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AWarmBody
Jul 26, 2014

Better than a cold one.

Seven years after "graduating" from homeschooling, I decide to take a look back at the most horrific textbook I used during my homeschool years. It's a set of two books: a health textbook and its companion book, "Life Management Under God (second edition".
This post will focus on the latter of the two, which is aimed at grades 11-12. It was published by A Beka (they're baptist folk) in 2003. With only 103 pages, it scarred me in a way no other book has.

So let me give you a glimpse into a 17 year old's health education....

Meeting new people
or "I'm so glad that someone's finally teaching me how to properly socialize."


Dating platonically
Sex isn't even called what it is. "Going all the way" is kept at a PG level throughout the book.

Even kissing has an air of shame to it.

There are also Dating Guidelines for both guys and girls. I'm only going to post the girls' side because it's what applied to me. Also because of the whole "dressing that way gets you raped" thing it's got going on.




Marriage is the best!
There was an entire chapter ("unit") called Preparing For Marriage. It's my favorite part to reread, but since the passages in it are so long, I'm just posting my favorite short and sweet sections.


If you couldn't tell already, there are a lot of dramatic "anecdotes" written to probably instill terror in a sheltered teenage heart:



Bonus features
yikes....


There are also random illustrations throughout both books.
Here is my favorite from the Life Management book:

And, even though I haven't shown anything content-wise the health textbook itself, here's my favorite illustration from that:



So that's that. To this day, I'm still not sure what a penis is.

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TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002



im gay

Hobohemian
Sep 29, 2005

by XyloJW


Did you ever look into becoming an emancipated minor when you were a child?

Moola
Aug 16, 2006






I dont think this is true

AWarmBody
Jul 26, 2014

Better than a cold one.

Hobohemian posted:

Did you ever look into becoming an emancipated minor when you were a child?

No. It wasn't something I knew about from any of my great textbooks.

psyopmonkey2
Mar 10, 2015

by Ralp


Home schooling is super super bad.

Dont homeschool your kids. They might turn out like me. :ohdear:

big black turnout
Jan 13, 2009





Fallen Rib

psyopmonkey2 posted:

Home schooling is super super bad.

Dont homeschool your kids. They might turn out like me. :ohdear:

were u also homeschooled?

i wish I still had some of my homeschool stuff

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002



Moola posted:

I dont think this is true

youve said this a couple times but if you need my facebook to prove it, pm me

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo


hey, baby. wanna kiss repeatedly in the car

psyopmonkey2
Mar 10, 2015

by Ralp


squartle posted:

were u also homeschooled?

i wish I still had some of my homeschool stuff

Yeah I was homeschooled. It really hosed me up mentally.

Dont homeschool your kids, ever.

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot


AWarmBody posted:




So that's that. To this day, I'm still not sure what a penis is.

dude with the brown hair knows how to party

AWarmBody
Jul 26, 2014

Better than a cold one.

Enfield posted:

hey, baby. wanna kiss repeatedly in the car

Just embracing, please. I have boundaries.

psyopmonkey2
Mar 10, 2015

by Ralp


Abeca books should be burned. Along with the christian pieces of poo poo that wrote them.

Tumblr of scotch
Mar 13, 2006

Please, don't be my neighbor.


there was a kid in my 10th grade french class, it was her first year not being homeschooled, and it sure seemed to have done a number on her. she had that almost-floor-length culty hair and was way way too into horses.

ok that's my story thank you for reading

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo


bitch quit playing your hymns were going barhopping

psyopmonkey2
Mar 10, 2015

by Ralp


Flagrant Abuse posted:

there was a kid in my 10th grade french class, it was her first year not being homeschooled, and it sure seemed to have done a number on her. she had that almost-floor-length culty hair and was way way too into horses.

ok that's my story thank you for reading

Was she one of those freaks that wore the long denim dresses too?

Those stinky loving retards are the worst. Christians are loving loathsome.

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo


panicky christian wife: i dont even know what that is

Enfield
May 30, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo


psyopmonkey2 posted:

Was she one of those freaks that wore the long denim dresses too?

Those stinky loving retards are the worst. Christians are loving loathsome.

so much hatred and intolerance

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009



Rock Music vs Good Music

psyopmonkey2
Mar 10, 2015

by Ralp


Enfield posted:

so much hatred and intolerance

Yeah, religious people sure are those things. :iamafag:

Tumblr of scotch
Mar 13, 2006

Please, don't be my neighbor.


psyopmonkey2 posted:

Was she one of those freaks that wore the long denim dresses too?

Those stinky loving retards are the worst. Christians are loving loathsome.
no but she did exclusively wear very prim and proper skirts that stood out like whoa by virtue of being the sort of thing that would've been commonplace 120 years ago

psyopmonkey2
Mar 10, 2015

by Ralp


Flagrant Abuse posted:

no but she did exclusively wear very prim and proper skirts that stood out like whoa by virtue of being the sort of thing that would've been commonplace 120 years ago

Yeah, those people need to go back to utah or whatever worthless state they came from.

Harald
Jul 9, 2009

LINKIN PARK




AMerica deserved 9/11

XMNN
Apr 26, 2008



misread the title as homoschool you cant comprehend the scale of my disappointment

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



be sleeve yourself strumpet!!!!

Putty
Mar 21, 2013


post some more pics

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

I ate too much crab and transformed into this.



Still need to find out what a dick is?

Stick Figure Mafia
Dec 11, 2004




lol

CRIP EATIN BREAD
Jun 24, 2002

Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T





Soiled Meat

good book, op

pixelbaron
Mar 18, 2009

~ Notice me, Shempai! ~


many a youth has fallen prey to immortality by engaging in excessive physical contact

proof of concept
Mar 6, 2005

by FactsAreUseless


Parallax Scroll posted:

Rock Music vs Good Music

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013

I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

What do your books have to say about dinosaurs?

Jabberlock
Nov 29, 2014





so thats why i have dark hair. all those impure thoughts

Jabberlock fucked around with this message at 22:36 on Sep 5, 2015

AWarmBody
Jul 26, 2014

Better than a cold one.

SymmetryrtemmyS posted:

What do your books have to say about dinosaurs?

There is a section on dinosaurs in "Life Management Under God"!

big black turnout
Jan 13, 2009





Fallen Rib

AWarmBody posted:

There is a section on dinosaurs in "Life Management Under God"!


Lol holy poo poo one of the books i had had that same illustration lolll

AbbadonOfHell
Jul 16, 2004
You know I would try to think of something funny to put here but ill just pass on that and threaten people with a + 2 board with a nail in it.


Melissa was a huge oval office and wasn't missed by anybody is what the story forgets. She was just another soulless middle manager.

Also, waaaaay picky about the dick she wanted.

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots

Buglord

psyopmonkey2 posted:

Abeca books should be burned. Along with the christian pieces of poo poo that wrote them.

woah, thoughtcrime

but seriously though, what does "a beka" even mean? is that someone's name?

Good soup!
Nov 1, 2010




lmao

gently caress you kjerstin, loving entitled bitch and your weird rear end name

AWarmBody
Jul 26, 2014

Better than a cold one.

Putty posted:

post some more pics

Okay. Here are the "guidelines for him" section. Mmmmm.


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That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots

Buglord

Enfield posted:

bitch quit playing your hymns were going barhopping

and smoking some devil weed

OP's A Beka Book posted:

Think of your relationship as a threesome with Christ

haha oh wow

That Robot fucked around with this message at 23:02 on Sep 5, 2015

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