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Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



lmao if your grandpa wasnt gay

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simplefish
Mar 28, 2011

So long, and thanks for all the fish gallbladdΣrs!


Sorry, guys, it was me. I invented the whole 'medicate 'em straight' thing. I am a time traveller and I had to go back to Get Granddad Laid otherwise I was going to not be born, but it turned out he was gay! Well, I had to do *something*

He hung himself later, but hey, I'm here!

METATERREN
Jul 3, 2015

I enjoy putting things in my mouth.
On the one side of my family

We lost millions in the great depression (millions in 85 years ago money) -- a bunch of farms owned on debt, leveraged up from the equity of a lifetime of hard farm work coming from the backwoods of a remote countryside (they lived in a wooden shack in a place with a population density of maybe five people per square mile)

We lost millions in 1987's black monday -- investing on margin without hedges. Nearly all of the money earned by a farm boy through entrepreneurial hard work in business after serving in the U.S. military

We lost a few millions in the early 90's -- trusting a business associate to an exceeding degree

On the other side, 1st generation immigrants from an outside country arriving in the USA in abject poverty (the family couldn't eat sometimes). Lost every net worth earned through a lifetime of entrepreneur-style hardwork in the 2007 recession and have dozens of millions of debt baring down with zero assets against it.

Also we're so pitiably poor that the familial elders can't pay for the most recent generation's college tuition and living expenses.

My goal is to get it all back in today's money.. and then some!

The dynasty will be established. The dynasty will thrive!

P.S. educate your farm boys and immigrants in money logic and history

METATERREN fucked around with this message at 04:45 on Nov 1, 2015

Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020
When I was in college my mom told me that she had a miscarriage the year before she had me. Now, miscarriages are common, especially during first pregnancies, but the fact that my older cousin (who was four years old at the time) playfully jumped in Mom's lap about a day before it happened was probably a big contributing factor. My parents weren't going to announce the pregnancy until she started to show, so Mom, Dad, and Mom's OB/GYN were the only ones who knew about it. To this day, my extended family has no idea Mom was pregnant then. Mom never felt that the miscarriage was a big loss - she reasoned that there was almost certainly something wrong with the fetus anyway - but the thing is that my parents always planned on only having one kid. If my cousin hadn't involuntarily-manslaughtered my sibling in the womb, I never would have been born. :tinfoil:

Molentik
Apr 30, 2013

Blue Footed Booby posted:

FYI while some of those Hitler youth units were random groups of boys, some were as fanatical and brutal as the SS. A number were involved in war crimes.

So those kids may well have deserved it. :buddy:

The Hitlerjugend guys in Normandy were actually the the 12th SS Panzer Division, so hardly 14 year old kids running messages or lugging shells for the home defence AAA guns, but fanatical cold rear end motherfuckers.

Be proud of your grandpa!

counterfeitsaint
Feb 26, 2010

I'm a girl, and you're
gnomes, and it's like
what? Yikes.

METATERREN posted:

On the one side of my family

We lost millions in the great depression (millions in 85 years ago money) -- a bunch of farms owned on debt, leveraged up from the equity of a lifetime of hard farm work coming from the backwoods of a remote countryside (they lived in a wooden shack in a place with a population density of maybe five people per square mile)

We lost millions in 1987's black monday -- investing on margin without hedges. Nearly all of the money earned by a farm boy through entrepreneurial hard work in business after serving in the U.S. military

We lost a few millions in the early 90's -- trusting a business associate to an exceeding degree

On the other side, 1st generation immigrants from an outside country arriving in the USA in abject poverty (the family couldn't eat sometimes). Lost every net worth earned through a lifetime of entrepreneur-style hardwork in the 2007 recession and have dozens of millions of debt baring down with zero assets against it.

Also we're so pitiably poor that the familial elders can't pay for the most recent generation's college tuition and living expenses.

My goal is to get it all back in today's money.. and then some!

The dynasty will be established. The dynasty will thrive!

P.S. educate your farm boys and immigrants in money logic and history

So your family has millions before the 1930s, lost it all, earned millions again just in time to lose it in 1987, earned a few millions quickly enough to lose it in the 1990s, and finally earned millions some more only lose it again in 2007?

loving meritocracy at work? Your family is dumb as poo poo.

Also, bullshit

kazr
Jan 28, 2005

METATERREN posted:

On the one side of my family

We lost millions in the great depression (millions in 85 years ago money) -- a bunch of farms owned on debt, leveraged up from the equity of a lifetime of hard farm work coming from the backwoods of a remote countryside (they lived in a wooden shack in a place with a population density of maybe five people per square mile)

We lost millions in 1987's black monday -- investing on margin without hedges. Nearly all of the money earned by a farm boy through entrepreneurial hard work in business after serving in the U.S. military

We lost a few millions in the early 90's -- trusting a business associate to an exceeding degree

On the other side, 1st generation immigrants from an outside country arriving in the USA in abject poverty (the family couldn't eat sometimes). Lost every net worth earned through a lifetime of entrepreneur-style hardwork in the 2007 recession and have dozens of millions of debt baring down with zero assets against it.

Also we're so pitiably poor that the familial elders can't pay for the most recent generation's college tuition and living expenses.

My goal is to get it all back in today's money.. and then some!

The dynasty will be established. The dynasty will thrive!

P.S. educate your farm boys and immigrants in money logic and history

I guess a bunch of stupid morons had to get hosed every time in recessions, congrats to your dumb rear end family for doing the leg work of it all

Bacon Terrorist
May 7, 2010

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

Molentik posted:

The Hitlerjugend guys in Normandy were actually the the 12th SS Panzer Division, so hardly 14 year old kids running messages or lugging shells for the home defence AAA guns, but fanatical cold rear end motherfuckers.

Be proud of your grandpa!

Thanks guys :)

My dad told me about one of the letters he read before they were sold, where my Great Grandad detailed how he and his brother signed up for the commandos based on the promise of an extra shilling a week but no one told them beforehand they would be jumping out of planes :D

thatbastardken
Apr 23, 2010

A contract signed by a minor is not binding!
found out earlier this year that I'm descended from the guy who introduced rabbits to australia, fuckin lol.

Sammus
Nov 30, 2005

My family had slaves. Lots of them. Not really a secret or anything, the parts of the family still in North Carolina pine for the "good ol' days"

Hihohe
Oct 4, 2008

Fuck you and the sun you live under


My mom admitted that my grandma was a product of incest. Looking back on it my moms side of the family is rife with diseases so it makes sense. Mom is alright and is a successful investments agent so my family is far from our Hill have eyes roots.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

METATERREN posted:

a bunch of farms owned on debt, leveraged up from the equity

investing on margin without hedges

trusting a business associate to an exceeding degree

dozens of millions of debt baring down with zero assets against it.


lol jesus christ dude.

Regalingualius
Jan 7, 2012

We gazed into the eyes of madness... And all we found was horny.




Fuckin' :lol: at richwhiteboy.

As for skeletons...

My dad half-seriously thinks that his dad was actually in the CIA, and wasn't just setting up contracts for some British electric company. Among other things, their family traveled a lot of the world. Just off the top of my head: France, Egypt, South Africa, Hong Kong, and Iran (staying there until just before the revolution started up).

That, plus one of the locations he worked at was (mostly) some kind of a US military installation; his floor was the only one for civilians, which seemed to make everyone else there think that they were spooks.

Fredrik1
Jan 22, 2005

Gopherslayer
:rock:
Fallen Rib
Apparently my step granddad which I hardly knew stole an actual scull from an archaeological dig and used it as an ash tray.

Nut to Butt
Apr 13, 2009

by FactsAreUseless

Fredrik1 posted:

Apparently my step granddad which I hardly knew stole an actual scull from an archaeological dig and used it as an ash tray.

woah, stealing a whole boat is quite a feat

Masturbasturd
Sep 1, 2014

Regalingualius posted:

Fuckin' :lol: at richwhiteboy.

As for skeletons...

My dad half-seriously thinks that his dad was actually in the CIA, and wasn't just setting up contracts for some British electric company. Among other things, their family traveled a lot of the world. Just off the top of my head: France, Egypt, South Africa, Hong Kong, and Iran (staying there until just before the revolution started up).

That, plus one of the locations he worked at was (mostly) some kind of a US military installation; his floor was the only one for civilians, which seemed to make everyone else there think that they were spooks.

Had an uncle whose job at a defense contractor whose job was to party with VIPs visiting Vegas and go watch nuke tests in the 50's.
Then he abandoned his wife & kids in a broken down car in the desert. He called grampa and told him his daughter's in the hospital with a nervous breakdown and that he's leaving her. Nice.
I never met him, but through the decades he sent us Xmas cards from places like West Germany, Vietnam, and Saudi Arabia. Croaked in the late 80s I think.

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien

Wanamingo posted:

My grandpa was one of those people you read about, who suffer a head injury and then their personality completely changes. Apparently one night he was doing some (probably drunken) late-night snowmobiling and he crashed into a tree. He was airlifted out, and then later went into a coma. Apparently when he woke up he was just absolutely nuts. He was angry all the time, would start getting abusive, and things like that. It eventually peaked when he tried to kill himself by burning down his house, with him inside of it. He called 911 before starting the fire, but he lived in the rear end end of the Colorado mountains at the time. When the first officer arrived the building was in flames, and my grandpa was standing at the window waving around a gun. Eventually he passed out from smoke inhalation, and because nobody else had arrived on scene yet, the cop ran in and pulled him out. He survived the ordeal, my grandma got half the insurance payout on the house, and I don't know what happened to my grandpa after that other than the fact that he eventually drank himself to death.

This happened sometime back in the late 60s/early 70s, and even though my grandma is still alive, I've never once talked with her about this. All this information came from my mom, who I'm pretty sure was living on her own at the time.

Posts like these really concern me because i was in a bad car accident two months ago and smashed my face up, but never went to the ER because I had a sick puppy in the car that needed treatment and I worry that one day my brain will suddnakskbajwhqaaaaaaaggghhh

Frostwerks
Sep 24, 2007

by Lowtax

Pick posted:

naw man, horse thieves are the worst

:jerkbag:

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

by LadyAmbien

METATERREN posted:

Also we're so pitiably poor that the familial elders can't pay for the most recent generation's college tuition and living expenses.

My goal is to get it all back in today's money.. and then some!

I'm going to kick your rear end

stump collector
May 28, 2007
dad gay so what

simplefish
Mar 28, 2011

So long, and thanks for all the fish gallbladdΣrs!


Drink Cheerwine posted:

woah, stealing a whole boat is quite a feat

*feet

Mushmouth
Feb 21, 2004
Urban Tumbleweed

Resurrecting this thread because it turns out my great uncle was taking pictures of the neighbor kids and then like cutting their heads out of them and gluing those onto pictures of porn D: Everyone would always say how good he was with kids and how nice and all that so it was kinda extra awful.
Plus he raped his daughter. His mom had asked about it while in the hospital in the sixties, he admitted it, and she forgot how to speak English. He's dead now, though, so ... yay? It is hard to yay. We all loved the hell out of him when we were kids, but mom knew about what he did to his daughter so it's a little, Idunno, like should she have let us be around him?

Sistergodiva
Jan 3, 2006

I'm like you,
I have no shame.

Saw my uncle who has been dead for almost 10 years in a random porno from the 90s. Felt pretty loving weird. Had no idea he did porn.

He was my mothers half uncle and apparently his dad killed himself, was probably to young at the time but then no one told me, until it was casually referenced years later.

Thursday Next
Jan 11, 2004

FUCK THE ISLE OF APPLES. FUCK THEM IN THEIR STUPID ASSES.

deep impact on vhs posted:

that reminded me when my brother wanted to go into the air force my dad looked at him and went "only two things fall out of the sky, bird poo poo and fools"

rain
snow

dad dumb. so what

small ghost
Jan 30, 2013

My dad's side of the family is the usual boring illegitimate kid deal - his mum got knocked up while her husband was a POW during WW2 and when he got back from the war he walked in on a kid too young to be his and walked right the gently caress back out again. Her highly religious family threatened to disown her if she didn't put my dad in an orphanage so she did - only she couldn't deal with giving him up so she went and got him back again six months later and went off to work as a servant in posh houses for 6 years, until she met up with her husband again and he took her back. Really messed my dad up and gave him serious abandonment issues, not to mention that she never did tell him who his real father is. His stepdad was a pretty cool dude though and he legally adopted my dad and raised him as his own son.

My mum's side of the family I'd always assumed was pretty scandal free - the Irish half (my grandmother's) is full of alcoholism and bad parenting but none of it's really scandalous or a secret, and the Jewish side (my grandfather's) were German refugees, escaping the Holocaust. Quite a lot of my maternal grandad's family didn't manage to get out, and I just assumed that my great-grandad was among them as I knew he hadn't come to the UK with my grandad and great-grandma.

Until grandad's funeral, that is, when a chance conversation with an elderly relative led to me finding out that my great-grandad had got out after all - he'd been having an affair with a Nazi lady (literally - she was a member of the Nazi party) and when things got really bad they fled to South America, leaving his wife and young kid behind. The surviving Jewish family pretty much never spoke about him again, although my grandad did eventually track him down and travel to Rio to meet him. I have a photo somewhere of my grandad, his dad and Nazi-lady sitting on a beach. They all look very uncomfortable.

Return Of JimmyJars
Jun 24, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Found out from grandpa recently that grandma has a ton of family down in Argentina. She emigrated here from "Belgium" in the 40s as a teen to live with some relatives that had come over earlier while everyone else split down to Argentina.

Lol at all my nazi uncles/cousins/ancestors.

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
Is there anyone who doesn't have at least one crazy uncle?
It seems to be some sort of unwritten bylaw or something.

Pepperoneedy
Apr 27, 2007

Rockin' it



My family would need a warehouse for all its skeletons but I put the pieces together recently that explains an awful lot about one side anyway. My grandfather was pretty hosed up in a lot of ways. He never talked about his own father much and it turns out he had a brother he never spoke to (or about, nor did anyone else which is why I didn't even know he had a brother until a decade after he died), but that was incidental. All we really knew about his father was that he once was a butcher, like his father before him, his parents divorced when he was young, and that he eventually died in the nuthouse in the '60s. And beyond that he would say nothing at all.

Nobody ever wanted to talk about that his family. All we had from them was a meat cleaver from about 1900 that always hanged behind the pegboard in the basement. I never knew why he saved it but after he died I cleaned it up and put it to use in my kitchen.

Then I went up to the county archives where they lived and pulled the divorce records and um ---



And it gets worse from there. The divorce hearing was in 1903. The son mentioned was my great-grandfather and boy howdy growing up in that kind of environment hosed him up good.

Turns out that kind of severe alcoholic abuse can cause psychological damage that just travels right on down the generations, expressing itself differently but no less profoundly in each broken person in that progeny. And it goes a long way in explaining why I'm so hosed up in the head today.

So yeah there that. I'm not so sure I want to use that cleaver anymore. Though I can sort of see why the family kept it all these years. :(

Mnemosyne
Jun 11, 2002

There's no safe way to put a cat in a paper bag!!

Werong Bustope posted:

My dad's side of the family is the usual boring illegitimate kid deal - his mum got knocked up while her husband was a POW during WW2 and when he got back from the war he walked in on a kid too young to be his and walked right the gently caress back out again. Her highly religious family threatened to disown her if she didn't put my dad in an orphanage so she did - only she couldn't deal with giving him up so she went and got him back again six months later and went off to work as a servant in posh houses for 6 years, until she met up with her husband again and he took her back. Really messed my dad up and gave him serious abandonment issues, not to mention that she never did tell him who his real father is. His stepdad was a pretty cool dude though and he legally adopted my dad and raised him as his own son.

Just as an FYI, he may be able to find out who his biological father is (if he's interested) by doing a DNA test at either Ancestry.com or 23andMe.com. This sort of thing is a hobby of mine, and adoptees are finding their bio families this way every day.

OMG JC a Bomb!
Jul 13, 2004

We are the Invisible Spatula. We are the Grilluminati. We eat before and after dinner. We eat forever. And eventually... eventually we will lead them into the dining room.
Once while going to visit the grave of the guy I thought was my grandfather my mom pointed at a log cabin we were driving by and told me that my biological grandfather lived there. He had cheated on/left my grandmother ages ago, and I was not allowed to contact him for any reason.

Fine by me. My step grandpa had lovely heart disease genes and my grandma is insufferable.

LadyAmbien
Oct 22, 2015
It came out at my Dad's memorial that my Grandfather used to beat the living poo poo out of him, and he was thrown out of a plate glass window trying to protect his little brother (my Uncle). I had always suspected something like this had happened because he left home at 16, and always had a bit of a temper, but it was something else hearing it from my Uncle who was trying to choke back tears.

I think the only other shocking thing was hearing that my maternal Grandmother was raped as a child, and that because her father was of high ranking in the RCMP, they did not go after the man because they didn't want to bring shame to our family. She was the sweetest sweetest woman, and it always made me so angry to think of anyone hurting her, or not standing up for her. The good thing is that my Grandpa was an absolutely amazing man, and loved the hell out of her.

Heehee Hartlocks
Feb 9, 2012

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
my parents confessed to me that im actually retarded

Heehee Hartlocks
Feb 9, 2012

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
all these years spent bending forward to try to suck my own dilz......

it's explained now BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS NORMAL

Fluo
May 25, 2007

METATERREN posted:

On the one side of my family

We lost millions in the great depression (millions in 85 years ago money) -- a bunch of farms owned on debt, leveraged up from the equity of a lifetime of hard farm work coming from the backwoods of a remote countryside (they lived in a wooden shack in a place with a population density of maybe five people per square mile)

We lost millions in 1987's black monday -- investing on margin without hedges. Nearly all of the money earned by a farm boy through entrepreneurial hard work in business after serving in the U.S. military

We lost a few millions in the early 90's -- trusting a business associate to an exceeding degree

On the other side, 1st generation immigrants from an outside country arriving in the USA in abject poverty (the family couldn't eat sometimes). Lost every net worth earned through a lifetime of entrepreneur-style hardwork in the 2007 recession and have dozens of millions of debt baring down with zero assets against it.

Also we're so pitiably poor that the familial elders can't pay for the most recent generation's college tuition and living expenses.

My goal is to get it all back in today's money.. and then some!

The dynasty will be established. The dynasty will thrive!

P.S. educate your farm boys and immigrants in money logic and history

can i have £5k for my business

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011
Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL

Sistergodiva posted:

Saw my uncle who has been dead for almost 10 years in a random porno from the 90s. Felt pretty loving weird. Had no idea he did porn.


lol. tell us more.

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you

LadyAmbien posted:

It came out at my Dad's memorial that my Grandfather used to beat the living poo poo out of him, and he was thrown out of a plate glass window trying to protect his little brother (my Uncle). I had always suspected something like this had happened because he left home at 16, and always had a bit of a temper, but it was something else hearing it from my Uncle who was trying to choke back tears.

I think the only other shocking thing was hearing that my maternal Grandmother was raped as a child, and that because her father was of high ranking in the RCMP, they did not go after the man because they didn't want to bring shame to our family. She was the sweetest sweetest woman, and it always made me so angry to think of anyone hurting her, or not standing up for her. The good thing is that my Grandpa was an absolutely amazing man, and loved the hell out of her.

What's the point of being a high ranking cop if you can't murder people who have wronged your family? Betcha the perp had a "hunting accident" and fell into an old mineshaft

Rambling Robot posted:

lol. tell us more.

good writing is show, don't tell

LadyAmbien
Oct 22, 2015

canyoneer posted:

What's the point of being a high ranking cop if you can't murder people who have wronged your family? Betcha the perp had a "hunting accident" and fell into an old mineshaft


good writing is show, don't tell

It was in the Yukon around about 1912, so I can only hope!

Cat Hassler
Feb 7, 2006

Slippery Tilde
My great grandfather earned his living in the Great Depression by driving a tanker truck to Seattle and filling it with heating oil and driving back to Eastern Washington. I found out a few years ago that one day he was grinding up a mountain pass and a "tramp" ran out of the forest and tried to truck jack him. Great grandpa pulled out a .32 revolver and shot him in the face and kept going.

My Mom's dad passed away two years before I was born and he was a semi-famous architect. He helped design the World Trade Center so that was a cool thing.

We never talked about him in my family but a relative told me he was a wife beating drunk. His wife (my Grandmother) was institutionalized and underwent electroshock therapy as a result and my Mom was basically a Mom to her two younger brothers for a year as a teenager.

Mom is 79 and has never talked about this. I want to ask her but I don't want to make her :smith:

Humboldt Squid
Jan 21, 2006

Nm

Humboldt Squid fucked around with this message at 15:52 on Nov 19, 2015

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small ghost
Jan 30, 2013

Mnemosyne posted:

Just as an FYI, he may be able to find out who his biological father is (if he's interested) by doing a DNA test at either Ancestry.com or 23andMe.com. This sort of thing is a hobby of mine, and adoptees are finding their bio families this way every day.

He's talked about doing something like this in the past but never went through with it. He's not come out and said as much, but I think he doesn't really want to know. He has talked about how, as a kid, he would imagine his father as a member of the aristocracy or a GI or something similarly glamourous* but in his heart he always assumed it was just some Glaswegian docker like everyone else he's related to.

I've considered doing it myself but I haven't out of respect for his feelings. Also, I expect the results will come back as "you are related to every Ashkenazi Jew ever, congrats."

*An American GI was pretty glamourous to a kid who was born in 1943 and grew up playing on bomb sites.

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