's only 10 minutes away. It's close to some of the neighborhoods around here and looks like your average supermarket, big yellow sign, big windows with huge holes in them...Well, maybe that part's weird. There's also the blue light flickering inside and the sounds of crashing, crunching, screaming, and your average inhuman moans. There's a sizeable crowd gathered outside on the parking lot that start cheering when you come up. As you bask in the glow of your fans and make your way through the mob, you get a better look at the store, which is a mess. There's broken glass everywhere and all the things the broke it are strewn about; a large bag of dog food, burning fireplace logs, and enough detergent to wash the Phillies' uniforms for an entire season. Similar junk continues to fly out of the windows every so often, with the crowd giving the store a wide berth.

The automatic doors open and through the doorway comes a figure. It looks human, but it's only five feet tall and completely dead white. The people take one look and retreat screaming. The figure is wearing corduroy slacks and a cardigan sweater, has glasses, and is completely bald except for a thin wisp of white hair. It brushes at itself, leaving a trail of white powder as it comes closer with a low moan!

What are you gonna do, Ghostbusters?!

Vicissitude
Jan 26, 2004

You ever do the chicken dance at a wake? That really bothers people.

Tanner

Kevin's about to draw his pack but quickly notices the lack of a blue glow. And since when do ghosts leave trails of powder instead of ectoplasm?

"Sir? Are you alright? Do you need assistance?"

Green Intern
Dec 29, 2008

Secret Art: Toxic Crotch Whirlwind!

Wizard
Brains - 4 (Astronomy - 7)
Muscle - 3 (Climb - 6)
Moves - 3 (See - 6)
Cool - 2 (Convince - 5)
Brownie Points - 20

Wizard rushes in, PKE meter clicking and beeping. "Hold still, please. We need to make sure you're not contaminated with any residual ectoplasmic traces. Can you comment on what you've seen inside the store?

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011

I am now all animes


"Ah, I didn't see you at first, that thing threw flour all over me! I'm Fred Lunt, the man who called you. Listen, that THING has my head cashier held hostage, I need you to get in there and get it out!"

As Wizard questions Lunt, it's clear he's not in the mood for idle banter, but acquiesces to your expertise. "One of our clerks, Howard Garriott, was stocking the shelves when that thing came up behind him. He bolted out of the store and down the street faster than a cheetah! He's probably at the Liberty Bell by now! Now, do you have any more questions, or are you going to do your jobs?"

Vicissitude
Jan 26, 2004

You ever do the chicken dance at a wake? That really bothers people.

Tanner

"Yes, sir. Asking questions is all part of the job."

Kevin turns to the rest of the team.

"I can take point unless either of you wants to get dredged in flour first."

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010


College Slice

Sam

"No, that's ok, Kevin. I'm more of a batter type of guy. You can go first.", Sam says, looking askance at Fred Lunt. Then, turning to him, he says. "Don't worry. We're Ghostbusters. Doing this type of thing is our job. You'll be back stocking shelves before you know it." With that, he draws the neutrino wand out of its clip on the proton pack, looks at Wizard and Tanner, and asks, "We ready to do this thing?"

Green Intern
Dec 29, 2008

Secret Art: Toxic Crotch Whirlwind!

Wizard

Wizard checks a few dials on the PKE reader. "Just as an aside, particulate flour is highly flammable." There's a slight hum as he fires up his proton pack. "Mr. Lunt, I don't suppose any of your employees have been up late stargazing, moonwatching, astral projecting, or any other form of personal space travel? We need to ascertain if they might have been a beacon for paranormal activity. You can think that over while we go see to the cleanup in aisle 7."

Vicissitude
Jan 26, 2004

You ever do the chicken dance at a wake? That really bothers people.

Tanner

Kevin nods and readies his wand. It wasn't too hard to needle, uh, "Wizard" into modifying it a little to make it more comfortable for a serviceman. Just something a little more familiar with a stock and grips, not unlike the M4 he was used to. Sure it hung a little funny off the pack, but once it's out Kevin's ready for action. He puts his head down and eyes up and moves forward into the store. Mr Lunt got hit with flour, so Baking Needs was the first likely stop.

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011

I am now all animes


Wow! This store's a real mess! Food and housewares are strewn everywhere, shopping carts are upturned and stacked to the ceiling, and posters advertising sales are ripped to bits. Whipped cream is sprayed like graffiti on the bread aisle. There's a curious pattern of bananas around a stack of National Enquirers. The only sounds you can hear are the muzak and crunching noises from aisle seven. Most aisles only have certain things in disarray. In one aisle, a five foot block of ketchup and sauces is blown into the aisle, with a similar disorder of detergents in another aisle. The whole place looks like a cross between a landfill and a Jackson Pollock piece.

You see a sheet of newspaper blow across the floor and hit one of you in the leg. Could it be a clue? Nah, probably just junk. What's important now is those sounds in aisle 7.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010


College Slice

Sam

Sam picks up the piece of paper and looks at it. That's a good deal on lard. A crazily good deal. He doesn't much need lard, but if he did, he'd buy it at Yum-Mee. His attention is drawn from the advertisement to the pattern of bananas. That's an unusual pattern. Perhaps a significant pattern?


Is the pattern of occult significance at all? Anything unusual about it?

Occult: 7d6 29 7d6=1, 1, 4, 6, 5, 6, 6

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011

I am now all animes


There's nothing significant about the pattern of bananas, but since you rolled a ghost, you do slip on a discarded peel.

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Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011

I am now all animes


As you approach aisle 7 after helping Sam up on his feet, you come across quite a sight. A truly bizarre ghost is running--make that floating--rampant through the cereal section. Open boxes and cereal flakes cover the floor around an unconscious woman laying below the ghost. The ghost has a head like a vacuum attachment with a long horizontal mouth and a pair of googly eyes on top. Running from the back of its head...you guess...like a large throat is what looks like a ribbed tube or pipeline about a foot across and seven feet long, vanishing into invisibility a few feet above the floor. But you shouldn't look at that point for too long, it hurts your eyes. There are four ghostly hands around the entity, each holding a box of Flakey Jake Barley Flakes. The whole thing is about nine feet long.



The unconscious woman looks about 25 and is wearing a Yum-Ee uniform. She also appears to be covered in lard.

The ghost is pouring box after box of cereal into its mouth and throwing the boxes aside. The boxes are piled high, all name-brand stuff too. About half the section is gone. The cereal pulsates down the tube as the ghost gobbles it down before disappearing into nothingness. It doesn't seem to be paying you much mind.

Neato burrito! An actual ghost! Choose your next actions wisely, Ghostbusters!

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